Page 90 of Find Me

“Okay, we’re going to slow it down,” he said and grabbed my hair again. I grabbed his arm and he had me pause. “See how she’s grabbing my arm that’s got her by the hair,” he pointed out. “That’s to keep me from pulling or letting go. It also helps Shiloh slide her hips out from under me so she can throw her outer leg up and get it under my neck.” Moving slow, I did everything he was explaining. When I had my legs under his neck and across his chest, he had me pause again. “Next, Shiloh’s going to push up with her legs and she isn’t going to let go of my arm. She’s going to extend it and if she pushes far enough, she could easily break it in this hold.”

We repeated the scenario a few more times before Keelan asked the students to pair up and try. Keelan and I split up and moved around the room, helping those who were having trouble. After a little bit, Keelan asked the pairs to switch positions, so those who were playing the attackers had a chance to practice.

As I was walking around, I heard someone say, “Mina, it’s okay. Look, I’m not touching you.”

I turned around and saw a woman lying on the ground, staring up at the ceiling, panting. I recognized the fear in Mina's wide eyes. Her partner, playing the role of the attacker, was next to her, trying to console her.

I rushed over and knelt next to her. “Hey, you’re okay,” I said calmly. I grabbed both of her hands. She was young. She didn’t appear to be much older than me. “Can you hear my voice, Mina?” I asked her.

By the terror in her eyes, I knew her mind had taken her away from the present. Then she began to cry out.

“It’s not real, Mina. You’re safe. Squeeze my hands and you’ll see,” I told her. She continued to cry but she squeezed a little. “Tighter, Mina. Feel that you’re here with me and not there. You’re safe.” She squeezed my hands even tighter. “Keep squeezing. That’s it,” I encouraged. “You are safe, Mina,” I reminded her over and over because I knew how important it was for me to be reminded of that.

Her cries eventually turned into deep breaths and she blinked her wide eyes. “I’m so sorry,” she said, her voice cracking.

I helped her sit up. I would have hugged her, but I was worried touching her like that would trigger her again. I settled with squeezing her hands. “You have nothing to be sorry about.” A bunch of voices agreed. I did a quick glance around and noticed that we were surrounded by the class. “Can someone get her some water?” I asked.

Her partner, who was paired with Mina, took off toward the cubbies where everyone left their shoes and water bottles. She quickly returned with a water bottle, which I assumed belonged to Mina.

A hand came down on my shoulder. I peered behind me and saw that it was Keelan. “Are you her friend?” he asked the partner. She nodded as she handed the bottle to Mina. “Why don’t the two of you come sit off to the side here? We’ll make sure that no one stands in the way so that you can still see the lessons. And if you feel comfortable enough to try again, jump back in at any time.”

Mina nodded and her friend helped her move to the side of the room. I ran my fingers over the thick scar around one of my wrists as I watched them, my thoughts threatening to drift to my own trauma.

Hands went under my arms and I was lifted to my feet. I knew it was Keelan. I spun around to face him.

He stared down at me, eyes full of concern. “Are you okay?” he whispered.

I nodded. I would be. “What’s next?”

“You’re going to show them how to put me in a choke hold this time,” he said.

I smiled. “Okay.”

And I did just that. We demonstrated a few other situations of hair-grabbing and what they should do. Overall, it felt good to show someone else something that may help or save them one day. It was a really rewarding experience and I was looking forward to the next class. Mina never did rejoin, but she stayed until the end, watching everything we taught.

Keelan dismissed the class and I plopped down on the floor, feeling a little tired. After the last student left the room, he sat down next to me. “What’d you think?” he asked, lightly bumping his shoulder into mine.

“I liked it.”

“You did good today. Especially how you helped Mina.”

I hugged my legs to my chest. “I only did what I’d want someone to do for me.”

“Hey,” he said, moving so that he was kneeling in front of me. “You recognized what she was going through and knew exactly what to do. You didn’t hesitate and you helped pull her from a dark place. That’s something to be proud of.”

It did make me happy that I’d been able to help her. “I hope she comes back.”

“Me, too,” he said, getting to his feet. He held his hand out to me and pulled me to mine.

“We’ll be teaching something other than hair-grabbing next time, right?” I asked, walking ahead of him toward the shoe cubbies.

“I don’t know. You seemed to enjoy it when I pulled your hair,” he teased and before I could respond, my hair was grabbed.

I whirled around, grabbed a hold of his forearm with one hand, and grabbed the back of his neck with my other. Using all my weight, I pulled him to the ground. He tried to catch himself with his free hand so that he wouldn’t crush me. We both landed with a grunt and I tried to shift out from under him. Recognizing what I was trying to do, he rolled us so that I was on top of him.

He still had a firm grip on my hair. “What are you going to do, baby girl?” he taunted.

“If you were anyone else, I would have hit your pretty face,” I grumbled, making him chuckle.