Page 31

CHAPTER 30

LIZZY

WHAT DID I DO WRONG?

After V dragged us out of the house this morning, we managed to get first chair just like she wanted. I say us , but Tanner and Grace were already awake and eating with V by the time I got down to the kitchen this morning. So it was just me holding things up, as usual.

Sorry, not sorry. She knew what she signed up for asking me to come.

Having Clay bring up my morning coffee definitely helped though. I don’t know what came over me last night, but I felt restless without him in bed. It was about to be the first time in weeks we didn’t fall asleep in each other's arms. And as we got to the slopes and skied our first runs of the day, all I could think about was how much better I slept with him holding me last night, in those big, muscular arms I can’t look away from. I remember the comfort I get when he holds my hands in his rough, callused ones.

Now I’m sitting next to V, Tanner, and Grace on the chairlift. We’re going up for one last run before lunch when I look down at my gloved hand and remember what that comfort feels like - what he feels like. I’m thinking about the spark, that tingle of electricity I felt when he handed me my coffee this morning when our fingers grazed each others. The feeling I get every time I see him, every time he touches me.

Watching V and Tanner, I see the way they laugh and bicker and make each other smile. It wasn’t that long ago that she was a burnt out mess. Now I watch the way she nuzzles into him and rests her head on his shoulder. Is that what I look like when I’m with Clay and it’s just the two of us? Because it feels like I’m in my own little world with him where I can just let my guard down and just be me.

I don’t know what this is yet. But I’m glad I have him and only him in my life. I know I want to see where this could go, even if I’m not sure I’m ready for more.

While I try not to spiral about that revelation, I hear the sound of the chairlift reach the top terminal, bringing me back to the moment. The safety bar raises, I pull my goggles down and I slide my poles out from under my thigh before we ski off the lift, heading towards the trail map at the top.

V stops in front of the big map and props her goggles on top of her helmet while the rest of us circle around her.

“Alright. How does a nice easy groomer run sound to get us back to the main lodge for lunch?”

As much as my workouts with Clay have been helping, I rarely ski as many days in a season as I have this year. Between the Jackson trip, Aspen Valley trip, and the few spring days in Utah, my legs are beat at this point in the day.

I chime in first, thinking about my sore legs. “That sounds perfect to me. Nice and mellow.”

She pulls her goggles down and grins. “Last one down buys the first shotski.”

I laugh as Tanner and Grace follow closely behind her. I’m not even going to try to keep up with them. I already know they’re going to beat me down to the lodge.

I enjoy the run, thinking about the beauty of the Eastern Cascade Mountains. I’ve never been here before and Grace was right, this place is stunning. To the East are high plaines deserts. In all the other directions are little dormant volcanic peaks, dotting the horizon, just like Mount Bachelor that we’re skiing on. All of them are still capped in snow, even in early May. On a bluebird day like this, it’s breathtaking .

I admire the view on my way down, eventually getting to the lodge. They’re already there waiting on me, skis off and resting in the racks outside. Grace looks at the patio and then back at me. I spot the bar immediately. With it being spring, it looks inviting and we can take in the views from here. “Outdoor dining today? Looks like you can buy us that round out here,” she says with a wry grin.

I look at V who shrugs back with her palms up. I turn to Grace, nodding. “Sounds good to me.”

After lunch, I head to the bathroom before heading to join the others back on the patio. Just when I reach the door heading out to the patio, my phone buzzes in my pocket. I'm instantly annoyed at the thought of having to take off my gloves and unzip at least one of the layers I just put back on to get my phone out.

It might be spring skiing, but it’s still chilly out for me, and I bundled up.

Groaning, I take off my gloves, pull down my neck warmer, and unzip my jacket to get to the inner pocket where my phone is. I’m about ready to rip whoever’s calling from my office on my Friday off a new one when I look down at my phone.

It’s my dad.

I’m so caught off guard that I realize I’ve been staring at my phone long enough that it’ll go to voicemail any second. I swipe my finger across the phone.

“Hello,” I say. My voice is shaky. Why is he calling me right now? He almost never calls.

“Hi, Lizzy. Did I catch you at a bad time?”

I walk towards the edge of the patio and sit back against the railing .

“No. I can talk.”

“Oh good. Are you at the condo?”

I realize I never told him I’m going to be out of town this weekend.

“No. I’m up in Oregon with V and my friends.”

I hear a muffled huff come from his side of the call.

“Got it. So I assume the condo is not ready yet. Do you know if it will be ready by next week? I need to come out and visit with some business partners for the company we just bought.”

My eyes start to water, but I hold back the tears. There it is. It’s never about me with him.

“Yeah. Clay said it should be finished by Tuesday.”

“Perfect. Anyways, didn’t mean to keep you from your friends. Love you. Talk later.”

I start to say bye Dad , but he hangs up before I can get the words out.

What did I do wrong for him to always be like this? Sure, he said love you.

But he never asks about me . He never has the time to talk. It’s just this transactional relationship, not a father-daughter relationship.

I just don’t know what I did wrong. It hasn’t always been like this. We were close once. He used to show interest in my life. Was it something I did?