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Alex

T he music echoed through the clearing around the lake, bouncing off the trees that closed it in, and hid the party from our town in the valley. A bonfire blazed contentedly in the pit on the sandy shore, the spot well-worn from decades of kids from surrounding schools coming to celebrate every weekend.

We’d left the prom at midnight to sneak out here, and half the people were already so drunk they sat on logs like mine, blinking heavily at the fire, making out, or snoring.

I’d grabbed a fallen log on a slope in the sweet spot of the clearing. Too far away from the fire to be noticed, and far enough from the trees to avoid the couples taking advantage of the emerging spring foliage.

I kept my eyes on Brad by the fire as I tipped up my bottle and took another gulp of warm beer.

It always tasted like mature dirt, but it was all Brad drank, so I drank it, too.

I needed something to prepare myself.

Brad’s laugh echoed as he gripped his stomach, nearly bent double. His laugh really was amazing. It could make me smile the second he started because he never held himself back. In whatever he did, really.

The corner of my lips hitched as I took another gulp of dirt water.

Tasha Connors, his current fuck buddy, took it as her opportunity to slide closer to him. Even at twenty feet away and shadowed by the light of the fire, I could see where her hand vanished.

Normally, it bugged me, but I had other stuff to worry about nowadays. Like the fact I’d been drafted to the NHL—very loudly and very publicly drafted.

I was the first guy from our town in over ten years to get into the nationals of any sport, and they even held a block party to celebrate. The East City Wranglers were one of the best teams playing in leagues, and our capital city team. It had been mine and Brad’s dream to play for them ever since we could hold our sticks.

And it should have been good and amazing and the absolute best thing that had ever happened in my life.

But that wasn’t my plan. It never had been.

It was supposed to be me and Brad. We’d practiced endlessly since we were five to get there, but I was the one in front of the cameras. I was the one giving the interviews while Brad stood behind and smiled. He thought I didn’t see the way he deflated a little more as the months stretched toward our last day of school and he still didn’t have any offers.

“You know, the dramatic hero look really works for you, but you need to change your tune.” A sultry voice dragged my attention away from my thoughts.

I leaned back on my log, meeting the sharp gaze of my ex-girlfriend. With her bleach-blonde hair, perfectly shaped cheekbones, and killer thighs, she could easily get any guy in school—but her tastes went in a different direction. I ignored the way she surveyed me. It just became a habit of hers when she ran into any guy she pretended she wanted to fuck.

“What do you want, Suzy?” I asked casually, though my scowl was taking shape. I could already tell from the gleam in her eye what it was about.

“Still on for this weekend?” Her lips curved into a knowing smile.

I paused, quirking a brow, which got me a chuckle in return.

I wasn’t sure if she was asking because she wanted the drama, or if she was actually concerned. Suzy might act stuck-up with most people, but she’d rescued me so often over the years, and it was nice to have a friend who wasn’t obsessed with tits and hockey. Though she had to hide herself as much as I did.

Every now and then, a rumor I was gay would spring up. It was the same for all the sports guys who didn’t have girlfriends and weren’t down to fuck 24/7. All Suzy and I had to do was pretend we were dating for a month and people stopped treating me like I had a disease. And guys would stop bugging her as well.

“Yeah, if Tasha doesn’t whisk him away,” I said, and our gazes flicked back to the fire and the pair of them snuggling as Brad’s hand cupped her ass, as if they needed to keep warm in the humid Georgia spring.

“Shall I go and distract him?” she asked, twisting her lips. I couldn’t tell if it was because of her crush on Tasha or if she was looking out for me. Probably both.

I shook my head, sighing. “Nah, I think I’ll torture myself for a bit. I want to make sure I feel like I’m gonna puke when I tell him.”

She gave a sarcastic laugh as she turned back to me, popping a hand on her hip. I grinned up at her, at least grateful for her support.

I was glad I told her the truth. It was good to have at least one ally in this puritan town.

She did a more thorough sweep of me, taking in my faded swim shorts and hockey shirt. The humid heat was too much for me to hide myself in a Wranglers team sweater. But I still slouched to avoid being noticed.

At six-foot-four, I was taller than everyone else in the year.

But it wasn’t just that. I’d been the star of the town for the past month, and people were only just starting to leave me alone now that the excitement had died down.

Still, I knew I wasn’t much to look at. Especially compared to Suzy’s denim mini-skirt and neon pink tube-top.

Considering Brad went for tall and curvy girls with ‘more tits than I can handle,’ as he said, I wasn’t exactly his type—though he wasn’t Suzy’s type, either.

But I was just going to tell him I was gay, not that I was in love with him.

“Don’t wait to join us, yeah?” she said softly. “People might worry.” She held my gaze for a touch too long. It was obvious she wanted to say something else, but she shrugged before she spun around and left for the bonfire.

I’d always be grateful for how she saved me from being an outcast, but there was still a hint of tension whenever I saw people murmuring or watching me out of the corner of their eyes. Even though I was currently the most talked about person in town, I never quite knew if people had found out.

I couldn’t stop the truth, but Suzy and I helped hide ourselves. The last kid at our school who came out was completely ostracized until he left town.

Now all that was left was to tell Brad.

We had the entire summer together, and really, I didn’t want to ruin it. But I convinced myself it would be better to do it now so he could have space to think about what he wanted to do. Would he be relieved to see me leave our town to join the Wranglers, or would he still want to follow our dream?

I was supposed to start training with the team as soon as high school ended, but I managed to push it back. If it was our last summer together, I wanted it to matter. And I could finally confess what I’d been choking back for years. If he decided he couldn’t stand the sight of me, I’d at least leave with an answer.

I’d rehearsed it so many times in my head it was my personal anthem.

‘Hey, Brad, by the way, I’m gay. No big deal, still want to be friends?’

But having prepared lines just made everything worse, because I was constantly looking for the right way to say it. I’d cooked up so many scenarios that I was sure I’d covered all my bases.

But this weekend was it—no backing out, no hiding. I’d been waiting seven years for the ideal moment to tell him, and it was here. At some point in the next two days, I’d tell him the truth.

I sighed, taking another gross swig from my bottle, instinctively searching for Brad. I jumped as I found him staring straight at me. I was halfway up the slope, but I knew the shape of his body so well that I could tell he was giving one of his full-on smiles.

My heart hitched instantly as he kissed Tasha on the cheek before he jogged up to my log.

Seconds later he stood next to me, and a wave of the Old Spice he lathered on before every party brushed over me.

“Man, the pussy here is insane,” he said, whistling low as he stuck the side of his hand to his forehead like he was protecting himself from the non-existent sun while he scanned the party.

“You know, you sound like an asshole when you speak like that,” I replied, frowning at him.

“Yeah, but it makes me sound cool,” he shot back as he turned to give me a lopsided grin which always tugged at my insides.

“It really doesn’t.” I glowered.

His whole appearance was basically a curse. It wasn’t right for someone to have such perfect chestnut hair which swept over ocean-blue eyes, sun-kissed skin, and a smile that could stop traffic. And who had a little dimple by their left lip and a freckle by their right eyebrow? They were like markers of where to kiss him.

Why did he make long beach shorts and a tight shirt look so attractive? It wasn’t fair how it molded his muscles, or how I could see hints of his cock and nipples underneath them both.

And all of those thoughts just resulted in me scowling at him harder.

“Come on, man, don’t look like that. It’s our first party since we left high school!” He spread out his arms, and I tipped back on my log to meet his bright gaze properly.

And he followed me, leaning forward, clinking the bottle in his right hand against mine. “Cheers,” he said, his grin somehow wider. “We’re even having our first beer together as free men. Isn’t that so freaking cool?”

My scowl quickly faded at his enthusiasm. For some reason, Brad loved his firsts. And I was usually around to take part in them. Like taking a bitter swig to celebrate the end of an era.

A stab of guilt pierced me about grabbing a beer and stomping off the moment we arrived. I’d been so wrapped up in myself since I decided to tell him the truth last week, and I’d forgotten how excited he’d been about today.

But he didn’t seem bothered in the slightest.

“Seriously though, man, thanks for coming out. Even if you’re just hanging back, it’s always better when I know you’re around,” he said as I lowered my beer. I gave him a small smile, even though it made it worse when he told me things like that. Because I didn’t want to lose it.

“Plus, I'm going to make sure we have the best summer in a million years. No one is ever going to top it.”

“I dunno,” I replied. “We had a pretty good one last year.” We’d spent three months playing hockey non-stop to prepare for scouts coming throughout the last year of high school.

“And it totally paid off, didn’t it? Mr. Big Shot.”

He gave me a wry grin, and I tried to stop my expression from darkening as even more guilt swam to the surface.

But, I didn’t have the chance to apologize for the millionth time for being drafted without him, as Brad skipped over the touch of awkwardness which had built up between us.

“What was Suzy saying, anyway?” Brad asked. “I thought you and her had another thing going on? You’ve been hanging out loads recently.”

“I told you, we broke up ages ago,” I said as I avoided his gaze.

“Please, Tasha and I broke up ages ago, and she said she’d still give me a blowie out in the woods if I bought her something from Sephora.”

I got the same annoying rush of jealousy and excitement whenever he talked about who he was fucking. It was dumb of me to think I ever had a chance with him, but it didn’t stop me fantasizing.

I was trying to act natural, but it was too hard when he was just messing around like he always did. I needed to tell him how I felt in a way that wouldn’t make it weird. But there was always an excuse. Even when I was completely ready, I’d find a way to put it off. I just had to do it. I had to just spit it out and then wait for the consequences.

“Hey, look…” I cleared my throat, dragging in a breath. “I’ve got to tell you something…” I looked back at him, giving me the same open smile he’d had since we were kids.

“What, you’ve never had a blowie before?” he asked, as he lifted his bottle to take a sip.

I choked as he knocked the wind right out of me. Suddenly, I was coughing and spluttering on nothing, slapping my hand over my mouth to control myself.

I slammed my other palm down on the log to keep myself upright. Cheeks red, I heaved, scrabbling for a breath. All I could see were Brad’s lucky red sneakers and feel the weight of his stare boring into me.

“Wait, hang on. You’ve never had your cock sucked before?” His voice cut through my coughing fit of embarrassment. I shot my gaze up to find his eyes wide, the bottle held to his mouth.

Like an old habit I couldn’t kill, I followed the line of the bottle from his circled hand along the glass neck to the place where it dented his bottom lip.

I shook my head, so glad it was nighttime, and the only thing lighting my face was the roaring fire which weaved shadows on the trees behind me.

Gasping, lungs tight enough they were burning, I managed to find a puff of air.

“You’re serious?” he said with such a shocked expression, I could have hit him. “Like…not even with Suzy?”

“No,” I croaked. “No, not with Suzy.”

“Then…no one?”

I swear my face was hotter than the fire. I wheezed as I nodded. “No one.”

“Wooooow, okay. I just assumed… Like, I never asked, but… Wow.”

He just blinked at me. I had to crane my neck to look at him, and it felt like such a huge task when I was under his scrutiny.

Brad tended to over-share when it came to sex, but after I spent ages dodging any questions about my non-existent sex life with Suzy when we first ‘hooked up,’ he got the hint and didn’t mention anything again.

If he was this shocked about me not having had a blow job before, how was he going to react when he found out I was gay?

“Why didn’t you tell me, man? We coulda sorted this out ages ago.”

“It’s not something to sort out,” I replied. It wasn’t that simple, especially when my dick only got hard around him.

His eyebrows scrunched together as he stared at me. “But, like, it’s one of your firsts, right? I mean, I just guessed you didn’t want to tell me about those things, even though I told you all of mine.”

“I just didn’t think it was important,” I mumbled, shying back from him on the log. But his hand suddenly shot out, gripping my chin.

I sucked in a harsh breath, my heart soaring into my already tight throat as his thumb tugged at the side of my lip.

“Um…Brad?”

I thought the moment was going on forever. I was frozen there as Brad traced the sensitive line under my nose. The coarse pad of his thumb dragged against my stubble, and I could almost hear the scrape of skin on hair.

My lips parted, ready for him to do whatever he wanted with me. He loved hugging and climbing all over his friends, but it was rare for him to do anything like this.

Until he released me, and all the air I’d been gasping for flooded back as he lifted his thumb to his mouth.

“You had some beer on you.” He grinned, not breaking my gaze as he pressed it inside his mouth and sucked.

With the music and the shouts and laughs from the crowd around the fire, he probably wouldn’t have noticed my moan. But I still clenched my fingers around the bottle to stop a single sound coming from me.

And suddenly, like he hadn’t just sent me on a one-way trip to a hard cock, he started again.

“Alright, fine. It’s cool,” he said, spoiling the moment as he easily brushed away a scene I was going to have inconveniently flashing in my mind for months.

“Look, let me have a chat with the girls, okay? I’m sure Suzy’d be down. Why don’t you just ask her?”

I was looking at him wide-eyed, my brain catching up to his words with heat hotter than the thick spring air burning through my veins.

“Brad, I—” I croaked, but I didn’t get to finish.

“Hey! Brad! Tasha says we can do shots off her ass!” a teammate shouted from the other side of the fire, cutting me off.

Brad spun instantly and yelled back, “No way! I’ll be right there!”

He threw a glance over his shoulder. “Sorry, man,” he said as he swung back to me, his eyes softening like he always did just for me. “Are you alright with me going? I don’t want to leave you here and all…”

I didn’t know what else to do apart from numbly nod. I loved the way he checked in with me whenever he could, but I also had to remember he had the attention span of a newt.

“Are you sure? It’ll be the first shot at a party after high school!” He beamed.

I shook my head, swallowing the disappointment weighing in my stomach like a stone. “Nah, you go ahead. I’m enjoying the quiet.”

He said everything was better with me, but it was obviously everything apart from Tasha. And her ass.

“Alright, but I bet she won’t keep her ass open for long.” He shot me a wink.

I glowered at him, and he laughed.

“Come on, I know you hate it, but you can’t deny I sound awesome.”

“Sure, whatever,” I replied, lifting my beer so he could clink it again.

“Hey, man, I know you don’t like these parties, but I’m still glad you came.”

I lifted my bottle to my lips so I didn’t have to reply, especially because his voice grew deeper and took on a tone that sent shivers through me. The reason I came was just for things like that.

“Tasha’s waiting, Brad. You don’t want to miss out.”

He perked up, and I got one last grin before he turned and sped off.

I focused on the slow wash of the waves against the lake shore so I didn’t have to watch him jog off toward greener, curvier pastures.

I could have stopped him and actually told him I needed to talk to him. I knew he would sit down and chat with me, hanging out with me for the whole night if I wanted it, all while his gaze strayed back to the party. And I didn’t want him to feel like I had trapped him.

Sighing, I grimaced for the hundredth time as the taste of beer spread over my tongue. I scowled at it after one more sip and dropped the bottle to the pebbles between my feet.

I guess I got off easy, really. Sitting alone, watching the bright fire dance with people was way better than watching Brad’s face fall when he realized how I felt.