Page 28 of Forever Finds Us (Wisper Dreams #7)

Chapter Twenty-One

Brand

The next morning, drinking coffee with Merv at her kitchen table, she came right out with what she wanted to know.

She’d been watching me, wonder written all over her face. The heart attack and her brush with death had her questioning the world around her.

Merv wasn’t usually so direct, but she looked at me and asked, “Why’d you stay away all those years, Brand?”

“I…” She’d caught me off guard. “It’s not important.”

She’d switched to decaf, and I was already wishing she hadn’t, but not because it put her in a bad mood. The lack of caffeine made me feel off kilter.

After last night with Roxanne, I needed it. We’d made love again and again, and then I’d cleansed her in the shower, washed her hair, combed it, dressed her in pajamas, and tucked her into her bed.

A text came through from her as Merv worked up the courage to ask me more.

7:15 AM

Did you take my front door key?

I’d already ordered her a new bedroom set, mattress, and linens from a local furniture boutique in Jackson, and they’d be delivered and assembled later today while she was at work.

I’d stolen her front door key from her key ring before I left, but her door locked automatically, so her place wouldn’t be left unsecured all day.

She just wouldn’t be able to engage the deadbolt, and by the time she got home in the evening, the new bed would be ready and waiting for us, and the key would be tucked beneath the pot of pansies next to her front door.

Yes. Something’s being delivered today. I needed access.

You could’ve asked.

I did, but you were passed out.

A meme popped onto my screen of some actor tapping his chin and looking at nothing inquisitively, with the words “Gee, I wonder why” flashing above the image.

I sent a responding smiling devil emoji, but Merv’s voice jolted me back to her inquiry, and I set my phone face down on the kitchen table and sipped my coffee again, almost groaning at the lack of caffeine this time.

“Yes, it is important,” Merv said, “and yes, you do know why. I do, too, so just say it.”

“Mama—”

“Say it.”

“Fine.” It wasn’t a secret, I supposed. I’d just never said it to her face. “I stayed away because of Dad.” I paused. I wasn’t done, not by a long shot, but I didn’t want to hurt her, and the truth would do just that.

“Go on,” she said. “I know there’s more.”

“I don’t know if anyone else remembers, but I remember how different Dad was when Bax and I were young.

Dad was happy. He loved us. He played. He smiled and laughed.

But then… I don’t know what happened to him.

He changed, and I hated him after that. I hated the way he treated Abey, the way he treated us like hired help instead of his kids.

The way he badgered Dixon and yelled at him all the time. I hated the way he treated you .”

Sadness seeped out from her soul. It settled into the corners of her eyes, and she nodded for me to continue.

“And I hated the way you let him.”

She smiled softly. “There. Now you said it. Abey says we can’t keep secrets about how we feel anymore, and since you’re home, that applies to you too.

I’m sorry, son. Sorry I didn’t stand up to your daddy.

I’m so sorry for the way he treated your baby sister and brother and for not standin’ up for them.

And I’m sorry we both hurt you and made you feel like you needed to run. ”

The fear I’d felt since I was fifteen years old crept into my voice, and when I spoke, it slithered out of me, like dirty air. “I’m afraid I’m like him. There’s a… darkness inside me. A need to control.”

Merv nodded. How could I have ever thought she didn’t see it?

“You know?”

“I suspected. But Brand, your dad, he wasn’t in control.

That’s where his anger came from. You’re not like him at all.

You’ve made such a success of your life.

We’re all proud of you. That need you feel isn’t about bein’ like your daddy.

It’s about not becomin’ him. But you don’t have to worry ’cause you’re already twice the man he was. ”

She smiled again, but the curve of her mouth trembled.

I’d never heard her speak ill of my father.

When he was alive, it would’ve been disobedient and almost blasphemous for her to talk about her husband this way.

And I knew from my sister that it had taken Merv almost losing Abey in her life for her to admit how she’d felt all those years ago, but she finally had.

“I never stopped to think what life was like for you,” I said. “If you want to tell me, I’ll listen.”

“It’s not— There are things a mother doesn’t talk to her kids about. This is one of those things.”

“Mama, I can take it. I’m not twelve years old anymore.”

But she wasn’t listening. There was a far-off look in her eyes. She gazed out the window, but the mountains could’ve disappeared into thin air and she wouldn’t have noticed.

Bea and Clay were at the future site of Spitfire Inn, waiting for me when I rode Bax’s ATV out there, trying to shake the conversation I’d had with Merv earlier in the morning.

There was so much left unsaid, but I couldn’t tell her any of it, not without risking telling her the truth. That I’d spoken to Dixon. That I’d given him money.

And Bax might never forgive me for not telling him and Bea that Stuey’s birth mother was dead. I wasn’t sure I’d ever forgive myself for holding onto that secret. I still remembered the phone call when Dixon told me. When he blamed himself again for someone else’s choices and fate.

“ Kel’s dead,” he’d said. “ The mother of my child is gone, Brand. I don’t know what to do with that.

It-it’s my fault. I should’ve protected her better.

I should’ve done… somethin’. And now she’s just gone, and I’m alone, and there’s a kid in the world who’ll never know his mama.

Why the fuck do I keep killin’ mothers?”

“Dixon, you didn’t kill anyone. Are you safe? Where are you?”

“I’m nowhere,” he said. “Not anywhere you can find me.”

And that was the last I’d spoken to him until he called to ask me to get him into another rehabilitation program, which I did. And now I was clueless again. Was he sober? Was he alive?

But Dixon had begged me not to tell the family about Kel, and I owed him.

We’d chosen the perfect spot for the inn.

The field three-quarters of a mile from Merv’s house butted up against our mountain, and it was naturally flat but raised up above Lee Lake.

I could see the lake from almost every vantage point, so future guests would have that as a perk, and out back, the meadow stretched out for a mile to the west, and wild animals traveled through it during the day, elk, deer, occasionally moose, and even bears once in a while.

The inn would be far enough away from the cattle farming areas of the ranch so the stench wouldn’t be strong.

Most days, thanks to the wind coming down the mountains, it was almost completely indiscernible, but the cattle would be visible during certain parts of the year as my brother and Rye circulated our herd from field to field.

“How’s everything goin’ out here?” I asked as I climbed up onto the huge concrete slab. I reached my hand out to Clay and he shook it. “How’s my number one ball buster?” I asked Bea.

“What’s up, brother-in-law?” she said. “You know, since I married Bax and he’s older than you, I think that means I’m your boss now.”

I snorted. “In your dreams. Seriously, how’s it goin’?”

“Good. Clay and I were just talkin’ about the accessibility ramps. Clay saw the plans, and he thinks he’s got a design in mind that will flow better with the aesthetic of the inn, if you’re open to suggestions?”

“Of course,” I said. “I’d love to see some mock-ups.”

“Sure,” Clay offered, excitement lighting his eyes. “I can get them for you. Your brother said he’d draw some up for me.”

“And the berm side of the building,” Bea said, “we were talkin’ about that too. We’re kind of excited to work on that. Neither of us have any experience with berms, though, so you might want to bring in an outside expert.”

“I have a little experience with them,” I said, “but you’re probably right. Just to make sure we don’t screw it up. I think I know a guy I can consult with. But don’t forget, this is an inn , not a hotel. It’s basically a humungous house, and you’re a rock star when it comes to buildin’ those.”

“True. I am pretty good,” Bea said, and she and Clay laughed.

“Anyway, we’ve laid the foundation and all the infrastructure.

Now we just have to wait till spring so we can finish this bitch.

I’m not real good with interior crap, but Bax, Athena, Aubrey, and Rye have been makin’ plans.

Seems like they’ve figured out how they want to decorate. ”

“That’s good,” I said. “Yeah, it’s not my forte either.”

I looked around the site, picturing what it would look like next year when we finished the inn.

It would be beautiful and grand, and the excitement I felt about seeing it come to fruition surprised me.

Every building or house I’d ever built gave me a sense of satisfaction, but this inn would be different.

It was a big part of my family’s future, and that made it personal.

Clay left to get started on his proposal, and Bea took my arm as we walked back to the ATV. Clay was her ride, so I told her I’d drop her back at her house.

“You’re still comin’ to dinner tonight, right?” she asked.

“Yeah. Actually, I’m bringin’ a date.”

“A date? You?”

“What? You’ve known me three years. You’ve seen me with women before.”

“Yeah,” she said, “but we never talk about it. Who is it? If she’s from around here, do I know her?”

“Probably. She was at your wedding.”

I watched as she thought about it, trying to remember the single women who’d attended her wedding, but she came up empty. “Who?”

Before I could deflect, my phone rang in my pocket. I pulled it out and looked at the number, but I didn’t recognize it. I smiled. “Saved by the bell. Give me a minute?”

Bea narrowed her eyes but then rolled them. “Fine. Keep your secrets. I’m callin’ Bax. He’ll remember who was there.”

I shook my head and answered the unknown caller, “Brand Lee.”

“… Yeah, it’s… Dixon.”

My eyes flashed to Bea, worried she’d be able to tell who’d called me from the look on my face, but she was already on her own call, smiling at whatever Bax was saying to her. I walked further away, just in case she might hear.

“Dixon. Where are you? H-how are you? It’s so good to hear your voice.”

“Kel’s dead,” he said flatly.

“I know. You told me before you went into rehab.”

“I did? I was pretty high then.”

“You did. I’m so sorry, Dix. Are you okay now? Are you… high now?”

“No,” he said. “Been sober almost five months now. Look, the reason I’m callin’ is to tell you I’m off the grid. You can’t track this phone, so don’t even try. It’s a cheap, piece-of-shit burner I borrowed from some junkie at NA.”

It wasn’t the only reason he’d called. Dixon, no matter how many times he told me he wanted to be left alone, still wanted and needed a connection to our family, and I was that connection. He and I had lived in hell together. I was his safest bet.

“I’m in California still, but I ain’t sayin’ where. I’ve got a place to stay while I get my head straight. I can’t do it with a bunch of assholes around me all the time. Sometimes, bein’ around people is too much.”

“Okay, I mean, that’s good, I guess. I’m glad you’re better. Can I let the family know now? Can I tell them you’re better?”

“No! You said you’d keep this shit to yourself.”

“You’re right,” I said, trying to calm him down. “I did. But I thought you just didn’t want them to know about rehab or Kel.”

“I don’t. Listen, how many times have I been through this?

I don’t want them to know until I’m good.

” The line went quiet. More than a minute passed, and I had begun to think he’d cut the call.

“I-I’m not good right now, Brand. Not even close.

I’m sober… for now. I wanna stay that way, and you have no fuckin’ idea how bad I wanna see my kid, but if I can’t keep this up, I can’t put that on him.

I can’t hurt him like that. You understand? ”

“I do,” I said, though I was sure the family wanted him home no matter the condition he showed up in. “How can I contact you?”

Guilt and panic ran through me like a runaway train. I needed to see my brother. I wanted to hug him and show him how proud I was of him. And selfishly, I wanted our family to see him sober and healthy, too, so they wouldn’t hate me for keeping his secrets.

“You can’t,” he said. “I’ll come home when I’m ready. But Brand?”

“Yeah, little brother, what do you need? Money? A car?”

“Naw, man. Thanks, but I just need you to do somethin’ for me.”

“What? Anything,” I offered, though, as I said it I winced. Maybe offering “anything” was going too far.

“Can you give my kid a hug from me? Squeeze him tight? Tell him his daddy loves him and misses him, but make sure no one hears you, okay?”

My eyes filled with tears, and the choke in my throat made it hard to respond, but I swallowed my guilt and pushed out the words. “I will, Dixon. I promise. You know he’s?—”

“No. Don’t you tell me nothin’ about him. I can’t handle that. I can’t… I just can’t be there right now. It’ll break me, Brand. All those precious things I’m missin’. I can’t. But it’s for the best. I promise. I’ll get better, and I’ll come home. I dunno when, but I’ll… be better.”

“I know you will, Dix?—”

But before I could even get his name out of my mouth, the line went dead.