Page 13 of Forever Finn

Wyatt shrugs.

“Did you love him?” The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them. “Sorry, that was really rude. It’s not my business.”

Wyatt shrugs again. “It’s okay.” He lets out a slow sigh. “You’re the first person I’ve told.”

“Why?”

“Why?” he repeats thoughtfully. “Why tell you?” He tilts his head back and looks at the sky as we amble along companionably. “Honestly, I’m not really sure. Would it be weird to say there’s just something about you?”

We walk along silently for a few moments. “So did you?” I ask impulsively.

“Love him?” He turns his head to look at me and I nod. “I thought I did,” he muses. “Or maybe I was in love with the idea of being in love. It was exciting when we first met. The sneaking around, it was like a delicious secret that was all ours. We existed only in our little world and no one else was a part of it, but when I started to want more, that’s when everything changed. It turned out he wasn’t gay. He was bisexual with a preference for women. He just liked the excitement of sneaking around… liked being fucked by a man, but he told me in no uncertain terms he had no intention of coming out, ever. In fact, he was getting married. He’d been engaged the whole time we were together. Said he couldn’t take a boyfriend to the company picnics. He needed a wife and kids, the standard nuclear family. I was just his bit on the side. I was angry of course, humiliated and a lot hurt if I’m being honest, but did I love him? No, I don’t think I did because I don’t miss him at all. Leaving him, leaving Toronto was not about running away from him it was about re-evaluating my life and getting some perspective. I left for me.”

“Think you’ll go back?” I ask curiously.

“That was always the plan.” He smiles. “When I left and came to the UK it was only supposed to be temporary.”

“But?”

“But…” He chuckles. “I don’t know. I’ve only been here a few months, but it’s growing on me.”

“It has a habit of doing that to people.” I smile genuinely as I study his profile, and again, we lapse into silence. It’s weird, because it’s not weird. I feel strangely comfortable around him and that never happens, but for some reason I want to talk to him, to tell him things I’ve not told anyone else, and I can’t figure out why… why him? “How about a secret for a secret?” I murmur.

“What?” He turns his head from the path to look at me once again.

“You told me something personal, something you haven’t told anyone else,” I say quietly. “I think it’s only fair I reciprocate.”

“You don’t have to do that.” He frowns. “That’s not why I told you.”

“I know, but I want to.” Even as I say the words, I realise it’s true.

“Why?” he asks.

“Why?” I smile slowly. “Maybe there’s just something about you.” I repeat his earlier words and he chuckles.

I reach out and grasp his forearm, drawing him to a halt as he turns to face me. For a long moment I stare at him, my stomach jangling with nerves, my chest pounding, and my pulse thready. Am I really going to do this? If I’ve misjudged him, even a little this has the potential to blow up in my face. I will have handed him the juiciest scoop of the year and there’s no way to stop him from selling it to the press, but as I look into his eyes, something in me settles. Maybe it’s the worst kind of stupidity, but I don’t think he will.

The words are dancing on my tongue, the pressure building in my head. I have to say something. I’ve kept it inside for so long, and if I don’t let it out, it’s going to slowly kill me. Maybe that’s why I came back because I can’t live like this anymore… and I don’t want to.

“Finn, you don’t have—”

“I’m gay,” I blurt out before I lose my nerve. “Not bisexual. Not bicurious. I'm gay.”

“But…” Wyatt frowns in confusion. “You have a girlfriend.”

“Sky’s not my girlfriend. She never was.” I suck in a breath, figuring I’ve started so I might as well see it through. “She’s my best friend, the one person I’m closest to. She knows everything about me, including my sexuality.”

“But I don’t understand.” Wyatt shakes his head. “She’s content to sleep with a man she knows is gay?”

“No! Oh god, no! That’s not what I…” I run my hand through my hair shakily. “We don’t sleep together. No matter what the media tells you about my string of supposed conquests. The truth is, I’ve never… I’ve never been with a woman that way.” I admit quietly.

“And Sky is happy to sell the lie that you two are a couple? Why?” he asks, genuinely confused.

“It’s how we protect each other,” I say carefully. “Sky has her own reasons for not wanting to have a sexual relationship and I can’t say because it’s not my secret to tell. Being best friends, we were together all the time anyway, well as much as our schedules would allow. It was easier to let people think we were in a relationship and prevented a lot of speculation about us with other people.”

“Why didn’t you just come out?” he asks. “I’m not judging, I swear. It’s just that there are a lot of gay actors out there.”

I huff at his naivety. “Trust me, the industry hasn’t changed that much.” I shrug. “I’m not saying that’s the only reason. There are many, some of them I’m only just figuring out.”