Page 46 of Fearless Heart

Lillia cried out at the blissful sensations that sent her to the brink again. Heath rasped words of encouragement, but she couldn’t comprehend what he’d said. He ceased moving and growled low in his throat. His beautiful face scowled with the intensity of his submission. Lillia caressed where she could reach until he came under control. With her heart finally beating at a somewhat normal pace, she had time to consider what they’d done.

She pulled away from him and sat on the edge of the pallet. Tears streaked her cheeks at the thought that she coupled with him more than twice. If given what her sisters-in-law spoke of, she’d be heavy with child by late next summer.

Heath shimmied to the side of the bed and set his heavy hand on her back. “Lillia …”

“I don’t wish to speak,” her voice morose and she would probably sob if he bade her to explain why she’d gotten upset.

“I hurt you?” He gentled his hand down her back, sending chills reverberating through her.

“Nay.”

His hand pressed her shoulder and he turned her. “Why are you weeping?”

“Silly womanly concerns.”

“I don’t deem your concerns silly. Tell me why you are dismayed.”

She sighed and decided to tell him even though she’d likely turn five shades of crimson before the telling was over, “Before I left home …” she let the tale spew from her mouth before she might stop herself. “They told me if you want to remain free of bairns not to allow your husband … not to couple more than twice.”

“And this concerns you?” Heath laughed. The sound boomed with his mirth.

“I told you it was silly.”

He pulled her back and leaned upward on the flat of his hands, his breath near her ear. He whispered in a sultry tone, one that would’ve melted her heart if she hadn’t hardened it against him. “Sweetness, your friends are verily wrong.”

“Well that’s a relief.”

“It only takes but once to beget a woman with child.” He moved his hand to her stomach. “You may well be carrying my bairn now. The thought actually gladdens me.”

“I’m not carrying your bairn. But we cannot do this again no matter how much I want to. You must maintain a will for it appears I have none.” Lillia flinched because it was true. She couldn’t resist him. His kisses alone were enough to sway her to unreasonable acts.

His chest rumbled from his chuckle. “All the more reason why we should wed at the soonest.”

Another unsound reason piled atop the rest. She didn’t like that his intention for wanting to wed her had nothing to do with his heart.

“Heath, I cannot let you wed me to protect me. And certainly not because my father might insist I wed the man he betrothed me to. I will not let you give up your life’s pursuit. There’s no reason that will sway me.”

He caressed her hair and sighed. “What pursuit?”

“Your aspiration to serve God. I know what it means to you and I won’t cause you to take a different path. Men of the clergy are more oft devout and have no wife. I will not wed you.”

His thumb trailed a small path over her cheek. “There’s nothing for it. We both understand I was never going to pursue that path. Let us get sleep for we’ll get an early start on the morrow.”

She wanted to refuse him again, but he quieted her with a gentle kiss on her lips, and pulled her to lie next to him. During the long hours of the night, she tossed and turned considering each of his reasons and not one settled her on the idea. Lillia had to admit she did feel safe when she was with him, but it wasn’t reason enough to marry someone.