Page 8 of For the Plot (The Stone Siblings #1)

Nikki

We're Fucked, It's Fine - Jeremy Zucker

“I think I’m losing my mind.” I was laid out on the floor of my room, staring at the ceiling and contemplating all my life choices.

“Why are you always so dramatic?” My twin sister’s voice drifted back to me over the speaker of my phone where it lay on the floor next to my head.

“Rude, I’m not dramatic . I’m being perfectly reasonable in this assessment.”

“And why do you say that?”

“Because I’m thinking about asking James to have sex with me?”

There was a brief moment of complete silence before Noah responded.

“I’m on my way.”

Oh fuck, I really was losing my mind if she was facing SoCal morning traffic to drive to me instead of just talking on the phone. “So this is an insane idea, then?”

I heard the sounds of keys jangling, a door closing, and the rev of the engine as she started her car, a moment passing before the sound swapped over to the car system.

“First, we don’t use that word anymore, because we do not perpetuate harmful stereotypes about mental health struggles.

Second, can I ask why you want to ask James to have sex with you? ”

“Sorry,” I murmured, properly chastened.

Noah was a pediatrician and cared deeply about not only physical health, but mental health.

She also was autistic, and language was a special interest of hers, so she was always on top of words that people were trying to change the use of.

It was jarring to realize just how many words we used in today’s vocabulary that had horribly racist or ableist origins.

I could always count on her to remind me when I forgot and slipped into an old habit.

“So this is a ridiculous idea?”

“Better.” I could picture her decisive nod of approval in my mind and couldn’t help but smile at the image. “Now answer my second question,” she demanded.

“Because of the bad review?” I nervously chewed my lip while I waited for her response.

“I’m gonna need a little more context than that, babe.”

A deep sigh gusted me as I sat up, turning to lean my back against the foot of my bed.

Drawing my legs up I rested my chin on my knees, arms wrapped around my bent legs.

“You know I haven’t been able to write since that review went viral?

” She hummed in the affirmative, so I kept going.

“Well, the other night Collins made the joke again that I should just get laid and it got me thinking.”

“That you should solicit one of your friends for sex? One of your friends who you happen to live with, might I remind you?”

“Hey, I told you I was losing my mind! You should have taken me seriously!”

“Alright, alright. Keep talking. How did you get from ‘need to get laid’ to James?”

“Wellllll…” I dragged the word out, picking at a loose string unraveling from the hem of my shorts.

“Nikki Alexandra Stone.” None of us Stone siblings had middle names, so Noah took it upon herself, as the oldest sibling, to assign random middle names whenever she was trying to use her mom voice on us.

Mind you, we were twins and she was all of five minutes older than me, and also not actually a mom.

Though if you tried telling her that having her cat did not make her a mother, you would never hear the end of it.

I buried my face in my hands, mumbling into them.

“What was that?” I heard the telltale signs of a car parking and the sound switched back over to her phone. Her heels clicked on the sidewalk as she walked up to my front door.

“I tried to hook up with a stranger from The Sleepy Siren two days ago.” Her footsteps stopped.

“It didn’t go great.” My phone beeped, and I looked down to see the call had ended.

A moment later my door banged open, and Noah strode in.

Although we were fraternal, we still looked very similar.

The same plus-size body, the same blue eyes, the same loose black curls—though she kept hers dip-dyed on the ends in a rotation of bright colors.

At the moment it was a bright emerald green.

“Bitch, I can’t believe you finally tried to have sex and didn’t tell me first!” Noah flopped down on the floor next to me and reached over to tug on a lock of my hair. I swatted her hand away.

“Ugh, I know. It just all happened so fast, and I know you’re busy at work right now." I looked down, picking at the skin around my nails, until Noah covered my hands with her own to stop me.

“I am never too busy for you. When will you get that through that thick skull of yours?”

I groaned, letting my head fall back on the bed behind me as I stared at the ceiling, avoiding looking at my sister.

She was the one person I could never truly hide what I was feeling from.

I didn’t respond right away, and Noah didn’t push me, just let me get there on my own.

We sat in silence just for a few moments longer as I gathered my thoughts.

“To be fair, I didn’t tell anyone .” She opened her mouth, and I continued before she could jump in.

“And yes, I am well aware that you’re not just anyone.

It’s just, this is one of the few things that you will never fully be able to understand because you're not demi. You don’t experience attraction the same way, and you don't deal with the infantilization I face as a virgin in her mid-twenties.”

“You’re right,” Noah agreed. “I’ll never fully be able to understand, but I will always be here for you.”

“I know.” I slung my arm over her shoulders, resting my head on hers. “And I love you for that. But this time, I just wanted to do it on my own. I didn’t know what was going to happen, and I didn’t really want to talk about it in the moment.”

“OK, so walk me through everything that happened.”

And so, I told her everything. How much more I had been struggling with my writer’s block since The Review, more than I had let on.

My call with Lucy and their quip about buying a new vibrator.

Collins’s joke about me needing to get laid and how it made me think.

Going to the bar and being about to bail when I met Poppy.

“She was so pretty, Noah, I swear. I have no idea what she was doing talking to me.”

Noah gasped. “Rude!” I leveled her with a look, but she persisted. “Don’t insult my looks like that.”

I rolled my eyes. “We started talking, and she was laying it on thick, and I thought it was going to be so easy just getting right at it.” I covered my hands in embarrassment.

“So we went to the bathroom and she kissed me against the door and I feel like it should have been super hot but it just… wasn’t.

I couldn’t get out of my head, and all I could think was how weird it was that this random stranger had her tongue in my mouth. ” I still can't believe I did that.

“Damn, girl, five minutes and right to the bathroom? No wonder it didn’t go well! That’s fast even for allo people.”

“Ugh, I know, it was, wasn’t it?”

“Alright, so I’m with you all the way through the failed hookup, but where does James come in? You’ve never been interested in him before, so why now?”

“I wouldn’t go so far as to say I’m interested in him.

" My face twisted in concentration, trying to put to words what I was feeling and thinking. “It’s more that he feels safe . You know he’s demi, too, but also is kind of a manwhore?

” She raised her brow at that statement, but didn’t interrupt.

“Well, that night when he got home from work he found me on the couch watching The Princess Bride, and we actually had kind of a long conversation about sex.” I could feel the blush rising on my cheeks but chose to ignore it, and prayed Noah wouldn't tease me for it.

“I caved and told him what caused my writer's block, and about my ridiculous idea of finding someone random. He didn’t judge me, just listened. And when I got up the courage to ask him how it was so easy for him to hook up with people as a demi, he actually took the time to think about it and give me a real answer, not that he owed me anything. It got me thinking… well, you know. He’s got plenty of experience, he’s someone safe I know and trust, and he understands a part of me that no one else in my life does. ”

Noah reached over, squeezing my hand in comfort, and I sighed before continuing.

“I know it doesn’t seem like a good idea, but then last night Will, Collins, and I all went to hang out at the bar while James was working, and watching the way he was with customers…

everything just comes so easily to him. I have no doubt he’d be able to help me learn about fucking!

Have you seen him at the bar? Those hands definitely know what they’re doing. ”

“Nikki, love of my life, mate of my soul, twin of my womb, you are absolutely bonkers.”

I burst out laughing, but Noah just continued shaking her head at me as she had been.

“Listen, I actually am on board with this whole"—she waved her hand over my body as she spoke—“'Nikki gets out there and finally gets some' thing. Not because you have to, but because you want to. But is asking James really a good idea?”

“You really think it would be that bad?” I chewed on my lip, every way in which this idea could blow up in my face running through my head.

“I’ve seen that man at work. I don’t think bad is in his vocabulary when it comes to sex.

” She smirked at me, and I shoved her until she tipped over onto the floor in retaliation.

“Just kidding. You know I would never touch one of your roommates. That’s just asking for something messy to happen, and you know I don’t do messy.

” It was true, she didn't—a least, not usually. “But anyways, no. I didn’t mean I think the sex would be bad. I mean, are you sure this won’t ruin your friendship? ”

“Honestly?” I straighten up, pushing my shoulders back and speaking with a confidence I don’t yet actually feel.

“I know there’s a chance it could. But James has almost exclusively casual sex, so why is it so wild to think he could have casual sex with me?

Besides, I can’t think of anyone else I could trust to teach me, and obviously it’s not going to work with a stranger, so what option do I have? ”

She sighed. “So many other options, Nikki. So many. Many that don't involve having sex with your friend-slash-roommate."

“I have to get this book written, Noah! It is so past due, there’s no way they’ll give me another extension.

I’m still waiting to hear back from Lucy about what they're going to say about asking for this extension. Lucy is so patient with me, but I can’t keep doing this to them.

And if what I need to fix my sex scenes is research, then research it is. ”

“God, that sentence is so weird.”

I cracked a smile. “I know right? This really is equal parts the best and worst job, isn’t it?”

“So.” She smirked. “You’re going to do him for the plot?”

“Literally,” I shot back as we both dissolved into laughter. I didn’t get that much time with Noah anymore, so these were the moments I really treasured, just being together. But she had a life to get back to, and eventually she had to get going.

Noah heaved a deep sigh as she stood up, reaching an arm down to help me do the same. “Well, I may not like this plan, but it seems as if you have actually thought it out. Though, as a romance author, you should know that the casual sex trope only ever ends in one of two ways.”

I waved off her concerns as I walked her to the front door and hugged her goodbye. “Please. Like you said. I’m a romance author. I totally know what I’m doing.”