Page 3 of Generally Hospitable (Good To The Last Demon #7)

CHAPTER TWO

As I stood with my feet rooted to the ground, the stillness made me very aware of the ice-cold blood coursing through my veins. The chill sent a shiver through me as it forced me to face the bleak reality of our situation.

We were screwed, and that scenario was soooo not working for me.

In battle, I always went in with a healthy fear. I’d learned fast that there was a thin line between success and failure when lives were on the line. Right now… I just felt fear. I wouldn’t describe it as healthy. However, if I was going down, I would go down swinging.

I’d been methodical as an actress. I memorized my lines and blocking to the point I didn’t have to think about it.

I could take any performance to the next level since I wasn’t worried about the particulars.

So far, I’d used the skills I’d had as an actress to guide my new life as a Demon Goddess.

Amazingly, I was still alive. Not sure how much longer that would be true, but I was going to stick to what I knew.

My theme song used to be, “Let’s Get the Party Started.” It was now “Staying Alive.” I’d gone from Pink to Bee Gees out of necessity.

Glancing around the room as Decatalain waxed poetic about how he was going to brutally kill us and take over the Darkness, I looked for an exit.

The room was large, ornate and ugly. The sheer amount of gold, bronze and silver was dizzying.

The floor was a white marble studded with what I guessed were real jewels—super-sized rubies, sapphires and emeralds.

The floor alone had probably cost more than a small country.

Twelve crystal chandeliers hung overhead sparkling like diamonds.

Tables, chairs, couches and settees were dotted all over and done up with golden brocade fabric.

Gaudy was the word that came to mind. It was unclear if this had been my mother’s décor choices, or if the shit stain talking at the moment had done some redecorating.

Didn’t matter. If I got out of here with my head still attached to my neck, I was going to torch the entire castle.

I could feel that my magic was severely muted.

My fire sword had been snuffed out as had Pandora’s.

It was shocking that a random Demon could best two Goddesses.

That scared the heck out of me. It made no sense.

While the deranged Demon might be certifiably insane, he was powerful.

It was a terrible combination. Popping the bastard like a tick wasn’t on the table.

Getting out of here and regrouping was the only plan that came to mind.

It was a weak plan—and probably impossible, but it was something.

Pandora stood next to me as still as a granite statue.

It was difficult to know what she was thinking, but I didn’t have time to dwell on it.

Staying alive was the priority… thank you, Gibb brothers.

Unsurprisingly, Chub Chub Wang had a lot to say—violent jerks usually did.

None of it was good. He was like the bad guy in a high-stakes action movie who needed to monologue his every move before he performed the dastardly deeds.

In the movies, the villain would share all his secrets then get blasted to kingdom come.

The problem was that this wasn’t fiction.

The room wasn’t a set. There was no special effects team present.

There was no director to call ‘cut’. Not even a crappy craft service table loaded down with high-carb snacks and wilted salads was anywhere to be seen. Everything was real.

I stared hard at the man who took maniacal glee in describing how he planned to end the Goddesses of the Darkness.

Did he have any weaknesses besides his chin?

I was sure there wasn’t going to be time to get to know the asshole and assess his deficiencies.

Decatalain was fixated on ending us. While handsome, the Demon’s voice was just a touch too high and had a barely discernable nasal quality that made me itchy.

What the hell Pandora and my mother had seen in him was beyond me.

He was repulsive. Didn’t matter. They’d clearly seen something and…

now we were here. Here wasn’t the place I wanted to be.

There was no way out, aside from the hatch through which we’d entered the throne room—no windows, no doors…

nothing. And the opening I’d commanded had disappeared…

of course. Every crappy horror movie had a room with no doors.

Well, not all of them, but this one did.

Sadly, it wasn’t a movie. I wasn’t playing a part and it was looking iffy if the two Demon Goddesses of the Darkness were going to live to see tomorrow.

No sequel for us. How in the hell was this my life?

We were trapped in a safe room of sorts.

However, it wasn’t remotely safe for Pandora or me.

The only way in or out seemed to be by transporting.

That mode of transportation wasn’t going to fly if our magic was absent.

For a hot sec, I idly wondered if I were to try and transport, would my legs come with me?

Or would I end up just a stump with arms?

I almost laughed at the absurdity, but when the batshit crazy Demon began describing how he was going to take a shit down my throat before decapitating me, I figured I’d better pay attention.

Knowledge was power and seriously gross right now.

“The time for change has arrived! I am the future and you are the past,” he bellowed then chuckled like he’d made a good one as his voice bounced off the walls and echoed ominously through the cavernous room.

“You actually banged that?” I muttered under my breath.

Pandora’s response came back at me with her lips barely moving. “You were married to Slash the Rash Gordon.”

The brilliance of her harsh and accurate comeback could not be denied. She had me there. I’d been married to the sex-crazed, cheating asshole of a rockstar who had the maturity of a fourth-grade boy for three months back in my early twenties.

“Point to Pandora,” I whispered.

“He’s stupid,” Pandora whispered under her breath.

“Duh,” I shot back.

She shot me a quick glare that should have burned me alive. It did not. Her lips didn’t move as she continued to speak. It appeared she’d been a ventriloquist at some point in her life. It was a nifty trick and one I would learn if I didn’t get offed in the next half hour or so.

“I am serious,” she said. “He’s not smart.”

To me, that sounded like we were in more danger than we had been only seconds ago. “Define not smart,” I pressed, not looking at her while trying to keep my lip movement to a minimum. It was freaking hard.

“Intimated by big words. Whole ass man child. Confused very easily,” she shared. “Smart women deflate his erection.”

Stupid, powerful and murderous. Awesome. Even so, I wasn’t sure knowing about his bedroom habits would help.

“I played the idiot to bed him,” she continued. “So did Lilith.”

“Dude, that thing is not a prize,” I muttered.

“Hindsight is 20/20 and wildly embarrassing as you well know,” she countered. “He won’t buy it from me, but he has no clue how smart you are.”

I wasn’t following, but her compliment was nice. “Unclear.”

“He knows I’m smart now,” she explained, keeping her eyes on the freak show. “I can’t play dumb anymore. You can. You can mess with his tiny mind.”

“Won’t that just get us killed faster?” I pressed. “Not really looking forward to eating poo.”

“It will buy us time,” she insisted tersely. “My magic is low as is yours. With time, it might come back.”

The point was excellent. Far better than anything I’d come up with. “Was he this powerful back when you banged him?”

“No.”

Sucking my bottom lip into my mouth, I tried to make sense of how he was so strong now. I supposed it didn’t really matter. He was. Period.

I eyed Chub Chub Wang as he paced the dais and explained in great detail all of the lovely things he was going to do to me before taking a dump in my mouth then chopping my head off.

My demise was horrifying and he hadn’t even gotten to the method of how he was going to end Pandora.

If he was saving the best for last, he’d set the death bar high.

“Half-breed false Goddess,” he sneered. “Do you happen to know what ling chi involves?”

I blew out an audible breath. If I was going down, I was doing it without fear—or at the very least, without discernible fear. “Can’t say I do, Chub Chub,” I replied high-pitched squeal.

His eyes narrowed to slits and spat red flames. I gulped. Again, I had a hard time believing that both Lilith and Pandora had gone for this freak.

“What did you say? What did you call me?” he ground out.

I was forty. Chub Chub Wang was older than dirt.

He might not be tops in the brains department, but he’d been savvy enough to have gotten a large number of Demons to follow his insanity.

Underestimating him would be a mistake. Calling him Chub Chub was not the way to go.

Not to mention, he’d stolen our power and glued us to the floor.

I reached deep and centered myself. There was no script, but I had great motivation.

Potentially eating shit could do that to a person.

I smiled. I’d been a child star. Roles written for kids back in the day were vapid and embarrassing.

I’d been living down my stint on Camp Bite for decades.

The sitcom had run for eight years. Sean had played my brother.

We were vampire siblings who glowed in the dark.

We went to human school by day and solved the wild and wacky woes of the mystical Underworld by night.

Of course, we’d had help from Scotty, the eight-foot gargoyle who lived under our bunkbeds and could only be summoned when Sean and I gnashed our fangs together and hula-hooped in unison.

It might have been cringy, but Camp Bite had paid for my house and was about to help pay for my life… I hoped.