Page 39 of Fighting Fate (Monsters of London #4)

Dax

I can’t bring myself to leave once I get outside. I have one leg swung over the bike—it should be easy enough to push off and go—but my wolf won’t let me. The shift prickles just under my skin, my wolf ready to even abandon me if it means we’ll get our mate.

All I manage to do is send Patch a text, telling him not to come here. There’s nothing he can do. Neither of us can do anything to fix this.

Kieran comes stalking out of the house a minute later, dragging Tim—still tied to the chair—behind him. A car idles at the kerb, and another wolf climbs out of the front and helps Kieran get Tim off the chair and inside.

Once the door’s shut, Kieran looks over at me. He’s slow to approach, but I can’t blame him. I don’t know what I look like, but it’s not good.

“How are you—”

“Not great,” I interrupt. My wolf is still so close to the surface. The other wolf—I think he might be one of Alpha Deacon’s betas—is standing next to the open driver’s side door, watching both of us.

“Ignore Orion,” Kieran says. “Look at me. Vince’ll come around. You know he will.”

“I don’t know that.”

“He will.”

“And what if he doesn’t?” My voice cracks. “What if he shouldn’t ? I had every chance to tell him and I—I chickened out. I did! He needs someone better than that. He deserves someone better.”

“Dax,” Kieran says quietly. “You made a mistake. He’ll see that.”

“No.” I swipe at my eyes, which are burning with unshed tears. “He doesn’t want the bond, and he’s right. I knew that. I just thought—I thought that it being fated meant something.”

Kieran’s face twists with sympathy. “Dax… It doesn’t work that way.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I know. I’ve got it.” My wolf whimpers, finally retreating, and I start up the bike. Kieran crosses his arms over his chest.

“Don’t cut the rest of us out. We want to spend time with you, whatever happens.”

My throat goes tight. I shake my head. “No, I think… I think this was all a big mistake.” I cast one look up at Vince’s house. The door is locked—I heard the key turn a few minutes ago. Vince isn’t looking out. He isn’t waiting for me. “I’m sorry,” I say to the ground, “but I need to go back to my pack.”

Kieran shouts after me as I drive off, but I don’t look back. I make it back to the pack house and manage to send another text to Patch, letting him know where I am before I collapse onto the sofa.

I don’t cry, but it’s a near thing. I stare up at the ceiling, my wolf raging and howling about how unfair this is, that we should go back and claim our mate anyway, but I can’t do that.

Patch is quiet when he comes into the flat. He sits gingerly on the arm of the sofa, and the first sob breaks free of my throat when his hand rests on my ankles.

“Hey. Hey…” He shuffles onto the sofa, forcing me to sit up and lean into him. Patch’s arms come up around me and I don’t know how long I cry for, but he holds me through it, resting his face in my hair.

“What happened?” he asks a while later.

I don’t move out of his embrace. “Vince found out we’re mates.”

“Ah.” Patch sweeps a hand up and down my back. “It didn’t go well?”

“No.”

“Okay. Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.” I squeeze my eyes shut tight and Patch makes a sympathetic sound.

“Do you want to shift?”

Do I? I do , but shifting brings the risk of chasing after Vince. I don’t know if I’ll be able to control my wolf and I’ve never, never felt that way before.

“I can keep you in check,” Patch says like he can read my mind. “If you want to go?”

“Yeah. Let’s do that.”

Patch texts Alpha Axel as we head over to a nearby park. It’s still light out, still warm, but I barely notice anyone we pass by. The looks Patch throws me grow increasingly worried, and I can’t blame him.

I don’t know what I’m going to do. Not stay here. I can’t stay here, not when Vince is so close by. There’s no part of me that thinks he’ll forgive me for this. He’s never not been honest with me. Even when he was confused, I knew where I stood.

I should have told him after that first meeting with Kieran. At least if he’d pulled back then, it wouldn’t have hurt so much. I wouldn’t have volunteered for the classes at all. I’d have found someone else in time. Not my mate, but someone to love.

Now…

“Come on, let’s sit,” Patch says gently. “Are they all okay, at least? Was anyone hurt?”

Jamie. I grimace. “Yeah, a little. Jamie… But Kieran and Sam arrived. They’ll all be fine.”

“Good. So he’s safe.”

“Yeah, he’s safe.” Safe and angry and—

Patch reaches out and puts a hand on the back of my neck, squeezing gently. “Do you want to talk about the rest of it?”

I shake my head wordlessly, pressing my lips tightly together. I can’t. Not yet. Maybe not ever.

“Okay.”

We sit there until the sun’s gone down, the park clearing out. Someone will be by to lock up, but Patch takes my wrist and drags me to my feet, pulling me deeper into the park. He finds a hidden, shadowed spot under some trees and kicks off his shoes.

“C’mon. You need to balance out.”

A growl builds in my throat, but he’s not wrong. I strip and from one second to the next, I’m my wolf. Patch joins me a few seconds later, and before I can even think about growling at him or running away, he tackles me, and we both tumble to the ground.

I snap at him, but he puts all his weight on my side, pinning me in place. His tongue lolls out and I snap again. Arsehole. He huffs at my next snap, and when I begin to wriggle, he gets to his feet.

He wants to run. I really, really don’t. The bond feels stronger when I’m my wolf—I can feel it, lodged just behind my ribs. Vince hasn’t torn it apart, then, though I’m not certain he knows how. I’m not certain he knows he can.

Fuck, if he did, would he? Probably. He probably wouldn’t hesitate.

Patch nudges me with his muzzle and snaps when I don’t move. I whine and he presses along my side. We’re about the same size, as wolves, though his tawny brown fur is lighter than mine. He licks my muzzle, and I huff, lowering my head.

When he snaps playfully and bounces back, I turn to face him. Play… I don’t want to play. But I like being here with my friend, my packmate. The bond burns so brightly, but there’s a second where I can push aside that desire to chase down the person at the other end.

Patch dances around, tail wagging low, and it’s a moment longer before I give in and dart away. He barks happily before he runs after me.

The pain is still there. This won’t take it away. But at least, for now, I can almost forget about it.