Page 44 of Every Sunset

“You will be, baby, but it’s gonna take time. It doesn’t matter how much you want to just put the memories of what you went through behind you – it’s just not that easy, and trauma doesn’t work that way. Trust me, I know.”

“I just feel so out of control. It’s like my emotions aren’t even my own half the time. I just want to feel like myself for a while – like I’m in control of something, you know?” I sighed, tiredly.

“You’re exhausted, Anna. How about we get done here so you can rest a while? You’ll feel better when you’re not so tired.”

“I don’t want to sleep anymore, Madd. It’s all so much worse when I close my eyes.

” Tears ran silently down my cheeks and in an instant Madd had moved to grab me at my hips and lifted me in his arms. He led me to wrap my legs around his waist, and I automatically linked my arms around his neck and nestled into him.

He was so warm against my chilled skin, and he smelled so comfortingly familiar. Home. He smelled like home and safety.

“Tell me what you need, Anna,” Madd coaxed gently.

“This,” I sighed as I pressed my face against the soft skin at the nape of his t-shirt. “You. The fear all gets so much quieter when you hold me like this. Your touch lets me feel just a little like myself...for a while at least.”

“I’m right here, baby. I’ll hold you as tight as you want me to, for as long as you need me to,” he promised.

“And what if I want more than that?” I asked shyly as I lifted my head just enough to glance up and meet his eyes. Madd took in a deep breath and seemed to hold it a moment before blowing it out loudly.

“You’re tired, Anna….” He lowered me down, setting my feet on the ground, but I refused to let him go from my hold around the back of his neck.

“Don’t, Madd. Please don’t. I wouldn’t ask you if I weren’t sure.

Please don’t make me question what I know, without doubt, I both want and need right now.

Everything else is so messed up. I need this.

I need you. Us. That’s one thing I do see clearly.

You, me, and Logan. I want that. I want us.

” Before he could utter a reply, or more likely an argument, I pulled back just enough to press up onto my tiptoes, then I pressed my lips over his and kissed him hard and fast.

For the first moment he seemed unsure how to respond, and I thought he was going to push me back, worried I wasn’t thinking clearly, but when I grabbed his forearms and clung to them almost desperately, he instantly responded, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me closer as he passionately returned my kiss.

I moved my hands to his shoulders and pushed as close to his body as I could, needing to feel his strength and warmth all around me as he drove me higher with need.

I squeaked in protest when I just couldn’t seem to get close enough, and Madd must have heard me, because before I knew it I was in his hold again, my legs wrapped around his trim waist and clinging to him like he was my life raft in a wild sea.

I felt almost frantic as I grabbed onto his arms, his shirt, his shoulders…

anywhere I could touch. I wanted him closer, despite the fact I was already clinging tightly to his top half and writhing against him with no regard to how frenzied and desperate I had to look.

I just wanted to hide from the world with Maddox in tht moment.

I wanted the two of us to come together in a way that would block out everything but us, and that moment.

“Easy, Anna. Just slow down a little. I’m gonna give you what you need,” Maddox soothed after tearing his lips from the frantic kiss I had us locked in.

“I need you Maddox,” I panted.

“You’ve got me already. I’m right here,” he told me as he moved over to my bed which sat in the center of the room and held me in one arm while he used the other to move the bag, which I had been in the middle of packing, to the floor.

“That’s n-not what I mean and you know it,” I gasped as he started to kiss down my neck, as if he were trying to distract me from his quick movements to clear the bed.

“I do know,” he chuckled a little between kisses against my flushed skin, then he lowered me onto the center of my mattress and took a step back from the bed. “Take your clothes off for me, beautiful,” he told me, before I could protest his stopping touching me.

I didn’t hesitate to pull off the sweater I was wearing, and I made quick work of shucking off my yoga pants too. The whole time Madd just stood off to the side watching me with so much heat and need in his eyes it was just making my need even more desperate.

I didn’t even pause enough to think until I started to pull off the cami I wore. I barely touched the hem before I froze and looked back up to Madd with some uncertainty.

“What’s wrong?” he asked as his expression turned to one of worry and he bent to sit on the edge of the bed beside me. “It’s alright if you’re not ready for this, Anna.”

“I…I am. It’s just….my body. The scars….they’re not even scars yet. They’re red and angry and s-so ugly, Madd. I sh-should keep this on,” I explained shakily as I released the hem on my cami and resolved not to remove it.

“Hey,” he said as he caught my chin with his fingers before I could completely lower my gaze.

He angled my chin so I had no choice but to meet his eyes.

“No part of you is ugly. You’re beautiful and sexy.

That’s all I’ll ever see you as. Whatever is under here…

” he said as he skimmed the tip of his finger under the hem of my cami, his soft touch reigniting the sparks of need that had started to flame out with my own misery and self-loathing.

“…it’s part of you. It’s a part that will only ever remind me of how amazingly strong and tough you are, and how fucking lucky I am that I get to call you mine. ”

“It’s not pretty, Madd. They’re not faint, neat little scars… not yet. I…I’m scared you’ll see them and not want me,” I admitted.

“Anna, you’re about to see me and the very obvious fact that I have half of one of my legs missing. You think I’m not completely terrified of you feeling the exact same way when you see that?” he asked with a sigh.

“Madd…” I didn’t even know what to say. I hadn’t even thought about Madd’s missing limb.

The fact was that I never thought about it.

It wasn’t obvious that he used a prosthesis in every day life.

He walked with confidence. I’d even seen him jogging and he had no issue that I had noticed with stairs or anything like that.

I had pretty much forgotten about it and I felt terrible about that.

How could I be so selfish? Everyone had hang ups, I realized.

I shouldn’t have made such a big deal about my own when poor Maddox was plenty worried about his own insecurities.

“How about we just get back to the fun part, okay? Our worries will resolve themselves in the process, I think,” he suggested with a playful smile. I moved onto my knees and reached up to kiss him hard.

“I’m on board with that plan,” I agreed between kisses.

The thought of Madd seeing the mess that was my back and torso still terrified me, but it helped me to know he was equally as terrified too.

I knew there was no way me seeing his amputated leg, which he always kept hidden beneath his trousers until then, was going to change the way I felt about Maddox, so why should I fear my body would put him off of me?

I was relieved when things between us heated up quickly once again, and in moments we were both naked from the waist up and tangled in our frantic kiss and touches.

“Madd!” I cried when he brushed both f his thumbs feather light over my nipples – teasing me, toying with me.

It was too much. I was already right on the edge and I didn’t want to wait.

I didn’t want to draw it out. All I wanted was Madd to be inside of me.

I needed him as close as we could possibly be.

I moved my shaking hands down between us, where Maddox was on all fours over me, caging me in. I found the fly of his jeans and fumbled with the button, desperate to have him naked and one step closer to being inside of me,

“Let’s just take things slow, beautiful, okay? There’s no rush here. We have all of the time in the world, and I want to take my time with this perfect body,” Maddox said as he tried to still my frantic actions.

“No, please. We can do slow later but right now I need you. Please, Madd. Don’t make me beg. I want this!” I panted breathlessly.

“Never gonna make you beg, baby,” he promised as he rose up onto his knees, then stood so he could unbutton his own fly, then his jeans were gone, along with his boxers too, all in one move.

I couldn’t stop my eyes from glancing down to where his prosthesis met his knee joint.

It was like a cup that fit to his knee, then below that was a metal rod that obviously supported his weight.

His shoe was on the foot, so I didn’t see that, but the whole prosthesis barely caught more than a moment of my attention compared to the rest of his sculpted, tanned, perfectly muscled body that was naked before me.

Maddox was ripped, but not as broad and built as his brother.

His frame was leaner, but corded with muscle.

He had hair on his chest and a trail down his stomach leading to where his cock stood proudly against his abdomen, hard, ready to go, and big.

So much bigger than any cock I had ever seen before. Not that I’d seen many.

“Eyes are up here, Anna,” he teased when I stared too long, and I knew I was blushing as I forced myself to meet his gorgeous, heat filled eyes once more.

“You said you wouldn’t make me beg, Maddox,” I reminded him as heat set me alight like an inferno and I found myself crawling across the bed to him.

“And I meant it,” he assured me. He bent down to grab his jeans from the floor, then pulled his wallet out.

He pulled a condom from inside, then tossed everything else back to the floor again.

I squeaked in anticipation as I watched him tear it open and slide it down his long length.

“So impatient,” he teased as he looked to me with a wicked smile that only made me even needier, if that were possible.

He leaned in and scooped me up from the bed.

I ran my hands up his muscular chest and up to his shoulders as he held me against him with one hand under my ass.

I moaned in desperation as he whipped off my panties and tossed them aside, then I was wrapped around him again, my legs gripping around his waist and holding on tight in the hope his abs pressed between my thighs would ease some of the desperation I felt there.

“You sure about this, Anna?” he asked. I reached up and slammed my lips over his, kissing him hard and hoping it was answer enough.

Much to my relief, he took my kiss for the answer he needed and in seconds I found myself lifting just enough so he could position himself at my entrance.

I was so desperate for him I was soaked and he slid in so easily, even with his size.

As soon as he was fully seated I breathed out in relief, my exhale shaky and satisfied all at once.

“You feel so fucking perfect, baby,” Madd uttered as he held onto me tightly and started to move just the way I needed him to.

“Yes!” I cried as every small movement sent thrills of sensation right to my core. “So perfect,” I agreed.

I felt out of control in the best way as I clung onto Maddox and moved with him, trying desperately to keep up with his wild kisses and the punishing pace he began to set as we got closer and closer to that peak.

It was unlike any sex I had ever known. The closest I had ever come to feeling anything that spectacular was what Logan had done for me in the pool, but there with Maddox inside of me, it was so much more.

It was like something magical unfolding inside of me as I got closer and closer to that edge.

I got lost in him. There was nothing but the two of us in that moment, just as I had longed for, and it was everything.

“Maddox!” I cried as he slammed hard into me twice and it seemed to be the final push I needed.

I went crashing over that edge I had been teetering on with a force like I had never known.

My whole body became taut with overwhelming sensation that flooded me, then it passed and left behind this haze of peace and just floating. I was floating.

When reality started to creep back in, I found it wasn’t so bad since I was still wrapped tightly around Madd, my head resting on his shoulder and in the crook of his neck.

We were both sweaty and gasping, but the hand he ran up and down my back softly was soothing and brought me back to myself gently.

“Anna?” he spoke after a while.

“Hmmm?”

“You okay, beautiful? Was I too rough?” he asked cautiously.

“Definitely okay,” I assured him, still feeling a little dazed in the best possible way. I didn’t ever want to come down from the sex high he had given me.

“You even with me right now?” he asked with a hint of humor.

“Sort of,” I hedged. “Madd?”

“Yeah, baby?”

“I wanna stay like this, okay? Never let me go. Promise?”

“Much as I like that idea, I don’t think us staying like this will work long term,” he chuckled.

“But I will promise to never let you go, Anna. You hear me? No matter what, I have you now and I will never leave you. I’ll be waiting to hold you just like this whenever you need or just want me to, okay? ”

“I love you, Maddox. I tried not to let it happen, but it happened anyway. I love you,” I admitted, never once moving. My words were spoken into his neck, but he heard them.

“I love you too, Anna, so fucking much.”