Page 1 of Generally Hospitable (Good To The Last Demon #7)

CHAPTER ONE

Fighting for my own life was difficult enough.

Fighting for the entire population of the world as we knew it—human and supernatural—was unimaginable.

Welcome to my recently acquired normal. Failure wasn’t an option.

However, it was anyone’s guess if what we were about to do could succeed.

As the newly minted Goddess of the Darkness, I’d been busy.

Longing for the good old days, I shut my eyes for a hot sec.

Being an over-the-hill former child actress trying to make a comeback in Hollyweird now seemed like a piece of cake. Saving the universe? Umm… not as easy.

“I can do this,” I muttered as hundreds of Demons charged at me.

“Well, I certainly hope so, dumbass,” Pandora, my frenemy and partner in all things Demon, snapped.

As tempting as it would have been to wiggle my fingers and render the nasty woman bald, I didn’t have time. I’d save it for later. Gave me something to look forward to…

“On my mark… get set. Go!” I hissed, more to myself than anyone present.

Popping eight hundred evil Demons in one fell swoop with magic wasn’t a walk in the park.

It also didn’t work. I only took out about five hundred.

Impressive, but not the result I was going for.

The green goo of the slain was oozing everywhere—including my hair and my clothes.

If I thought about it too hard, I’d hurl.

The scent of sulfur was almost debilitating.

Any other day, it would have made me pass out.

This was not just another day. It was the day that would determine the rest of the days for eternity.

Passing out or puking was not on the schedule.

The scream that left my lips before I popped the bastards had come from the bottom of my gut and had shocked even me.

Pandora had jumped a foot into the air when the sound rocketed out of my mouth, then played it off as if it was nothing.

If it hadn’t been so frustrating that I hadn’t met my goal, I would have laughed at her jump-scare reaction.

However, having the three hundred remaining irate flaming assholes charging at us meant there wasn’t a moment to waste for any kind of levity.

“My people. NOW,” I bellowed.

Like a perfect and deadly symphony, my loyal Demons stampeded from the tree line surrounding the castle like demonic avenging Angels.

It was an oxymoron, but I stood by my description.

The remaining three hundred bad dudes didn’t stand a chance against my three thousand strong.

It was no surprise to me that Fifi led the assault, lobbing grenades left and right.

My self-proclaimed Succubus bodyguard defined the term batshit-badass.

“Go, go, go,” Abaddon—the man who I loved more than words could describe—shouted over the sound of clashing swords and screams. “Cecily. Pandora. Take the opening. We can make it to the castle.”

He was right. My Demons had formed a path leading to the ornate front door of my castle that would put us exactly where we wanted to be.

Tiny—who was anything but—had dropped back and joined the fight.

The Demon was excellent in battle, but had sketchy self-preservation skills in real life.

Tiny had successfully asked Pandora out on a date.

If he lived past today, I was wildly unsure if he would make it through a dinner with the nightmare of a woman.

Not my problem. My problem was in front of me.

It was Abaddon, Pandora and me going in—three of the most powerful Demons alive. The false god, Chub Chub Wang as my people had nicknamed him, had no clue what or who was coming for him, but he was about to find out.

“Throw a fireball at the door, Stinky Whore,” I insisted to Pandora as we wove our way through the masses toward the endgame. “Five bucks says it’s locked and bolted. I didn’t bring a key.”

“Five million says you’re correct, Bitch,” she replied as she clapped her hands and created a blazing orb of fire.

She might have missed when she was trying to off me, but she certainly didn’t miss the door. It exploded on impact when hit. Shards of wood and metal flew like a detonated shrapnel grenade. I put my hands over my head for protection and continued sprinting to the charred-out opening.

“There will be guards inside,” Pandora huffed out as she ran by my side. “Keep your eyes open and kill anything that moves.”

“Right,” I said. “Just don’t decapitate Irma, Jonny, Moon, Stella or Corny. Got it?”

“You really think they’re still alive?” she asked, ducking a flying beam.

I didn’t answer her. I had doubts but didn’t want to voice them. All I could do was hope… and I was hoping really hard.

We’d reached our first goal. The opening was still on fire, but there was room to squeeze through.

“Motherfucker,” Abaddon bellowed in frustration when he was magically thrown back as he tried to enter the castle. “It won’t let me in.”

His eyes blazed red, and his fury was hotter than the fireball Pandora had thrown.

If glares could destroy, the entire castle should have disintegrated to dust. That wasn’t the case.

A game was being played by Chub Chub Wang.

The Goddesses of the Darkness were the only two who were able to pass over the threshold.

Even the evil guards who’d bypassed my people were thrown back like Abaddon.

Pandora was breathing like a rabid dog. “That bastard wants us to play? Fine. We fucking play.”

I turned to Abaddon and blew him a kiss.

His fury had not abated, but he returned the gesture.

It was terrifying but somehow fitting. The two rightful Goddesses of the Darkness had to be the ones who took the false God down.

It didn’t matter if I liked it. It didn’t matter if Pandora liked it. It was what it was.

The minute we entered the grand foyer, the screams from the battle outside disappeared. Pandora’s alarmed gaze shot to mine. We could still see the battle raging through the broken door, but the soundtrack had been silenced.

“What the actual hell?” Pandora whispered, pulling on her fire sword and glancing around cautiously. “I think Chub Chub Wang is more powerful than originally thought to be.”

“Word,” I said softly, pulling on my own fire swords.

I had grenades that would probably be useless other than buying time in my back pockets.

The toothpicks that would protect us from the death magic were in my front pocket.

I had both Cher’s and Fifi’s boxes with me as well. I had a bad feeling we would need them.

“Precautionary pick,” Pandora ordered, pulling out a toothpick and clamping it between her teeth.

I didn’t question her. It was a smart move.

If we got hit with death magic and couldn’t get to the antidote, we’d be screwed.

I popped one into my mouth and looked for a mirror.

We’d been advised that there were secret pathways behind the mirrors.

“I say we get to the tunnels and find the center of the castle from below.”

“Agreed,” she said tightly. “There!” She pointed to a large mirror down the ostentatious hallway on the right.

Staying low and alert, we made our way quickly down the hallway. Trying to pull the mirror off the wall wasn’t working.

“Crap,” I grunted as I pulled on the stupid thing. It didn’t budge. “Is it superglued to the wall?”

“Magic. It’s secured with magic,” Pandora said. “We’re going to have to break it.”

I really didn’t need seven years of bad luck for breaking an ancient mirror, but it didn’t look like we had much of a choice. I didn’t see another mirror anywhere in the vicinity.

“Fine,” I said flatly. “I am so going to burn this place down and sage the whole forsaken area when we’re done.”

Pandora laughed. “I’ll help. We just have to get it done first, Bitch.”

“From your mouth… Stinky Whore,” I said, rearing back and smashing the mirror with my fire sword.

Pandora had the same idea, and we shattered that puppy on the third try.

“In,” I ordered, shoving her toward the jagged opening. “We don’t want Chub Chub Wang to see us.”

“Trust me,” she said right before she dove headfirst through the hole. “Chub Chub Wang already knows we’re here. I’m positive the shit stain is expecting us.”

My stomach tightened to the point of pain. I was certain Pandora was right. I didn’t want her to be, but my aching gut said she was correct. Now, we just needed to figure out how to get ahead in the game. The rules… hell, there probably weren’t any rules. We were winging this shit.

The tunnel was deep within the building. If we’d been smart, which we hadn’t been, we would have peeked through the damned hole before we dove in. That would have precluded us from freefalling fifty or so feet and landing on top of each other in a tangled heap.

“Get off of me,” Pandora snarled. “Your fat ass is on my sternum.”

“First of all, my ass isn’t fat. It’s awesome,” I hissed as I crawled off my partner. “Why in the hell didn’t my mother put freaking stairs in? This is bullshit.”

I was pretty sure I’d twisted my ankle and gotten a concussion since my head had slammed into the wall multiple times on the way down. Thankfully, I could see the swelling was already going down on my ankle. Pandora had an ugly gash on her cheek, and her shoulder was definitely out of its socket.

“You want me to fix that?” I asked, doing my best not to wince. It looked painful.

“Are you a doctor?” she shouted.

“Umm… no.”

“Then that’s your answer,” she growled as she forced her arm back into place.

The sound was not good.

I stood up and looked around. As far as the eye could see, it was just hallway after hallway. “I'm not sure this was the right move,” I said.

“You think?” she snapped, gently massaging her shoulder. “And now we’re stuck because Lilith didn’t have the foresight to put in any fucking stairs.”