Page 8 of Generally Hospitable (Good To The Last Demon #7)

CHAPTER FOUR

The next fifteen minutes were some of the most humiliating and degrading I’d ever witnessed, and that was saying a lot considering the past months since learning about my Demon Goddess DNA.

Honestly, I wasn’t sure how Pandora had handled it with as much grace as she did.

The old Pandora would have reduced Decatalian to ash.

The new Pandora didn’t have the magic to do that.

There was a possibility that I did, but I’d made a promise that I wouldn’t go for the despicable Demon.

I’d never wanted to break a promise so much in my life.

The shit stain, still butthurt about the death magic rumor, wasn’t playing around. With a snap of his repulsive fingers, he conjured up a collar and a leash. He chanted a few words and Pandora’s feet were released from the floor. Mine were not.

I gasped and watched in horror as he clipped the offensive leather around Pandora’s slim neck before forcing her to all fours on the ground to leash her. He treated her like an animal.

She gave me a warning glare not to interfere.

I stuck to our deal, but I mentally took vengeance notes for the near future.

Once Abaddon and my people were by my side again, and I would rescue Pandora from the monster, and then I would take Chub Chub Wang down in the most public and humiliating way I could imagine.

And I was an actress, so my imagination was limitless.

My plan was to make his death hurt. Maybe I’d dose him with his own medicine and do a few rounds of ling chi before setting the traitor on fire, before tearing his head from his body with my bare hands.

Of course, I wouldn’t forget how much he loved the idea of shitting down my throat before decapitating me.

Not that I was going to take a dump in his mouth, but I had quite a few demonic buddies who would do me a solid—gross pun intended.

Decatalian waved his hand and created a door.

He kicked Pandora’s butt with the toe of his boot to get her moving, then laughed like he’d just heard a hilarious joke as he moved ahead of her, tugging on the leash to make her move faster.

My stomach roiled, and my fury almost made me go back on my word.

I wanted to destroy him so badly, I could taste it.

His time would come. It had to.

At the door, Chub Chub Wang paused and turned back to me. The grin on his face was deranged. “Have fun trying to leave, half breed. It will not be easy for someone as stupid as you. Trust me on that.”

I waved goodbye with my middle finger. I’d kept my promise to Pandora. I didn’t go after him, but I had to send him off with a fuck you.

After his parting shot, he walked out the door with my friend on her hands and knees, leashed like a dog, and fully at his mercy. The final image would dance in my nightmares for a long time. As soon as the door closed behind them, it disappeared.

I fell to my knees as my feet disengaged from the floor.

I wasn’t sure if Chub Chub allowed it or if his spell left with him.

The asshole wasn’t nearly as powerful as we’d thought.

That was the work of the Higher Power. The thought of Phyllis made me grind my teeth.

The Higher Power was the true abomination.

And no matter what happened, I would figure out a way to make It pay.

There wasn’t time to cry, but the scene I’d just watched was so awful, I needed a moment to compose myself.

I expected executioners to arrive at any moment.

It was imperative that I transport out as fast as possible.

Unfortunately, my body shook so hard that it was impossible to concentrate my magic to land me outside of the castle.

I worried that if I tried without calming down first, there was no telling where I would end up, and reappearing inside a mountain was not on my bucket list. Not today.

“A minute,” I promised myself as I tried to force my body to stop trembling. “You can have one minute, Cecily. That’s all. Just one.”

Closing my eyes, I pressed my forehead to the cold marble floor and took a few deep breaths. Touching my stomach and knowing my baby was counting on me to keep my shit together calmed me down. In thirty seconds, I would be ready.

“Bitch? Stinky Bitch?” a familiar voice whispered. “Is that you, jackhole?”

I was on my feet in less time than it took to inhale. My gaze flew wildly around the room. “Irma?” I called out. I was certain it was Irma.

If she were alive, that meant Corny, Jonny, Stella, and Moon might be alive, too.

It would make one of the worst days of my life a little bit better if my friends were still breathing.

There was a chance I imagined the voice, but I was pretty sure I wouldn’t have called myself a stinky bitch in my subconscious.

“Down here,” she said.

“Down where?” I questioned, scanning the floor in the room.

“At your feet, dummy,” she squeaked.

The most glorious sight I’d seen in a long time was nestled next to my combat boot. From her tiny ears to her adorable little paws, Irma was gorgeous. A sweeter snout I’d never seen.

“You’re in mouse form,” I said, stating the obvious.

“Duh,” she said with a squeak. “You’re very observant for a bitch Goddess.”

Her little black nose twitched with delight as I bent down and picked her up. Demons were terrified of mice. I found that hilarious, but it was true. I’d seen Irma Stoutwagon clear a room of some of the most vicious Demons I’d ever come across when she’d been in mouse form.

I’d met Irma—the person, not the mouse—in my early twenties at a humiliating callback for a show called Lou’s News.

Neither one of us had gotten the job, and at the time, I’d secretly named her Obnoxious Pony Tail Girl—because it accurately described her.

Now? Now she was my friend and one of my most loyal subjects.

Irma was vicious in battle and could shape shift into a mouse. It was a killer combo.

“The others,” I said quickly. “Are they alive?”

I held my breath as I waited for the answer.

“We most certainly are, Bitch Goddess Cecily!” Corny Crackers announced as he crawled out from under one of the couches. The Demon was as naked as the day he was born. That wasn’t unexpected. He was a nudist. He was nuts. And I adored him.

Early on, Corny Crackers had been described to me as perverted and able to fly.

Both were true. I’d done an embarrassing Hallmark movie with Corny a few years back.

He’d played my dad. My character, Miranda Diamond, had moved back from the big city to help him with our failing Christmas tree business.

Much to my own personal horror, Miranda had given up her swanky job in NYC and fell in love with a lumberjack who didn’t speak English.

Dolph Gunther— played by a guy I couldn’t even remember—was supposed to be German but sounded more like The Swedish Chef from The Muppets.

He’d also had bad breath, and there was far too much kissing in that movie.

I’d refused to watch it when it aired. Sean and Man-mom had thought it was hilarious. It wasn’t supposed to be a comedy.

Corny had been a pain in the ass back in the day, but was a good friend now.

He’d been closeted during his years in Hollywood, which had made him overdo it on the macho.

Back then, he would have been blacklisted for being gay.

Those times were over. I had no room in my life for prejudice of any kind.

In fact, Corny and my dead Uncle Joe were dating.

It was as weird as it was lovely. The fact that they were both nudists had been a terrific bonding experience for them.

Not as much for everyone who had to see their wrinkly balls on the regular, but if that was the price we had to pay to witness true love, then, so be it.

I ran to my buddy and hugged him, careful to avoid his dangling junk.

“How? How are you alive?”

“We’re badasses, Bitch Goddess Cecily,” Moon Sunny Swartz announced as she dropped down to the floor from her hiding place in one of the massive crystal chandeliers.

She gave me a big smile and an even bigger hug. Moon was certifiable. The Demon had zero fear of repercussion and could attract danger by humming. She was one of my favorites.

There wasn’t a whole lot more to say about Moon Swartz except that she was a former actress who I’d worked with.

She basically became un-hirable in Hollywood.

The insane gal was known for playing pranks on sets.

Last I’d heard, she’d had at least nine restraining orders taken out on her.

I’d done a TV pilot with her about six years ago.

Moon had been caught getting jiggy with the furniture on the living room set during the lunch break.

The couch hadn’t survived. Unfortunately, the debasement of the furniture was on the day the studio heads were watching the show.

She’d recorded it and put it on the internet.

Suffice it to say, the show didn’t get picked up.

However, that was her past. Well, mostly. I’d had to electrocute her a few times for humping my furniture, but her other qualities more than made up for her disgusting ones.

“I am so happy to see you,” I said, meaning every word.

“Back at ya!” she said.

“What about Jonny and Stella?” I asked, glancing around.

“At your service, Bitch Goddess Cecily,” Jonny said, appearing in front of me.

Jonny was super good-looking, and people often commented on how he was as stupid as he was handsome, but I knew he was a lot savvier than he let on.