Page 22 of Forever Finds Us (Wisper Dreams #7)

Chapter Sixteen

Brand

Merv came home the next evening.

“Thank you again for this car, son,” she said, adjusting her seat temperature and fussing with the onboard computer. “Don’t think I’ve ever owned anything so fancy.”

“You’re welcome, Mama. You deserve it,” I said, and I smiled, but inside guilt for abandoning my family gnawed at my stomach. I’d bought the car for her to assuage that guilt and the guilt I felt about Dixon and how I hadn’t helped him until it was too late.

I had a lot of guilt for a lot of reasons.

How the fuck had I ever thought a car could make up for it all?

It felt odd to be thrust into Merv’s life in such a vital way when I’d been gone from it for so long. But my siblings had busy lives; Bax and Bea had the kids, so they’d already learned to lean on me where Merv was concerned, and I had to admit it felt good.

When I’d come home to visit in the past, it was always a quick trip.

The obligatory Christmas eve and morning every other year, a birthday here and there, usually Athena’s.

But I’d been avoiding home for a long time, and now that I’d moved back, it made me happy to blend in with my family so easily, at least in some aspects.

Not all. Relating to my mother was still not an effortless feat.

But the guilt was at war with the happiness I’d felt the last two weeks, and I didn’t know how to fix that particular conflict.

“Everything has to change,” Merv said as she peered out her window at the passing trees and the cold and gloomy sky. “The way I eat. I’ll have to start exercisin’.”

“Yes, all of those things are important, but first you need to rest. You have four stents in your heart. You need to heal.”

“I just feel so anxious. It feels like I’m out of time.”

“I understand, Mama, but you’re gonna have to ease into this new life. You heard the doctor.”

“Yeah,” she mumbled. “But I…”

“What?” I asked, looking away from the road, trying to read the expression on her face. “What’s botherin’ you?”

“Your brother. What if I die and I don’t get to see him again? Will he blame himself like he did when Candy and the baby died? I don’t want my heart to be the reason his breaks again.”

It damn sure broke my heart hearing her say it.

Bax’s first wife’s aneurysm and death and the subsequent death of their unborn son were not Dixon’s fault, but the facts had never mattered to Dixon.

He’d blamed himself from the second Candy had drawn her last breath because he’d been with her in her truck that day.

Bax tried to get through to our brother, but Dixon had refused to listen.

“Mama, Dixon’s demons, his addiction has nothin’ to do with you.”

“It does though,” she said. “I raised him. I sat back, watchin’ when your daddy hollered at him and punished him for bein’ weak.

I knew I was babyin’ him and holdin’ him too close.

I shouldn’t have done that. But I did, and the damage is done.

Maybe if his head hadn’t been so messed up with all the alcohol back then, he wouldn’t blame himself. ”

I had no response to that. What she’d said was true, and it had been part of the reason I’d run from home the first chance I got after high school.

“The last time anyone heard from him was a year ago,” she said quietly. “Do you think he’s still alive?”

She clutched her hand to her heart, but it had nothing to do with the organ or the new hardware holding her arteries open.

I had the information that would ease her worries, but I’d promised Dixon I wouldn’t say a word, so I grasped her cold fingers and held her hand in mine for the rest of the drive.

I might not have figured out how to relate to her yet, but I let her know I was there.

Both my brother and sister were at the house waiting when we pulled up, Athena and Stuey, and Devo and Bea, too, but Merv said she didn’t want to be fussed over and that they should all go home, so they did after I promised them outside her bedroom door that I would stay with her and take care of her. They didn’t need to worry.

Once I’d gotten her settled in her bed, I made her a cup of chamomile tea and handed her the remote to the TV mounted on her bedroom wall, and I stepped back into the hallway and grabbed my phone from my back pocket.

When my sister answered my call now, she sounded freaked out, like she was ten years old again, looking up to her brothers to protect their family. “What’s wrong? Is Mama okay?”

“Oh, sorry. Yeah, she’s okay. She’s in her happy place, watchin’ Forensic Files in her room, but I wanted to ask you about somethin’. I didn’t mention it when you were here in case she overheard.”

“Ask me what?” Abey said.

“Who’s the woman I remember hearin’ about who finds people? She lives around here, married a rancher, if I remember it right.”

“Billie Cade.”

“Do you think she could find Dixon? Merv brought him up on the drive home this afternoon. She’s scared of dyin’, scared he’ll blame himself the same way he did when Candy died.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah. Don’t tell Bax. The last thing he needs to be reminded of is his dead wife and kid. He and Bea are happy. I don’t want Dixon to fuck it up. He’s not even here and he still has the power to break us. Just like Dad.”

“Ain’t that the truth,” my sister said and then mused, “I don’t know what Billie can do that I haven’t, but it’s worth a shot. Billie’s kind of a mastermind. If anyone could find Dixon, it’d be her. I’ll call her.”

“Tell her money’s not an issue, if that matters.”

“Not to Billie. I’ll let her know, but she and Carey are good friends, and she’s in my book club. She probably won’t take your money.”

“Okay, but offer it anyway.”

“I will. I’ll let you know what she says.”

“Thanks, sis.”

“You got it. I’ll talk at ya tomorrow.”

“Night.”

Because of Merv’s heart attack, I had completely forgotten about bringing dinner to the Manning family. Natalie had been released from the same hospital Merv had just been discharged from, and the family was resting at Cowboy Court, gearing up for their drive home.

When Bax, Bea, the kids, and I finally visited with them, I offered to fly them home and hire someone to drive their vehicle back to Nebraska, but Xavier had declined. Maybe it was pride, or maybe it was just that the father needed to find some kind of control after what happened to his daughter.

I could respect that, and I damn sure understood it.

So, instead, we ate José’s food together from paper plates, all of us crammed into the Mannings’ cabin, and then pigged out on dessert made by Carey’s wife, Frannie.

Natalie said she was in a chocolate coma because Frannie had heard that Natalie loved hazelnut chocolates.

The rich indulgences Frannie had made for the Mannings had crispy, candied hazelnut centers surrounded by dark-chocolate mousse and a milk-chocolate ganache coating, and they were the most decadent things I’d ever tasted.

They could’ve been served in the most expensive restaurant in the world and wouldn’t have been out of place.

I’d invited Roxanne, but she and my sister were busy at work and couldn’t get the time away. But Roxanne promised to see the Mannings before they left town the next day. Natalie wanted to say goodbye to the woman who’d found her when she was lost.

Plus, there was still the issue of our time together being a secret. The Mannings wouldn’t have cared, but if Bax and Bea knew, they’d tell Abey, and Roxanne wasn’t ready yet.

I’d started to wonder when she would be ready. But whatever this thing was between us, it was still new, so I didn’t push.

Over the last several days, I found myself missing her, but work caught up to us both, and in the blink of an eye, a week had passed. The Mannings had made it safely back home to Nebraska, and life seemed to be moving on.

Abey called her friend, Billie, but after a few days, Billie had reported back that she’d found no sign of Dixon, wherever he was, but she wasn’t done searching.

It would of course take time, but Billie was some kind of computer genius, so she’d set up programs to do the work for her when she couldn’t focus on Dixon.

I didn’t hold much hope, but I’d kept the truth to myself.

For the purpose of her searches, I’d told Billie what I knew when she called to get more information from me, that Dixon’s last known location was Redding, California, but Abey still had no clue.

If she knew, she’d tell the rest of our family, and then all hell would break loose.

Maybe it was self-preservation that made me withhold possibly the most vital piece of information concerning Dixon, but like a coward, I had hoped Abey’s friend would find our brother, and then the decision to come clean to my family would be taken out of my hands.

Would I ever feel clean where Dixon was concerned?

Before I knew it, Tab was rushing me out of Merv’s house because we were meeting Gina Scott at the coffee shop downtown, and then she and I had reservations at a restaurant in Jackson to discuss the new affordable-housing project we’d both been hired to build in the spring.

I hated the feeling inside my chest as I dressed, thinking I knew Gina well enough to be comfortable around her, but I also wanted to be nothing but professional with her. There would be no ambiguity about who we were to each other. We were coworkers and colleagues, nothing more.

And when Tab and I entered Coffee Shot and saw Gina waving across the café at us, even colleagues felt like too much.

I’d forgotten how striking Gina was, with her long, black hair, blue eyes, and perfectly toned body, but I felt no attraction to her anymore. All I felt was uneasiness and exhaustion, knowing how much I’d come to dislike working with her.

Warring against that, wild anticipation rushed through me because Coffee Shot wasn’t far from the sheriff’s station, and I hoped once again for a glimpse of Roxanne.

Looking over my shoulder and out the café window, I thought, Just one glimpse.

It’s all you need. One secret smile. Just seeing Roxanne would fill me back up after a week of taking care of Merv, of paperwork and glaring computer screens, phone calls, and decision making, and now this meeting with Gina.

One look from Roxanne would wash away the guilt that ate at me every damn minute of the day.

But I saw no sign of her, so, resigned, I moved across the café, and Gina stood as Tab and I approached her table.

She didn’t extend her hand to Tab, but she took mine and held it a little too long to be appropriate or comfortable, looking in my eyes and dipping her chin.

When she let go, she smoothed her hand over her ass, tucking her skirt as she sat again, but she was also trying to force my attention to her body.

It was a move she’d used on me many times.

My eyes tracked Gina’s as I held a chair for Tab and then sat next to her. But I wasn’t looking with interest. It was more like I was a rabid guard dog, getting ready to growl and bite if she pushed me too far.

“Gina, nice to see you again,” I said.

Tab dove right into work. “I printed out the files you sent, Ms. Scott.” She handed a thin file folder to Gina, and Gina took it from Tab’s hand, but her gaze never left mine. She was studying me, trying to ascertain what had changed with me. Since we last spoke, everything had changed in my life.

“Thank you.”

“Okay,” Tab said, probably sensing the tension between Gina and me. “Well, I guess that concludes my duties for this meeting. Enjoy your dinner.”

Tab stood, and Gina flashed her a curt and impatient smile.

“Thanks, Tab,” I said, interrupting the possessive stare Gina had fixed on my face. “I’ll call you first thing tomorrow. We need to check in with Bea and Clay at the inn site, and we can start scheduling interviews.”

“Sure thing, boss,” Tab said. She saluted me and walked to the counter to order a green tea latte, her usual.

Nodding at the folder in front of Gina, I said, “Shall we go? We can have a look at that at the restaurant.”

“Of course,” Gina purred. “It’s so good to see you, Brand. I’ve really missed your smile.”

If she only knew that the smile she was professing dramatically to miss was a practiced one. It wasn’t the same smile I reserved for Roxanne or for my family when I was truly happy.

As we stood, Gina grabbed her purse and the laptop case she’d hooked over the back of her chair with the housing plans she’d soon be showing me and came to my side.

I reminded myself to be a gentleman, and I guided her toward the exit with my hand at the small of her back.

She smirked and straightened, pushing her breasts out in front of her and arching her back just enough to make every man in the café take notice of her ass.

I held the door open for her, but just before Gina stepped over the threshold, a woman rushed in.

Roxanne’s name left my mouth when we made eye contact, and my heart began to race.

I had been wrong that just one look would be enough to sustain me, because as I took her in, noticing the flicker of our secret flashing through her brown eyes and a tinge of excitement blushing on her cheeks, the need I felt to hear her say my name and cry out when I made her come nearly knocked me on my ass.

Roxanne’s eyes traveled the shape of my face, but then they landed on Gina in front of me and my hand still held out toward her.

I wanted to tell Roxanne how much I’d missed her all week, but I didn’t. That would’ve been inappropriate in this business setting, so I said, “Hello, Deputy, nice to see you,” but I hoped she could hear the need I felt for her in my voice and read it on my face.

She opened her mouth but said nothing, and as Gina sighed with annoyance at Roxanne blocking her path, Roxanne focused once again on my hand at Gina’s back.

I nodded at her, knowing she’d understand my silence. After all, it was what Roxanne wanted, and I followed Gina into the bright, autumn afternoon.

But it felt like fifty kinds of wrong not to reach for Roxanne, not to push Gina out of our way and kiss her in the sunshine.

The last place Roxanne belonged was in the shadows.