Page 35 of For the Plot (The Stone Siblings #1)

James

No One Can Fix Me - Frawley

“Knock, knock!”

The words came to me through a haze, and I looked up from the computer. I was in the manager’s office at The Sleepy Siren working on… well, to be honest, I wasn’t quite sure. I’d been trying to read this report for half an hour now, but I couldn’t get my brain to focus.

I hadn’t been sleeping much, and last night I think I got less than two hours.

I was barely functioning, and the stress had caused a flare-up of my chronic gastritis.

I could go months without even remembering I had it, until something triggered it.

But I’d been living at a base level of nausea for weeks now, throwing up almost daily. Zofran had become my best friend.

Belatedly, I remembered that someone wanting to come in was the reason I’d looked up in the first place, and I croaked out a response to enter.

The door opened, revealing the hesitant faces of Will and Collins.

They looked around the office, and I realized this was their first time in here.

They’d come to visit me at the bar once or twice since I moved out, but hadn’t gotten all the way back to the office.

“Nice digs,” Collins said, dropping into one of the other chairs. Will nodded along in agreement as he sat in the other chair.

“Thanks."

“Still enjoying the new position?” Will asked.

“God, yes,” I responded through a huffed laugh.

Honestly, it was probably the only thing getting me through.

If I had to be out on the floor dealing with customers while I nursed my broken heart, I don’t know what I would have done.

I glanced at them curiously, wondering if they were here to talk to me about Nikki.

I hadn't wanted to move out, not really, I just couldn’t stomach bumping into Nikki around the apartment. Not after pouring my heart out to her, only to have her literally slam the door in my face.

I don’t know what the fuck I had been thinking.

I should have just kept my mouth shut. Accepted whatever pieces of herself Nikki was willing to give me, instead of pushing her for more.

Especially when I knew she was under so much stress.

I'd fucked it all up, and it was only right that I remove myself from the equation.

After all, they had all known each other longer. The guys were always going to take Nikki’s side, as they should.

“That’s good.” Will nodded his head encouragingly at me.

“We miss you, man,” Collins suddenly burst out, and I blinked in surprise.

Will smacked his arm. “Dude, I thought we were gonna be cool?”

Collins just brushed him off. “I know, but fuck, this is all so stupid!” He turned to me, leaning forward earnestly. “I don’t know what happened between you and Nikki. She won’t talk to us. But I know you’ll figure it out eventually. Just move back in, OK?”

I was already shaking my head before he’d even finished speaking. “I can’t, man.”

“Why not?” Will asked, seeming to give up on whatever plan they’d had. “What happened?”

I swallowed, unsure if I should tell them. If Nikki hadn’t said anything, maybe she didn’t want them to know. I looked down, picking at the chipping nail polish on my fingers. I needed to repaint them. Maybe a fun winter color this time. Fake it till you make it, right?

I decided to be honest. They’d find out eventually, and it wasn't like things were ever going to go back to the way they were. “I told her I was in love with her, and she told me I was just a distraction.” I kept my gaze down as I spoke, unable to handle whatever pitying expressions I’m sure they were trying to give me.

I was pathetic.

“Bullshit.” My head snapped up. Collins was shaking his head at me.

“Excuse me?”

“No, not that you’re in love with her, I knew that.” He waved a dismissive hand at me, and my cheeks pinkened.

“Was I really that obvious?” I asked sheepishly. Collins and Will looked at each other, and I buried my face in my hands.

“Hey.” Will put a hand on my shoulder. “There’s nothing wrong with being down bad.” He and Collins laughed as I groaned, dropping my head back.

“There is when she doesn’t love me back!”

“See, that’s what’s bullshit, man. Nikki is totally in love with you,” Collins said.

My heart wanted to believe him. But I couldn’t let myself go through this heartbreak again. I shook my head.

“You’re wrong. She doesn’t care about me. At least, not in that way.”

“She’s just overwhelmed, and stressed. You should see her—she’s doing even worse than you.” I ached at his words, hating the idea of her in pain, even still.

“She gets like this sometimes, when everything around her is just too much and she shuts down. You just need to be patient with her. She’ll come around,” Will said.

“No,” I stated firmly. “I know you guys mean well, but just—I can’t, OK?

” I hated the way my voice cracked on the words.

“I can’t move back in and be near her, knowing she doesn’t love me back.

I never should have said yes to sleeping with her in the first place, but if I didn’t do it, she would have found someone else and I couldn’t let her do that.

I couldn’t let her be vulnerable in that way with a stranger.

With someone who wouldn’t give her the respect and the care she deserved. ”

“Fuck, man, you really are gone for her, aren’t you?” Collins sounded surprised, and I realized that while he knew I loved her, he probably didn’t understand the depths of that love.

I looked down to my hands again. “I love her more than anything. That’s why I can’t come back.”

They were quiet then, giving me space while I collected myself.

I’m glad they weren’t pushing anymore, but it also made it worse.

I wasn’t just losing Nikki, I was losing them, too.

Sure, they would try to keep touch with me, but I knew that eventually time and space would come between us and we’d drift apart.

My heartbreak would be threefold.

“Will you at least tell us where you’re staying?” Will asked, and I finally looked back up to them.

I flicked my eyes up to the ceiling. “In Sasha and Lauren’s spare room. At least until I can find a more permanent place to stay. I promise, I’ll come get the rest of my stuff once I have somewhere to take it.”

"Dude, shut up," Collins interjected. "You’re coming back eventually. Just give it some time."

I didn’t respond.

“Alright, I guess we’ll let you get back to work. But James?” I looked up as Will spoke. “You’re our friend. You’re not losing any of us. You got that? It would take a lot more than this to be rid of us.”

They each pulled me into a hug before leaving, and I slumped back into my chair.

God, I wished he was right.