Page 33 of Every Sunset

LOGAN

As I suspected he would be, Max was already in the gym at our place, working out hard when I walked in there early the next morning.

I’d barely slept all night, worried about Anna, and constantly checking my phone in case she tried to call or text me.

I had seen how hurt she was by the words her son threw at her without thought the night before.

I had seen the way he had just confirmed ever insecurity and fear she had been carrying on her shoulders since the day I met her – that she had done something to hurt, or fail her son in whatever had happened to them both before they came to us.

I had been desperate to step in the night before, but I’d done my best to hold it back not wanting to interfere and upset either Anna or Max further, but the things that kid had said to his mom last night were out of order, and I was hoping Max had come to the same conclusion overnight.

“Hey,” I greeted Max as I walked in and sat down on the weight bench.

Our gym took up a huge space on the lower ground floor of the house.

The rooms had been used for storage when we moved in, but knowing Maddox needed to do extensive physio to get strong again after the attack, and having a love of the gym myself, I had knocked the rooms through and had them transformed into the large space I now sat in.

There were no windows, but one wall was lined with floor to ceiling mirrors to make the space lighter.

I had bought every piece of equipment I liked to work out on, and a few others I thought would aid Maddox in getting his strength back in the beginning, then later allow him to build more upper body muscle to help him learn to live with his amputation.

Now he had his strength back, and had learnt to move well with the prosthesis, he mainly used the gym to work out his anger, and some days his anxiety.

It had been a wise investment, since both Madd and I spent more time in that gym than we did the rest of the house.

My anger at what had been done to Maddox had been vented hundreds of times in that room, as had his, I was sure.

Maddox perfected walking on his prosthesis in there, then he worked his ass off to get as strong as he could to make sure he would always be ready for anything.

I hated that he always feared where the next attack would come from after what he’d been through, and I hated knowing that he likely always would, but he’d been better since Anna arrived with us.

She had this way of calming and centering him in a way that no one or nothing else could.

She was good for him – for both of us, actually.

I was falling for her in a way I had never even thought was possible.

She pulled me in, not just with her beauty and her perfect body, but with her strength, and her vulnerability.

I loved the fire she had within, and I had seen that shine the night before as she defended herself and Max from a guy who had been twice her size.

She was brave, and she was street smart like I had never known a woman to be.

In contrast to all of that she could also be vulnerable at times, and I enjoyed the fact she needed me from time to time.

I liked to be needed, and I had a feeling that the longer Madd and I knew Anna, the more she would allow herself to lean on us.

I not only wanted her to do that, I needed it, and I knew my brother did too.

We were both protectors at heart, and we had missed having someone to care for and protect.

In short, she was my ideal woman and I wanted her.

The fact that Maddox was head over heels for her too, just sealed the deal.

She was everything we had always wanted.

“If you’re gonna lecture me, don’t bother.

I already know I was a complete dick with my mom last night.

I’m going to apologize when she wakes up,” Max told me, pulling me from my thoughts.

I looked over to him as he stepped off the treadmill, which he’d been running flat out on when I walked in.

He grabbed a towel and wiped his sweat soaked face, then sat on the bench beside me.

“How’s your face feeling?” I asked as I pointed to the bruise that had turned purple over night. It spread across his cheek, right up to his eye, but it looked less swollen than it had the night before.

“It’s good. Mom brought me and ice pack last night.”

“Did you talk to her?”

“No,” he shook his head, then moved to rest his elbows on his knees, lowering his head. “I was still mad. I think she was too.”

“I doubt that she was mad, Max. I think she was more hurt. She only did what she did last night because she was terrified for you when you called, then she got there and saw you hurt. I think that that asshole calling you a troublemaker, when you’d been one of the guys stopping the fight, was the last straw for her,” I explained.

“I know. I fucked up,” he sighed deeply. “That guy called her trailer trash, and not only did I fail to stand up for her, but I also fucking agreed with him, Logan!”

“You were upset too, Kid. I know how hard it is at your age. You want to fit in and have friends. I get why you got so angry, but I think you really hurt your mom. She already feels like a failure as a parent as a result of whatever you’ve both been through.

What you said last night…it just confirmed her worst fears. ”

“She’s not a failure. She’s an awesome mom, and I know how lucky I am to have her. What happened…it wasn’t her fault, and she…she went through so much worse than I did. I did what I had to. I can live with that, but she doesn’t seem to get that.”

“It’s hard for her to accept that you’re almost an adult.

For the last sixteen years she’s dedicated her life to trying to make yours special.

Every decision she made, every sacrifice and fight she faced was all for you.

I don’t think she’s finding it easy to accept that you are getting old enough and tough enough to protect, and make decisions for yourself now.

She was a kid when she had you, Max. Being a mom is all she has ever known. ”

“I hate myself for the things I said last night. I was being such a selfish shit,” he growled as he pushed his hands into his hair and pulled at it.

“Hey!” I said as I pressed my hand to his shoulder to try and comfort him. “Everyone fucks up sometimes. It’s how you handle things afterwards that counts. Talk to your mom. Apologize and tell her what you told me. She loves yu so much Max. She’ll forgive you anything.”

“I let her down so badly last night.”

“You did,” I agreed wholeheartedly. “But you are still just a kid, Max. I know you feel like an adult right now, but you’re not. Not yet. You’re allowed to be selfish and stupid. It doesn’t take away from what a good kid I know you are, and more importantly, your mom knows you are.”

“My mom needs me to be an adult right now, Logan. She’s not okay, and she can’t handle me being selfish or stupid. I know that.”

“You don’t have to carry everything on your shoulders alone, son. Your mom matters to Madd and I too, and we’re here for her. You can stop trying to shoulder the burden of everything and let us take a little of the weight. We can get your mom through whatever comes, together, okay?”

“Are you in love with her?” he asked bluntly as he finally lifted his head and met my stare.

“We barely know her, but yeah, I have feelings for her, and I’ve told her as much.”

“Maddox too, right? What do you even want from her?Some kind of freaky threesome?”

“We want to be able to take care of her, and get a chance to know her. Yes, Maddox has feelings for her too, and we would both like to date her when or if she feels ready for that. But there would be no threesomes, freaky or otherwise. We’re serious about your mom, Max.

We want a relationship with her eventually.

We want to be a part of both of your lives. ”

“That’d be weird though, right? My mom with two guys?”

“It would be unusual, but it’s not unheard of. Relationships like that, and in many other combinations exist in the world,” I explained.

“Just don’t hurt her, okay? I don’t get what’s going on between you all, but my mom…she’s been through too much already. If you can’t take care of her the way she deserves, then just leave her the hell alone,” he warned.

“We would never purposely hurt her, Max, and I can promise we’ll do everything in our power to always try and take care of her, whether we’re in a relationship or not. You too, bud. We care about you too, you know?”

“Whatever,” he shrugged as he busied himself wiping at his face with the towel once again. “I’m not looking’ for a dad, and I sure as hell don’t need two.”

“We’re not looking to be your dad either. You’re too old for that, but we want you to trust us and know that we will always be here for you.”

He stood quickly and I knew the conversation was making him uncomfortable, but I didn’t miss the way he glanced at me with question.

I knew he was trying to decide if I meant what I said, and that was okay, because I fully intended to back my words up with actions, and I knew Madd would too.

We’d show him, and Anna, that we would always be there for them, no matter what the future held.

ANNA

I hated the way I flinched when the front door of the cottage slammed loudly, but I couldn’t stop myself.

It meant Max was home, and he still hadn’t spoken a word to me since the night before.

I dreaded the idea that he still felt as angry towards me as he had the night before, but maybe he had a right to feel that way.

I had been thinking about it all night, as sleep eluded me.

I had realized how embarrassing my outburst, the night before, had to have been for my son.

I’d started the entire shit show by getting too worked up over the whole thing and yelling at that dad for not supervising things properly.

While I still believed he had failed to supervise the party correctly I understood in retrospect, that I could have handled the situation much more calmly, and without cursing at the man.

I cringed when I thought of how much I had sounded like my own father, raging and cussing.

I understood why Max had said I’d looked Crazy. I was sure I had.

“Mom?” I stood from where I had been perched on the edge of the bed since I gave up on sleep at four A.M., and instead showered and dressed.

I left my room and moved down the stairs slowly. The fact I hadn’t slept was making me feel stiff and slow that morning.

“Hey,” I greeted when I got halfway down the stairs and saw Max stood in the kitchen with a bottle of water in his hand. “Good work out?” I asked as I descended the last few stairs and walked over to one of the tall stools at the breakfast bar. I sat and hid my shaking hands in my lap.

“Not really, but I spoke to Logan,” he told me as he set the water down and leant back against the cabinet directly opposite me. He rested his weight on his hands against the counter and crossed his ankles. “I owe you a major apology.”

“Don’t feel like you have to apologize just because Logan guilted you into it,” I argued.

“Logan didn’t guilt me into anything. I already knew I messed up last night. I would have apologized first thing, but I didn’t want to wake you. I was a real dick to you last night, mom. I said some really shitty things and I didn’t mean any of them. I really am sorry.”

“Some of them were true though, Max. I haven’t been a good parent recently.

Hell, I’m not sure I’ve been a parent at all,” I admitted.

“And I know I embarrassed you last night. I should never have reacted like that. I haven’t changed my mind about the lack of supervision at the party, but I could have, and should have handled it much better than I did.

I’m the one who needs to be sorry, honey, and I am.

So sorry. You deserved so much better than the unhinged version of me that showed up for you last night. ”

“Don’t mom, please,” he pleaded as his eyes met mine.

“I already feel so shitty. I let that ass call you trailer trash. I let him say you were a bad parent, and I fucking agreed with him. I should have had your back, just like you always have mine, and I didn’t.

Thank fuck Logan and Madd were there.” His voice was so tight as he spoke, and I could see the glassiness in his eyes.

“No Max. It’s not your responsibility to look out for me, that’s not how this works. I protect you. You didn’t do anything wrong, you hear me? And I don’t need anyone to back me up. I’ve been taking care of myself my entire life. I’d have handled things myself last night if I needed to.”

I know,” he nodded. “But I’m glad they were there for you.

I don’t like you always having to handle everything.

You deserve someone who cares about you too.

I think Logan and Maddox do.” He looked to me pointedly, but I wasn’t replying to that comment.

There was no way I was discussing my messed up love life with my fifteen year old son.

“And as for the other thing, I should always back you up, mom. We’re a team, like you always say, and I was far from a team player last night. That won’t ever happen again.”

“How about we just start over this morning, huh? Forget about last night? Logan told me something. He said every sunset is a chance for a fresh start. How about we take that fresh start this morning and run with it?” I suggested, knowing we wouldn’t get anywhere with the back and forth we were entering into.

Max wanted to protect me and I wanted to protect him.

Neither of us were going to back down on that.

“Yeah, okay,” he agreed. “But mom. I love you. I know how lucky I am to have you. You have always been, and will always be, the best mom I could ever wish for. I’m sorry if I made you doubt that last night.”

“I love you too, honey,” I told him as I got to my feet and went to him, wrapping my arms tightly around him.

Maybe it was time I accepted that he was almost a grown man, instead of constantly fighting it.

I was just so afraid though. I dreaded the day that he wouldn’t need me any longer.

I’d always be there for him, of course, but I didn’t know who I was without taking care of him constantly.