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16

R oan drives me home in my car because I’m not able to do it. Definitely had too much wine.

I guess that’s what happens when you try to keep up with hard-drinking Irish people; they drink you under the table. Except for Roan, who must have anticipated that I might need a driver.

“I hope you felt comfortable,” says Roan after we’ve been driving in silence for a few minutes.

“Very much. Your family is great,” I say, my voice slurring just a little.

“Not too rowdy?”

“Not at all. I’m a little envious.”

“I’ll give you Cian and Eoin,” he says dryly, but I know he loves his brothers.

I’ve been watching it all afternoon. They wind each other up, they squabble, they fight, but there’s an invisible line they’ve never crossed. They stop before blood flows, real or metaphorical.

And there’s a solid relationship between the Walsh parents and their children. An enviable one. I can also see what Roan meant when he said that his parents are not necessarily passionate for each other.

Helen and Brian Walsh are friends, much more than lovers. Their relationship is based on respect and kindness more than romantic desire.

Perhaps this is the second-best option if you are not already passionately in love with your partner.

“I love your mom,” I say.

He grins. “Me too. She’s the best.”

I don’t know why—probably because of all that wine—but tears rise in my eyes. I blink them away and look out of the window.

“Hey, what’s up?” Roan asks, as always far too attentive.

“Nothing,” I say. A moment later, I break down sobbing.

“Tell me,” he gently urges.

“I miss my mom,” I say with a helpless shrug.

Roan sighs. “I know, a thaisce . I wish I could ease your pain.”

“I’m thirty years old. I shouldn’t be crying because I miss my mommy. I should just get used to it. After all, they didn’t just move away yesterday.”

“There’s no timetable for missing your parents, Jenna. You have every right to feel the way you do.”

I look at him, my lip still quivering. “I guess I just realized today that there are different relationships between parents and children.”

“What do you mean?”

“I love my parents, and I know they love me more than anything. But your mom…she would never have moved to Florida.”

Roan nods slowly. “No. I don’t think she would have.”

“And I’m glad for you—that you have that.” My voice cracks at the end of the sentence, and I hate myself for sounding so pitiful.

He reaches for my hand and pulls it to his lips. “But I can tell what you’re thinking. You’re wondering what’s wrong with you that she would leave. I want you to forget that thought right now.”

“How do you know what I’m thinking?”

“I already know you pretty well. As you just said, there are different bonds. One is no better than the other. Your mom doesn’t love you any less than mine loves me.”

“I know…” I say hesitantly.

“I can put your mind at rest. I was able to watch you both in Florida and believe me, Meryl Scott loves you unconditionally.”

I wipe my tears with the back of my hand, but they just keep flowing. “But why did she leave?”

“Because she is also a woman and not just a mother. Some women are completely absorbed in being a mother, and some want more. And that’s also okay.”

“I know!” I exclaim. “That’s why I told her to leave. I had no idea it would be this hard for me to be without her. It’s just…confusing. I want her to be happy, and she is. But at the same time…”

“You miss her,” Roan finishes for me. “Of course you do. Because you love her. And if you ask her, she’ll probably tell you the same thing. That she loves you too. Very much so.”

I sniff loudly, my tears beginning to recede. “I know. You’re right. I think too much wine and too much family isn’t the best combination.”

“When I told you that you were already part of my family, I meant it. My parents and brothers already know that, too. They are yours if you want them. I’m yours, if you want me, a thaisce .”

I smile at him. “Thank you. Of course, I do.”

He smiles back at me, squeezing my hand. “Then you’ve got me.”

The next day, it’s once again time for my Latin America seminar.

After missing the last lecture, Cillian is back today. Sporting a black eye and a split lip.

I immediately have a bad feeling. I’m half-expecting him to hit me, or hit on me, or insult me in some way. I have no idea what to expect.

But he does nothing. He doesn’t look at me or make a snide face. Nothing. Instead, he seems almost meek, without his usual cocky, frat-boy attitude.

After the seminar, he comes forward to the front of the lecture hall. I watch the other students file out; glad he at least isn’t going to cause a scene in front of everyone.

“Ms. Scott?” he begins in a timid voice.

“Yes?”

“I want to apologize for my inappropriate behavior. It was not right in any way. I need those credit points for my degree, but if you’re uncomfortable with me being here, I won’t be back.” He doesn’t really look at me, aiming his words at his expensive sneakers.

I sigh, my lips in a tight line. “My hands are tied at this point. The head of the department says you can take part, so you can.”

He nods. “We both know his opinion isn’t the important one. Maybe here at the university, but not for…for Roan.”

I give him a wry look. “Do you have him to thank for the shiner?”

I wish Roan hadn’t interfered. I’m very much against violence, and he took away some of my authority by going behind my back—although after Mr. Clairmont’s verdict, it’s not like I had a lot of authority left anyway.

Cillian blushes under his bruises. “No comment. If I am allowed to stay in your seminar, I promise that I will be an exemplary student and that nothing like this will ever happen again.”

I shrug. “Like I said. I have no other choice anyway.”

“Yes, you do. If you tell me you don’t want me to come back, I won’t.”

This is a no-win situation. Cillian is an asshole. Absolute scum.

But he’s still part of Roan’s family. And even though he says he’s not part of the inner circle , I’ve seen how tight-knit the O’Brien/Walsh clan is.

If I want to be part of Roan’s family, I will have to learn to get along with Cillian somehow. Life will be harder if we’re enemies.

I run my tongue over my teeth. “Fine. You can stay. But the next time you do something inappropriate, you’re out for good.”

“Thank you. Best behavior in the future.” He grins with relief. “Could you tell Roan that too, please? That you agree? That was his condition.”

I nod. “Sure.”

“See you next week, Ms. Scott.”

I just nod again.

Have I just made a huge mistake or not? That is the all-important question.

Over the next few weeks, my new life settles down a bit. I see Roan at least three times a week. Sometimes more often, although we don’t always meet for hours on end.

Sometimes we get coffee or, once it finally gets warmer, ice cream. Every now and then, he shows up on campus, bringing me lunch that he made himself. And at least once a week, I’ll pop into the pub, keeping him company in the kitchen, or chatting to Cian when Roan is busy with a rush of orders.

Every other Sunday is the Walsh family dinner, and Helen makes it clear that she expects me there, same as the boys. It quickly becomes one of my favorite parts of my new routine.

I also try to see Nina a couple times a week. Somehow, despite the fact that we are seeing less of each other than ever, our friendship has become even closer as a result. At first, I don’t understand why, but then I realize that it’s because she doesn’t feel so torn anymore.

She no longer has to feel conflicted about not spending all of her time with me. She has more time for Jared and her advancing pregnancy. And because she is happier, so am I.

“I wanted to apologize, by the way,” I say one evening. We’re sitting on her couch while Jared is at the movies with friends.

“For what?” she asks in surprise, lowering the remote control.

“I didn’t realize how much of your time I was taking up.”

“You say that like it’s an obligation to spend time with you instead of one of my favorite things.”

I smile, but my heart still feels heavy. “Yes, but I feel like I demanded too much of you just as you were trying to move into a new phase of your life.”

She turns on the couch, which requires some effort considering how big her belly has gotten now that she’s entering her ninth month. “Are you saying you feel like Jared and the baby replaced you?!” Tears well up in her eyes.

I shake my head in horror. “No! You misunderstand me. I’m apologizing right now.”

She sniffs loudly. “Because let me tell you something, Jenna Scott. Just because you have a new family now doesn’t change the fact that you and I are family, too! You’ve always been my family. I’ve always been yours. It’s you and me against the world. I’ve always been there, and I’ll always be there. So don’t forget me, spending all your time with the O’Briens.”

Nina bursts into tears. My heart breaks for her, even if I don’t totally understand the reason for her outburst. I don’t have to.

I reach for her hand. “I didn’t mean that at all. I just meant that you always felt torn between me and Jared and that it wasn’t fair of me to expect you to spend so much time with me.”

“Of course it was fair!” Nina wails. “I’m your best friend! It’s always been you and me. And I think it’s really crap of you to act like I’m a bad friend just because I would rather spend time with my boyfriend than with you!”

Wait, what? This conversation wasn’t going the way I’d intended at all. “No, I didn’t mean that.”

She stands up from the couch, wiping her eyes, caught somewhere between sad and angry. “And Mr. Roan the Great might think he’s the big thing for the moment, but he’s got it all wrong. He’s lucky I can share, but you’re actually mine.”

I grin. “Don’t forget, soon you’ll have to share everything with a tiny new human.” I take her hand in mine. “You took that wrong. I love you so incredibly much, and I want to spend as much time with you as I can. But I don’t want to put you in a bind. That’s all I wanted to say.”

Her dark brows come together. “You’re not putting me in a bind.”

“What about Jared? Does he feel the same way?”

“He understands that I’m happier when I have you in my life.”

“You’re my best friend,” I say, feeling tears spring into my own eyes despite myself.

“No, you’re my best friend,” Nina says, laughing now through her sobs.

“No way. I like you a thousand times better.”

“I like you more times infinity.” Nina grins but then becomes serious. “And don’t ever talk nonsense like that again. I need you as much as I need Jared.”

“What about Jared?” comes a man’s voice from the front door. We look up to see Jared standing there, a brown paper bag in his arms.

He gives Nina a loving smile and pulls a cardboard pint out of the bag. “I brought pistachio ice cream.”

She squeals in delight, her tears forgotten. “Thank you!”

He pulls a second pint out of the bag. “Jenna? Cookie dough, right?”

“Oooooh! You are the best.”

He laughs. “Nah, but I’ve learned that you have to keep pregnant ladies fed, or they’ll maul you. Like the tiger in the zoo.”

“Hey!” Nina protests half-heartedly, digging into her ice cream.

“How was your movie?” she asks when Jared sits down next to her.

“Meh. Nothing amazing.” He strokes Nina’s stomach, frowning. “How’s the little one? Have you been crying?”

She looks at him indignantly. “No, not at all. Jenna was just really mean to me.”

Jared mock-scowls at me. “Don’t be mean to her because then she’ll be mean to me, and then I’ll have to sleep on the couch even though I haven’t done anything.”

I shrug, my eyes on my cookie dough dessert. “Hey, you’re the one dating a crazy girl. Now live with it.”

Nina laughs.

Jared pretends to look offended. “Oh sure, Jenna gets to call you crazy, but I have to walk on eggshells?”

She puts her hand on her stomach. “That’s because all of this is your fault.”

“I seem to remember two of us in that bed.” He laughs, kissing her temple.

“Nope,” she insists, giggling. “Just you. All your fault.”

He sighs, wrapping an arm around her. “If you insist.”

I also sigh, somewhat wistfully. The two of them found each other. No one suits Nina better than him. Except me, of course.

“Okay, you two are too disgustingly cute. I can’t take it anymore,” I say, putting the lid on my half-finished pint of ice cream and rising from the couch.

Jared laughs. “So, when do we get to see you with Roan?”

“Oh yes,” says Nina, already looking excited. “Double date!”

I shake my head. “No, absolutely not. I veto that idea. That hasn’t worked before.”

Nina laughs, nodding. “It was always a disaster.”

“Do I want to know?” asks Jared.

“No,” we both say at the same time.

I come over and kiss Nina on the cheek. “So, I’ll see you the day after tomorrow?”

“Yes. Thank you for coming with me.”

It’s only when I’ve walked the few blocks home that I realize I forgot to mention that Roan and I aren’t even together, so we can’t be on a double date with her and Jared.

Very strange.

“Jenna!”

Sitting on a bench near the entrance to the park, I look up from my book. “What?”

“I only called your name three times,” Roan says with a grin as he sits down on the bench next to me.

“Oh, sorry! I was lost in the story.”

“You don’t say.” He kisses me on the cheek. “Ready?”

I shake my head. “Nope, not at all.”

He nods as if this is the right attitude to have. “So perfectly prepared, then.”

“If you say so.”

Roan has invited me to play rugby with the O’Briens, and I must have been mentally deranged because I said yes.

He laughs, putting his hand on my arm, sending tingles spreading down my skin. “Don’t worry, I’ll protect you.”

“You’d better.”

“I promise. It’s not as rough as you’re thinking, either.”

I give him a disbelieving look. “Mmm-hmmm. I’ve been to enough Walsh family dinners now to know that you three are trouble. What’s it going to be like with the whole clan there?”

He stands up and holds out his hand to me. “Only one way to find out.”

My heart is pounding as I take his hand, and he hauls me to my feet.

We walk slowly further into the park, enjoying the rare San Francisco sunny day.

“So how have you been?” he asks me, even though we saw each other just yesterday.

I shrug. “All good. The semester will be over soon, thank God. I need to think about when I’m going to Florida.”

“How long are you planning to stay with your parents?”

“Maybe a week.”

He gives a fake pout. “I’m supposed to go without you for that long?”

“You can come with me again,” I say, trying to sound nonchalant.

He laughs. “Your parents probably want some one-on-one time with their daughter.”

“They like you. Mom always asks how you’re doing when we talk on the phone. Besides, Dad’s discovered fishing now, so if you’re interested, I’m sure he’d love to take you out with him.”

Roan peers at me, his handsome face inscrutable, his tone suddenly serious. “Are you for real? You want me to come with you again?”

I shrug, glancing at him because his tone is so strange. “Sure. If you like.”

“Maybe we could even do a road trip,” he suggests. “See some other places.”

I look at him in surprise. “You want to drive to Florida?”

Laughing, he replies, “No, but maybe we could fly to Orlando and see the sights in that area.”

“You want to go to Disney World?” I laugh.

He shrugs, his eyes sparkling with enthusiasm. “Sounds good. Disney World, the Florida Keys, the Everglades. All the touristy stuff.”

“Sure. Then we can just go to Little Havana, then South Beach, followed by a trip to the Bahamas,” I’m half-joking, but I’m not sure he is by the way he grins at me.

“How much time can you take off work?”

He shrugs. “Two, three weeks.”

“And you’re serious about this?”

“As a heart attack.”

I smile at him, finally catching his infectious excitement. “Then let’s do it.”

He grins and squeezes my arm. “Cool! I’ll book the tickets.”

Still stunned by the sudden spontaneous plans, I change the subject. “Hey, how was your fight yesterday?”

“I won,” he says with a cocky grin.

“Show-off.”

“Always.” He points to a growing crowd mingling on the park grass. “We’re here. Ready for some rugby?”

There is no adequate description for the scene before me.