Page 18

Alex

I slung my backpack over my shoulder as I reached the bottom step of the bus. Our college classes all ended anticlimactically as they pulled us out of the last two weeks of classes and shuffled us off to the semi-finals.

It was only a week, but it felt like the college sports players were slacking off while all the other students were studying.

We had two weeks left for Brad to get scouted, that was it. Time was vanishing too quickly, and all the effort we’d put in for years was going to be wasted.

None of this mattered if I didn’t go to the NHL with him. And every single Brad .0 plan would be for nothing if I left him.

Even after he kissed me for such a fucked-up reason.

The first match was a six-hour drive away. Plenty of time to sit there and stew over the fact I’d had the best and only real kiss of my life yesterday, and it was a struggle not to tell Brad I wanted to do it again.

He needed to focus this week; I couldn’t do anything to distract him.

Lance was overjoyed when I told him. I had to give in and admit that part of Brad 9.0 was working, but I needed advice. Lance said to wait it out and let Brad come to me, but I was a mixed bag of anger, hurt, and horniness. If Brad tried anything else, I wasn’t going to stop him, even if he said he was doing it for Lance.

I hadn’t seen him when I left the house this morning, so I assumed he was running late again.

“Ready?” Lance called from the steps above me, clapping me on the shoulder as I reached the main floor of the bus.

I nodded, twisting my lips into a smile before he let me pass. He was inches behind me as I made my way down the rows of already-filled seats.

The moment we reached the center of the bus, he ran his hand to my elbow before sliding it around to my stomach.

“People are watching,” I murmured, pulling out of his grasp.

“No one cares. And it’s not like you’re the only one I do this with.” He leaned in close, notching his chin on my shoulder as I found a pair of empty seats. “Unlike someone we know.” He chuckled.

I didn’t think Brad was going to be touching me like he normally did ever again.

I wished I had a switch for my blushing so I could turn it off at times like this.

“Where do you want to sit?” Lance asked, knocking his cheek against mine.

Considering how Tommy sat right in front of us, determined to stare out of the window, it seemed like a perfect opportunity.

“Here is fine,” I said, pointing to the seats I knew Lance was dying to take. There were too many eyes on us, and I wanted to get out of the way as quickly as possible, especially with Porter and Chase sitting behind Tommy, eyeing us curiously.

Lance grinned as his arm crept up mine, making sure Tommy could see the whole performance as he slipped my bag off my shoulder.

I was worried he was going to call me ‘babe’ in front of the rest of the bus, but even he wouldn’t go that far.

Lance lifted my sports bag, stretching to the compartments above. I knew him pressing firmly into me was just part of his ‘strategy,’ but the sensation of his muscles melding to my back reminded me of Brad.

“Is that enough?” I asked quietly, and Lance snorted in reply.

“Sure, if you think so.” He pressed harder, trapping me between a seat and his body, jerking as he slammed the door of the compartment shut.

“Just don’t forget to look like you’re enjoying it,” he whispered before raising his voice just enough for the people closest to us to hear. “With that scared little bunny look you’ve got going on, anyone else would think I’m going to eat you all up.” He gave me a slow smirk as he pulled back.

His aura of sex still swirled around him, but I could sense how much he was putting it on. From what he’d said, his mom had taken a turn and went into hospital last week. He said he’d only come to the semi-finals because she told him to.

I was tempted to knock him with my ass just so he would fall into the seat next to Tommy, but I didn’t know how far he’d go with me if it backfired.

“Thanks,” I said to Lance as I swung into the window seat. My plan was to stick my earphones in and get on with it. I was tense enough as it was.

I expected Lance to drop down next to me, but before he could move, someone jolted him from behind.

“Oh! Sorry!” Brad exclaimed as Lance stumbled forward, grabbing the backs of the seats in time to keep him upright.

My eyes widened in surprise as Brad barged in and hurled himself into the seat next to me before Lance had the chance.

“You don’t mind, do you?” Brad asked. “I just want to chat to Alex about something. You know, Alex? My best friend. ” I couldn’t see Brad’s face, but he grabbed my arm and tugged me to his side, so I had an idea.

Lance lit up, and I almost groaned out loud. I could already see the cogs working away in Lance’s mind. Anything Brad did was just going to get him more excited.

Lance’s lips curved into a deep smile as his languid gaze danced over Brad before he nodded.

“I do, yes. I was hoping to have a nice long journey with Alex. My good friend . If you know what I mean?” He tilted his head as his eyebrows raised.

Brad rolled his shoulders the same way he did whenever he was about to chew up the ice.

Nervous excitement murmured through me, especially when Brad’s grip tightened and the muscle at the back of his neck hardened.

“Actually, yeah. I need to talk to Alex, so why don’t you take a seat over there and wait your turn?”

Lance snorted again, and I was pretty sure they were both going to get into it if someone didn’t break it up.

Tommy was resolutely ignoring them from the opposite seats, so I guessed it was up to me.

I cleared my throat, and Brad twisted around, both pairs of eyes on me.

“Could you hurry up with whatever you two are doing?” I said, glaring at them in return.

“If you’re sure.” Lance shrugged as he threw a glance between us.

Having any kind of conversation with Brad after yesterday morning was the last thing I wanted, but the other guys were queuing up behind Lance.

“Hurry up!” someone called from the front of the bus. “What’s going on?”

Brad and Lance had to make a decision. I didn’t want any more drama than there already was.

“You moving or what?” Tommy finally got involved, scowling from the seat in front of us.

Lance spun on one foot, and all I heard was Lance’s chuckle as he descended and the other guys filed past, splitting the four of us apart.

“Hey,” Brad said on a breath as he turned to me with a cautious expression.

I looked away from him, facing solidly out the window so he didn’t see how messed up I still was. His hand was hot on my arm, and I didn’t want him to let me go.

“Alex,” he said softly, his clothes rustling as he leaned closer. “Come on, man.”

He was close enough that his heat traced my skin.

I’d been point-blank avoiding him for exactly this reason. Because as soon as he said sorry, I knew I’d give in.

From the way Brad had acted afterward, it didn’t mean anything—at least not to him. Even though his moans still echoed in the back of my throat.

And that was another reason it was dangerous to be around him now.

As he squeezed my upper arm, I got a flash of how easy it would be for him to grab my wrists, pin me to the window, and kiss me until I couldn’t breathe.

“Alex, I’m sorry, okay?”

I knew if I turned around, I’d meet his beaten puppy look that everyone always fell for.

“Brad, it doesn’t go away with a quick apology,” I whispered, my voice nearly lost as the bus rumbled to life.

There was more rustling from his side and a light breath tickled the shell of my ear. Loads of the guys were around us, yelling and chatting and generally being loud enough that they shouldn’t be able to hear us. But maybe they’d see us, and maybe they wouldn’t care.

I spun around, coming face-to-face with his hurt expression, begging me to forgive him.

“You kissed me, Brad,” I said quietly. “And you didn’t do it because you wanted to.”

I pressed my lips together, and I know he caught the tremble of my fist on my thigh. “Who kisses their friend just to check if they are into someone?” I asked, my pain seeping into my voice.

Brad paused, his expression twisting in what could be realization, like it was only just dawning on him what he’d done.

His lips parted as he searched for what to say. I appreciated how he was taking time to think instead of blurting out whatever stray thought got first place, but would it actually help?

“Yeah, I know,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck and keeping his voice down. “It was seriously shitty of me.”

The ache pounded harder through me, right down to my stomach.

Because I could tell straight away he didn’t understand. He was apologizing because he knew he needed to, but that was all.

“Okay, Brad, but do you get why it was shitty?” I asked, just hoping he could figure it out himself.

His gaze slipped from mine and my heart sunk. I wished we could talk somewhere less exposed, instead of stuck between him and the window with other players on all three sides. But it was probably better that way. Then I had an excuse for why I couldn’t tell him how I felt instead of just beating myself for wasting another opportunity.

It felt like the closest we had come to having an honest conversation about my feelings in years. I still wanted to throw up, even though neither of us had really said a thing.

“Yeah, but, like I said, I want to make sure your thing with Lance is really real,” he replied without a trace of irony.

My eyebrows shot up. I had hoped that was something he had said in the heat of the moment in the kitchen. I had hoped that he actually felt something else, and he would give me a more plausible excuse.

It really was my fault for having expectations.

“And your best way to go about it is kissing me?” I hissed.

“I wasn’t thinking.” He dipped his head, his grip loosening as his thumb made the smallest of circles on the softest part of my arm.

His touch was so familiar that I softened, leaning back into the seat with a heavy sigh as I rolled my eyes at myself.

I loved him, but the problem with loving him for so long was there were things I had no illusions about.

Like how I’d already forgiven him. Like I always did.

When I almost drowned rescuing him from a riptide when he swore he could surf, when he snuck out one night at my house and trapped a bat in the garage that bit my mom, or when he thought he was an animal psychic and nearly got trampled by a horse. Those were just some of the major things.

But I gave in, every single time. Because I loved him, because he was my friend, because it hurt more to be angry at him than it did to be near him and lie.

With my chest tight, I tried to restrain myself.

Out of all the ways he could have responded to learning I was with someone else, he kissed me.

But still… He kissed me.

“You weren’t,” I replied slowly. I was attempting to be logical about it and think about it from his crazy point of view, but I couldn’t figure it out.

I leaned in even closer to him. “Brad, why did you kiss me?” I had to ask it as quietly as possible, even though the only one paying even the slightest bit of attention to us was Lance.

It was on the tip of my tongue to ask Brad if he liked me. I could just throw it out there, get it over with, then stay trapped on a bus with him for six hours before sharing a room with him for the week, and then drown in a whirlpool of regret.

“Alex…” Brad’s voice shifted to the same tone he used when he had his cock against mine. “Alex, listen. I… I really don’t want…” His breath shuddered as his gaze fell to my lips, staring at me for too long.

Something shifted in him, changing, emerging as his look grew heated and my heart froze.

Suddenly, it wasn’t my friend Brad in front of me. It was someone who was hungry, someone who wanted more from me, and there was a silent question hanging in the familiar tension I needed to answer.

And my response was to move away.

I pushed myself against the cheap plastic wall of the bus, the glass cold against the back of my head. But it wasn’t enough to get away. All he had to do was move toward me.

Inch-by-inch. The closer he came, the closer I was to fighting through my fear. I could clutch at him, pull him to me, and return his first kiss.

With his apologetic look and the strength of his presence as he drew nearer, I wouldn’t resist if he tried.

Whether it was because he wanted me or for some stupid reason like Lance, I’d still let him just to feel him again.

I held his gaze, wide-eyed, letting out a trembling breath as his other hand shifted. One hand on my arm, the other hovered over my knee, and it would be so easy for him to cover his body with mine.

He didn’t seem to care about the people around us as his hand rounded my knee and my stomach flipped.

His eyes half-lidded, his fingers crept up my thigh. The hand on my arm became a firm grip, and he stretched toward me, his cheeks dusted pink.

Was he actually doing it? Did he really think this was the best place to have that kind of conversation?

I softened for him, prepared for anything. I couldn’t resist him when he needed me, especially when his apologetic look burned with heat as he continued.

“Alex,” he croaked. “I swear, I just wanted to know if you really—”

Like piercing a balloon, Lance’s voice burst through the moment.

“Alex? You okay?”

Brad and I gasped, close enough for our breaths to meld as my attention fled from him.

Even up against the glass, I still flinched back as I met Lance’s curiosity.

My heart in my throat, my pulse strong in my ears, his lips were moving, but I couldn’t make out what he was saying.

Lance tilted his head, silently asking me if everything was okay.

Brad moved back from me, releasing his grip on my arm, and taking the tension with him as a dark look I’d never seen before crossed his face.

I’d seen Brad angry, but not so much that he looked like he might snap if Lance said the wrong thing.

I didn’t know how to reply to Lance. There was no way I was okay when I thought I was going to explode.

Half-thankful to Lance for not letting us go any further on a busy bus, half-frustrated with him for interrupting us, I found my voice again.

“Sorry, what?” I asked numbly, blinking hard to get rid of the haze Brad had created.

Brad swung around instantly, probably to glare at Lance again. With his back to me, I could finally breathe again.

“I said, do you still have my phone? You put it in your pocket earlier.”

I cocked my head. There was no reason for it to be there.

“You put it in your bag, remember?” I said, but the second Lance’s chin dipped, I could already guess what had happened.

I slipped my hand into my left jacket pocket to check and narrowed my eyes at Lance as I found it easily—way too easily.

Now the hug he gave me earlier didn’t seem so spontaneous after all.

Lance reached over the aisle, extending his hand as I extracted it from my pocket.

But Lance was exactly far enough away that I had to stretch to give it to him.

And press hard into Brad as I did.

Suddenly, it wasn’t just the nervous tremor at the potential of his touch; it was the heat of his body, the firmness of my chest against his shoulder, the way both of us stiffened as I pressed even closer. My lips almost brushed his neck, and I nearly dropped Lance’s phone.

We hugged each other all the time; he never blinked at taking my hand or stroking me, but pressing into him from behind was a whole other flavor.

“Thank you,” Lance purred as he pinched the phone, deftly removing it before it clattered to the ground.

Brad exhaled as Lance gave me an appreciative once over, finishing with a smirk before he leaned back into his seat and turned to Tommy, much to Tommy’s joy.

Which just left me and Brad, and my body molding to his with every passing second.

How would he react if I wrapped my arms around him? What would he do if I pressed my lips to his neck? Would he like it if I reached around, sweeping my hand up his thigh to cup him, and finally touch his cock?

I was so close to groaning and my cock hardening. Which meant I had to get away from him before I did something stupid.

As soon as I shot back to my seat, his tenseness dissolved, and Brad instantly looked around. I hoped his scowl was because of Lance and not me.

There was another moment, another wash of time where Brad watched me while he adjusted himself on his seat so his knee just nudged mine.

My throat closed up and I folded my arms, like it would somehow stop my deep need to hold him and be held by him.

“Just don’t do it again, yeah?” I said, pushing down all the mixed up pieces of hurt which had tumbled free since last night.

“Yeah, of course!” he said, his shoulders easing as his face brightened. “You know I’d never do anything to upset you.”

He really had no idea how much damage he’d already done. Even though I couldn’t blame him when I was just as bad.

I bit back my urge to list off the myriad of ways he had broken my heart without meaning to. I couldn’t blame him for anything, because he didn’t know, and that was on me.

Brad swiped his backpack from between his feet, rustling around before his hand emerged with my blue Switch.

“I figured you wouldn’t bring yours,” he said as he handed it over with a wry grin.

The dimple I always loved appeared, and suddenly, my focus shifted to it. I was left staring at it as I took my Switch, and he pulled out his red one. And as easy as that, we moved on.

“I’ve got six hours to absolutely annihilate you,” I said, banishing the ball of pain stuck in my chest so we could go back to being friends.

I’d tell Lance the next time we were alone that Brad 9.0 had to stop. And then I’d continue on with the lie I’d become so used to it was like my second skin. The open lie that I didn’t love him.