Page 9 of Generally Hospitable (Good To The Last Demon #7)

I’d done an infomercial with Jonny ten years ago for a knock-off version of Transformers.

Instead of a robot turning into a cool car, it was a possessed-looking doll that turned into a flower pot.

It had been taken off the market when customers complained about the crotch of the doll being too anatomically correct.

I’d had nightmares about that freaking doll for months.

However, the money had been too good to turn down.

I threw my arms around him and gave him a quick hug, but gagged a little at his scent.

He had the ability to render himself invisible, which made him a valuable player on my team, but when he went invisible, his body released the faint scent of rotten eggs into the air.

Normally, the smell grossed me out. Today, I would happily wear it as perfume.

On top of his invisibility, he was incredible in battle and turned into what basically amounted to a monster. The first time I’d seen it, I’d been horrified. Now, I found it endearing.

Call me crazy, but loyal, badass subjects were not a dime a dozen. When I found them, I wanted to keep them close.

“Okay,” I said, looking around. “Where’s Stella?”

“Here!” Stella Stevens shouted as she crawled out from underneath the dais. Stella was known as a backstabber who could sense danger. Those were outstanding qualities in our world.

She was all Demon with a whole lot of Botox and silicone added into the mix.

Her bosom was legendary as she enjoyed reminding everyone at all times.

When I knew her twenty years ago, I would have described her as a five-foot nothing waste of space.

She’d put itching powder down the back of my pants right before what could have been a life-changing callback for a superhero movie.

Suffice it to say, I hadn’t gotten the job, and I hadn’t been fond of Stella after. But that was then. This was now.

Stella was another of my trusted people. She was out of control in battle and her famous rack could shoot bullets. For real. Her knockers were known and revered in the demonic world far and wide.

The craziest thing was that I had worked with all of them in some capacity over the years and had no clue they were Demons. Apparently, Hollywood was loaded with Demons… Go figure.

“Okay,” I said, gathering my people close while letting my gaze scan the room. “Here’s the deal.”

“We know the deal,” Stella said, removing her shirt and revealing her booby guns. “We’ve been in here the entire time. We heard all of it.”

Corny Crackers nodded and pulled out his knitting needles.

I wasn’t sure where he kept them and didn’t want to ask.

The man was naked. “Yes, we also eavesdropped on the conversation with Pandora. My apologies, Bitch Goddess Cecily. That was rude. However, I would like to be the first to congratulate you on the little bun in the oven! So thrilling!”

“Thank you,” I said as I accepted hugs and well wishes from all five. Then I shook my head in confusion. “Wait. Why didn’t you let me know you were here?”

Moon stepped into the conversation. “Too risky,” she explained. “Pandora hates us. Eons ago we were loyal to her before we went out on our own. Until you, we didn’t have a Goddess. No one wanted us. We didn’t want to take the chance that she would turn on you if she knew we were close.”

I pressed the bridge of my nose and took it all in. I realized they didn’t know anything about Pandora’s redemption—or attempt at redemption. I didn’t blame them for staying silent. They were looking out for me.

“She’s changed,” I told them, then held my hand up when they began to protest. “I know. It’s difficult to believe.

If I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes, I wouldn’t believe it either.

But I’m asking you to trust me on this. She’s not all good, but she’s not all bad anymore.

Pandora was instrumental in saving our people from the camps that Chub Chub Wang had them put into for being loyal to me. ”

“About that,” Jonny said, scratching his head. “I was under the impression that the cretin’s name was Decatalian.”

I laughed. It was a real laugh. Point to the Demons outside of the castle who had insisted on nicknaming the murderous false God. I quickly explained the situation. My little group of five were all in.

“Chub Chub Wang can kiss my fat, sexy ass,” Moon grunted.

“And my wrinkly ass,” Corny added, showing us the actual visual.

“Great,” I said quickly before my tiny army could all drop trou in solidarity. “Since you’re up to speed for the most part, the plan is to get out of the castle then regroup. We’ll come back in for Pandora, kill the shit out of Chub Chub, then find the Higher Power and… and…”

I wanted to end the Higher Power. I wanted Phyllis’ blood on my hands.

Phyllis had been the one to use the death magic.

It was older than everyone. And for some farked up reason, It was doing Its best to bring on the end.

I couldn’t kill Phyllis. I wanted to, but then I would be responsible for bringing on the end.

That was not in the plan. I had a life to live.

A wedding to arrange and a baby on the way.

That last one still knocked me sideways.

“Call me crazy,” Moon began.

“Okay,” Irma squeaked from my pocket. “Crazy!”

Moon grinned. She was crazy. “But I think it’s time for the Higher Power to be replaced.”

I agreed, but wasn’t sure we could make it happen.

The hierarchy and bull crap rules in the Immortal world were vast and way out of date.

Changing them might be impossible. However, I hadn’t tried yet.

“Crazy is right,” I told them, looking each of them in the eye except for Irma, who was still in my pocket.

“Chub Chub Wang said it’s time for a change.

While I patently disagree with the change that bastard wanted, I’m all for a change in the Higher Power department.

We’ll tackle that after we get the rest of the shit done. ”

“Roger that, Bitch Goddess Cecily!” Irma shouted from my pocket.

I realized that we were standing in a circle while facing each other. It wasn’t a good defensive position, and it made us sitting ducks if anyone decided to attack. “Back-to-back. I’m expecting a firing squad any moment now.”

We instantly turned and took formation. I immediately felt better.

If they came, they had no way to sneak up on us.

My guess was that whoever was sent to kill me would transport in, but guessing was fruitless.

We simply had to be prepared. However, instead of waiting for possible death, I had a better plan.

“Take hands,” I commanded. “We’re going to transport out of here.”

“Not possible,” Corny lamented. “A spell has been cast on the castle, making it impossible to leave. That’s why we weren’t able to obey Dagon’s command.”

“We tried to transport out. Millions of times,” Irma squeaked from my pocket. “But it didn’t fucking work and no doors in this shithole work either.”

“You guys have just been in hiding?” I asked.

“Correct,” Jonny said, still smelling a little like rotten eggs. “However, we’ve also been spying.”

“And humping furniture,” Moon added, right before Stella punched her in the head.

“Speaking of Dagon,” Stella said, examining her bare bosom. I wasn’t sure if she was checking to see if they were loaded or if she was just admiring herself. Didn’t matter. Weird was our normal. “Is he okay. Both he and Shiva looked real bad when we saw them last.”

“Dagon and Shiva will be fine. They were hit with death magic. Candy Vargo, Abaddon and Pandora saved them.”

My hand immediately went to my pocket. I pulled out the toothpicks and handed them out. “These counteract the death magic if chewed on immediately after being hit. Put one in your mouth and keep it there.”

“Umm… question,” Irma squeaked. “Should I go back to my human form?”

“Yes.” It was a good idea. I had no clue if a toothpick would work on a mouse. Losing any more of my people wasn’t happening.

Irma crawled out of my pocket, then shifted back to her blonde-haired human form. She glanced around and wrinkled her pert little nose. “Your castle is decorated for shit. I mean, I’m all in for a little bit of tacky, but this is fugly.”

“Not my castle,” I said.

Corny’s brow wrinkled in thought. “But, alas, Bitch Goddess Cecily, it is your castle. It was your mother’s and now it’s yours. I’d be delighted to redecorate for you. I have excellent taste.”

“Oh my god,” I muttered, wanting to punch myself in the head. “It is my castle. It’s my freaking castle!”

How in the heck could I be so obtuse? This was my castle.

Now that I had my magic back, I could command it to obey me.

I’d created a door to enter the throne room.

I could create a door to leave it. Just as I was about to take a shot at commanding my castle to make a door to the outside world, a new problem showed up.

It was the execution squad, consisting of twelve Demons, glowing ominously and armed to the teeth.

“Change of plans,” I muttered. “We’re going to have to fight our way out. You guys ready?”

“Born ready, Bitch Goddess Cecily,” they shouted in unison.

And that’s when the party really got started.