Page 19 of Fever Dream

She laughs then.“You’re a terrible liar.”

I feel myself sliding.I feel myself slowly giving into the feeling of being comfortable, of getting used to being in this place, of being friendly with Elizabeth.I feel myself give into the feeling of being separated from my child.From my children, from the love of my life.

I slink back on my bed, desperate to save myself, but also to get my point across.“I’m not lying.”

"Yes, you are.And it's killing you."

I look at her, surprised by how perceptive she is.

“You’re not a good liar, like I said.You’re the kind where it eats at you until you just have to tell someone—anyone—the truth.Doesn’t matter who it is.Guess it might as well be me, huh?”

“There’s not much to tell.”

“Ah, now.I don’t believe that for a second.Your baby…boy or girl?”

My chest aches, a dull pain that feels like a weight is being slowly laid on top of my heart.I can't breathe.I can't think past it.I want to retract the last thought.I want to rewind until we're not talking about this anymore.“Boy.”

“Oh,” she says.“That’s almost worse, isn’t it?”

Tears well in my eyes, so I deflect.“And you?What's your story?”

“My story?”

“Why are you here?”

Elizabeth laughs headily."Why am I here?"She laughs and then she laughs some more until I think she's never going to stop.Until I am sure she's never going to answer my question.But then she does.“I'm here for the same reason we're all here.”

She shifts her position, and even though she’s lying down, her eyes, her face, her body, everything about her is different.The tone of her voice, the set of her shoulders, her relaxed posture.It's like she's suddenly decided to show up as herself.“I'm here because I'm twenty-seven, and I still don't have the life I want.I'm here because I thought love would get me somewhere, but it didn't.I'm here because I can’t seem to make the right choices.”

She looks over, and her eyes bore into mine.“And you're here because you had a family, Grace.And you couldn't hack it.”

Elizabeth's words are like a slap.Suddenly I'm wide awake, and I find myself sitting up, and the pain in my chest is different.It’s no longer aching.For the first time since I've been here, I feel like myself.“That's not true.”

She laughs.“Of course it's not.”

I scan the room.I have the urge to run far away, to get away from her and the vile she’s spitting, but there’s nowhere to run to.

“You see, Grace.I'm here for the same reason you're here.The same reason we're all here.”

I wait for a punch line that never comes.“What reason is that?”

“Because we don't belong out there.”

“Speak for yourself.”

“Fine.Okay.”She smiles.“I’m here because I'm a monster.And maybe if you really think about it, you’ll realize you are too.”