Page 62 of Find Me
“Why should someone have access to my home if they never intend to extend that same trust to me in return?” I interrupted him.
“Is that what I need to do to fix this? Give you a fucking key?” he snapped.
I fought not to roll my eyes and focused on taking a big gulp of cold, delicious water instead.
Keys jingling sounded behind me. I whirled around just in time to see him take a key from his keyring and slam it down on my island. “Here you go. A key to our house.”
I set my water next to the lone key. “I don’t want your pity house key.”
He squeezed his eyes closed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “You confuse the shit out of me.”
“No, you confuse me. A few days ago, you said I didn’t bother you, and today you made me feel like an annoyance who had overstayed my welcome,” I argued.
“You’re not an annoyance, Shiloh.”
“Then why did you say that?”
“I didn’t mean—”
“Bullshit,” I cursed, surprising us both. “You push people away, Knox. It’s what you do, and I understand why you do it, but what you did today…you knew how that would make me feel.”
His eyes never left mine as his jaw clenched again.
“The four of you have an expiration date in my life,” I blurted. “You don’t know what it’s like to have a ticking clock in the back of your head, counting down until the four of you decide to kick me to the curb. Naively, I hold onto this false hope that you won’t, because I hate the idea of going a day without seeing any of you. And yes, that includes you, Knox, the guy who has been a jerk to me ninety-eight percent of the time.”
Knox was silent as he held a pensive frown.
His lack of response was all I needed to know. What I felt for him wasn’t what he felt for me. The regret of allowing myself to be vulnerable twisted up my insides and the backs of my eyes began to burn. I had to look away. I didn’t want to cry. I cried too much as it was, and I was tired of it.
“Don’t cry,” he said tightly.
I grit my teeth. “Then don’t make me cry.”
Done with our conversation, I went to storm past him. His hand shot out and locked around my elbow. For a split second I considered breaking his hold. It would have been easy to do. I didn’t, though. I let him pull me to him, with a tiny bit of resistance to save face. As my body fell against his, he wrapped an arm around my waist.
“Don’t do that. Don’t walk away,” he said, his livid eyes boring into me. “You talk about how you’re worried about us kicking you to the curb, but have you ever stopped to think that we feel you’ll do the same? You’re not the only one who has had their world shattered from the foundation up. I’ve done everything to hold my family together. We’ve worked so hard to repair our foundation and move on with our lives.” His nostrils flared as he struggled to contain his rage. “You said I push people away? That’s because everyone is a threat to what we rebuilt. You’re a threat. You barreled your way into our lives and somehow made yourself important. I don’t want to care about you, but I do, and it pisses me off.”
I put a hand on his bicep as I stared up at him. “I’m not a threat, Knox. The last thing I’d want is to hurt any of you.”
His arms around me flexed at my touch. “You say that now. What happens if you and the twins break up?”
“We’re just friends,” I said. How many times would I have to tell him? And that was the second time he had implied that I was in a relationship with both of them. Not one or the other.
“You really expect me to believe there’s nothing going on with you three?”
“Yes!” I exclaimed.
“The three of you haven’t done anything?” His eyes dropped to my mouth. “You haven’t kissed them?”
My breath hitched. “They told you?”
A small, proud grin lifted the corner of his mouth. “No. You just did.”
I pushed at his chest and he let me go. I put a few steps of distance between us. “Not that it’s any of your business, but yes, I’ve kissed them,” I said bitterly. “It was a mistake and won’t happen again.”
“Why?”
“What do you mean why?” I asked, feeling exasperated. “If we go down that road, I’ll have to pick one of them, and that will hurt the other.”