Page 44 of Fixation

Oh, there it is. That’s where the metal file disappeared to. Anderson dropped it here, next to me.

My doctor, my cruel lover, lifts me by my hips. Sliding a shirt, I think, beneath my hips.

Yes, a shirt, I realize when he pulls from the other side of my body. Where I can see it.

He uses it to lift my hips. That doesn’t hurt, either. He isn’t being harsh.

He’s exposing me to him. My ass is up in the air.

There’s nowhere to hide.

This is terrible.

This is the best. Everything glows from within me. I’m a ball of light, and it’s—oh no, I’m not going to come like this. From simply being held.

But I’m close.

I’m his.

“I love you, Harper.”

The file. It’s out of my sight. The dull edge of the blade is on my crack, pressed to my rim.

Anderson is the master of my pain as well as my pleasure. He drags these sensations out of me.

He makes me feel.

My vision darkens around the edges. There’s only so much I can take. Being aroused for this long. Being delivered to new heights each time.

I’m delirious with it.

Anderson has no idea what I’m going through. He places the file on the highest part of my ass, where it stays.

My heart beats faster.

The anticipation of what he might do next is killing me. Butterflies flutter their wicked wings in my belly.

Anderson is just as impatient. His cock is thick, lined up to my pussy.

One inch. His thick crown. That’s all I get.

“Remember how much I love you,” he grits out, sounding on edge. “Because I’m going to fuck you like I don’t.”

One harsh push and he bottoms out. The stretch .

The sting, the size of him.

I’m unable to tell him that I need him to slow down. I need time to adjust, as wet as I am. As hot.

If I could, I’d say those things.

Then I’d cry and ask him to keep going despite what I said.

I love having him inside me. So much.

Even when there’s pain involved.

Especially when there’s pain involved.

“Dirty fucking girl.” Wet, depraved sounds echo in the room.

Sounds of my arousal. Of our bodies slapping.

Of his brutal thrusts. “You’re such a good little fuck doll.

Letting me fuck you raw. Fuck you when you can’t resist. You don’t want to resist, though, do you?

You’re mine. My cock owns this pussy. My hands… ”

He presses the metal file to my rim again. This time, he’s flirting with the idea of pushing it in. Testing me. Spanking me lightly.

“I could push anything into your ass.” He’s breathing hard, his dick slamming into me like he really does hate me. His shirt holds me up for him.

His shirt is just another way for him to ruin me. To make me feel so loved, so aroused. So his .

“I won’t. I won’t hurt my property. I’ll make you?—”

Spank. Spank. Spank.

“—want me. Make you as desperate and obsessed?—”

My ass smarts. Burns. My own work tool is being used against me.

For my pleasure.

“—as I am. You’ll be a whore for me. You’ll be wet and soaked. I’ll give you what you need. I’ll fuck you, kitten. I’ll let my good whore come. Just like you’re going to come now. Come for me. I fucking need it.”

I never imagined it could feel like this. That something so rough, so twisted, could reach into my soul like this.

Anderson touches me like he’s waited a lifetime to break me open.

There’s no fear left inside me. Only this floaty feeling. This high.

I’m blooming from the inside out. With him here, the world is soft around the edges.

My body isn’t mine, but it’s more mine than it’s ever been.

I should question this. I should be worried.

I’m not. I just want more.

Whatever this is, whatever he’s turned me into, I don’t fight it.

I embrace it, coming all over his cock without making a sound. Even now, that he manhandles me and treats me like this. Not gentle or rough. Not meticulous or surgical.

Like a reverent, obsessed man.

No one else can love me like this. This madly.

He’s a lot to take in.

He’s mine .

“Good girl.” He tries to sound impersonal, but even in my lust and drug haze, I hear his barely restrained desire.

I hear how much he aches for me. “Good”—the file crashes against the wall.

Both his hands are on my hips, bruising me—“girl. Gonna come inside you.” Thrust .

“I need that pussy full of my seed. You’re ovulating.

I want you pregnant. Want to fill you with babies this fucking month. ”

Oh. Oh.

Anderson has been watching me long enough to know when I’m ovulating, which is today.

He’s invaded my home. My body. My privacy.

He’s taken everything.

Almost.

Because even though I’m ovulating, I can’t get pregnant this month. I’m on the pill.

And it…breaks something inside me. Another resistance that’s been torn down.

The idea of having kids with him isn’t as horrifying as it used to be when he kidnapped me.

Truth is, it’s alluring. To have a family with a man who’d burn the world down for me.

Nothing’s ever felt more right than this.

Next month, then. Next month.

He groans, low and rugged as he spills himself inside me. His hips jerk once, twice before he pulls out of me with a curse.

The sound is primal, as if his climax has finally given him the release he wanted.

I’m floating higher because I gave it to him.

That it’s me who’s gotten him to fist the sheets by my head. Me, who’s made his chest heave, his body tremoring with the aftershocks of his orgasm.

For a brief moment, he stares at me, and there’s disbelief on his face. Like he can see all these things I’m thinking and can’t say.

Then he pulls out.

“Kitten. Here, let me take care of it.” His palm is on my stomach.

Gentle now, trailing down my body and between my thighs.

“Let me put it where it belongs.” He kisses my cheek, jaw and lips while he pushes his cum deep into my pussy with two thick fingers.

“You’re going to be even more beautiful than you are now.

Soon. When you’re pregnant. Your stomach swollen and stretched. Worshipped. Adored.”

The tears trickling down my cheeks to the bed? Those tears are new. They’re tears of love. Of depraved emotions that I never in a million years thought I’d experience.

I’m rewarded for them, I think. Up in the air I go. Then Anderson places me carefully on the armchair in the corner of my bedroom.

He goes through the motions of changing my sheets, being efficient and quick. In no time at all, I’m back in my bed, on my back.

He disappears into my bathroom.

When is he coming back?

When? When? When?

Oh, there he is.

With a washcloth. Mmm. This is great. Warm and pleasant on my thighs.

Anderson smiles as he wipes me clean. He’s way too beautiful for this world. He’s an evil monster. A dark enigma.

He’s a dealer of pain and pleasure and calamity.

He bleeds me dry, and I love him.

His lips on mine taste better than the most delicious cinnamon roll. I would groan, except…

“One more second.”

Looking at me this deeply has to make Anderson vulnerable. I see his anguish over leaving me.

When he reappears, he’s in nothing but his black boxers. He has an alcohol swab and a new syringe in his hand.

His hair is ruffled, lips swollen from kissing me everywhere, and holy, my drug-hazed mind is in awe of him. He’s really pretty.

“Don’t be alarmed.”

I fix my gaze on him, telling him the only way I can that I’m not.

Yes, I should. Yes, he’s a madman with too much access to toxins.

“I love you.”

But he loves me.

The swab comes first.

A sting in my neck is second.

The prickling sensation starts at the extremities of my body. My fingers wiggle. My toes.

He lies next to me, gentle as he turns me onto my side so I’m looking at him. His hand is warm and comforting and possessive as hell on my cheek.

“You’re such a good girl.”

He’s offering me kindness as the feeling returns to my body. My mouth—I’m able to open and close it. My eyes blink.

“That’s it.” The praise, the encouragement. He means it just as much as he means every depraved thing that comes out of his mouth. “I’m so proud of you. Come back to me. I love you.”

My shoulders. If I rolled the one I’m not leaning on, it’d listen to me.

I do it, and Anderson’s face lights up. “There you are, kitten.”

Darker emotions surge beneath the surface as I become more lucid. Anger. Betrayal.

I’m less floaty than before. I’m starting to realize that he gave me a gift that’s both beautiful and ugly.

My breath shakes through clenched teeth.

My mind is clearer too.

So yes. Here I fucking am.

Smack! My hand cracks across his cheek. Smack!

The last time, his hand wraps around my wrist. “You’re upset.”

My tongue is heavy. I talk anyway. “Why did you do it without talking to me first? You scared me.”

“You gave me your consent.” His lips hike to the side. He pulls me closer, the bastard. I love it when he does that. I’m tingly and fuzzy, melting for him. Forgiving him. “Don’t pretend you didn’t like it.”

“Anderson.” I groan, letting him pull my head to the crook of his neck. He smells woodsy and manly. He feels like home. “You could’ve at least warned me.”

“It had to be that way.” His hand threads through my hair, combing out the knots.

So good. So good. How does he do that? Be both cruel and sweet?

“I was cracking. Tearing at the seams. Every second I held on to it, I got closer to doing something I could never come back from. Something that’d get me locked up and taken away from you.

I didn’t want that. I wanted to share this with you.

All that rage, all that desire. You’re so perfect, kitten.

So fucking perfect for letting me have it.

I saw your face. Felt you come. You let me have this. ”

My stomach dips, thinking about what on earth could’ve made him that upset. It drops lower when I try to imagine a life without him.

“Fine, you did have my consent. I did like it.” I snuggle closer to him until our bodies are flush against one another. “I’d appreciate a warning next time. Maybe a code word for when you’re about to do things like that.”

“Hmm.” His hand is soothing, stroking my hair reverently. I’m dangerously close to falling asleep in the monster’s embrace. “Fine. Red .”

“Cool.” My eyes flutter shut as I yawn. “Next time you say Red , I’ll know not to be afraid of you.”

“I never said you shouldn’t be,” he murmurs into my hair.

This is so wrong. I shouldn’t be afraid of the man I love.

Then again, it’s this, his ominous, bone-chilling promise that lulls me to sleep.