Page 17 of Every Sunset

“I read it somewhere. It stuck with me when Madd and I were younger and struggling just to get by. I used to think about those words all of the time and tell myself things would get better,” he explained.

I smiled a little as I placed a hand on his knee, wanting to comfort him, since he was obviously thinking back to something that caused him pain.

It was clear to see in the furrow of his brow.

“I like it,” I told him. “I think I’ll steal it for the tougher days.”

“I’d prefer you come to Madd or I, and let us help you through the tougher days,” he told me as he covered my hand on his knee with his much larger one.

“I’ll try,” I gave in as I gave his knee a small squeeze, hoping he’d take it as the promise I meant it to be. “I just…I find it hard to trust people. I’m not sure I ever really have, except for Max.”

“Your family?” Logan questioned.

“My mom split not long after I was born, and my dad…well, let’s just say I wasn’t exactly the top of his priority list. I left when I found out I was pregnant and never looked back. I wanted more for Max than I ever had.”

“What about his father?”

“Ha!” I cried loudly. “I don’t think he ever even knew my name. It was one time at some crappy party. I did track him down to tell him I was pregnant, but he was so high I doubt he even remembers. He threw a few dollar bills at me and told me to take care of it.”

“I’m sorry, Anna.”

“Don’t be. Getting away from there was the best decision I could have made, and having Max changed my entire life for the better.

He gave me something to fight for, and I have, Logan.

I’ve fought and worked so hard to try and give him the childhood he deserved.

It was far from perfect, but he was loved and he was safe,” I told him, a little defensively.

And I knew why I was being defensive – because all I had done had gone to shit the night I chose my own selfish needs and went on that fucking date.

I had destroyed everything I built for my son with one stupid, selfish decision.

“He still is, Anna,” Logan said as he pulled my hand from his knee and turned it, interlocking his fingers with mine. “Stop feeling guilty for whatever happened. You’re both here now, whole and moving on. Max will be alright, so long as you are,” he told me vehemently.

“And what if I can’t be? Alright, I mean?” I sniffled as I used my free hand to dash away the tear that slipped free.

“You will be,” he told me firmly as he turned so he faced me.

He lifted his big hand, cradling the entire left side of my face in it as he used his thumb to wipe at another tear that ran free.

“Let me help you, please sweetheart. I don’t want you to be alone.

I can see how much you’re hurting. Maddox too.

It’s killing us. At least let us be around to make things a little easier,” he pleaded.

“I just don’t want to hurt my son anymore,” I sniffled as I leaned into his touch. “I’ve already put him through so much.”

“We’ll take care of him, Anna. We’ll take care of both of you, if you’ll just stop running from us.”

“I will,” I agreed as I fought not to cry.

I had cried so much in the last weeks, and I didn’t want to anymore.

I didn’t want to feel broken any more either, and there with Logan, I didn’t.

Not so much anyway. He made me feel safe in a way no one in life ever had, and I needed that.

After thirty-one years of fighting alone, I needed someone to just hold me together for a little while, whilst I found the strength I needed to fight again.

“Thank fuck for that,” Logan huffed as he pulled me closer and wrapped his arms fully around me, pressing me to his chest. I didn’t fight him or push him away, because I wanted his hug more than I wanted my next breath right then.

I don’t know how long he held me, and I didn’t care. I’d have happily stayed there with him all day if it were an option. I managed to calm my wild emotions and stop more tears from falling.

“How did you know I was down here?” I asked eventually, knowing I couldn’t make him hold me for any longer. He probably had things to do and places to be.

“I dropped Max at work, and he told me he’d followed you down here this morning. He asked me to check on you if you didn’t come back to the house by ten,” Logan explained.

“That kid,” I sighed. “He’s fifteen years old. I hate that he feels the need to take care of me.”

“He loves you, and he needs you. He’s taking care of you because he never wants to lose you. He’s an amazing kid,” Logan told me.

“I know. He really is,” I agreed. He really was an amazing kid, and I could never regret one single part of my childhood that resulted in me having him. I’d do every day of it again, survive every miserable second just to ensure I held Max in my arms in the end.

Eventually, Logan and I left the beach, Logan rolling up my yoga mat and carrying it under one arm, as he wrapped the other around me and insisted on walking me back to my cottage.

When I told him I needed to get ready for work he insisted on me allowing him to drive me into town.

He was determined that I shouldn’t drive when I was upset, even though I had managed to calm myself down already, but I gave in when he pointed out the way my hands were trembling slightly, because I didn’t want to have to explain that the trembling was a near constant state for me nowadays, especially since I was sleeping so little.

We didn’t talk much as he drove me into town just after lunch, and it felt awkward when I thanked him and slipped from his high up SUV, which he’d pulled up outside the hardware store, but Logan didn’t seem to feel the same as he smiled brightly at me and told me we were eating dinner together at his place that night.

Before I could utter a sound either way, he was driving away and I stood there on the sidewalk feeling at a loss for what I really felt right then.

Logan had been so kind and gentle with me.

He knew way too much, and was getting so close to the truth, which was terrifying, but at the same time I felt he had been honest when he promised not to push for information from Max and I on the topic.

God knew I wanted to be able to trust him and his brother.

Max had been right when he told me we needed people around us.

I had always wanted that for my son, but there had never been anyone I could get close enough to for that to happen in the city.

Now these two strong, capable, and honest seeming guys were in our lives and a huge part of me felt like it not only wanted to know them, but needed to too, for the sake of my sanity.

The issue was, I wanted more than friendship and that complicated things exponentially, especially since I was pretty sure neither of them would feel the same.

Hiding my feelings for them would be a true trial for me, but I would have to, I realized.

Max needed someone in his life who could be there for him more than I could right then, and Logan and Maddox were there and willing.

Max liked them too, which helped. I couldn’t fuck it all up for him.

“Anna?” Neil’s voice calling from behind me had me turning to face the hardware store with a start. “Are you coming inside?” he asked.

“Sorry!” I cried as I shook myself and hurried inside.

I don’t know how long I had stood there, but it had to have been a while for Neil to come out after me.

Just another moment to prove I really was losing it.

It wasn’t the first time I had zoned out completely, lost in my head.

Add to that my meltdowns, and nightmares, and I really was scared something was truly wrong with me.

The trembling in my hands couldn’t mean anything good, either. I was a mess. Such a huge fucking mess!