Page 21 of For the Plot (The Stone Siblings #1)

James

Stuck In My Head - Blu Eyes

“—and then , Warren burnt the fucking garlic bread, so there was literally nothing good to eat for the whole meal, and— Hello? Earth to James?” Collins waved his hand in front of my face, and my eyes snapped to attention, realizing I had drifted off again.

“Sorry.” I shook my head, refocusing on Collins, who was sitting across the table from me at our favorite Mexican restaurant, telling me about the dinner his coworker Warren had fucked up on his last shift.

Pepe’s Finest Mexican Dining in La Habra was a fast food Mexican-style diner, and it had the best carnitas I’d ever had the pleasure of eating.

I picked up my taco, taking another bite and moaning as the flavors flooded my mouth.

“I promif, I’m lifening,” I said through the food in my mouth, and Collins threw a wadded-up napkin at my face.

“Ass. Don't speak with your mouth full."

I washed the food down with a sip of Coke before grinning at him and taking another bite. In truth, I could barely concentrate on anything today. Last night, Nikki had fallen asleep in my arms, and I couldn’t stop thinking about it. About her .

She’d looked so vulnerable last night, turning to me with tears in her red rimmed eyes. I thought I’d done something wrong, pushed her too far somehow. The relief I felt when she told me what it really was almost had me passing out. I didn't think I could live with myself if I ever hurt her.

Cuddling her had been the best and worst idea.

She had needed the human touch, and holding her in my arms had felt better than anything ever had in my life.

Better than sex, better than anything. But it had gutted me knowing she didn’t feel the same.

She just needed any human contact in that moment, not that she needed me specifically.

We hadn’t even touched each other yet beyond kissing, and I was already in way too deep.

“Alright.” I forced myself to stop thinking about Nikki and give Collins my full attention. “Sorry, I’m with you now. Tell me about Warren fucking up the garlic bread.”

“Really, you good, bro?” Collins raised a brow at me, putting his taco back down. “You’ve been all… spacey today.”

“Yeah, I just didn’t sleep well,” I replied, not looking at him.

“Ahhh, I get it,” Collins replied slyly.

“Get what?” I looked up at him, brows scrunched.

“You 'didn’t sleep well.'” He made air quotes with his fingers, smirking at me.

“Dude, I was home all night. I’m telling you, I just didn’t sleep well. That’s it.” Yeah, because you were up all night thinking about Nikki. I told my brain to shut up. “And you? How was your date last night?”

Collins’s smirk dropped. “Eh, it was fine.”

“What happened?”

“Nothing really. I mean, we hooked up.” He shrugged.

“But?”

He shrugged again, taking another bite of his taco and averting his eyes.

“Collins?” He didn't usually shy away from discussing his hook-ups. “You know you can tell me anything, man.”

Collins sighed. “I wasn’t just looking for a hookup, you know? I feel like I’m finally at the point where I want a real relationship.” He shook his head, taking another bite before continuing. “But she didn’t want that I guess. Right after we hooked up, she was done with me.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. It’s not like I liked her or anything. I mean, shit, it was our first date. It’s just…”

“The rejection of it,” I supplied, when it seemed like he couldn’t finish the words.

Collins nodded, a crestfallen expression on his face.

I’d learned a few things about ADHD over the past four years, and this was one of them.

Rejection sensitivity dysphoria, it was called.

I’d seen it in both Collins and Nikki. Even though he had only gone on one date with whoever this person was, their rejection of him still stung more than he’d ever really want to admit.

It didn’t matter who it was, or what the perceived rejection was, it hurt just as bad every time.

“I’m sorry, man, really. I get it." And I did, even if it wasn't to the same extent, but I did understand it on some level. The idea of rejection was terrifying, and I avoided it whenever I could by not rocking the boat and just floating through life instead.

“It is what it is,” he smiled at me, more genuinely this time. “I’ll get over it soon, I always do.”

My back was fucking killing me, and I did not want to be here anymore. I was only halfway through my shift, but it already felt like the longest night ever. The bar was way too packed for a random Thursday night in September.

We’d had rowdy college kids in and out all night, harassing the bartenders, starting fights, throwing drinks.

I swear, half the night I’d been two seconds from walking out the door.

It was days like these that made me question if I really was content with my life as it was.

Did I really want to be a bartender forever?

I used to love it. The excitement, the people, the variety in my days.

Maybe I was just getting too old for this shit.

Rolling my head around on my stiff shoulders, I finished up the drink I was making, forcing a smile back on my face as I turned back around to give it to the waiting customer.

They shoved a five dollar bill in the tip jar, and I gave a quick nod in appreciation.

A break in the crowd showed three familiar faces walking towards me, which was the only thing preventing me from throwing down my apron and bolting.

I placed my hands on the edge of the bar, leaning forward once they reached me so I could shout over the noise at them.

“Finally! I was about to walk out the door and never come back.”

“Damn, that kind of night, huh?” Will reached a hand over to bump my fist, and I returned the gesture, greeting Collins the same way.

My eyes met Nikki’s bright blue ones and a jolt went through my body.

She bumped her first against mine, and I tried to ignore the zing that shot right through me the moment her skin touched mine.

“Oh yeah,” I sighed, slumping against the bar in front of them. “Remind me why I chose a job where I have to interact with people again? I hate people.”

“You know, I wish I could tell you, but it’s beyond me as well,” Will mused.

“How long you guys staying tonight?” I asked, shaking up one of the drinks. I swear I could see Nikki staring at the tattoo on my forearm exposed up to the elbow by my shoved-up flannel. I made sure to flex a little extra as I shook the drink.

“Sorry, man, can’t stay long tonight. My shift starts tomorrow morning,” Collins replied.

“Woooow, prioritizing your livelihood over your friendships? I thought I knew you, dude.” I shook my head at him as I set their drinks in front of them.

“I know, right?” Will exclaimed. “It’s like he doesn’t want to be homeless or something.”

“Such a fake friend.” Nikki nodded along, hmphing at Collins. She took a sip of the drink I had just set down for her, and I watched, spellbound as her eyes closed in pleasure at the taste. I reached down to adjust myself as subtly as possible, thankful for the bar blocking me.

“So rude,” Will said, tsking at him.

Collins pointed his finger between the three of us. “Yeah, definitely not liking this ganging up on me.”

“Oh, don’t worry, we still love you,” Nikki reached up to pinch his cheek, but Collins slapped her hand away with a glare.

“Since when do you take James’s side?” He narrowed his eyes, looking back and forth between us. My stomach dropped out, positive that he knew something was going on, until I realized there was literally no way he could.

Nikki winked at him, “Somebody jealous?”

Collins sent her a kiss. “Always when it comes to you, babe.”

I was not a fan of this feeling building in my chest, so I turned to Will instead. “What about you?”

“Am I also jealous over Nikki?” Will asked, brows furrowed. “Nah. I’m not the jealous type.”

“You know what? Never mind, I’m done with you all.” I deadpanned, walking away to take the next customer’s order as they all shouted apologies at me through their laughter, begging me to come back. I ignored them, flipping the finger over my shoulder instead.

The next few hours passed in a blur, the bar not slowing down until right before last call.

The final customer didn't leave untill almost twenty minutes after we were supposed to be closed. Will, Collins, and Nikki had left a few hours ago, early like Collins had said. I’d had to actively not look at Nikki the entire time, and to be honest, I had no idea how successful I’d been.

Closing the door and locking it, I let my forehead thunk against the wood, my shoulders dropping on a sigh.

“You good?” Sasha asked.

“Yeah.” I straightened up and headed back to the bar to start cleaning up. It was just Sasha and me closing, which meant I knew at least that clean up wouldn’t be too bad. “Just tired.”

Sasha hummed in sympathy, patting my back as she walked past, “We’ll be out of here soon.” I didn't respond, but part of me was beginning to worry I wasn’t just tired in the moment, but tired of this job.

We worked in silence for a few moments before she spoke again. “Oh, James, I almost forgot. There’s actually something I wanted to talk with you about.”

“Yeah? What’s up?” I threw the words over my shoulder, wiping at a particularly sticky spot where one of the rowdy college kids had spilled a drink earlier.

“I’m thinking of taking a step back from the bar.” Her words came out casual, the clinking of glass behind me telling me she was just restocking behind the bar like she hadn’t just dropped a huge bomb on me.

“What? Why?” I tried to make my voice as composed as possible. I didn’t need to know any details about her personal life, but I was desperate to know how she could even think of leaving The Sleepy Siren. It had been her baby for years now. “You'd really sell The Sleepy Siren?”

“Oh fuck no.” The words came out on a laugh. “This baby is with me till the day I die. I just really wanna spend some more time with Lauren, and I can’t do that if I’m always here, stressing about paperwork or hopping on bar when we’re short-staffed like tonight.”

It was almost too perfect. Maybe, just maybe, this was the solution to all my problems. It was fate: I was getting tired of being so front-facing at the bar, right when Sasha wanted someone to take over as manager. I felt a bit of hope start swelling inside me.

“I’m thinking of hiring someone to be manager, letting me step back and be kind of a silent owner instead. Focus more on that photography side hustle with Lauren.” Sasha's wife Lauren owned a fledgling photography business, but it was a passion they both shared.

But once her words fully registered, my heart sank. “Wait,” I said, “So let me get this straight: you’re wanting to step back and you’re going to hire in a new manager to fill your position instead of promoting internally?”

“Yeah, I figured it would be best that way. I know how much you love tending, and you always say you never wanted to do the paperwork side of this thing, so I figured there’d be no way you were interested.

” Sasha shrugged again, walking past me to grab another crate of bottles.

"And no one else here is qualified enough to take over as manager. "

“Right,” I responded, my voice wooden. I forgot how much of this crisis about my job had been internal. I hadn’t told Sasha anything about how I’d been feeling, so of course she wouldn’t know.

The words, the ask, were stuck in my throat.

I hated myself for not being able to just ask for what I wanted.

I’d never wanted to ask for anything as a kid, didn’t want to make my mom’s life any harder than it was.

It was just easier to stay quiet, to be content with what I had rather than rock the already precarious boat.

“I still haven’t decided anything for sure though, so please keep this to yourself a little while longer.”

“Got it, boss,” I responded, saluting her as I did.

For now, I bottled up what I was feeling.

A friend has once told me never to quit on a bad day, and today definitely qualified as a bad day.

I needed to sit on it, because as much as I would love to move a little further away into the paperwork and less drink making, I wasn’t ready to put myself out there in that way yet.