Page 31 of Fever Dream

“Well, we are.We’ve wanted to for a while.It just took some time to find a buyer.”

This made no sense.Charles had never mentioned selling our house.We hadn't even lived on Willow Lane long.“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Just like that, it was like the sky turned black.Like everything I thought I knew, everything I'd believed about my life, was vanishing.

“Gracie,” he said sternly, “I didn't want to worry you.”

He never called me that anymore.He hadn't in a long time.“Worry me?Why would I worry?”

“It’s just that we’re getting a little too big for this house.With all the kids, and now Toby in school, it’s just a little overwhelming, don't you think?”

“No.”He sounded crazy.“I don’t want to move.I love this house.”

“I just don’t think we’re going to be able to keep it up.”

And then, in slow motion, the air seemed to still, it felt like the electricity on the street going out.I could have sworn I saw the needle on the wall clock stop.I remember thinking this must be what it feels like to break.

“Don't worry,” he said, kissing my forehead.“We can talk about it on the drive.It’s ten hours, easy.We'll have plenty of time.”

Just then, Phillip started crying.Toby was pulling on my arm as hard as he could, asking me about his homework.Phillip's shrill screams cut through the air.

Charles gave me a look of sorrow.“I have to go.”

I was angry.Before I could wonder why Charles was meeting with a potential buyer, I was walking up the stairs toward my room, with Phillip, Eleanor and Toby biting at my heels.My heart started to pound.Phillip’s cries were so loud, so incessant.My arms ached under the weight, he felt so much heavier than just a few moments ago.I could see his face, scrunched up, eyebrows raised, red cheeks.The skin on his forehead was translucent, and his open mouth was a cavern.I could practically see the contours of his stomach.

He was hungry, and he was demanding to be fed that instant.His tiny, tiny fingers twisted around mine, his little legs kicking about.Phillip was so different from his siblings.He was so much smaller, so muchmore.And he needed me.I unbuttoned my shirt like nothing else mattered.Not the neighbors.Not the man outside.Not Charles.Not even figuring out what in the hell had happened to turn my world on its axis.

If I’d only known.

I would have done everything differently.