Page 8 of Forever Finn
My eyes are burning with hot tears, or maybe stinging from the chilly rain… I’m not even sure which. Deak’s barely more than a blurred figure in front of me. I don’t see as he steps closer, startling me as I suddenly feel his arms snake around me, holding me tightly, and he feels so much like Cody that a sob breaks loose before I can stop it.
“I know,” he says calmly, his voice dim and distant in my ear. “It’s hard coming back. It was for me too.”
I mean to push him away, to turn so he can’t see me, so he can’t see the pain and guilt etched deeply into my face, but I don’t. Instead, my arms tighten around him, my fingers digging into his jacket as I clutch him closer, and the floodgates open. It’s a tempest threatening to drown me. I might find it in me to be appallingly embarrassed later, but right now, I can’t stop the torrent of grief that surges along with my tears.
Time seems to still as we stand embracing in the rain, but when I finally pull back, I look away. I don’t think I can bear to see the look in Deacon’s eyes right now. I feel emotionally drained. The weight of everything is pressing down on me until I feel like I’ll buckle underneath it all.
“Sorry,” I finally mumble, my voice hoarse. “You probably just came to visit with Cody. The last thing you want is to be dealing with my shit.”
“Actually,” Deak says slowly. “I came for you.”
I turn sharply at his confession, frowning in confusion. “Me?”
“Reed called Jesse,” he replies gently. “He’s worried about you. I know how hard it is to come back to the bay, especially after losing Cody. When I first came back, I inevitably found my way here. I know how close you were to my brother, so I figured this was as good a place to look for you when I couldn’t find you at Reed’s place.”
“I heard you and Jesse got married,” I say, trying to change the subject before I break down again. “I didn’t think you swung that way.”
“I’m bisexual.” He shrugs comfortably. “But Jesse has always been it for me. I just needed to do some growing up before I could see that.”
“Congratulations,” I tell him sincerely, and there’s a small ugly part of me buried deep inside that is resentful and a little jealous that he’s so casually confident in his skin. That he’s never worried about his sexuality.
“Thanks.” Deak shakes his head, a small smile toying at the corner of his lips. “Jesse’s worried about you, too. He’s given me strict instructions that once I find you, I’m to drag you to see him.”
“Is that right?” My mouth curves in amusement and a little of the heaviness in my heart shifts.
“Yeah.” Deak chuckles. “And I pretty much give Jesse everything he wants, so I’m afraid I’m going to kidnap you for a couple of hours.”
“A couple of hours?” I reply curiously. “What for?”
“We’re taking you to lunch at Sully’s.”
“Is it still open?” I ask in surprise, thinking of the old seafood bar & grill. “After Sully passed away, I figured the place would’ve closed. I can’t imagine it was easy for Mel to keep it open,” I add thoughtfully, as I think of Jesse and Reed’s mum.
“Hell no.” Deak grins. “Sully’s is practically an institution around here. Mel still runs the place with Beck’s fiancé, Nat.”
“Beck’s engaged?” I reply, thinking of Jesse’s twin brother. The pair of them, along with Deacon, had been nothing more than skinny teenagers when I left the bay. It’s hard to make the shift and realise that time did not stand still in the bay.
“Yeah, Beck’s engaged.” Deak nods. “My brother-in-law has some serious taste, let me tell you. His fiancé Nat is not only gorgeous, but his signature seafood tacos are not only to die for but are well on their way to being a local legend.”
“His?” I blink. “Beck’s fiancé is a he?”
“Yep.” Deak’s lips pop on the word as his eyes twinkle mischievously. “We’re on our way to having quite the queer community around here.”
“And the locals are okay with that?” I ask in surprise. When I was growing up, the bay always felt so restrictive and old-fashioned.
“Sure, they are.” Deak nods his head toward the gate, and we walk back through the cemetery. “Coming back to the bay wasn't something I planned. Having travelled the world and lived in some pretty impressive cities I thought I might struggle. I wondered if I’d feel too… I don’t know… suffocated? I guess I figured I’d outgrown the bay, and I’d find it too provincial.”
“And now?”
“Now–” He laughs. “I can’t imagine being anywhere else. We’ve got a great community. I love my life here. I’m married to the love of my life. I have good friends and I get to build boats with Garrett, life’s pretty damn perfect and to think I almost missed out on all of this because I was too caught up in my head, too afraid to face up to my fears and my grief.”
“I really don’t know why I’m back here,” I admit as we follow the path along the cliff top back down toward the town.
“You’ll figure it out,” Deak says confidently.
“Where are we going?” I frown. “Sully’s is in the opposite direction.”
“We’re going to meet Jesse first. He’s at work at the moment.” He glances down at his watch. “It’s nearly lunchtime.”