Page 24 of Fighting Fate (Monsters of London #4)

Vince

I should go. Those three words repeat on a loop in my mind, and it’s not just my instinctual need to get out of here talking.

I should go so Patch can come back home without worrying about what he’s walking in on.

I should go because I have a class tomorrow, and Dax is volunteering too, and we should both turn up relatively well-rested.

I should go…

But I already know I’m not going to.

I turn, grimacing when Dax pulls out, but I want to face him fully. Does he know how easy he is to read sometimes? I know he wants more than this, and I can’t be mad at him about it. I’m the one giving off mixed signals.

He wants me to stay. Wants to chip away at my defences because he thinks there’s something worth having beneath.

Fuck knows why.

“We have a class tomorrow.”

Dax nods. “If you’re worried… I can make sure we’re up in time. Earlier even, if you wanted to go home first so we can arrive separately.”

His voice is deflated, flat. I don’t like it.

“You know I’m not embarrassed to be seen with you, right?” I might be shooting in the dark with this, but if there’s any doubt at all, I want to make it clear. Dax doesn’t talk about his pack much, but I’ve seen how well he’s taken to Kieran and the others. Would he do that if he was perfectly happy where he is?

“I didn’t think you were,” he replies. It comes out more like a question than a statement, and I tangle our legs together.

“Right. I just want to be sure you know it. If I—” I swallow hard and drop my eyes to Dax’s throat. It’s easier than looking him in the eye. “If I thought I could do a relationship, and fuck, it’s unfair of me to say, but you… You’re amazing, you know?”

Dax is quiet for a really long time, and when I chance a look up at him, his cheeks have gone pink.

“I just can’t do anything more than this,” I whisper. “ This is already more than I usually do. And we—I don’t want to fuck up what’s going on with the classes.”

I don’t want to lose him. If I try a relationship with Dax, I almost certainly will.

Besides, I’m not his mate. I don’t want to be a wolf’s mate. And I don’t want to be inevitably tossed aside when he does find that person he belongs to.

He deserves that. He deserves that all-encompassing love he so clearly wants.

Dax sighs, then lowers his head and presses a kiss to my hair. My stomach flutters, heart beating a little faster.

“That’s okay,” he says. “It makes sense.”

He’s still holding me, but he’s stiff, distant. I stroke over his side. “Do you want me to go?”

I look up at him again. Dax smiles down at me, and he’s holding something back now, I think, but the expression on his face is soft.

“No. I don’t want you to go.”

We don’t talk much after that. We clean up and then Dax falls asleep, his arms around me, and I turn over before I finally begin to settle.

What if I take that leap? What if I tell Dax I want to try dating him?

I run my fingers over the back of his hand. He’d be sweet to me, I know that. But what would it mean for him, too? Not that I think there’d be an issue with him going out with a human, just… I might hurt him.

I probably will hurt him. Would hurt him, even though I really don’t want to.

Dax makes a quiet sound in his sleep, and I turn again to nuzzle my face into his chest. My senses are full of him. This isn’t the time to think about it.

Still, just before I drop off, I can’t help but wonder what might happen if everything went right for once.

I wake the next morning to the smell of coffee and an empty bed. Blearily, I reach around for my phone, letting out a sigh of relief when I see the time. We don’t have to be at the class for another couple of hours, and I’m suddenly glad I asked for Sunday classes to be moved later in the day.

I doze for a while, waking again when Dax appears in the doorway of his room. He’s wearing jogging bottoms and no shirt, and I drink him in like he wasn’t fucking the life out of me a few hours ago.

Dax’s lips part as though he can tell just what I’m thinking. Wolves can pick up on scents, right? My cheeks heat. The entire time…?

Well, that’s on me, I guess.

“Morning,” I say, my voice a rasp, and Dax ducks his head, cheeks going slightly pink.

Okay, maybe I don’t need wolf senses to see just how much he likes that.

“Morning. I was just coming to wake you up.”

“Hmm.” I roll onto my back. “And how were you planning to do that?”

He frowns, adorably confused. “I was just going to—”

“ Dax. ”

“Oh.” His eyes widen. “Oh, I…” He approaches the bed and braces himself over me. His hair’s a little longer than it was six months ago, the perfect length for me to really tangle my hands in and mess up. It falls around his face and I resist the urge to strain up and take his lips for myself.

Dax lowers his head until our breath mingles. My eyes flutter shut. We can be late for class this once, right?

The kiss I’m expecting never comes. I open my eyes again and Dax smiles widely, clearly fighting a laugh.

“Vince,” he murmurs against my mouth. “Wake up.”

Then he stands up straight again, leaving me gasping in surprise. I push up onto my elbows. “You—”

He swoops in before I can finish the sentence and when his mouth meets mine, I groan and throw my arms around his shoulders. Dax kisses me thoroughly but gently, stoking a fire I know he doesn’t want to burn out of control.

He pulls back and presses his lips to mine once, twice, before he stands again. “I put some clothes in the bathroom for you. They’ll be too big, but we still have time to go to yours before the class.”

So cute. I stroke down his arm. “Thank you.”

“And there’s coffee and breakfast, if you want.”

“Dax, you don’t have to—”

He cuts me off with another kiss. “Get ready,” he says as I try to catch my breath.

“Fine,” I grump, but I’m smiling as he finally moves away from the bed. I push back the covers and stand, fully aware that I’m still nude from last night. Dax doesn’t seem to mind. He pauses and his eyes rake over me—maybe I could convince him to be late to the class, after all.

He shakes his head like he’s trying to get something loose. “Vince?” His voice is uncertain. It wasn’t a moment ago.

“Yeah?” I stretch my arms over my head and watch the way he swallows.

“I—You—Did you want to do something tonight? Together?”

My arms drop by my sides. I know what he’s asking. His tone is far too hopeful for it to just be two friends hanging out, and despite everything, I know he doesn’t just want to fuck.

What was I thinking about last night?

Taking a chance. Maybe.

And I should start by being honest, at least.

“Let’s just… Let’s go to the class and see how we feel after?” It’s not a no. Does he know that?

He seems to. Dax’s smile is unrestrained, and he nods as he steps back into the hall. “Okay, yeah. Sounds good.”

I watch him go and realise, as I head into the bathroom, that I’m wearing a smile of my own.