Page 17 of Fanboy in the Falls (Devon Falls #3)

And then my thoughts took a hard left turn right into Anxiety Land. —Gabe Gomez

Too bad that can never, ever happen. Too risky that news would make it back to Dave.

And then I realize something: today’s the day. The day. After work, Colin and Tom and I are going to go back to Colin’s house and kiss.

I got so distracted by Dave and Amelia this morning that I wasn’t even thinking about this afternoon.

Now I can’t stop thinking about it. Should I really be spending time with them both when I have to keep the three of us a secret and I don’t even know whether I’m going to be able to stay in Devon Falls?

And is it weird that I basically asked them both to kiss me while they’re around each other?

Because maybe asking people not to tell anyone that they’re kissing you and then kiss them in front of other people is rude, and—

“Good morning, little one.”

The voice behind me is low and deep, almost a whisper. I whirl around and let a rush of wonder flow through me as I stare up into the smiling face of Tom Evers.

Tom Evers the movie star.

Tom Evers the movie star I’ve crushed on since I was seventeen.

Tom Evers the movie star who kissed me last night.

I swallow hard and take a breath. I didn’t sleep much last night.

I spent most of it wide awake, imagining what it would be like to lie across a bed in Colin’s house, kissing Tom over and over, maybe exploring even further than that, while Colin watched from the chair that sits just to the right of their bed.

And then I pictured the scene in reverse. Me and Colin, with Tom watching.

And then my thoughts took a hard left turn right into Anxiety Land.

What if Colin changes his mind about wanting to kiss me?

What if Tom changes his mind? What if they both decide this is the stupidest idea ever?

Not to mention that I’m pretty sure Tom has some kind of feelings for Colin—what if Colin realizes he feels the same way, and they both get together and decide to leave me behind?

Or even worse than that, what if they find out I’m lying to the whole town about Dave and they decide to hate me and—

“Is everything okay, little one?” Tom lifts up my chin and frowns. “You were smiling just a minute ago. Now you’re frowning. I do not like it when you frown.”

I burst out laughing and throw my arms around his chest, because I really need a hug right now. “Sometimes my brain just takes off on me,” I say into the cloth of his shirt.

“That’s something I can certainly understand.” He hugs me back, letting his arms rest around my shoulders, and for a moment we just relax into each other. This is the most physical comfort I’ve really felt from anyone besides Lou in a long time. Probably since my mom died.

Someone clears their throat loudly next to us. I look up and see Colin standing there, a box of tiles in one hand and a large bucket in the other. His expression is completely neutral, and I can’t read it.

“Let’s get this shower done,” he says gruffly as he turns and heads for the ensuite door.

“Very good, captain. Because we have plans afterward!” Tom calls after him.

Colin doesn’t answer. I follow him without looking at Tom, because right now the only place making eye contact with Tom can possibly send me is straight back to Anxiety Land.

Colin turns on the Bluetooth stereo while the two of us work and Tom bustles around the area, talking about drapes and occasionally correcting the way Colin’s laid out a tile and giving Colin orders that make him roll his eyes and half-smile.

I like tiling, as it turns out. It’s a lot of finicky, detail-oriented work that doesn’t leave much room for me to get lost inside my head, and I feel so accomplished when it’s finished.

From this day forward, for as long as this shower stays in place, there will be a visual record of something I did in this world. Something I made.

“Done.” Colin sets the last tile in place and stands up as he places his hands on his hips. “Now it all needs to set.”

“Perfect. Then let’s head back to your place, Colin. I’ll go start putting the leftover materials away!” Tom whirls around and disappears, leaving Colin and me alone.

“Listen,” I blurt out as I turn around to face Colin.

“We don’t have to do this, okay? I would never want to get in the way of your friendship with Tom, and I know you’re figuring some things out, and I really get that because I am too, and last night when I said we should try this, I just meant that—”

“Hey, calm down.” Colin lays his hands down on my shoulders. “Take a breath, little one.”

I swear, all he and Tom have to do is call me little one and it’s like a shot of Xanax—not that I would know, I’ve never tried Xanax—to my whole brain. I take the breath.

“Whatever is about to happen,” Colin says to me slowly. Carefully. “Know one thing for sure. I’m not going to do anything I’m not sure I want to do. And as long as you don’t either, and Tom doesn’t either, everything will be fine.” He smiles slightly. “Consent. Communication. Right?”

Right. Right. Right. He has to be right.

And we can keep this a secret. No one has to know. Dave never has to find out.

Right?

I charge out of the room, ahead of Colin, before I can change my mind. Because there are just too many sharp turns into Anxiety Land laid out in front of me.