Page 10 of Every Sunset

“Yeah, I guess you’re right, but it doesn’t make it right,” I sighed.

I was exhausted, my body heavy with the need for me to just lie down and sleep.

Ever since the transplant I had felt this way when I pushed too hard, and it was frustrating.

In the past, before my body failed me, I had always been fit and healthy, likely from the shifts I worked at diners and restaurants.

I was constantly on my feet, and even when I wasn’t working, I was always running around after or with Max.

“He’s a kid. I want him to enjoy that for as long as he possibly can.

He’ll learn soon enough how tough and unrelenting being an adult is. ”

“Maybe it’s too late for that. He seems pretty mature for his age if you ask me.”

I slammed my eyes closed as emotion filled me at those words.

Was it too late for my son to enjoy his last few years just being a teenager?

Had I really fucked it all up for him with my stupid, idiotic, selfish mistake?

He was mature for his age. He always had been in a way, I supposed, but since that night - since he saved me – he had become a man way too fast and soon.

I’d forced him to because I couldn’t handle everything alone.

I’d done that to him then, and every day since, as I fell apart before his eyes and forced him to worry about me.

“I failed him,” I whimpered, then I lost my fight to hold back the pain of that realization all over again.

Tears spilled down my cheeks as I tried to bury my face against my shoulder to hide it.

Everything hit me at once. That weekend.

Letting that monster into my place. The fear.

The pain. The terror that at any minute Max would come home. Then he did and…

“Anna. Jesus, what’d I do?” Maddox asked. He was on his feet and beside me now. I looked up at him through tear filled eyes and I didn’t even know where to begin making it all stop. The floodgates I’d been fighting to keep closed had sprung a leak and I was falling to pieces.

Maddox wrapped his arm around the top of my shoulders and pulled me into his front.

My head rested just below his chin, against his chest and I didn’t even resist as he wrapped his arm snug around me and just held me tightly.

It was the comfort I needed in that moment and I didn’t have the strength to turn him away.

“It’s okay,” Maddox soothed as he held me to him.

My hands, which were covered in some kind of salve were just held in the air, but I desperately wished I could grab onto the solidness, and support that he was and just hold on with everything I had.

I wished, even if just for a few minutes, that I could stop worrying, even thinking, and just be held.

“I’m sorry,” I managed to squeak out between sobs, but I wasn’t sure he even heard it.

“I get it, you know? I know what it is to feel lost and afraid. All you want is to find someone or something that feels solid and safe and just cling to it as tight and as hard as you can. You can cling to me, Anna. I’m a grumpy asshole, carrying so much baggage it wouldn’t fit on a damned airport luggage carousel, but I’m here if you need me.

Logan and I, we can both be here for you and for Max if you’ll let us be,” he told me.

“You don’t even know us,” I sniffled as I forced myself to pull away from him so I could meet his eyes.

“You didn’t know me when you tried to scrape my drunk ass up from the ground last night,” he reminded me.

“I thought you were hurt.”

“And you are hurting. You live on our property. You think either me or Logan can just walk past you on the daily and not be there when you clearly need someone? I might be a complete asshole, but I still have some human decency inside me.”

“I don’t think you’re an asshole, Maddox,” I told him honestly.

“Then you don’t know me well enough,” he laughed dryly. “Let’s get your hands dressed. I’ll put some small dressings on the deepest cuts, but they’re gonna need changing daily. I’ll come to the guest house each day to take care of it,” he told me.

“See. An asshole would never do that,” I pointed out with a watery smile.

“Everything okay in here?” Logan strode in through the sliding glass doors off to the side, Max right behind him.

“Have you been crying?” Max asked as he looked to me with utter horror. I saw his eyes dart to Maddox as his face filled with anger, and knew I had to do something.

“I’m good, honey. I just got a little emotional because I’m so tired. Maddox took care of me,” I tried to assure him. I saw Logan looking from me to his brother too with suspicion.

“Madd?” Logan spoke up.

“Like Anna said, we’re good. Chill the fuck out and get grilling. Steaks won’t cook themselves, Anna and Max are staying for dinner.” Maddox bit back.

I looked to him with confusion. I hadn’t agreed to stay for dinner, had I?

“It’s just dinner, Anna. Stay and get to know us, okay?

” he uttered to me so quiet I was sure I was the only one who could hear him.

I knew I should deny him, say no, and get Max home and away from these guys before they discovered too much about us, but I couldn’t.

I didn’t fully understand how or why, but I felt safer when I was with these two virtual strangers, and I didn’t feel strong enough to walk away from the comfort of that safety just yet.

“You sure you’re okay, mom?” Max asked as he appeared at my side.

“Yes. I’m sure. You were right though, I over did it today. I’ll listen next time, I promise,” I assured him.

“Yeah right,” he laughed. “I’ll believe that when I see it.”

The remainder of the evening was actually pretty good.

Logan grilled steaks and Maddox made a salad and potato salad to go with them.

I had a couple of glasses of wine as I sat out on their patio watching Logan and Maddox toss a football around with Max after we ate.

My emotional meltdown had left me raw, but strangely, being there with Logan, Maddox, and my son seemed to make me able to relax in a way I hadn’t since before everything happened.

Seeing my son stress-free and smiling definitely helped.

He didn’t seem so on guard all of the time when we were with these two guys and he needed that as much as I needed to see it.

We didn’t even get back to our place until almost nine that night, and by then I was dead on my feet.

I don’t even remember lying in my bed, or falling asleep, but for the first time in weeks, I actually did drift off without the usual fight with my own subconscious, and without the nightmarish memories that now lived within it.