Page 77 of Fearless Heart
“I will, Lillia. I do this for you and the king’s guard. What Graeme said, ‘tis true. I rely on them as well to see to King Robert’s protection. Without them, we would have a difficult time keeping the king’s passionate nature under a semblance of control.”
She nodded. “The king’s guard will return to Dumfries. Be sure to go there to relate the king’s regale and his decision.”
James bowed to her and left the hall.
She turned to Lady MacKintosh. “My thanks, Fiona, for your assistance. Without it, ‘tis doubtful James would have cooperated.”
Fiona smiled and chuckled a delightful sound. “If you think James is wretched, you should meet his mother. She is quite the harridan, but I adore my aunt nonetheless. We must go. I hope to see you again soon.”
“I shall always consider you my dear friend.” She hugged Fiona and released her.
“And I you.”
The men moved off to see the MacKintosh’s departure. Lillia had a moment to calm herself inside the empty hall. She waited for Heath’s return and skulked by the window casement, a beautifully designed glass that held the Fraser coat-of-arms in the center. The craftsman ship was remarkable, and she studied it so she wouldn’t think about the oncoming conversation with Heath.
“We must talk.”
She turned and found him walking a slow pace toward her. The deliberate movement resembled a big cat on the prowl. “Aye, we should.”
“I’ve bid all to stay out of the hall so we can have privacy. Come and sit with me by the hearth.” He took her hand and led her to the chair.
Lillia shook. A chill overtook her for she was certain Heath would agree to send her back to her father. That was the last thing she wanted, for she loved him so very much it hurt to look upon him. But if he wanted her not, she had to leave and would do so with honor. He tried to pull her upon his lap, but she freed herself from his grasp and sat in the chair across from him.
She folded her hands and tried to appear sedate. Her decorum teetered and if she wasn’t careful, she’d likely throw herself upon his mercy and beg him to stay with her. But his life was with God now, not with her. A calming breath did little to allay her dread.
“I understand, Heath, there is no need to explain your reasons. You never wanted to wed me. You only did so because of your … honor. Now that Roderick is here and you’re able to set out and join the clergy as you’ve sought to …”
“Lillia—”
“I’m certain the church will give us a dispensation if we both send for one. It may take time, but perhaps our father’s positions will persuade—”
He held up his hand. “You weren’t going to tell me?”
“Tell you what?”
He sighed. “About the bairn. I explained, Sweetness, that it only takes once.”
“Aye, and we’ve … many times. I was going to tell you, but now things have changed.”
“Nothing has changed. My brother refuses to be laird. He wants me to assume the role when my father passes. We agreed and I shall continue with the plan that when I can return and lead the Frasers, I will. Until then, my father will rule and my brother will assist him. John and Lagan will keep everyone in control.”
“So you are amiable to becoming laird? What of your desire to serve God? Can you put that aside? It’s what you’ve wanted for the longest time.” She wanted to reach out to him, to console the obvious choice that had been made for him.
“The matter is settled. My life it seems was meant to serve this clan. God will understand my reasons for my acceptance. We made peace with the MacKintoshs. I have you to thank for that. Why didn’t you tell me you saved Lady MacKintosh?”
Lillia gazed at her lap. “It was long ago, when we first came here. I’d forgotten …”
“We should stay here, especially with your … condition.”
She raised her eyes. “You don’t want me to go? To return to my father?”
“Of course not. Nay, love. I never have wanted you to leave. You’re the one that got it in your bonny head that our marriage was void. Do you not understand?”
She shook her head. “Understand what?”
“Since the day you kissed me beneath the willows I’ve been yours. And you’ve been mine.”
“Are you saying—”