Page 39 of Forever Finds Us (Wisper Dreams #7)

Chapter Thirty-One

Brand

My little brother had changed since last I saw him.

No longer was he the scrawny teenager or the thin, heroin-addicted and malnourished man from my memories.

He looked like a different guy completely. He looked… healthy.

Logically, I knew he couldn’t have grown in height, but it seemed that way because strong muscle and a clear head had transformed him. He stood tall in the middle of a field of grasses and meadow flowers. Was he taller than me? How had I never noticed that before?

A long, thin, silver dog whistle dangled from his lips as he faced away from my approach, his hand in the air, giving silent signals to two huge, fluffy, white dogs in the distance.

Whatever command he gave stopped them. They both sat where they’d stood a moment ago, waiting for further instruction.

I wanted to call out to him, wanted to see his face light up when he recognized me like he had when we were kids. I lifted my hand, but his name stuck in my throat.

Twenty years of separation and shame choked it right out of me.

I stopped at the gate, waiting for the right words to come, but the dogs spotted me before that happened, and they shot across the field, two white bullets of energy headed right for me. Dixon still hadn’t seen me, so he cursed and blew the silent whistle again, but the dogs paid no mind.

Finally, he turned to follow them and try to bring them to heel, but when he saw me, he froze.

Thank God there was a fence between the dogs and me.

Their deep, booming barks startled me, and they jumped at the gate, trying to get to me and nearly knocking the whole thing down.

They seemed friendly, but they were still young, and they were huge, like two miniature polar bears, with black noses and deep brown eyes that seemed almost human.

The gate latch was a few feet away, so I walked to it, unhooked it, and inched through, trying not to let the dogs out, and was immediately bombarded with paws on my chest and lapping tongues trying to get to my face.

“Down,” Dixon told them, and one dog sat, but the other raced around me in a circle, sniffing and whining, wanting attention. “This damn dog. Don’t pet her yet. She hasn’t earned it.”

Nodding, I waited.

Dixon blew the whistle again, and I could hear it now, but barely because the sound was so high pitched, like a train whistle blowing miles away.

The silence between us was uncomfortable, so I asked, “What kind of dogs are these?”

“Great Pyrenees. Livestock guarding dogs. Usually, they’re raised with the animals they’re meant to guard, but these two are rescues. They’ve never worked a farm before.”

I wondered if Rye and Bax back home could use a couple of guardian dogs. We had Figaro and he did a good job, but as the ranch grew, we’d be raising more and more cattle and sheep.

The thought made me realize that the ranch and our family’s land had become home again. I hadn’t thought about Sheridan or considered it my home since I left it weeks ago.

“What’re you doin’ here, Brand? How’d you even find me? Didn’t I just tell you not to bother lookin’?”

“Uh, well I called the rehab place.”

“Miss Julie ratted me out?”

I shook my head. “No, though it wasn’t for lack of me tryin’, but she told me no over the phone, so we flew here. She still wouldn’t tell me though. But there was a guy?—”

“Nesty,” Dixon guessed.

“Yeah.”

“That tattletale.”

“Listen,” I said, stepping closer, “I…” What the fuck was I here to say?

But I remembered my promise to Roxanne. “The family, Merv and Abey. Bax. They’re goin’ out of their minds with worry, Dixon.

I think it’s time we tell ’em what’s goin’ on.

They need to know about Kel, but they want to know you’re okay. ”

“I’m not ready.”

“Okay, I understand.”

“That’s it?” he asked. “You took the time and paid money to travel here and find me, and you’re just gonna accept it?”

“I don’t want to, but I don’t wanna push you. If you’re not ready, you’re not ready. But I wanted you to know before I admitted my involvement.”

The dogs finally settled at Dixon’s feet, and he reached down to pat their heads.

“How are you, Dix? You look really good.”

“I’m not high, if that’s what you’re askin’.”

“I wasn’t. I can see that. I can see you again. You look so different.”

Crossing his arms over his chest, a defensive move, he said, “Yeah? You don’t. You look exactly the same.”

“Oh, uh, Merv had a heart attack.”

“What? You didn’t fuckin’ lead with that?”

“Sorry. Shit, I didn’t think. She’s okay. I promise.”

“Truth?” he asked, and his face transformed into the one I grew up with, tan and freckled from the sun, blue eyes like mine questioning and trusting whatever his big brother said was true.

“Yeah. I swear. It was pretty scary for a minute there, but I drove her to Dr. Whitley. He helped, and he got her hooked up with a cardiologist in Jackson. Did you know she quit smokin’?”

“No shit?”

“Yeah, couple years ago. And now she’s joined this exercise club in town to get healthy.”

“Wow.”

“So, yeah. Things’re changin’. I moved home, and Bax just got remarried.”

Pain flashed over Dixon’s face, and he turned and signaled to the dogs to follow him. Shit . I’d forgotten how important Bax’s first wife, Candy, had been to him.

“Bea’s a great person,” I said, following as he walked back into the field. “Bax’s new wife. You wouldn’t recognize our brother. She brought him back to life. She’s kind and protective, and she’s great with Athena and… Stuey.”

That stopped him in his tracks, but he didn’t turn to face me. Instead, he looked out at the dense tree line, and I could see him trying to compose himself. Fuck. Way to go, Brand. In less than two minutes, you’ve mentioned the two people you swore you wouldn’t.

In a tight voice, he asked, “How’s my boy? Is he happy?”

“Yeah. He is.”

“They kept the name I gave him?”

“They did. We call him Stuey or Stu. Stuart if he’s in trouble.”

Dixon nodded. “And this Bea, she’s the woman I saw last year when I… when I brought Stu home?”

“Yeah. She works with me. I’d sent her there to finish up the cabins we were buildin’ at the time while I dealt with a court case in Sheridan.”

“A court case?”

“Yeah, it’s nothin’. It’s settled now.”

“And our little sister? How’s Abey?”

“She’s great. She’s married now, too, and she’s the local sheriff. Deputy Sheriff, but she’s in charge of Wisper.”

“Really?” He turned toward me then. “She’s married? She found someone?”

“Yeah, Devo. Her name is Devona, but we all call her Devo. She’s, uh… scrappy.” I laughed, picturing my sister’s five-foot-tall wife and her larger-than-life personality. “They’re madly in love.”

“God.” He shook his head. “That makes me so fuckin’ happy. Things weren’t easy for her… before. With Dad.”

“They weren’t easy for you either.”

Dixon dropped his hands to his sides. “Why’d you really come here, Brand? Just to hash out the past? I get it. Everybody’s happy and movin’ on. I’m the holdout. You didn’t need to come here to rub it in my face. Trust me, I do enough of that to myself.”

Facing him now, I couldn’t tell him. I couldn’t put all that weight on him. What if what I’d come here to say was the reason he relapsed?

“You got out,” he went on. “Good for you, or you might’ve ended up here with me, but I’m not ready to go back yet.

I’m not ready to tell my kid his mama’s dead.

And I’m not ready to see Candy’s replacement raisin’ him.

It’s on me, I know. I left Stu there with Bax and his new girl, but that don’t mean I’m ready to see it every day. ”

“It’s not like that?—”

“Why. Are. You. Here? Say it now and get it over with so I can go back to work. Listen, I’m grateful for what you did for me.

Really, I am, but this job, this place is the only thing I have right now.

It’s the only thing keepin’ me sober. I’m not leavin’.

Not yet. So if you came here with all your money, thinkin’ you’d swoop in and fix my life, you can turn right back around and go home. ”

“That’s not why I came.”

“So tell me why and get it over with already. Jesus.”

“Fine.” I took the bait. He was prodding me, trying to get a rise out of me. “I came here to tell you I ain’t keepin’ your secrets anymore. They’re tearin’ me up inside. I feel so fuckin’ guilty! Every time I look at Bax. At Merv. At your fuckin’ kid. I can’t do it anymore.”

“Fine. Just don’t give them my location.”

“Fine? It’s fuckin’ fine?”

“Yeah. Tell ’em. I don’t care. But I’m not comin’ home yet.”

“Fine?” I repeated. All this time, and he was “fine” with it?

“Fuck you, Dixon. I have protected you all this time the best way I knew how. I kept your damn secrets. I carried them and they’re fuckin’ heavy, man.

I owed it to you, so I did it, but no more.

I came here today because I wanted to earn your forgiveness.

I wanted to deserve something I had no right to want.

So thanks for makin’ it clear that I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve her.”

I turned to go. What more was there left to say?

“‘Her’?”

“Forget it. You don’t need to carry my shit too. I’ll see ya.”

His hand on my shoulder stopped me from going any further, and the dogs jumped up and rushed around us.

He released my arm. “Sit down, you mangy muts. I’m not hurtin’ him.” To me, he said, “Brother, wait. What did you mean you wanted to earn my forgiveness. What’s there to forgive? And who is ‘her’?”

“I left you,” I said without turning. “I left you with Dad after graduation. You didn’t deserve that, and look what it did to you. I ruined your life.”

The last thing I expected to hear was his laughter.

His loud snort cracked the air. “ You ruined my life? Brand, you sure got some kind of superiority complex goin’ on.

Trust me, you don’t have that kinda power.

There are only two people responsible for my problems, and one of ’em is dead.

The other one is standin’ behind you, laughin’ at the bullshit comin’ out your mouth. ”

That had me spinning in a second. “What?”

He shook his head, chuckling, and it was the first time I’d seen a genuine smile on his face in years. “You didn’t do this to me. I did this to me. Dad had a big hand in it, but it was my decision to pick up a bottle, and then pills and needles.”

“You were just a kid.”

“Yeah, and then I wasn’t anymore. I’d been to enough therapy and rehabs to know there was help out there. I didn’t ask for it. Thought I could handle my problems on my own, just like our old man said I should. We were both wrong.”

“All this time… Twenty years.”

“All this time, what?”

“I felt guilty. Shame. I thought if I’d done things differently back then, maybe you wouldn’t have?—”

“What else could you have done? You got out. You don’t know how happy that made me. I’m not sayin’ you were the best big brother. After you left, I didn’t hear from you. But you were just a kid too. I never expected you to fix my life.”

“Shit.” My knees went weak, and I leaned on a dog. The silly beast stood next to me, guarding me and giving me strength.

“Yup. That about sums it up. You know, there’s a program for the families of addicts. Al-Anon or Nar-Anon. You oughta look into that.”

It had become painfully clear to me in the last two minutes that Dixon’s disease hadn’t only affected him. It had done a number on me too.

“These dogs, what are their names?”

He pointed at the dog still by my side, and I sank my fingers into its fur, letting its body warmth reach inside me.

“Your new best friend there is Tilly. She’s a good dog. And Short Attention Span over here is Zephyr. They’ll be good guardians for some farmer, but they’re nowhere near ready yet.”

“I want them. When they’re trained and ready, I’d like to bring them to the ranch. We’ll need dogs.”

“I can’t give ’em to you. They’re not mine to give. I’m just the trainer.”

“Who do I need to talk to? Brenda?”

He nodded. “Yeah, and her husband, Brooks.”