Page 10 of Fanboy in the Falls (Devon Falls #3)

Sometimes I can’t believe how much we’ll put off in our lives for someone we love. —Tom Evers

“Who knew hanging drywall would make me feel so jacked?” I throw up one of my not-quite-so-existent biceps and wiggle my eyebrows at Eric, who rolls his eyes and laughs.

I’ve always had to watch my eating and my workout habits in order to maintain a body that Hollywood deemed “acceptable” for the sorts of parts I’ve been cast in, but I’ve never had a physique that naturally lent itself to GQ magazine covers.

My stomach is just designed in a rounded form, it seems.

That topic came up during my final days of filming The Good Sword , as executives searched for more reasons to destroy my career. I can still remember the comments I had to sit in silence and listen to.

Just doesn’t really have the shape to pull this off…

The look is wrong, you know? I hate to use the word fat, but…

Let’s face it: you’ve put on some pounds.

Never mind that my trainer said I was in the best shape of my life during that segment of my career. I quickly drop my arm muscle. Eric, who’s got his hands on his hips as he studies the wall we’ve just finished hanging, doesn’t seem to notice.

“It’s looking good,” he says. “And everything’s on schedule.

You, Colin, and Gabe are doing a great job, Tom.

Sorry I can’t be here to help out more.” He runs his hand through his hair and shakes his head.

“Between National Guard stuff, other construction jobs, and Elijah, my schedule just keeps getting busier.”

I’ve decided I quite like Eric. It turns out he’s always been a good friend to Jack, even after his sister and Jack got divorced, and Colin and I have both enjoyed meeting his son.

Elijah’s got spunk, heart, and based on what his band likes to play at local town events, he also seems to have excellent taste in music.

“Not to worry,” I assure him. “You’re keeping us on track, and that’s what matters.

Colin fills in the gaps with YouTube videos, and he makes sure to boss us around appropriately.

” I glance over into the attached bathroom of the room we’re working in.

Colin and Gabe are bent over the shower working on the tile.

Gabe’s got a look of concentration painted across his face, his eyes narrowed and his tongue sticking out slightly between his teeth and he follows Colin’s lead.

I sigh. I feel as though I’m seeing Gabe Gomez’s face everywhere these days.

At night, as I work to fall asleep. His bright, energetic eyes are the first things that go through my head in the morning.

And all day long I feel his energy in the spaces we share within these burnt-out rooms, zipping and shifting back and forth between us.

He feels it too. I’m sure of it. Ever since the day of the town hall, the day we nearly kissed, he’s looked at me differently. There’s a shy coyness to his looks. A curiosity that I know has been piqued.

But he told me himself that he isn’t into men, and I must respect that. Even if I don’t fully believe him.

He’s still young. He’s hardly had time to date anyone, as he told us at Jack and Benson’s house that night.

He’s still figuring out how to fit into the world around him.

And his behavior at the town hall and Jack’s house that day confirmed for me, with certainty, that he’s holding onto secrets that are weighing him down.

Colin’s quietly explaining something to Gabe, pointing at a space in the wall where they’re tiling some kind of pattern Colin drew up after watching a video about it.

Colin’s also been acting oddly lately. I didn’t miss his reaction when Jack started talking about the discoveries he made later in life.

I know my best friend better than anyone, and it’s clear as day to me that Gabe is making him wonder about some later-in-life discoveries of his own.

I’m not sure which is worse, honestly: knowing that your straight male friend will never love you back because he’s straight, or knowing that your male friend isn’t so straight after all and simply will never love you back because he’s more interested in someone else.

I’d tell Colin that he may or may not be barking up the wrong tree with Gabe, but it’s not my place to do so.

As such, I’m stuck here in Devon Falls, hiding from the life I’ve been quietly blacklisted from while I fix up an inn with two men who I can never have despite the fact that they both hold all of my interest.

At least this drywall we just hung looks spectacular.

Eric steps back to look at the wall more fully. He smiles. “The three of you are a good team,” he says easily. “I’m a little jealous of what you have here, if I’m being honest.”

I snort. “Jealous of this? Yesterday Colin had to teach me and Gabe what a jigsaw was.”

Eric grins. “Well, maybe not that part. But working with you three is a nice distraction from my work on sites where half the people don’t get along or are just there to collect the day’s pay.

Which is fine. I get that life. I’ve been there.

But putting up apartments in the suburbs of Burlington with people who couldn’t care less about what they’re working on isn’t exactly a contractor’s dream.

You three get to work on a place you care about.

This inn matters to all of you. You’ve got a goal, you’re determined to meet it, and you’re doing the best work you can for each other. ”

“Have you thought about starting your own construction company?” I ask him. “Getting away from the suburbs and doing more work that really interests you?”

Eric frowns. “Oh, all the time. But I’m retiring from the Guard this year, and Elijah’s still got another year of high school after this.

Doesn’t feel like the right time.” He shakes his head.

“Maybe once he’s in college. It’s wild, isn’t it?

Sometimes I can’t believe how much we’ll put off in our lives for someone we love.

But I’d do anything for Elijah. Hey, hand me that drill, would you? ”

I pass over the drill, and he starts doing something with screws and the drywall while I parse his words. Sometimes I can’t believe how much we’ll put off in our lives for someone we love.

It’s not the same, of course, his situation and mine. Eric has a son to look after. A living, breathing dependent who still needs him for financial and human security.

But—is that how I’ve been treating my relationship with Colin? Have I been putting off moving forward, letting myself fall in love, just to keep what the two of us have intact? I remember something Sheila, my last girlfriend said to me, not long before we broke up.

“I know, I know. You have plans with Colin, and he comes first. I get it, babe. He’ll always come first.”

I didn’t bother to put up an argument, because we both knew she was right.

I’ve always put Colin in front of everyone else, especially after Christian passed away.

But Colin isn’t a child. He’s a full-grown adult, and even in his worst moments after Christian’s death, he’s always been a highly capable adult.

That capability is on full display now, as he instructs Gabe on where to set tile after tile.

The picture on the shower wall is coming to life now.

It’s a beautiful mix of hand-painted tiles Colin found at an artisan store, flooded with blues and greens and purples and reds that cross over each other in abstract patterns.

Those are flanked with tiles of similar colors that Colin chose to frame them, and then he’s boxed those in with a diamond pattern of white tile.

The sun moves through the open window of the bathroom, hitting the center of the tile just right, and now I see all of Colin’s strength on full display.

It is wild, isn’t it, how much you’ll put off in your life for someone you love? Especially when you’ve trained yourself to believe that they need you just as much as you need them.

This epiphany is still swirling in my brain like the pattern on Colin’s tiles when there’s a knock at the empty frame of the room’s door.

I look up to see Bethany, who’s holding Lou’s hand.

“Hi!” she says cheerfully. “Look who just got dropped off. Don’t step over the doorway, Lou,” she adds.

“Looks like there might be nails on the floor.”

“Best to stay where you are,” Eric calls over his shoulder. “Hi, Lou!”

“Hi, Eric!” Lou waves back, always excited to see another friendly face. Today he’s wearing a black t-shirt with leggings and the Mary Janes I’ve noticed he loves. And his purple tutu, which seems to be his favorite item of clothing.

I’ve gone my entire adult life without ever wanting to have children. But when I imagine the remote possibilities of anything ever happening between me and Gabe, it’s strange how easily Lou slots into that picture. As if he was always meant to be there.

If only I understood better how this asshat stepfather factors into the larger snapshot of Gabe’s life.

Gabe emerges from the bathroom, wiping his hands. “Hey, buddy. Can you hang out with Bethany for a minute? Then we’ll head home.”

“Yeah!” Lou claps his hands together. “And then we need to make the cake! For your birthday!”

Gabe goes scarlet as Eric and Colin both stop what they’re doing. The three of us exchange looks with Bethany, and one thing is quickly clear: Lou just dropped a bomb on all of us. “It’s your birthday?” Bethany asks, voice incredulous. “Why didn’t you tell us? This must be your twenty-second!”

Colin snorts. “Were you underage at the winery opening last year?” There’s a teasing note in his voice as he looks over at me. I know he’s thinking about the many, many bottles of wine Gabe was carrying around that day.

Gabe’s face goes so red I’m worried for a moment that he might pass out. “I’d just turned twenty-one,” he finally says in a strangled voice. “And I was a mature twenty-one!”

“Tell that to the rhododendron you christened,” I answer, but I send him a wink to let him know I’m joking.

“How will you be celebrating your birthday?” I’m horrified he didn’t tell us about this.

Or even the people he works with, apparently.

Bethany and Evelyn seem to be the two people he’s closest to in Devon Falls.

If he didn’t tell them, there is only one assumption I can make: no one here except Lou knew when Gabe’s birthday was.

“Nothing big.” Gabe smiles slightly and wipes his palms on his work jeans. “But we’ve got cake mix at home, Lou, I promise. And I bought the good ice cream.”

“Yay!” Lou dances around in a circle. “Let’s go! Let’s go!”

Oh, no. This will not be happening. I hold up one hand. “Time out, little one. You are not celebrating your birthday with a boxed cake mix. I will not allow that. Bethany, is the dining room available tonight? You don’t serve dinner on Tuesdays, correct?”

“It’s open and available,” she says.

“Then we’ll be borrowing it. I’m calling Luis and Thai for Two, and we’re getting all your favorites. And a real cake, of course. Gabe, we’re throwing you a birthday party.”

Gabe blinks. “Uh, you don’t need to—”

“We sure do.” Colin interrupts him quickly as he sets one hand down on Gabe’s shoulder. “Birthdays matter, little one. You matter.”

Lou squeals. “Yay, a party! Can we have balloons?”

“Of course there will be balloons,” I tell him. “Gabe, go home and get changed. We’ll need you and Lou back here and ready at six. Casual clothes,” I add when his eyebrows go up in alarm. “No need to break out a tux.”

Gabe purses his lips and looks like he’s going to argue, but Bethany cuts him off again. “Please say yes, Gabe. You’ve done so much for us. Let us do this for you.”

When he drops his head in agreement, I notice my muscles going slack. He’s said yes. I hadn’t even realized how much I’d been hoping he would. I need to do this for him, I realize: I need to make Gabe the most important person in the world for once, because I’m not sure he’s ever felt that way.

And then I need to let go of any feelings I have for him. I need to respect his wishes, his needs, and his timeline for whatever self-discovery he wants or needs to make.

But he’s not the only one I need to let go of.