Page 23

CHAPTER 22

CLAY

SHE’S EVERYWHERE

The sound of the snow crunching under my feet and Ani’s collar ring in my ears on our morning run. But it’s not enough to block out the sounds of Lizzy flooding my thoughts, whimpering and moaning my name last night.

Fuck. She was amazing. Those eyes. That bratty mouth. I can still fucking taste her. I’m half tempted to run back to the house right now and get back in bed with her. The sight of her, sleeping so peacefully this morning, was nearly enough to keep me in bed if I wasn’t so obsessed with keeping my routines. But that wasn’t just some random hook up. That was someone I know, someone in my life. Someone I can’t hide from. Someone with strings.

After another lap, I run back up the hill towards the house, still trying to clear my head. I was just being a good friend. I was there and she needed me. Is that what friends do? That didn’t feel friendly. Jesus. I’m fucked up.

But that can’t happen again. I can’t let someone else get close to me and burn me.

When I walk inside, Lizzy is nowhere to be seen. Good. She must still be asleep. I walk through the kitchen, noticing her purse and keys are still on the counter. My hand twitches at the sight, but she did manage to hang her jacket and put her shoes away.

What is wrong with me? When did I really get this bad about being a neat and tidy control freak? Lizzy had an absolutely shitty day yesterday, was in tears when she came home, and all I can think about is that her keys and purse weren’t put away.

See? This is why I don’t let people in my space. This is why I’m alone. Me and people don’t mix .

I grab her things and walk back towards the door, hanging them with her jacket.

I head back to my room to grab a shower. I need to get my shit together and a cold shower usually helps me process things. I stand under the water, finally catching my breath and clearing my head.

I’m right - that can't happen again with Lizzy. I’ve been losing my focus too much. The whole reason I’m in this mess is because I got distracted at work and forgot to change out the propane tanks. I’m letting my feelings and my own needs get in my way.

When I’m emotional, I lose focus and control.

When I lose control, I make mistakes.

And when I make mistakes, people get hurt. I get hurt.

When I walk back into the kitchen, I head to the coffee maker to turn it on for Lizzy.

“What the…?” I stop in front of it, noticing it’s already on. I turn and look towards the living room and see Lizzy, already on her yoga mat, stretching with Ani lying next to her on his bed. She’s glowing, all smiles, no traces of the distraught mess she was when she came in last night. And seeing Ani so calm and relaxed with her, tears at a place in my chest I’m not used to feeling anything in.

“Morning.” She rolls over on her mat, facing me, propping herself up on her elbow, her hair already pulled back in that perfect ponytail.

“Hey,” I manage to say gruffly. I don’t know where to look. She’s wearing another matching yoga outfit with a low cut cropped tank. Seeing her bare stomach and her tits propped up, the ones I painted in cum last night, makes my dick twitch in my sweats.

I make my way over to my chair, sitting next to her .

“Quiet and shy is a funny look for you.” Her voice is light and playful as she flicks one eyebrow at me.

“Yeah.” I grab the back of my neck. “So are we-”

She cuts me off me off before I can even ask the question. “Relax, Clay. We’re cool. We’re adults. We’re allowed to fool around. Needs and urges, blah blah blah.”

“But it can’t happen again.” I say, trying to look confident in my words, even if my dick and heart say otherwise.

She nods and rolls her eyes, sarcastically. “Yes. Even if it was good. Like really good.” She winks before reaching out a hand towards me. “Still friends?”

A sigh of relief comes free from my chest followed by a light chuckle. I reach out, shaking her hand, doing my best to hide the way her touch lights a fire in me. “Yep. Friends.”

“Good.” She looks at me softly, still holding my hand. “And thank you for the book, for knowing it was my birthday.”

I shrug. “It was nothing.”

That tender smile weakens for a split second, but I saw it. I know it wasn’t nothing to her.

Her lips curve into a mischievous smirk and before I realize it, she catches me off balance and yanks me out of my chair, pulling me onto the ground beside her.

“Now get down here and stretch me out, accountability buddy.”

I groan internally. Fuck my life. This is going to be impossible.

Somehow, I make it to Monday and I’m relieved to be back at the job site, even if I have to see Mr. Jensen while I’m here. Surviving yoga on Saturday and Sunday with her plus a coffee run tested every limit of my patience.

She’s everywhere.

Her yoga mat in my living room. Her jacket and keys, even if they’re neatly hung in the entryway, are still the first thing I notice when I walk in the door. Her stuff in my office. The smell of her shampoo on the throw blankets on my couch.

She’s everywhere even if she’s not physically there.

I stand out on the porch of the penthouse, drinking my morning coffee, which also conveniently reminds me of her. Literally. Everywhere.

“ Morning, Clay.” Mr. Jensen walks up next to me. I nod and take a sip of my coffee.

He leans against the railing, looking back inside through the French doors. “So are we getting back on track?”

“Yeah. It’s starting to come back together. Plumbing is fixed and inspected. Soon we can put the drywall ceiling back in downstairs and then finally insulate and finish the floors and walls up here.” I sigh and shake my head, looking around the job. “I still can’t believe I fucked that up.”

Mr. Jensen stands closer, putting a hand on my shoulder. “Just remember what I always taught you. Stay in control. Get rid of distractions .” I say the last part with him in unison. He’s been telling me this for years.

“I know, I know,” I say, trying not to remember the rest of the conversation the first time he told me to get rid of distractions. You’re broken. Look what happens when you get distracted.

I blink, trying to erase that train of thought.

“Don’t worry. We’ll get that condo downstairs fixed up and get your little blonde friend out of your hair soon enough. You can’t let her distract you.” My eyes fly up and meet his. Did Kayleigh tell him that or maybe it was Luke? I’ll have to talk to them about that. Not that either of them know about what happened the other night, but there are still some things, even with them, that I want to keep private. There’s something about the way he said little blonde friend that doesn’t sit right with me.

I’m not one to show emotions, but he still must catch my apprehension, because he laughs and pats me on the shoulder. “Oh relax, Clay. You think I don’t know you after more than a decade? Boys will be boys. One of these days, you’ll finally give up that bachelor title and settle down.” He lets outs a laugh and grabs my shoulder and gives me a light shake. “But that girl, she’s just a distraction. She’ll go back home soon enough. Stay focused. Who knows? Maybe you and Kayleigh will get back together and you’ll finally make an honest woman out of her. You’ll need to if you’re going to run this company for me one day.”

My fist clenches behind me and my blood boils at the way he dismisses Lizzy and his daughter so easily. I can’t hide the grimace that spreads across my face. This is exactly the kind of shit that hurt Lizzy the other night and it’s shit my best friend has had to put up with for so long. I want to go off on him, but he helped me so much in the past when I needed it. Then there’s the present issue of him being my boss, so all I can do is try to ignore him and change the subject.

“Yeah, that’ll be the day,” I say with a halfhearted laugh. I would actually love to run a company like this one day, just not the way he does. I have my own style, my own ideas about design and projects. I look back at him, the man that’s been my mentor for so many years but also one I question more and more. “But you’re right, I need to get her place fixed.” That part is true. I promised her I would make it right and I need to make that happen.

“Another thing - you approved that invoice for GJF for the lodge job, right?” I nod, thinking it’s odd though. He never asks about mundane invoices for vendors. That seems like something he’d be too busy for and have someone in the accounting department handle .

He smiles and rasps his knuckles twice against the wooden railing between us. “Good, I always know I can count on you.” He stands up and walks towards the doors heading back inside.

He reaches the doorway and stops. “I’ll still see you Thursday though for our normal check in. Oh, and don’t forget, the annual company banquet is next month. Big announcement this year.”

Maybe that means he’s finally going to retire. Something I wouldn’t mind. I nod politely. “Wouldn’t miss it.”

“That’s the spirit,” he says with that smile that still doesn’t meet his eyes. “You know our customers love seeing you.” There it is. He loves parading me around, the former ski prodigy, now his right hand man. I put up with it, partially out of a sense of obligation, but also because I’ve earned what I have. Sure, he took me under his wing. But I worked from the bottom up and probably do more for him than he even realizes.

I contain my irritation and match his fake smile, desperate for this conversation to be over. “Glad to help. Have a good night, Mr. Jensen.”

He turns and leaves and I finally let my fist unclench behind me. I’m mad that he would just dismiss Lizzy like that.

But I’m mad that he’s right.

I’m too distracted.

When I walk in my door, a flood of relief hits me. My house is empty. If I remember right, Lizzy is meeting Grace to go shopping. I’m genuinely glad they’re becoming friends. After Mom, it was hard for Grace to make friends, going through a rough spot her last couple of years in high school. Sure, it’s been a decade, but she’s finally coming out of her shell the last couple of years.

But I’m equally, selfishly glad that Grace is sparing me some of the brunt of hurricane Lizzy. I put my jacket and boots away then hang my keys. Walking towards the living area, I grab a couple of logs and a handful of kindling to start a fire. If I have the house to myself tonight, I plan on stretching and taking Ani out, then ending my night with a glass of bourbon and a book in my chair.

Once the fire is going, I head to the laundry room. I strip down, throwing my work clothes right into the washer to start a load. When I look up, I’m already reminded again that Lizzy is everywhere in my life right now. Her tiny yoga outfits are hanging up to air dry and I try to ignore the thought of how her tight body looks in them. The memory of being pressed against her on the floor, folding her legs into a deep stretch. Or, when she wasn’t wearing them, the feeling of her thighs wrapped around my head when she came with my tongue flicking her clit.

I shudder and grab a pair of clean, crisply folded dark gray sweats and a black t-shirt from my clean hamper and change into them. They do nothing to hide my growing erection, but I don’t really care right now. I shift myself in my pants and start the laundry.

I head to my en suite bathroom, glad to have at least one room in my house that won’t remind me of her, minus the smell of her shampoo. After taking out my contacts and putting on my glasses, I finally make it to my office. I start towards my bookshelves, but something on my desk catches my eye. Lizzy did a good job after I said to try and keep my desk clean, but there’s one stray sheet of paper with some bubbly, girly handwriting on it.

I step over and read it. Most of it is lost on me, but two lines jump out. GJF. Only under budget.

Standing there, I stare at the note. Come to think of it, I only get GJF invoices when our projects are way under budget. Funny, I never caught that before. Lizzy really is good at this stuff and something about that warms my heart. I know what it's like to be doubted, thinking you only have your job because of connections or appearances. Still, I’ll definitely have to talk to her about that.

I walk over to the shelves and grab the next book in the Scales of Fury series , the one I told Lizzy to start. I wonder how she’s liking it. I laugh, shaking my head. That reminds me I owe her something. I grab my phone, placing a quick online order, laughing the entire time. I walk towards my chair in the living room, setting my book down.

“Come on, Ani. I just finished cleaning up your mess from the other day.” He quirks at me curiously before hopping up and trotting over to me, mouth open and tongue hanging out like he’s smiling. It’s almost like he forgot he left a trail of chunks of silicone around the house. I pat him on the head, flopping his ears around, making him flick his head to get me to stop. A chuckle rumbles in my chest again. “Still can’t believe you did that. Now come on, let’s go outside.”

Ani bolts out the door the second I open it, clearly needing to burn off of some pent up energy. I feel you, boy.

I stand on the edge of the front porch, grabbing a ball to throw for him after he looks back at me. We play toss for a bit and I finally start to feel like myself again, getting back into my normal routine.

The last few hours of peace and quiet were exactly what I needed. I got my stretching in and read almost half of my book. I enjoyed a couple glasses of bourbon and a light dinner by the fire in my chair. This is my routine, what I like, what I thrive in.

I do better when I’m by myself .

Or maybe, at least that’s what I’ve convinced myself for years. It’s what I’ve let others convince me for years.

Could I actually be happy with someone in my space, in my life, all the time?

Could I still be focused and successful and not make terrible mistakes?

I think about that electric feeling, being so close to Lizzy on the floor stretching the other day. Could I have that feeling?

I pour another glass of bourbon, rubbing my thumb over the rim of the heavy rocks glass.

No, that’s not how my life works.

My pityfest is interrupted by the sound of the garage door opening.

I sigh and mumble to myself. “Right on cue.”

I hear keys rattling on the other side of the door from the kitchen to the garage, followed by it opening.

“Come on, Ani. Let’s get to bed,” I call to him from my chair, hoping to avoid Lizzy tonight and give myself a little bit of space to focus. To my surprise, he ignores me and runs to the kitchen door, just out of my sightline.

“Oh, who’s a good boy?” Lizzy coos at him. “I found something for you today.”

Little traitor.

I hear something thud on the floor and paper shopping bags rustling, followed by Ani’s collar jingling.

Lizzy’s gasp cuts through the room. “Oh my god, it’s perfect. You’re a stud, Ani.”

At that, I stand up, walking her way with my glass. I’m stopped in my tracks when Ani runs up to me, wearing a sweater. He stands in front of me, mouth wide open and spinning in excitement. Surprisingly, it fits him perfectly. But when I look closer, I notice the pattern. It’s the same southwestern wool pattern of the throw blankets in the living room and his dog bed.

My head whips over to Lizzy, whose smile is so warm and proud while she watches him run up to me.

“You dressed my dog?” I ask, my tone way less grateful than it should be, still shocked by the gesture. I fold my arms across over my chest, shaking my head and glaring at Ani. He looks happier, much happier than the mood I’m in right now.

She gets down on her knees, patting her thighs to get Ani to come back to her before looking back up at me.

Fuck me. Lizzy on her knees, those sparkling blue eyes looking up at me, is the stuff of dreams. I feel my throat bob and my mouth go dry. She smirks back up at me like she can read my mind. Hell, she probably can. It always seems like she’s in my head.

“I saw it and it was cute.” She rubs his shoulders, prompting him to roll on his back for belly rubs from her. Seriously. That little traitor. He is definitely not helping me keep distance. “Besides, he’s growing on me now, even if he chewed up my favorite toy.” She looks up and flicks her eyebrows with a knowing smirk before standing back up.

Yep. She can read my mind.

“Yeah, sorry about that.” I rub the back of my neck, trying to block the mental image of her using that toy. “Anyways, I’m going to get to bed. It’s been a long day.” I take the last sip of my drink and set the glass on the island behind me.

Her eyes meet mine and her smile falters. “Oh.” Her voice is almost a whisper. She rubs her hands before clapping them together once. “No problem. I should probably catch up on some work and get to bed too.” Her halfhearted, plastered on smile digs a hole in my chest. Does she really like hanging out with me? Was she actually looking forward to being around me ?

No. No one actually likes being around me.

This is for the best .

“Thanks for his sweater, Lizzy. Night,” I say gruffly, not meeting her eyes. I turn towards the hallway, but I swear I hear another whisper behind me that hits me right in my heart.

Goodnight, Clay.