Page 13 of Fanboy in the Falls (Devon Falls #3)

Love requires sacrifice. —Tom Evers

Well. There’s nothing quite like discovering that the straight best friend you’ve pined for your entire life is not only not straight but also interested in the one other man you have serious feelings for.

This year is beginning to make me wonder if I’ve angered the universe somehow.

Perhaps this is all payback for the time last year when I accidentally kidnapped my neighbor’s dog for a week?

In my defense, I thought it was just a stray who needed a home.

Still, the events of tonight, stacked on top of everything else that’s happened in my life recently, are suggesting that I’ve definitely upset some sort of deity somewhere.

But I can’t let on to either Gabe or Colin how shaky and out-of-balance I feel right now.

Colin’s just shared so much of himself with both of us, and I won’t take away from his moment by demanding to know why he can’t find some bicurious feelings for me as well as Gabe.

So I’ll just do what I do best as we sort all of this out: keep my impossible feelings for Colin buried far within me.

We all have our talents, I suppose. And I’ve certainly become a master of that one.

The three of us find ourselves back at Colin’s house, sitting on the large wraparound porch that glints under a combination of moonlight and the solar lights Colin’s installed across his property.

Gabe’s gotten a text from Benson saying that the party is winding down at the inn, but Lou’s still asleep, and that there’s no need for Gabe to rush back right now.

Benson and Jack are still keeping an eye on him.

Benson doesn’t even seem to be making any snarky remarks about my disappearance with Gabe. He’s being such a dear tonight. Perhaps I’ll decide to make an argument against him wearing the leaf outfit at the next town meeting.

Gabe’s sitting on the wide porch railing, his knees crossed (he referred to the position as “criss cross applesauce” when he sat down), and I’m fighting the urge to put a hand behind him to make sure he doesn’t topple off the railing and into Colin’s rose bushes.

Logically, I’m aware that Gabe’s perfectly capable of making sure he’s chosen a seat where he can sit without falling over.

What can I say? I’m an overprotective, difficult man at heart.

Gabe clears his throat. “You two have probably noticed that I try to stay a pretty positive person.”

I nod. “Yes, little one. Pollyanna’s somewhere taking notes.”

Gabe frowns and cocks his head. “Who’s that?”

“Never mind; sometimes I forget just how young you are. Anyway, you were saying?” I do my best to ignore the rush of humming energy that I’m so certain is thrumming between Colin and me. Energy that’s clearly all in my head, as tonight continues to confirm.

Because Colin, as it turns out, does feel romantic attraction to men after all. He simply does not feel attraction to me . No point thinking about that now. I clear my throat. “Go on, little one.”

Colin nods shortly. How dare he look so confident when he makes mute gestures like that.

“Yeah. Okay.” Gabe draws himself up straight on the railing.

“Anyway, I’m pretty positive and all… about most things, anyway.

” I don’t miss the quick grimace that passes over his face.

More secrets. But now’s not the time to suss those out.

“So I’m just curious if maybe my own optimism has, like, gotten the better of me or something and now I’m dreaming and I don’t realize it? ” He blurts the last words out.

“Excuse me?” Colin asks at the same time I say “Come again?”

Gabe throws his arms up in the air, and both Colin and I jolt toward him as he rocks backward on the railing.

He rights himself quickly, though, and we both sit back down.

“You! You two!” He points at me. “You’re a famous movie star!

I used to watch you while I—um—never mind, but the point is that you’re famous and you gave me my first kiss tonight! ”

Colin’s eyes widen as he turns to look at me.

I, for my part, can only think about that kiss right now: the way Gabe explored my lips and his hands moved gently up my sides.

Like he was trying to memorize every detail of me while I did the same for him.

It was, to be honest, a level of emotion I’m not generally used to feeling while kissing someone.

“And you.” Now Gabe points to Colin. “You’ve won a World Driving Championship! But first you decide to help me save an inn , and now you say you want to kiss me too?”

“To be fair, I’m also saving the inn,” I point out.

“ Saving is a bit of a strong word, don’t you think?” Colin says as he turns to me, but he’s smiling. “Yesterday you carried in three rolls of wallpaper and then spent an hour sitting on the floor while you showed me and Gabe pictures of carpeting options.”

“You’d be lost without my supervisory capabilities, darling. You wanted to choose marigold as a paint color.” I shudder. “The horror.”

“Anyway.” Gabe interrupts us and crosses his arms. “I’m just a little confused here, okay? Because I still don’t get how even one of you could like me, let alone both of you.”

It’s on the tip of my tongue to say one word in response, but Colin gets there first. “Why?”

Gabe frowns. “What do you mean, why? I’m, like, me. ”

“Precisely,” I say, and Gabe laughs.

“I mean that I’m a five-six nobody who works at an inn that may have to be closed, and I spend most of my life taking care of my little brother, and nobody else has ever wanted to kiss me until you, Tom, and my stepfather doesn’t even like—”

He stops suddenly and clamps his mouth shut. Colin leans forward and steals my words again.

“Doesn’t like what?”

Gabe takes in a long, deep breath, and then his face explodes in a sudden smile. “Never mind!” he says, aggressively cheerful. “I just meant that none of this makes sense, especially since you two are best friends!” His eyes stop on me briefly as he says that, and then he looks away again.

I look up toward the sky, where white dots float in a sea of black, and I think of the strange series of life events that all had to conspire in order for me to arrive in this one place, at this one time.

Christian’s death. Sam becoming friends with Jack and eventually moving to Devon Falls.

Me taking on The Good Sword part. Colin leaving his career so abruptly.

My twenty-plus year secret love for Colin.

I’m so very tired of the secrets. The secrets surrounding my acting career right now are enough to hold onto, and my secret love for Colin is nothing but endless, meaningless, exhaustion. And these stars are so beautiful. So bright and clear and real.

That’s what I would like to be tonight. Bright and clear and real.

I stand up. “I can’t speak for Colin,” I say.

“But I can tell you, Gabe, that I can’t fathom how you could have had a childhood where anyone wouldn’t want you near them at all times.

You are kind and sunny and caring. You look out for everyone around you, especially your little brother.

You, Gabriel Gomez, are absolutely the furthest person from nobody that I could ever imagine. ”

Gabe sits, his eyes wide and his body frozen in what appears to be stunned silence.

Colin sits back in the porch swing and crosses his arms. He glances over at me as he sends me a half-smile.

“What Tom said,” he says softly. “I mean, I never thought about kissing a man in my entire life before I met you, Gabe.”

That comment stings slightly, but I brush it off.

Colin stands up. “Listen,” he says. “I care about you both. Tom, I’ve cared about you since the two of us could barely walk. Gabe, I barely met you a year ago and I already know I’d walk through fire for you. Hell, I could have had the chance not that long ago.”

Gabe’s eyes get even wider.

“The point is,” Colin goes on, “that I really don’t want to get in the way of whatever you two have started here, and I can step back now.

We can pretend I never said anything tonight.

” He shakes his head. “When I said that, I was just trying… to live all the way again for once, if that makes any sense. Because it’s been a long damn time since I did. ”

“Oh, Colin.” Gabe jumps up off the railing and rushes over to throw his arms up and around Colin’s shoulders in a hug. He’s so much shorter that his legs lift slightly up off the ground when Colin hugs him back. “That’s terrible,” he mutters into Colin’s sweater.

My heart splits against its own seams. This man who is bleeding emotion across the porch for my best friend. Because of course he is. He’s Gabe.

Gabriel Gomez deserves to be happy. No one deserves that more… except possibly for my very best friend in life.

That means I’m going to have to be noble here, aren’t I? It’s obviously the right thing to do. I clear my throat. “Actually,” I tell the two of them, “I think I’m the one who should step back.”

Gabe drops from Colin’s arms as they both turn to look at me.

I paste on a smile. “Colin, I’ve known you a long time.

You’ve barely felt attraction for anyone until you met Gabe.

Whatever that means, it seems important.

” I stand up so that we’re all at even height—well, not exactly even.

Colin and I still tower above Gabe. “You two should see where this leads,” I say, and my voice doesn’t even sound like it’s fighting against my body.

But I mean what I’m saying. I know that I do. “See what you can become together.”

Later on, I know I will probably remember saying these words as I sob in my bed upstairs in Colin’s guest rooms. But sacrifices must be made sometimes, right? Love requires sacrifice. I turn to go inside the house.

“Wait!” Gabe calls out, and there’s a sort of desperation in his voice that has me immediately turning back around. Colin and I both stare at him.