Page 42 of Fighting Fate (Monsters of London #4)

Vince

“Why are you coming along again?”

Jamie grins at me, unperturbed by the faint irritation in my voice. I slept badly last night. Kieran sent a text that a new wolf would be coming today to replace Dax, and every time I closed my eyes, I saw that broken expression on Dax’s face when I told him to get out of the house.

“I like spending time with the others. What, is that a crime now?”

I roll my eyes, and he laughs.

“Yeah, and you look fucking knackered, so I was worried you might walk in front of a car or something.”

“Funny.”

“I’m hilarious.” He pauses, chewing on his lower lip. “It’s fine that I’m still coming, right?”

“Yeah, of course it is.” That’s what these classes are for, after all. Jamie hasn’t been through the same thing the rest of them have—though at least he now knows about it—but these classes I run are for people like him. People who want to gain some confidence again. Who want to be sure they can protect themselves.

He did that with Tim. He used a distraction to get away, and that’s all he needs to be able to do.

“You think Dax might show today?” Jamie asks, all the while watching me warily.

The look isn’t a surprise. I’ve been… volatile this past week. Eleven days. Not that I’m counting.

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“I’ve been a dick.”

“Is that new?”

“Ha, ha. I mean it.”

“I know you do.” Jamie sighs as we round the corner, and the warehouse comes into view. “And you’re fine. I mean, thanks for apologising, but it’s not like any of us have been in a great headspace since… everything.”

“Yeah, you’re not wrong.” I shake my head. “But no, Dax isn’t coming.”

“You spoke to him?”

“No. Kieran sent me a text. His pack’s sending another wolf.”

Jamie’s shoulders slump. “He’s not coming back, is he?”

We’re at the door, and I unlock it and shake my head. “No, he isn’t.”

We drop our things by the door and set up in silence. The fact is, I know I’m seeing things in a more level-headed way than I was the day Tim attacked. I was… scared. In shock, maybe, from how I’d managed to beat the shit out of him. Worried for my friend.

Dax had the worst fucking timing, but then, what choice did he have? He could have told me earlier but didn’t.

I could have let the matter drop. Nothing good was going to come of it there, in our house, in that moment.

I throw a mat onto the floor with more force than necessary. There’s not a chance for us now, is there? I could go and apologise, sure, but what if he doesn’t say it back? What if he thinks he was right?

He wouldn’t, would he?

The door swings open and Sam, Drew, Ophelia, and Dante come in. There’s an unfamiliar man trailing behind them. He’s almost as tall as Drew, though he’s not as broad, with messy, sandy hair. His T-shirt is maybe two sizes too small, grey jogging bottoms clinging to his thighs.

I tamp down on the urge to roll my eyes. He certainly thinks something of himself.

“Is that how we’re supposed to dress?” Jamie murmurs, voice just low enough that I hope Drew and this new guy haven’t caught it. He flushes when I give him a horrified look, then grins, darting off to say hello to Ophelia.

“Vince, this is Ryan,” Sam says, bringing the new wolf close. When Kieran first told me about all this, I’d figured I’d never be able to tell someone who could shift into a wolf from a regular human, but there’s something about them… Sometimes, the animal shines through.

Ryan isn’t even trying to hide it. He’s not trying to hide, either, the slow once-over he gives me before he sticks out his hand. “Pleasure to meet you,” he purrs, and Sam’s cough sounds suspiciously like a laugh.

“Sure,” I reply, shaking his hand. Just got to power through. A couple of hours, and I’ll be back at home, where I can wallow to my heart’s content. “Did Axel give you the rundown on what to expect?”

He’s not expecting my dismissive tone, that’s for sure. Neither is Sam—he straightens a little, and the smile he gives me has a sharp edge to it. “Uh… kind of?”

“Right. Well, we don’t have a lot of time before the others show up”—Cecile walks in as I say that, and I wave her over—“so I’ll have to run through what I can with you before we start.”

“Hey, Vince,” Cecile says. She gives Ryan a polite smile, and Sam an even more polite nod. “What’s going on?”

“Ryan’s our new volunteer. Do you mind checking that everything’s in place and leading the warm-up once everyone’s here? I’m gonna run through the moves with him.”

“I’m sure I can—”

“Of course,” Cecile interrupts.

Ryan bristles, but she merely smiles at him again. Oh, is this a hierarchy thing? Yeah, I don’t really know how to deal with that, but Sam, at least, seems to have a handle on the situation.

“I’ll come with you,” he says to Cecile. “Drew will be happy to help if you need it.”

Cecile laughs, though she nods to me before she starts walking away. “Just volunteering your mate like that, are you?”

Ryan stares after them, eyes narrowed, and I clear my throat. He startles, like he forgot I was there.

“We’re not going to have a problem, are we?” I ask.

“What? N-no, I—”

“Because I’m happy to talk about whatever prior experience you have once the class is over. We have a meeting once a month where I take all my volunteers’ input, and we use that to fashion the classes. But we’re dealing with mages and humans in this class. I need to be sure that you’ll have a handle on yourself before I put you in there with them.”

He flinches, clearly insulted, but I’m not budging on this. It’s one of the things Kieran was clear about at the beginning. I’m the one responsible for everyone’s safety. Oh, I have no doubt Sam or Drew or Cecile or whoever else will step in if someone gets out of hand… But I’m heading this. I’m in charge.

“I can handle myself,” he grinds out. There’s just a flicker of silver in his eyes.

“Then get a handle on your wolf, and when you have, come join me in the corner.”

I turn my back on him, stalking to the far side of the room. Sam catches my eye when I stop, and there’s a question in his gaze. I shake my head. I’ve got this. Either Ryan sorts his head out, or he doesn’t—and if he doesn’t, he’ll have to explain to his alpha what happened.

He comes over a couple of minutes later, head hanging low. “I’m sorry,” he says. The words sound almost pained. “I’m here to help.”

“Good. We don’t have long. Here’s what we’re starting with.”

All in all, the class goes well. I end up pairing Ryan with Ophelia and Dante, partly because they already have a vague idea of what they’re doing, and partly because I know they won’t let him get away with shit.

Not that he seems to try. Maybe that’s a result of Sam’s and my eyes on him, or maybe I misjudged him at first. I take a drink of water, stretching out my back. It’s not his fault he’s not Dax. I’m not necessarily going to apologise—he shouldn’t come in looking to flirt, and he shouldn’t act like he knows everything—but I can be more polite going forward.

I grab one of the mats, noticing that Ryan is helping Cecile and Odette tidy up, and drag it over to the others. Ryan smiles at me when I reach him, taking the mat from me and propping it up against the wall.

“Thanks,” I say.

“Yeah, no problem.” He’s got a decent smile, especially when it doesn’t seem like there’s anything hiding behind it. “Look, I’m sorry about the way I came in here.”

“No, you—”

“No, I should apologise. I guess I figured—I mean, what you’ve got going on here is good.” He laughs faintly. “And I’m gonna learn a lot. I know how to fight, but this is different. It’ll be useful for our wolves, too.”

“Yeah, I think a few come to the other class.”

Ryan nods. “I’d appreciate some time to go over the rest of the stuff with you, too. Before or after the classes, if that works, or I can move things around in my pack. Axel said that was okay.”

Huh. I’m pleasantly surprised. “Sure. We can do that. I’m pretty free so long as the classes aren’t on, and I can make time for that. It’ll be good to have you up to speed.”

“Yeah, you’re telling me. I wasn’t expecting such a learning curve. I figured, you know, if that idiot could help out, then it wasn’t going to be difficult at all. I was wrong.”

Blood rushes in my ears. “Sorry, what?”

“I was wrong… Shitty of me, I know. I should’ve figured if all the alphas were on board that they’d know something I didn’t.”

I ignore the insult to me and Kieran that lies in that sentence. I’m too caught up in what he said before. “No, not that part.”

Odette waves as she heads for the door with Silas and Enza, but I only have it in me to raise a hand in response.

“The other… Who were you talking about just now?”

Ryan frowns, clearly playing our conversation back in his head. “The alphas… No. Oh! Dax. You know? It must have been such a nightmare working with him, right?” Ryan grimaces. “Is that why you canned him? Axel wouldn’t tell me anything, but he’s been looking so fucking miserable that we all figured he’d just found something else he sucks at.”

He laughs again, the massive fucking prick he is, and I feel the same kind of calm anger overtake me that came over me when I punched Tim in the garden.

We all figured—

I shake my head and plaster on a smile that anyone who knows me would recognise as fake.

Across the room, I hear Jamie say, “Fuck.”

“You know, I could actually show you what we’re going to be practising in tomorrow’s class right now. Saves you showing up super early tomorrow and gives you a chance to go over it tonight. Sound good?”

“Yeah, great!” Ryan half turns towards the mats. “Do we need one?”

“No, I think we’ll be fine.”

Okay, so he’s a wolf. He’s a little bigger than me. But fuck that. Fuck him. Fucking laughing at Dax like he thinks he’s better than Dax is.

As if that would ever be possible .

“Just stand here.”

Ryan does as he’s told. He realises that the others—Sam, Jamie, Drew, Ophelia, and Dante—are all watching, and his smile turns a little nervous. “Uh, this isn’t like a ‘make-fun-of-the-new-guy’ thing, is it?”

“Why on earth would you think that?” I say, smile still fixed in place.

“No, you’re right. Sorry.”

“Don’t apologise.” He’s not going to want to after this. “Widen your stance a little?”

He does as he’s told, then again when I signal for him to. Yeah, this is totally unfair, but I don’t give a fuck.

“So this is going to be useful practice for the mages, mostly, but I think it’s effective no matter the species.”

“What is?”

I knee him in the balls. Hard. I feel, too, a twinge of sympathy at the way his expression twists in pain—but only for a second. Because it’s hard to hold onto that feeling when I think of all the things Dax told me, the ways he’d come to think of himself as less than because of arseholes like this.

Ryan growls, but I hook a foot around his ankle faster than he can move, sending him tumbling to the floor. He wheezes, body curling in on itself, and when he rolls onto his back, I’m not the only one standing over him.

Sam smiles down at him. His smile isn’t even pretending to be nice.

“Now, if you’ve got a single functioning brain cell in that head of yours, you’ll know it’s smarter to stay down, won’t you?”

Ryan nods. I don’t know if he can move.

I need him to speak, though.

“Is Dax still working at the pub?”

Sam’s attention snaps to me. Ryan wheezes again. Fucker.

“Is he?”

He manages a nod.

Yeah, okay. I have to… I have to go there. I have to see him because then at least I’ll know—

I’ll know if everything I’m feeling is real. I’ll know if all these heavy feelings in my chest only belong to me.

“You’re going after him,” Sam says, grinning.

“I—Fuck. Yeah, I am.”

“Sweetheart?”

Drew comes over, brow furrowed at the way Ryan’s still rolling around on the floor. “Did you break something?” he asks me.

“He’ll heal, won’t he?”

Drew winces but nods. Nope. I refuse to feel bad about it. Sam seems to be of the same opinion.

“Any chance you can take care of him?” Sam asks, leaning into Drew’s side. “I think it’s safe to say we’ll be letting Alpha Axel know that Ryan won’t be assisting us with any more classes.”

“Yeah, sure,” Drew says. Ryan glares up at him, and Drew crosses his arms over his chest. Soft and sweet he might be, but the look on his face now…

I wouldn’t piss him off more, that’s for sure.

Sam seems to be having a different reaction. He sweeps his eyes over Drew, then leans up and kisses him on the cheek. “Straight home after,” he says, his voice low. “I want you and Adam waiting for me when I’m done with this.”

Drew swallows hard, and his cheeks go pink, but he doesn’t look away from Ryan. “Got it.”

“Done with what?” I ask, suddenly confused. Some of the adrenaline is starting to wear off.

“Come on, Romeo. You’re lucky I drove here today,” Sam says. He looks at Ophelia and Dante. “You’re okay to get back?”

Ophelia waves him off. “We’ll take Jamie back with us for dinner.”

Jamie nods when I look at him. “Go after him, Vince.”

Dax. Fuck. Yeah, I need to see him. Fuck this.

“Okay, yeah, let’s go.”

Sam shakes his head, hurrying to catch up as I stride towards the door. “That’s what I fucking said.”

The drive takes about forty minutes—fucking city traffic—and by the time we pull up outside the pub Dax works at, the certainty I felt back in the warehouse has fled.

“Fuck. I can’t do this.”

“I didn’t drive you all the way here for you to chicken out now.”

“But he—He won’t want to see me—”

“What makes you think that?”

I stare at Sam, for a moment lost for words. “He hasn’t spoken to me since it happened.”

“Have you spoken to him?”

I snap my mouth shut, and Sam huffs.

“Look, I get it. I was the last to know about our bond, and that fucking sucked. Even more because for a minute there, I thought they’d just got each other, and I…” He sighs and trails off, leaning back in the driver’s seat. “It sucks. Mating bonds are kind of the worst, when you really think about them.”

“Are you trying to convince me, or…?”

“It’s not about the bond , Vince. The bond is a possibility. Especially for you and me. But going home with him was a possibility, too. Going for a drink with him. Spending all the time at classes with him. We all take chances.”

“I just don’t know why he didn’t tell me.” Sam has to be able to hear the hurt in my voice. Definitely can, if the sympathetic look he gives me is any clue.

“The same reason we all keep things to ourselves even when we know the people we love can help. He’s afraid. And you weren’t wrong to need space, or to be angry at him. But from what I can tell of Dax, it wouldn’t even occur to him to try to reach out to you again.” He tightens his hands on the steering wheel. “But it’s not your job to make it better. Only if you want to. If you don’t, I can take you back.”

Ugh. It’s the most honest he’s ever been with me, that’s for sure. It’s more honest than Sam’s ever been with most people, I’d wager, and I’m not about to look a gift horse in the mouth.

Besides, I don’t want to go in, but I don’t think I can leave. I press a hand to my chest. “It’s here, isn’t it?”

“Thereabouts.”

“And it’s not… making me feel things for him? Messing with my head?”

“Messing with your head, sure,” Sam says with a laugh. “That’s what love is. But no. A strong bond will feed you your mate’s feelings, but for the most part, it’s kind of obvious what belongs to who.”

When he says it, I realise. My own sadness has been there all week, ready for me to fall back into it when I don’t have to be around other people, but there’s been something else right next to it. I try to unravel that and feel a frisson of surprise that yeah, doesn’t belong to me at all.

“Fuck,” I say. “I think I’ve got to go in there now.”

Sam grins. He glances at the pub again, and the smile fades. “Want me to wait for you?”

“No, you go. I wouldn’t want you to keep Drew and Adam waiting.”

“Neither do I,” he says, tone pure filth, and I roll my eyes as I get out of the car.

I pause with one hand still on the open door. “Um. Thanks. For bringing me here. And the pep talk.”

“Oh, we’re never talking about this again.”

“Fair enough.” I close the door, and he drives off, like if he leaves me stranded, I’ll have to go inside.

I run my hands through my hair, pushing it back from my face. I’m still wearing the clothes I taught the class in. I should have asked Sam to drop me off at mine first, but then what if I’d never left and—

Nope. This is it. Sam said it, anyway, on the way over. I asked if Kieran would get into trouble for what I did to Ryan, and Sam said no—no wolf would blame anyone for defending their mate.

Mate .

For the first time in a long, long time, something settles inside me. I square my shoulders and approach the pub, then push open the door.

Dax is behind the bar. There are other people here, other wolves, but I can’t be certain who or how many.

All I can see is him.

He glances up and when he sees me, he goes entirely still.

“Vince?”