Page 53 of Fever Dream

“Not that many,” I say defensively.

“You’ve done a lot of dumb, stupid things, no?Well, guess what?You’re not through yet.You’re gonna do some more.Might as well hurry up and get it over with.It’s all right.Make it all right.Handle it.What you don’t know, you’ll learn from the experience.There’s always going to be a next one.”

I understand now that Elizabeth is like Mama was.It’s like Alice said.She was wild, born before her time.

“You know what your problem is, Grace?”

“Which one?It appears I have more than I thought.”

“You keep trying to fit in.Wherever you go, you blend.Look around.Is this what you want?Because if you keep it up, if you keep doing what you’re doing, you’re going to be exactly like the people in here.In captivity.Forever.”

It annoys me that she sees me with such clarity.It’s like she’s holding a perfect mirror up for me to look at when I took them all off the walls.“Yeah,” I say.“You’re some hypocrite.”

“Am I?”

“You’re here, aren’t you?”

“Maybe.But not for long.Never for long.I know how to get myself out.”

“Maybe you ought to stop getting yourself in.”

“Then what would people like you do?”

When I don't say anything, Elizabeth laughs.It is one of the most terrifying sounds I’ve ever heard.It's terrifying because of the freedom in it.It is a laugh that sounds like it is the first time she’s discovered laughter.Ever.

“I don't see what's so funny.”

“I’ll tell you what’s funny, Grace.You’ve been in here for weeks now.That’s what’s funny.You’re pretty much exactly what you were when you got here.”

“Well, that’s because I’m crazy.Obviously.”

“We both know that’s not true.Otherwise, you wouldn’t be so afraid.You’d have me by the wrist, pulling me out of here with you.But you haven’t done that.That’s because you’re not crazy.You’re not even close.”