Page 36 of For the Plot (The Stone Siblings #1)

Nikki

This is What it Sounds Like - HUNTR/X

I was lying in bed in the dark when my door banged open. I didn't turn to look at whoever it was, assuming it was Will or Collins was trying something else to get through to me. But I didn’t want to do anything besides wallow in my own pity, missing James and hating myself.

“Goddamn, Nikki, this is depressing as fuck.” Noah’s voice cuts sharply through the room, footsteps storming towards my window. I sat up in surprise, pulling my blankets up with me and wrapping them around my shoulders as I leaned against my headboard.

“Noah?” My voice croaked out of me, and I cleared my throat before speaking again. “What are you doing here?”

“What do you think I’m doing?” She ripped open the curtains, letting the sunlight stream into the room, slicing into my darkness-adjusted eyeballs.

“Shit, why the fuck did you do that?” I yelled, covering my eyes.

“When you stopped coming to family dinner and didn’t answer my texts, I just assumed you were hyperfocusing on drafting and forgot about the world again.

That’s on me for not being a better sister and checking on you.

” Noah’s voice was matter-of-fact, but she was my twin sister.

She couldn’t hide the pain underneath her words, and for the first time in weeks I felt something other than apathy.

My heart panged at the fact that I’d hurt her by shutting her out.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered.

Noah came to sit next to me, pulling me against her until my head rested on her shoulder, gripping my hand tightly in hers.

“Thank you.” Her response was flat but warm with her particular brand of love.

“When Will finally texted me saying he was concerned about you, I came here as quickly as I could.”

“I swear, I’m fine,” I protested weakly. “Will was just overreacting.”

“He was not. You smell terrible, your room is an absolute mess, and you're living in darkness like some vampire from a terrible teen drama.”

“Rude,” I mumbled.

“But true.” I didn’t have a response to that.

“Here’s what’s going to happen,” Noah forged on, practical as ever.

“You are going to take a shower, because you desperately need one, and then we are going to talk about what happened.” I was going to argue, but then I caught a whiff of myself and realized just how right she was.

I nodded, not having the spoons to respond.

Once I was in the shower, the tears came. Partly for how badly I’d fucked my life up, partly because I didn’t realize how badly I’d needed the soothing feeling of hot water pounding into my skin, how badly I’d needed to feel clean.

By the time I got back to my room, it was almost completely clean.

The dishes and trash had been removed, dirty clothes put in the hamper, new sheets were on the bed, and random shit that had been scattered around the room neatly lined up on my nightstand, dresser, and desk, waiting for me to put them away wherever they belonged.

I began crying again for a different reason.

Without saying a word, I went straight to Noah and squeezing her tightly, feeling like I could breathe again for the first time from the pressure of her arms as they squeezed me back.

Noah stood there silently, rocking me in her arms for as long as I needed.

I had never felt more grateful to have her in my life.

When I was ready, I pulled back, grabbing a tissue to blow my nose before sitting on the bed, leaving room for her to sit next to me. And then I told her everything. How I had freaked out on James, all the awful things I’d said to him, him moving out.

After I finished speaking, Noah looked at me for a moment, and then she smacked me upside the head. “Ow!” I exclaimed, rubbing the back of my head. “What the fuck was that for?”

“Because you’re an idiot.”

I dropped my jaw, indignation flaring. “I thought you were here to cheer me up!”

“I never said that. I said I came here to check on you, and obviously not soon enough, because you fucked up big time.”

I sighed, "I know. I know you said this idea with James was going to blow up in my face—"

“That’s not what I mean,” she interrupted me. I furrowed my brows at her. “I mean, you did fuck up with James. But you fucked up by letting him go, not by starting this in the first place.”

“But you told me that it was a bad idea. And then you told me to be careful. I thought you wanted me to stop hooking up with him.”

Noah sighed, looking up at the ceiling like she was praying for patience, before she spoke again.

“God, you’re so dumb sometimes, Nikki. I told you to be careful because I could tell you were falling in love with him, and I didn’t want you to get hurt.

I didn’t think you were going to go around and hurt James and yourself instead. ”

"What?" I sputtered. "I’m not in love with James!"

“Oh, sweetie.” Noah shook her head at me.

I opened my mouth to tell her how wrong she was, but then I thought the weird things I’d been feeling when he did nice things for me.

Like pulling me outside so I could be kissed in the rain like I'd always wanted.

Remembering my favorite flower so he could bring me a paper one.

Dressing up as my favorite fictional man for Halloween.

Oh shit.

“Oh my god, I am in love with him!” I exclaimed.

“Fucking finally,” Noah muttered, shaking her head at me in exasperation.

“Bitch.” I stuck my tongue out at her.

She stuck her tongue back out at me. “Dumbass."

After a moment we burst into laughter, and I fell into her side. Noah slung her arm around my shoulders, pulling me in tighter, and I snaked mine around her waist.

“I’ve missed you, Nikki,” Noah said quietly.

“I know, I’m sorry. I’ve missed you, too.” I sniffled, trying to keep the tears that had begun welling up at bay.

“So tell me, Nikki. Tell me everything, please. I’m your twin, your best friend. You know you can tell me anything, that I want you to tell me everything.”

And so, I finally did. I told her everything that I had been thinking about and doing. Everything that I had been feeling about myself.

"First of all, you are not a terrible person.

That is just your brain being an asshole to you, and you need to tell it to fuck off.

" She gripped my hands, staring into my eyes with a fierce conviction.

“You might have made some questionable choices when you were overwhelmed and your fight-or-flight mode was triggered, but that does not make you a bad person.” I tried to avert her eyes, but she gripped my face between her palms, forcing me to look at her. “Do you understand me?”

I sniffed, shaking my head as much as I could while she still held me. Deep down I knew that, but it was harder to feel that.

“Secondly,” she continued, “and I hope you’ll take this with the love it’s intended, but have you thought about going back to therapy? I think it could really help you.”

I took a deep breath, wiping the tears from my face, and nodded. “I know. I need to go back. I think… I think maybe letting my ADHD go untreated has triggered a depressive episode. And I need help.”

Noah hugged me tight. “I’m proud of you,” she murmured into my ear.

“Another piece of advice, take it or leave it, but maybe you should try meds again? Only if you want to, of course. But last time you gave up after the first try. It doesn’t often happen for people the first time, and if you want to give it a try, you gotta stick with it until you’re sure. Only if that’s what you want.”

I did want to try again. And this time, I would actually follow through.

“I’m here for you in whatever ways I can be, you know that, right?” I nodded my head, and she held me for a long time, letting me cry it out and take all the reassurance from her that I needed.

Finally, I pulled away, turning to grab a tissue from my nightstand and blow my nose.

“So.” Noah’s voice had me snapping my gaze back to her. “What’s the plan?”

“Plan?” I asked, my face scrunched in confusion.

Noah rolled her eyes. “Your plan to get James back, obviously.”

“Oh.” I deflated. “I think it’s too late. I don’t think he wants anything to do with me, and I don’t blame him. Not after the way I spoke to him.”

Noah was already shaking her head before I finished speaking. “No, Nikki. That man is gone for you. You just need to tell him how you feel. Shit, you’re a romance author! You know how a grand gesture works. Get your shit together.” She tsked at me, and I laughed through a watery smile.

“You think so? You think he could forgive me?”

“I know he would.”

For the first time, I felt hope rising in my chest. Maybe I could still fix things. Maybe, just maybe, for once in my life I could get everything I wanted. Everything my brain tried to tell me I didn’t deserve.

Noah stayed with me another hour, helping me plan my grand gesture. After she left, I felt lighter than I had since the last time I’d been in James’s arms. Seriously, how did I not see how hard I’d fallen for him?

I waited in the living room for Will and Collins to get home. They'd left before Noah came to give us some privacy, though Collins, of course, called conspiracy theory on Noah even being real.

As soon as they walked in the door and saw me sitting on the couch, they ran to me and scooped me up into a three-way hug.

“There’s our girl!” Collins exclaimed.

Will looked like he was on the verge of tears himself as he squeezed my hand. “Welcome back, Nikki.”

I looked up, blinking the tears back in. Even if these were happy tears, I’d cried enough today already. I pulled away from them, taking a deep breath.

“So, I want to get James back.” I smiled as they whooped and hollered, relieved to know they seemed to want us to be together, too. “And I need your help.”