Page 18

18

W hen I get home, I lie down on the couch. My head feels sick and swimmy. Roan makes some tea, and I sip it slowly, but this strange feeling doesn’t go away.

“You probably overdid it a bit at the game,” Roan says gently, sitting next to me on the couch and pulling me down so that my head is resting in his lap.

I start to feel a little better.

And even a little better, a moment later, when he starts to gently stroke my hair. Even better when he asks in a husky voice if there is anything I need.

“I’m fine right now,” I say, not wanting the moment to end.

I look up at him, his gray eyes finding my brown ones.

God, how can he look so good? I really don’t know.

He strokes my cheek tenderly. “It’s hard to see you suffer like this,” he says softly.

Warmth flows through me. “It’s just a stomachache. I’ll be okay,” I answer.

We sit in cozy silence for a few moments. His hand strokes my hair gently, and I am on the verge of dozing off.

“Don’t you have to go back to your family?” I murmur sleepily.

He shakes his head. “They can manage without me once in a while.”

“Today was fun.”

“You can come next time. We play about once a month.”

“You guys get together so often.”

He shrugs. “Everyone is usually only together at family celebrations, at rugby matches, or at the vacation home at Lake Tahoe. Otherwise, it tends to be small groups. I see my cousins all the time, but that’s just ‘cause they’re always at the pub.”

“So, the pub is your base camp, so to speak.”

He chuckles. “You could say that.”

“I really like your family,” I say simply.

He taps me on the nose. “Funnily enough, they all like you too. Especially Mom. She already told me she’ll keep you if I fuck things up.”

I grin. “Your mom really is the best. But they’re all great in their own way. Everyone is so open, so welcoming.”

“Not always, trust me.”

“Really? When not?”

“We don’t get that many new people in our circle. Leah once had a boyfriend we didn’t like. He was kind of slimy. He had this whole fuckboy attitude. And, of course, Brady’s ex was controversial, because everyone knew she wouldn’t leave her rich husband for a mechanic, and we were worried about Brady.”

“But everything is good so far with me?” I ask, needing the reassurance for some reason.

He caresses my cheek again, gently tracing my lower lip with his thumb. “There’s nothing wrong with you in any way. You’re perfect.”

I roll my eyes. “That’s a lie.”

“What’s not perfect?”

“I sometimes chew with my mouth open.”

He grins. “I’ve noticed. Doesn’t make you any less attractive.”

“Sometimes I sweat like I’ve run a marathon when I’ve only walked two blocks.”

He shrugs. “You’re right. You’re truly flawed. A real gargoyle.”

I hit him. “You’re so dumb.”

“Not as dumb as you.” He sticks out his tongue, and I return the gesture.

“Okay, sometimes you can be pretty silly,” he adds.

My brows come together. “And that’s bad?”

He smiles. “Like I said. Perfect.”

I wake up to the sensation of being lifted.

“Hmmm?” I ask sleepily, not opening my eyes.

“Shhhh. Go back to sleep, a thaisce .” Roan whispers against my cheek. I nestle closer into his protective warmth.

He lays me down on the bed and takes off my shoes. I fumble off my shirt and bra, then kick off my pants so that I’m just in my plain white panties. I hear him draw in his breath sharply before I snuggle into the blankets.

“Thank you,” I mumble, still half-asleep.

He sits down next to me, brushes my hair from my forehead, and presses a kiss to my cheek. “ Mo ghrá thú, a thaisce. ”

I have no idea what that means, and I don’t stop to wonder because my brain has been overcome by drowsiness. But my subconscious knows it’s a good thing because I can feel myself smiling before I’m back in the arms of sleep.

“I’m so hungry for pickles,” Nina whines on the phone.

“Can’t Jared pick some up for you?”

“He’s on his last business trip before the birth. And I’d go to the shop myself, but my feet are all fat and enormous.”

I sigh, sitting up in bed. “Fine, I’ll bring you some.”

“You’re the best!” she cheers. “Can you bring crackers and spray cheese, too?”

I make a disgusted face. “Spray cheese? Really?”

“The baby likes what it likes. We don’t judge.”

I laugh. “Okay. Pickles and spray cheese. Anything else?”

“Oh! Some brownie ice cream. I have a craving.”

“Sounds like you’ve got lots of cravings,” I chuckle. “I’m going shopping now, and then I’ll be back.”

“Thank you. Oh! And M&M’s.”

I snort through my nose. “Got it.”

After we hang up, she texts me three more things that she really needs.

I’m pondering the incessant demands of pregnant women and calculating how long until she gives birth, when my phone vibrates with another text.

I groan, assuming it’s Nina with yet another request.

But it’s Roan.

Roan

How are you feeling this morning, #?

I smile as my fingers fly over the screen to answer him.

Jenna

Much better.

I think it was just too much sun and getting pummeled into the grass by your cousins.

How are you doing?

Roan

All is well

Have to go to the pub in a minute.

Wanna stop by, #?

Jenna

I’m just off to do some shopping for Nina.

I’ll see if I can make it, but Jared’s not here, which means she’s probably bored.

Roan

No worries

Maybe Wednesday?

Jenna

Sounds good

Roan

I’d like you to give Kitty another chance.

I talked to her. She’d like to meet you again, #.

Jenna

Oh dear. Do you think that’s a good idea?

Roan

She’s a part of my life

So are you

I want you two to get along

Jenna

Speaking of a big part of my life, do you want to get to know Nina and Jared?

Roan

Double date?

Jenna

Something like that.

Roan

I thought you’d never ask

Jenna

I didn’t know you wanted that.

Roan

Of course

I want to get to know all the people who are important to you

Jenna

Okay. I’ll ask them when they’re free.

Roan

Sounds good

See you later, #.

Since I’m already at the supermarket, I sneak a pint of cookie dough ice cream into the basket for myself, then I head toward Nina’s.

She is eagerly waiting for me. “Oh God, finally! I thought you weren’t coming at all!” She snatches the grocery bag out of my hand.

“Wow, you really do have cravings.”

“Told you so.” She rummages through the bag until she finds the jar of pickles and the M&Ms and tears the bag of candy open.

I put the rest of the things away. When I come into the living room, she’s sitting on the couch with chocolate candies in one hand and a dill pickle in the other. She takes turns stuffing each into her mouth.

I have to admit, it makes me feel a little sick.

“Sit down,” she says with her mouth full.

Some old sitcom is on. Amused, I sit down next to her. “Does that satisfy your craving?”

“Totally. How come I’ve never eaten this before? It’s the perfect combination.”

“Tell me that after you’ve given birth.”

She gives me a punishing look. “It’s got nothing to do with hormones! You’re just narrow-minded when it comes to chocolate and pickles.”

“Guilty as charged.”

She selects another pickle from the still-open jar and offers it to me. “Do you want a taste?”

“I’m good, thanks.”

“More for me.” She laughs, a piece of pickle falling out of her mouth. “Oops.”

Since she has both hands full, she shrugs and leaves the piece where it fell.

Sighing, I take a napkin and wipe it away. She’ll be annoyed later if there’s a stain on the light-colored couch.

A few minutes later, she’s eaten everything and looks at her candy-stained hands.

“I’ll go wash up real quick.”

“Good idea.”

“Can you help me up?”

I do, grasping her by the wrist so I don’t get chocolate all over my hands.

While she uses the bathroom, I watch TV. The sitcom is predictably silly, but it keeps my attention for long enough that it takes a while for me to realize Nina hasn’t come back. Surprised, I go to look for her.

“Nina?” I call, knocking on the bathroom door.

When there is no answer, I open it. No one there.

The bedroom door is ajar. I knock softly, then swing it open. Nina is asleep on her bed.

I shake my head in amusement, go over, slip off her fuzzy slippers, and cover her with a quilt folded on the end of the bed. A wave of love sweeps over me.

Nina is one of my absolute favorite people, even if she is a hormonal mess at the moment. I’m so grateful that I get to experience this time with her.

Even if she is moody, even if she has cravings that defy the imagination and the stomach, even if she starts crying for no reason. She has the most important job in the world right now: Creating life.

As I sit in the car, I look at my watch. It’s only nine o’clock.

It’s still early, so I decide to pop into the pub. Although I did just see Roan yesterday.

Should it bother me how much I like spending time with him?

No , I tell myself. Friends often meet up every day. Just look at the group from Friends . They were basically attached at the hip.

As always, the pub is full when I walk in, so I just give Cian a quick wave before heading to the kitchen. I never thought I’d be someone who would be allowed to go to the back of a restaurant just like that. But I’m obviously part of the in-crowd now. I want to sweep the imaginary dust off my shoulders because I’m just that cool, but I resist the urge.

“Female in the kitchen, cover yourselves!” I shout as I push open the door.

Roan looks at me with a grin. “You’ve got the wrong idea about what we do in the kitchen.”

“Or exactly the right one.” I hug him, enjoying his arms around me, his lips on my cheek.

“Good to see you. Thought you weren’t planning to stop by tonight?”

“Nina fell asleep,” I say with a shrug.

He chuckles. “Pregnant women have their own rules.”

“That’s the truth.”

He looks around. “Theo, can you take over?”

A man in chef’s whites looks up from across the kitchen. “Sure, boss.”

Roan wipes his hands on a clean towel before walking out of the kitchen, and I follow behind him. But instead of going into the dining room, he opens another door that leads outside. Contrary to my expectations, I see, not a row of garbage cans, but a couple of wooden deck chairs.

“You created your own little oasis back here,” I say with a smile.

“Have a seat now. I’ll get you something to drink.” He grins at me before disappearing.

I settle down on one of the chairs, enjoying the gentle breeze, and realize that I’m happy. Really happy.

My life couldn’t be better. I have a great job, Cillian has kept his promise about no longer being a disruption during lecture, and I have great friends, a great family, a great life. It’s really wonderful.

The only thing missing is sex, but somehow, I don’t feel like going around looking for it, which is unusual. It’s been ages since I’ve had this kind of extended dry spell.

It’s not that I don’t feel the urge. I’m constantly surrounded by hot Irish men, after all. My libido has never been more active. But somehow, it’s not a priority right now.

I don’t know why, and I don’t want to. After all, why poke a sleeping bear? Better to let uncomfortable questions lie.

“Here,” says Roan, coming outside again with two pint glasses. He hands me one.

“Thank you.”

We clink glasses before I take a deep drink. Cian really has delicious beer, although I’m definitely not the biggest fan. Of beer, that is. I am definitely a fan of Cian.

“So. Did you ever talk to Kitty?” I ask, jumping straight to the one thing that’s been burning on my mind.

“I did.”

“What did she say?”

He scratches the back of his neck, looking embarrassed. “I can’t tell you everything she said because that would betray her trust, but the big thing is that she’s sorry for her behavior, and she’d like to get to know you.”

“So, she was jealous. Did you tell her there’s nothing going on between us?” As I speak, my stomach clenches suddenly. Is my spot of sickness from yesterday not gone after all?

“I told her,” Roan says.

“Well, now you know that she’s in love with you,” I say.

“Hmmm” is his only response.

I take another sip. “Maybe it’s easier for her if she doesn’t see you with other women.”

He rubs the back of his neck. “I wish she wasn’t in love with me.”

“So there’s no hope that you two could get together?” I ask, even though I know the answer. After all, he said he wished she wasn’t in love with him, not that he was in love with her.

I don’t know how to feel about any of this anymore.

“No.” He looks at me apologetically, which I don’t quite understand, but I tell myself it’s because he’s worried I think badly of him. He obviously doesn’t know that I could never do that.

“I feel sorry for her,” I say quietly. “How did you two leave things with?”

He shrugs. “We agreed that we would remain friends until it’s no longer possible.”

“Like if you ever get into a committed relationship,” I say, filling in the blanks. “Because it would hurt her too much.”

He nods. “Yes.”

There’s another swooping feeling in my stomach, but I try to ignore it.

“That would probably be really hard,” I say. “Like I said, I feel sad. For her and for you. I know that her friendship means a lot to you.”

“It does. And I don’t want to hurt her. That’s the last thing I want to do.”

We are silent for a moment. I search my brain for a change of subject.

“How come I haven’t met your cousin Seamus yet?”

Roan downs the last of his beer. “He’s currently backpacking through Europe.”

“Oh, cool! Why didn’t you go with him?”

“I thought about it, but now I’m glad I didn’t do it.”

“Why? Isn’t he having fun?”

“Yes, totally. His voicemails are an absolute blast. But if I were away now, I wouldn’t have met you.”

I smile. “That’s really sweet of you to say.”

“That’s just the way I am. Totally sweet.”

And damn it, he is.

Not only is he sexy as hell, but he also has a great character. He’s the kind of man I’ll eventually want once I’m no longer in the mood for casual sex. Great in bed, loving and caring in life. A real partner for whom equality is not just a word but a way of life. It would be perfect.

Maybe it’s a shame that we don’t feel that way about each other.

I’m not ready for a relationship yet, I remind myself. I’m busy enjoying my life, with all its sexual adventures, far too much.

I deliberately ignore the fact that I’m not having sex at the moment.