Page 13

13

B ecause he is a crazy person, Roan goes jogging with my father at the crack of dawn the next morning.

He showers, then comes and wakes me up, not caring that I still want to sleep. But since he brings me a cup of coffee, I can’t stay mad at him for long.

After breakfast, we take Mom to the Flamingo Island flea market. Over five hundred sellers display their wares here. A person can find anything their heart desires: jewelry, books, clothes, tools…Anything you can imagine is buried here somewhere, probably in a pile of junk.

I could spend hours at this place. Flea markets are a treasure hunt, like being Indiana Jones on the trail of a huge chunk of gold. Although in this case, gold is easy to find. Big chunky bangles and chains dangle from many of the jewelry-sellers stalls.

Roan stands for a long time at a stall selling old boxing gloves but doesn’t buy them in the end. I hear him mutter that they’re too expensive. Later on, I duck back and buy them for him. So that he doesn’t notice, I put the wrapped package in Mom’s giant handbag.

Mom looks at me with amusement but doesn’t say a word.

I just love wandering from stall to stall. But unfortunately, we have to get back to the airport, and I have to return to real life.

We buy Cuban sandwiches from one of the food stalls, which we eat before heading back to my parents’ house. We pack quickly and they take us to the airport.

I can hardly hold back the tears.

“Don’t cry, my sweet girl. You’ll be back soon. On your vacation,” Mom comforts me, but it’s hard to leave her. Not every daughter can honestly say that their mom is one of their favorite people, but I can.

They also give Roan a warm farewell. Mom whispers something in his ear, which makes him smile. We wave a final goodbye, and head through security to our gate.

Roan wraps his arm around me once we’re sitting in uncomfortable plastic chairs on the other side of security. “I’m sorry you don’t have your parents around all the time.”

“Me too.” I wipe my tears away.

“Why did they actually move to Florida?”

“Because they want to have a nice retirement.”

He nods, looking thoughtful. “Hmm. Do they know how much it bothers you?”

I give him a suspicious look. “No, and it stays that way. Got it?”

“Sure. But I don’t think they would have gone if they’d known how much it would hurt you.”

My frown deepens. “How do you know I’m hurt?”

He shrugs. “It shows on your face.”

I try to rearrange my frown into a neutral expression.

“But I’m not giving anything away,” Roan says. “I just want to understand.”

I sigh, frustrated. “Because they’ve been there for me all their lives, and now this is their dream. I couldn’t spoil it for them just because I miss them.”

“Okay.” He squeezes my shoulder. “But you have to promise me one thing.”

“What?”

His expression turns serious. “In our friendship, if something I’m doing is hurting you, tell me, okay?”

“Okay,” I say hesitantly.

Stubbornness flashes in his eyes. “Promise.”

“I promise.”

The return flight is just like the journey out there. Roan sleeps, while I spend the time bored and frustrated by all the emotions he’s stirred up.

When we land, Eoin picks us up at the airport, drives me home, then he and Roan go back to their apartment.

When I open the door, it’s quiet inside. Too quiet. I’ve had my nearest and dearest around me all weekend, and now I’m standing here, alone. Lonely.

When did my life become so empty?

There is a knock at my door. Fighting back tears, I open it.

Nina.

Nina with an enormous belly and two pints of ice cream.

“How did you know?” I ask, the tears already falling down my cheeks.

“I know you.”

She hugs me tightly as if trying to hold on to all the parts of me that are threatening to break apart.

“Thank you for being here,” I say in a choked voice.

“I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.”

I detach myself and wipe my tears away. “It’s so silly. I’m thirty, and I’m crying because I miss my mom.”

“That’s not silly. She’s a great person. I wish she knew what she’s done to her daughter by moving.”

“I hide it from her.”

“Of course you do. But if I know it, she must know it too; after all, she knows you almost as well.”

“That ship has sailed, it’s too late to go back now.” I take two spoons out of the drawer and hand her one with a smile. “At least I’ve still got you.”

“You’ll always have me. However, you will soon have to share me.”

“I’m already sharing you with Jared.”

“Jared doesn’t count,” she jokes.

I reach out to stroke her belly. “Don’t worry. I’ll be happy to share with the little one, when the time comes. We’ll be besties.”

“Hey! I’m already your bestie,” Nina laughs, removing the lid from her ice cream. Strawberry cheesecake.

I open my ice cream too. Cookie Dough.

We toast with our spoons before we dip them in and feast. I turn a cheesy reality dating show on in the background, and we watch in between bites.

“How was Florida?” Nina asks.

“It was good. Roan came along,” I confess casually as if it’s no big deal.

“What?” she shrieks. “Why am I only finding out now?”

I shrug. “I didn’t get the chance to tell you. He was sitting next to me basically all weekend.”

“Mmm-hmmm. Not a good enough excuse. I demand you tell me everything. And I mean everything . All the details.”

I roll my eyes but smirk, excited to finally share the events of the past weekend with my friend. “Fine. Roan just spontaneously decided to come along. He came to see me right before the flight, and then the next thing I knew, he had a seat booked next to me. And guess what? My parents love him!”

Nina’s eyes go wide. “What, your dad too?”

“Yes! He saw his tattoos, found out he does MMA, and then said someone like that can protect his daughter.”

She shakes her head. “I can’t believe it! He hated everyone else you’ve brought home. And your mom?”

“I think she would have been happy if he’d proposed there on the spot. He was so good with them too, respectful and friendly, and it didn’t bother him at all that Mom was super nosy.”

“Maybe they only liked him so much because you’re not together,” Nina suggests with a shrug. “After all, your previous two relationships weren’t exactly the cream of the crop. Your parents know that, too.”

“Of course they know that. But it’s funny you should bring it up. Mom said something about it, too. I mean, it was so long ago, but she sort of mentioned it out of nowhere.”

Nina raises an eyebrow. “What did she say, exactly?”

“Something along the lines of, ‘they didn’t give me the freedom I need’ and that ‘I need a different kind of man.’”

She gives me a knowing look. “She didn’t believe you when you said you were just friends with Roan.”

“What do you mean?”

She grins. “You drool every time you mention his name.”

“I don’t!”

“Oh yes, you do. You’d better wipe your chin.”

“You’re out of your mind.” I give her the finger, still grinning. “Anyway, Roan and I also had a lot of time together. We went swimming, we went to the beach. We had our first argument. We went skinny dipping…”

This gets her attention, as I’d known it would. “You swam naked?”

“Last night, we were naked in the sea. My first time.”

She waggles her eyebrows. “Did you do it?”

“No, of course not. We’re just friends. I mean that seriously.”

“Just friends that you swim naked with,” she deadpans.

“It wasn’t like that!” I insist. “And actually, he came up with an interesting theory.”

“What’s that?”

“That you are actually my great love and that I have the close relationship with you that I don’t want with men.”

Nina thinks this over, then shrugs. “That’s true, of course. You’re also the love of my life.”

“You think so too?” I ask in surprise.

“Of course. That’s why it was complicated with Jared at first because he was jealous that you had me in a way that he didn’t have me. You’re now on a similar level, but it was difficult for him at first.”

“So, should we begin making plans to run away together?” I tease.

She winks at me. “Just say when and where. But you and I had, and still have, such a close relationship. I always want to call you right away when something happens, and then I won’t even remember to tell Jared about it.” She shakes her head. “But it shouldn’t be like that. After all, you have to have a certain intimacy in a relationship. And it took a while, but now Jared and I have that.” She peers at me. “And that’s what I think will happen for you, too. Your relationships with men have been superficial so far, but when the right guy comes along, you’ll find that you can have a close partnership with him without feeling constricted. I’m sure of it.”

I wrinkle my nose in distaste. “Not me.”

“Because you’ve only been with guys who asked too much of you too fast. They didn’t want to wait for you to open up.”

“Maybe I can’t open up.”

“Yes, you can. You open up to your friends. But it wasn’t love at first sight with us either, was it? I had to prove myself first. I had to show you that I was interested in you for yourself, and not looking to control you. You’re not trusting. For a long time, you hold back the important parts of yourself because you’re afraid of getting hurt. But once someone has your trust, there’s hardly anything they can do to lose it.”

“I don’t know if I’m capable of trusting a man like I trust you,” I admit, my voice cracking at the end of the confession.

She puts her carton of ice cream down and leans back on the sofa, stroking her round belly absentmindedly. “If you’re being completely honest with yourself, Jenna, why are you so insistent that it can’t be a steady thing with Roan?”

I look at her, my brow furrowing. “Because I don’t trust myself with him. With any man.”

“What do you mean?”

I sigh, looking down into my rapidly melting ice cream, twirling my spoon around. “Most people think I’m self-confident and strong, that I won’t let anyone put me down. And most of the time, I think that about myself, too. Or, at least, I want to believe it. But both times I was in a relationship, I let myself be taken over. I became a different person. I let my relationships determine everything about me. And what if I haven’t learned anything? What if I instantly fall back into that old pattern because that’s just who I am?”

“You won’t fall into old patterns,” Nina insists.

“How can you be so sure about that?” I counter.

“Because you’re different now. You think you’re the same person you were back then, but you’re not. You’re smarter now, more confident. It’s been ten years since you last opened your heart to someone. It’s okay to try again.”

“And what if I fail again?” I ask, my hands shaking. I try to pretend it’s because they’re cold from holding the carton of ice cream.

“Then you’ll have me to pick you up,” Nina says gently. “But the right man would never let you change for him because he already thinks you’re perfect the way you are.”

“You’re way too much of an optimist, you know that?”

“Does Roan ever ask you to change for him?”

I sigh. “I don’t know. He doesn’t make advances.”

“He didn’t right from the start or because he respects your wishes?”

“I said from the start that I didn’t want anything more. And honestly, even if I think there really is the ‘right man’ for me, that doesn’t mean that it’s Roan. I like him, I think he’s really sexy, he’s great in bed, all of that, but I’m not in love with him.”

Her eyebrow goes up in disbelief. “So, you really are just friends.”

I shrug. “What’s so wrong with having more friends? And besides, Roan doesn’t come alone, but with baggage in the form of his family.”

“Family connection isn’t a bad thing. I love that Jared’s family has taken me in. Maybe Roan’s family will become yours too. That’s possible, even if you’re just friends.”

“We’ll see how it all develops. We don’t have to rush things.”

“I see no danger of that,” Nina remarks dryly. “Glaciers move fast compared to you.”

“Are you calling me slow?”

“If the shoe fits.” She laughs, and I join her. I realize that Nina’s is my second favorite laugh.

When I realize whose laugh is my favorite, I decide not to think about it any further.

The next day, I immediately notice that Cillian is absent from the lecture.

At first, I’m relieved. So relieved that I feel silly about how worked up I’ve been getting over such a little punk. But then I groan in realization. If Cillian is absent, there is probably a good reason for it.

Roan wouldn’t...

I sigh. Yes, of course he would. That’s exactly the kind of thing he would do.

Damn.

I should have made him promise not to interfere, though I don’t think he would have made that promise. He’s that kind of guy.

I decide to just accept this gift, at least for now. Later I’ll scold Roan for interfering in my life.

Which he had also announced he would do.

Oh, he’s going to get an earful.

I call him during my lunch break.

“Hey, a thaisce . What’s up?” he asks casually.

In the background, I hear Eoin ask: “ A thaisce ? Really?” I hear a thud, and then Eoin’s, “Ouch, you ass!”

I laugh. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing. So, how are you?”

I clench and unclench my fists. “Everything’s fine with me, but I’ve got a bone to pick with you. Did you go anywhere last night after you dropped me off at home?”

A short pause, then, “No.”

“Are you sure about that?”

“Of course.”

“So, you didn’t go to your cousin’s?”

“Why would I go there?”

“Don’t play dumb!”

He laughs. “Fine, I went to see Cillian.”

I let out a hiss of frustration. “Why did you interfere?”

He sounds unperturbed by my angry tone. “You know why.”

“You shouldn’t have done that.”

“But I did,” he replies infuriatingly.

“I have to fight my own battles.”

“This should never have been a fight in the first place.”

I sigh, my nails digging little half-moons into my palms. “What did you tell him?”

“That he no longer attends your seminar.”

“And what did your uncle say?”

“He’s mad at me because he doesn’t want to pay for another semester.”

I stomp my foot, wishing I had a more effective outlet for my anger. “You complicated everything.”

“You knew I would do it. I don’t know why you’re acting so surprised.”

“Don’t do it again,” I say through clenched teeth.

“I’m not making that promise. There are a lot of jerks in the world.”

“I’m an adult.”

“This has nothing to do with your age.”

“I’m not asking for your help.”

“That’s true. So, do you have anything else to say or did you just want to chew me out?”

“Just chew you out, but you’re really stubborn.”

“Sorry. What are you doing later today?”

“I don’t have any plans yet.”

“Want to come by the pub?”

“Haven’t you had enough of me after the weekend?”

“I don’t think that could happen.”

“I can be quite annoying.”

“I know.”

“Oh, you ass!”

“What am I supposed to say to that?”

“You’re not nice.” I look at the clock. “Hey, I have to go. When should I be there?”

“Around eight again?”

“Okay, see you later.”

“See you later.”

He’s just impossible. He meddles in my life and then makes it seem like I’m the crazy one. Is that fair?

When I arrive at the pub in the evening, Eoin is sitting at a table staring at his phone.

“Someone interesting?” I ask as I sit down with him.

He looks up with a grin before hugging me while sitting. “No, I’m just watching a YouTube video.”

“Is it at least exciting?”

“Well, depends how you look at it. It helps pass the time when you’re bored. But now I have nice company.”

“You think so?”

He laughs. “Okay, I thought so until now, but now you’re scaring me.”

“As if!”

“I’m just a scaredy-cat.”

“Says the guy who runs into burning buildings.”

“I only did that once and it was terrifying.”

“I believe you. But you still keep doing it.”

He shrugs. “Someone has to do it.”

“That’s true. But you like it too, don’t you?”

“Sure. It feels right. What about you? Are you happy with your job?”

“It’s fun, mostly.”

“What’s not fun?”

“That sometimes you have to be really grown up.”

“Aren’t you?”

A waitress takes my order.

“Where were we?” I ask, confused. “Oh yeah, being grown up. I guess I’ll never really be that.”

“I find that very relatable. I suffer from Peter Pan syndrome too.”

“What does your mom say about that?”

He rolls his eyes. “She wants me to get married and have a thousand babies. No thanks, is all I have to say to that.”

“May that destiny never find you?” I joke.

“For at least ten more years, if not forever.”

“You’ll probably meet The One next week and be married two weeks later.”

“That can’t happen,” he answers so convincingly that it would just be funny if fate had other plans for him.

A hand lands on my shoulder. “Hey.”

A delicious shiver runs up my spine. I’d recognize that voice anywhere.

I look up, smiling at Roan. “Did you miss me?”

He grins. “You, or the beach. One of the two.”

“Okay, I really can’t compete with the beach. I miss it, too. Are we moving to Florida?”

He laughs. “Sounds tempting.”

“Mom would have a fit if you moved to the other side of the country,” Eoin comments.

“Probably.” Roan sits down next to us, glancing at his brother. “Didn’t Finn and Brady want to come?”

Eoin shrugs. “No idea. Finn is always busy at the moment. I think he has to work later.”

“And Brady?”

“There’s only room in his head for Mindy.”

“Has he still not made up his mind about her?” asks Roan.

Eoin rolls his eyes. “I don’t understand what the big fucking deal is. The old lady screwed him over. And it’s been a long while now. Why rehash everything?”

“If he really loved her, its probably not that easy,” I point out, hoping I’m not overstepping.

Eoin just shrugs. “I can’t imagine mourning someone for that long.”

“It’s easier to leave than to be left,” I say simply, my gaze dropping to the gleaming bar.

Roan looks at me for a long moment, then nods at his brother. “I’m with you. I wouldn’t run after a woman like that.”

Before I can retort, a pleasant-sounding female voice calls from across the room.

“Hey, guys!”

I look up and have to blink because the woman coming through the front door of the pub is so beautiful it’s like she’s a mirage.

“Hey, Kitty Cat,” says Eoin with a grin.

Kitty. Oh God. This is Roan’s best friend?