Page 34 of Fanboy in the Falls (Devon Falls #3)

Somehow, that’s even hotter than if he was completely naked. —Colin Templegate

There was always a moment, right after the start of a race, when I’d lose time.

It was always right after the clusterfuck mess that happens when you get off the blocks and fight for placement.

When the proverbial dust settled and I found my spot and sank into the rhythm of the drive, into the feel of the track below me and the steering wheel in my hands.

When time and space seemed to meld with me, and my whole world felt peaceful. Right.

Kissing Tom feels like that.

I knew the risk I was taking when I pressed my lips to his. What the fuck am I going to do if this doesn’t work? My brain was shouting at me. You’ll lose your best friend. He’s your whole damn life, Colin! You can’t afford to lose anything else!

But a thought came to me then, like a fever dream: if Tom’s been in love with me our whole lives and never told me, I’ve never really had him at all.

Not all the way. Not every single part of him.

He’s kept such massive secrets from me, the person who was supposed to be his very best friend in life, for decades.

And these weeks with Gabe have opened up possibilities for my relationship with Tom that I just never saw in front of me before.

It’s like Gabe’s put a brand-new car in front of me, one I didn’t even know had been manufactured, and handed me the keys.

So I shut off my fucking brain and leaned over to start the car. And now, as my lips meld with his and sparks of color and light fly across my brain while it goes into that autopilot, perfectly peaceful space, I feel alive. Whole.

Right up until Tom pulls away from me, abruptly, and gets to his feet. “This can’t be really happening,” he mutters to himself. “Surely I’m dreaming this. You’re not pulling some sort of joke on me, are you, universe?” He says the words to the ceiling.

Gabe lets out a strangled noise. “You think this is some kind of joke? I haven’t seen a kiss like that since the last time I watched porn. And I watch really good porn!” he adds.

Tom puts his hands on his hips and starts pacing, his frame small under the tall, beamed ceiling of the cabin.

“No. This cannot be right. This simply isn’t how things work.

Dreams don’t just come true like this!” He throws up his hands.

“The best friend you’ve loved since puberty who’s never loved you back doesn’t just decide in a span of weeks that he’s changed his mind and kiss you like that! ”

I open my mouth to answer him, but he keeps going.

“I landed the dream role of my life,” he says.

“ The Good Sword was the job of a lifetime. Everything I wanted, there on a platter in front of me. But then he came for me.” He shakes his head.

“ He ruined it all, and I lost everything I’d worked so hard for.

” He drops his head into his hands and falls back onto a chair.

“It can’t be like that with us,” he finally whispers into his hands.

“I want this so badly. But Colin, you’re so much of my world.

I can’t lose you too. We can’t try this and let it fail. We can’t…”

I so badly want to know who this he is—because I will find and destroy anyone who’s done harm to Tom Evers—but it feels like I’ve got some other things I need to clear up with Tom before I ask that question. I glance over at Gabe again, and I read his thoughts with my eyes.

Tell him. He needs to hear it.

I walk on my knees to the space in front of Tom and stay kneeling before him as I take his hands and clasp them with mine.

“I understand,” I whisper. “I get it, Tom. I’ve been pretty stuck since Christian died and I left my career behind.

Not quite sure how to look back at that world again, and not quite sure of my path forward.

Maybe I’ve been a little afraid to actually give a fuck about anything real again, I guess. ”

Tom looks down at me, finally, and I trace the tears from the corners of his eyes with my fingers. He sighs. “I thought you were feeling that way. Even though you never said so. Not exactly,” he adds.

He knows every single part of me. How have I never fucking realized that?

“I understand,” I tell him, my voice low.

“I understand how damn terrifying it must feel for you to put yourself out here with me. Especially after all these years.” I reach one hand up to take Tom’s chin between my fingers and lift it until he’s looking me in the eye.

“I think it’s time,” I say softly, “that all of us—all three of us— started trusting ourselves a little more, and I think it’s time we started trusting each other.

I know you remember what Christian used to say all the time, Tom. ”

He sighs and shakes his head. “No risk, no reward,” he finally says softly.

I look back over at Gabe again, then back at Tom.

“We’ve got a few days here, you know. A few days while we wait for that dumbass investigation, and a few days before anyone in Devon Falls expects to see us again.

So. Let’s take this time, okay? Let’s use it to take some calculated risks in trust. And let’s see what happens. ”

Gabe swallows. “You’re not just talking about risks like me trying out new sex positions, are you?”

I laugh. “No, little one. Not just new positions. Although,” I add quickly, “there should definitely be some of those.”

Gabe laughs, and even Tom cracks a smile. But he’s still looking away from me. I can tell he still doesn’t quite trust that I mean what I say.

So I guess I’m just going to have to rebuild some trust with my best friend in the whole damn world.

“Okay then,” I say. “No risk, no reward. Everyone remembers our safe words, right? Green, yellow, red. We all know the rules.”

Tom nods tentatively. Gabe’s nod is definitely more eager.

“Then let me show you,” I say to Tom. “Let me show you exactly how much I mean what I’m saying right now. Let me show you exactly how happy I want to make you for as long as you’ll let me. Let me show you how I feel.”

I watch Tom’s wide-eyed expression carefully as I zip open his fly, pull his cock out of his boxers, and wrap my lips around it.

Tom lets out a long, sharp gasp as he feels my mouth against him for the first time.

I know I let out some kind of noise myself, and that leads Tom to grind harder against my tongue.

His cock is still soft, but he’s hardening.

I lick the salt I taste on his skin and curve my tongue around his length as I adjust to the feeling of his body inside my mouth.

I've seen Tom's dick so many times over the years, in locker rooms and bedrooms we’ve shared and during late night skinny dips in pools and lakes around the world. I’ve memorized most of his body across the decades we’ve spent together, but right now it’s like I’m learning him all over again for the first time.

I want to map every inch of his skin. I want to memorize the way every single part of his dick feels against my tongue, against the insides of my cheeks.

The sensations are strange and heady, and I hold onto them as I bring Tom farther inside of me and let the tip of his cock nudge closer and closer to the back of my throat. He's almost fully hard now, and he lets out a long gasp. “Oh, bestie,” he whispers.

Holy hell, that’s hot.

I pull off of Tom's cock with a quick pop. “Do you believe me now?” I say to Tom as I stand to take his face in my hands. “Do you believe that I’m all in for whatever comes next with us?”

Tom sets a hand on my waist. “You have no idea how much I want to believe this is real. I’m trying so very hard, bestie.” He smiles softly. “But you’re up against decades of your own history right now, darling.”

Well, that’s a fair statement. And it only makes me even more certain of what we need to do next.

“Then I think I need to keep showing you.” I bring his lips to mine and spend a few moments teasing, playing, practicing what it feels like to kiss this person who knows me better than anyone else.

Every sensation is new, and somehow familiar, at the same time.

Like sliding into a car that’s had all kinds of new updates and comes with so much promise for the future.

But I’m all too aware that Tom isn’t the only one in this room who’s blown my world wide open recently.

I don't want Gabe to be left out of this moment. He needs to be a part of this, part of Tom's and my first experience together. Gabe’s been there for every single small shift that’s brought the two of us together like this, and Tom's been there for every one of my first moments with Gabe.

It isn't right for anyone to be left out of this magic.

But I need to make sure a bigger, deeper magic between the three of us is what Tom and Gabe want too. I sure as hell know it’s what I want.

I end the kiss and guide Tom over to the couch where Gabe’s lying down, so we’re standing together just above him.

“I just want to make something clear,” I tell them both.

“I mean it when I say I’m all in here. But I’m all in with both of you.

” I look to Tom. “Tom Evers, I know I took a different route to get to a place where you’ve always been, but I’m here now.

And I’m not leaving. And Gabe,” I say as I look down into his bright, earnest expression, “I want to make sure you know that you’re so much more than a stop on the journey I’ve been on.

You’re the destination too. I can’t imagine having one of you and not the other, and I’m hoping you both feel the same way. ”

Tom’s eyes are filling with tears, I realize. “As if I could ever leave our little fox.” He looks down at Gabe as he smiles, and I realize what he’s just said. Our little fox. Our.