Page 3 of Escalating Alpha (Seraphine Thomas #18)

After taking the day to think about it, I told them all I wanted texts—for either issues or when they wanted to have those vulnerable moments. And I would really and truly do my best not to push anything off and would respond within twenty-four hours and handle it.

Barring emergencies, being out of town—the normal bullshit.

But if the situation or issue was an emergency or one that could blow up, they were to use the siren emoji… Which was hysterical when Axel sent me the siren mermaid one and I was a siren and—I was still laughing at that mix-up. It was the comic relief we needed.

I was less than thrilled when Brian immediately messaged me that he had a vulnerable moment. And he knew he was being pushy with this one, but it wasn’t an emergency, but he would like to discuss it before the car wash… In three hours.

Fuck a duck.

I replied that I was outside about to go for a run with my security but I would make the time if that could work.

Yeah, apparently, that was what he’d been hoping for because he was there not two minutes later and in running attire.

“Part of my disconnect is that I can’t see what you’re experiencing,” he hedged, clearly struggling to say what he was feeling. “I want you to tell me more when what I did screws you over.” He hurried on when anger burned through me. “I know I’ve reacted badly and jumped on you. That’s my fault and—”

“Yup, I’m going to cut in here because I know the answer,” Sander said firmly, even blocking Brian from me so I only saw his smiley face. “You hold it all in until it explodes. Then it’s out of left field for him and he gets defensive and is an asshole about it. You don’t say anything and our tiny man brains assume the storm has passed and we can start fixing things.

“But you’re still getting beaten up by that storm and you don’t want to be accused of nagging or risk him blowing up at you again. That’s the cycle you guys are in. He’s asking for the heads-up as things are happening to know how it’s still fucking with you instead of the snowball.”

I pushed Sander aside and met Brian’s gaze, basically asking if that was what he was trying to say.

Brian sighed and shot Sander a look of death. “Yes, but I’m supposed to be learning how to fucking communicate better and open up to the woman I love, and the first time I really work on this with the right tool, you just jumped all in and answered for me. I know you guys always think you’re helping, but you’re part of the reason the dam has so much duct tape.”

“He’s not wrong and I’ve felt the same,” I cut in, mentally wincing when Sander gave me a hurt look. “ But I appreciate the support and backup. You need to ask. You could have said that you want to tap in because he pushed for this now and I’m stressed about being center stage for this. Hell, I know about the betting pool of how many will be assholes.”

Sander winced but nodded before looking at Brian. “I’m sorry. You’re right. I do—we all just try to help, man. I know you think a lot of us are rooting against you. We’re rooting for Sera to be happy—all of us even. I used to think you were the right person for that. I don’t know you are anymore, and I don’t want her hurt. I hope you prove me wrong.”

“More than I wanted to hear but fair enough,” he grumbled but then yanked off his FBI ball cap before pulling it right back on. He frowned when I snorted.

And I felt horrible because he thought I was amused with his upset. Then I got annoyed. “Bri, have some faith in me too.”

Then he got annoyed, crossing his arms over his chest. “I actually got frustrated because we used to be on the same wavelength that when you snorted like that I normally got the joke and didn’t have to ask. It upset my wolf and person for different reasons. Did you really think I assumed—”

“Sorry,” I whispered, glancing away and letting out a slow breath. “I’ve always found it endearing how you show your frustration or emotions with your damn hat. I could tell your whole day from it. But I used to worry you’d go bald with how fucked the FBI could be and how they shit on you. I was just thinking you won’t have to worry about that as a wolf now. That was the snort.”

“That’s actually pretty funny,” he admitted after a moment. He let out another heavy breath. “Can I join you for a jog? Sorry to crash but…”

Yeah, there was no good way to really finish that. Still, I nodded because Sander had fucked up his attempt for the first time we tried this new thing, and it clearly bummed Brian out.

Then, about a mile into the run, I realized it was also maybe that I missed my part of things. “Thanks for telling me—trying and wanting to communicate this better and let me in.”

He visibly relaxed more next to me.

We ran for a couple of hours and then made our way to the Chicago Police Motor Maintenance Division where we were holding this crazy car wash. Long story short, we had wolves paying penance for a variety of reasons—the biggest one was a drunk kid driving and his friends with him who were drinking underage from the Milwaukee pack.

But there were others. Too many, and I wasn’t happy about that.

To be fair, most were kids not hitting their grades or minor infractions. I just already felt overloaded and like I shouldn’t be the boss all the time… Imposter syndrome. That was what Phobie always called it.

So when I kept getting proof to my face that there were problems, I was upset and down on myself.

Ashley was in charge of it all and managing the shit jobs and chores those men were doing especially. We’d run out, so in a show of good faith and paying back their debt—and even thanking CPD for stepping up to do better by supes—we were washing as much of their motor pool as we could in a day.

Except we weren’t going all over to do it. The reserve cars, the ones being fixed, and any they could drop off would be washed. Also , any cop could come get their vehicle cleaned as well as long as they didn’t take pictures or video.

There were kids of the pack attending after all. This also wasn’t a chance to dox those who were wolves. The police chief made it damn clear he felt the same and passed it along.

At the last minute, we decided that anyone getting their personal vehicle done had to make a donation and we were putting it towards a college fund for wolves. Not our wolves but wolves we were allied with who didn’t have the resources we did in Chicago and easy access to college maybe. Supes were hurting all around the country and cops knew that.

They could give five or ten bucks or so towards someone going to school and having a better chance. I thought that more than fair when taking their vehicle in to get washed and vacuumed out would be thirty easy.

Everything was more than in hand when we arrived. Ashley was made for the job and I was impressed by her more and more. I was also happy to see that the underage drinkers were already washing police cars and apparently had been for a few hours. They’d seemed to think the punishment was a blow-off at first and some PR stunt.

They’d learned fast it wasn’t, and I’d been impressed with how seriously they’d taken it. I’d also been fair and told their parents that. Just to keep giving them side updates, I took a few pictures of their kids working hard and sent them to Hestia since they were her people.

My adopted little brothers were already there as well helping. They hadn’t done anything wrong. They just liked to be involved, and they were limited to what they could do because they had to stay hidden. I was glad they had security, and even the cops we were working with on organizing this were on the ball that they knew they had to be protected.

“I appreciate it,” I said, shaking one of the officer’s hands.

He snorted. “This is a huge help, Chief. You know how it goes and they always want more from us and we never have enough time or people for it all. I know they messed up, but those are some good kids.” He nodded when I couldn’t hide that I was confused. “They were helping here yesterday when they all came to get the lay of the land.”

Another officer chuckled. “They were dragging tires that were delivered off the truck since we have to do a ton of changeouts this month. Helping us get it all set up—saved my back and us so much time.”

I thought about that a moment. “You teach them anything?”

The first one’s eyes flashed shock, but then he nodded. “Yeah, I showed a couple how to spot bad brake pads and change the tires, let them get the nuts off even.”

I bobbed my head. “I’ll talk to the chief. I’m good with leaving one or two of them here a few days a week—half days or something to help out. If they learn something and you protect them. I didn’t tell their parents to send them here to be shit on or bullied. So you promise to protect them even from cops coming in and out and I’ll see if we can make this work.”

“I’ll put them in fucking bubbles if you can, Chief,” the second officer said. “We lost two this year because they were tired of the shit, and they’ve not been replaced. And they want us to pull out miracles. We’re months behind normal maintenance, and I’m tired of getting chewed about it without asking why or trying to fix things. Really, I am.”

That was a serious breakdown in management, and I was already annoyed that I’d seen the guy wince a few times. Clearly, he had an injury or issue that he was ignoring.

I thanked them and messaged Vinn to get the crew there some of Nina’s soap to help with aches and pains. Brian and I went to finish our run before the car wash officially started, and I sent Dain a voice message telling him what had happened and asked if he could check into the legal side of it so we were protected and talk to the chief.

“You’re not calling him to talk about that?” Brian hedged. He sighed at whatever was on my face. “I’m not picking on your relationship or—I’m worried, Sera. I’m asking for you or if you want to talk.”

“Thanks, but it’s weird between us.” I swallowed my annoyance when he seemed hurt. “He’s hiding shit from me again. It’s hard to just pretend that’s not the case.”

“Yeah, that’s fair. I would—that’s valid.”

I was glad when he left it at that. So he just wanted to touch base and see where my head was? Okay, well, that wasn’t painful.

When we arrived back, I ran right through the water stream someone was using to rinse off a car, everyone chuckling, but it was the end of July in Chicago. Even if it was the morning, it was fucking hot.

And my period was going to start tomorrow like clockwork. Just thinking about that had me going over to the table of drinks that was all set up.

“Great job, Ashley,” I praised as I took it all in. “Really, you did great once again.”

“Thank you, Alpha. We also have PayPal and Venmo for the donations if people want,” she replied. “I asked Vinn for a credit card reader since we’re doing farmers markets now for the flowers, but she said they could only be used for the business.”

“She would know best, but it’s not a bad idea to see if people will donate for a real wolf college fund when we do stuff like that. Even the supe outreach events could take donations for a supe education fund through the APA.” I chuckled when her eyes sparkled. “Talk to Vinn. Also, think of what classes you have this semester and if setting that up would be a good project.”

She nodded. “I have a professor that I’ve already had. I’ll talk to Vinn and email him. He might be able to give me an answer and some tidbits so we don’t have to wait for school to start.”

“Have fun.” I went over and kissed her hair.

“So much for not expanding,” Brian teased me, giving me the look that he fully knew how I felt. “Yeah, it’s like working overtime or not through lunch. I told myself every new year or spring I was going to really take lunch for myself and even get outside for a walk. You ever see me really do it?”

“Nope.”

“Nope,” he echoed. “It’s hard not to help when you can.”

It really was. I mean… For us. There were tons of people who didn’t do dick and were fine with that. Others who took and took and gave nothing ever.

That was apparent about ten minutes after we started and I heard the signal that there was a problem. It was a whistle at the level most humans couldn’t hear but would make our animals twitch.

Yeah, yeah, insert dog whistle jokes here and I could flip people off.

“What’s the problem here?” I asked as I joined the group, not happy to find a woman raising her voice at my wolves but mostly that they were the college kids.

She focused on me but then did a double take, disgust all over her face. “ That’s what you wear to an event with CPD?”

I glanced down at my outfit as just about everyone did around me before meeting her gaze like she was nuts. “Did you want a prom dress? We’re washing cars in July and we’ll get wet. I finished a three-hour run and just came here.”

Like… Duh? I could get it if I was in sparring clothes—not really, but maybe. But I was in normal running shorts, not even the super short runner ones with the ass hanging out. And a tank top with the bra built in. Full coverage. Thick straps. No open back or… Seriously? It wasn’t low-cut.

Just a normal damn tank top.

One of the female wolves snorted. “Smell the jealousy that she couldn’t wear it.”

Fair enough. I kept the woman’s focus on me when she went to blast the wolf. “What is the problem?”

“Your wolves won’t let us in, Sera,” she snapped.

My wolf, siren, and I all bristled at that. “Sera? Are we friends? No, I don’t know you. Have we met, Officer…”

“It’s a car wash and you’re being formal,” she drawled.

“You just gave me shit about not dressing better and now I’m a problem for demanding you be polite and teaching my people to expect better. Yeah, I don’t think I’m the issue here,” I threw right back with just as much sarcasm.

And I was valid.

“She won’t show a badge or CPD ID,” one of the guys filled me in when I glanced at them. “That’s the rule.”

“I tried to tell them that my husband is CPD and he said to come by,” she yelled, taking the tone and volume up a notch. She gestured behind her. “Our whole family is here and you’re being rude and disrespectful to the people who keep you safe.”

I moved closer to her and blocked the wolves from her tirade as I held up my hand. “Whoa, for one, your husband keeps Chicago safe, not you. Being family of a cop is hard. I get that. My family gets that too—who are here. So you’re disrespecting them as well. Let’s just tone that back and keep to what’s going on here.”

“You don’t—” she started to argue.

“But your husband shouldn’t have told you that you could come here,” I continued. “Certainly not your whole damn family. It’s for police vehicles or the actual officers only. This is police property, and not just anyone can come here like the parking lot of a police station.”

“Well, that was stupid to have it here then,” she seethed.

I gave her the look she deserved. “No, it was intentional. So we didn’t have the entire family of some asshat taking up the day being greedy and selfish instead of the actual officers who are too busy to clean their own cars. And so we can control who just shows up and says they can get one. You could be Jane Doe off the street not related to a cop at all.”

She was though. I didn’t smell guilt, only annoyance. The other wolves would have reacted if she’d been lying that she was the wife of a cop.

She sneered. “You really are as big of a bitch as they say.”

I sighed, playing like I didn’t want trouble and the hit landed. “What’s his name and district? I’ll see if…” I gave her a shit-eating grin when she immediately told me like she’d won and wanted to brag about it. “I’m going to have a long talk with him and his commanding officer about teaching his family to behave better.

“You just called someone ranked above him who his department works with a bitch , in public because you can’t follow the rules of a perk. And made a scene. How embarrassing for him. Do you go demand free Starbucks and food because your husband is a cop too?” I growled when her heart raced. “Disgusting. I don’t even take it as division chief and you—”

Brian was there in a flash and pushing me behind him. I didn’t know why and I got annoyed. Like I knew he hated when people called me a bitch and she’d started to again but so what?

I got it all of the time.

I realized my hand had started changing. Not the whole thing, but my nails had barely started growing out and he’d caught it.

“Thanks, Bri,” I whispered and let him take over.

Other than that, things went well. There were a handful of others who dropped by who shouldn’t have and were trying to sneak in. They took the no gracefully. A few others genuinely misunderstood since they brought in the officer’s vehicle and thought they could since it was theirs.

Those I would have let through and had said as much, but the rules were clear to us that no one but CPD could pull into the area. I wasn’t getting into trouble over something like a car wash. The people agreed and apologized.

Wasn’t it nice when we could all be polite and understanding with each other?

I lost count of how many vehicles were washed. We had a whole area of borrowed stick vacuums and where they were plugged in charging in between uses. There were bags of car cleaner bottles to be recycled. The spray shit for the tires as well. We went all out.

And it was appreciated.

Big time.

I talked to a couple dozen off duty cops who said this was something really great we were doing. That it brought community together when it was hard to bridge the line sometimes, and they were impressed that I was really teaching the young ones responsibility for their actions.

Fine, it was a bit overbearing with some older men feeling like they had room to judge me... But at least it was good. I didn’t need their seal of approval, and it was fucking annoying that they thought they had any right to—leg to stand on and like their opinions mattered.

Still, I accepted it graciously. I would be the bitch if I reminded them that I was pay grades above them or started a scene. They were giving me the pat on the back and acting like I should be grateful.

Again, who were they that they were so awesome to give that pat? What had they done to make them the authority to give out props?

Older males?

Uh-huh, awesome. And I would absolutely be labeled as some sensitive feminist if I voiced this to people. Even men around me who wouldn’t get it and how sexist it was… Especially when they weren’t doing the same to Brian or the other Betas.

Freddie plopped down next to me when we were wrapping up and the others were cleaning up. “I think I need to be petty for a moment and check that I’m not like insane.”

“Hit me,” I chuckled, wondering where his head was or what was going on.

“Did I just witness dozens of people pay grades below you pat you on your head all day and give their approval of you being Alpha or am I just so jaded and sensitive? Like I want to give the benefit of the doubt when you see a mom with older kids telling a newer mom that she’s doing a good job and be supportive but…”

“But?” I asked, genuinely curious.

“All I saw was something like how I used to tell Ashley that her kiddie drawings that were scribbles were great and they should be in a museum as I patted her head,” he admitted. “They were great. I mean to me because I’m her dad and everything she does is great to me. But like I have no art background, and I can’t say what should be in a museum. We know that. It was… You know.”

“Yeah, I know, Freddie,” I chuckled darkly before taking a long chug from my sports drink. “No, you didn’t see it wrong and you’re not paranoid.” I gave him a sad smile. “That’s been my whole career, Navy and FBI. Even the ones who genuinely try to be nice don’t get how they sound like you just said. All the time. I’m just glad they were nice instead of the normal lectures.”

He shook his head as he scrubbed his hand over his head. “It’s so fucking sad that the bar is set that low.”

“It is.” I agreed as I stood and stretched.

“I’m terrified to have a daughter and this being the world she’s becoming a woman in, Sera. I hate this is the world she’ll live in seeing more—knowing more of it, and I wasn’t ever blind to the sexism.” He looked so destroyed that part of me wanted to lie to him, but I couldn’t.

I couldn’t tell him that it was okay or not as bad as he thought.

“It’s easier with support or people close to us who see it—help us with it,” I told him honestly. “Shit, you sitting down and feeling it with me helps so I don’t feel petty and bitchy. Most of them wanted to be nice but missed the mark. It’s just hard to ignore the sexism of it, but someone else seeing it helps.”

“Yeah?” he checked.

“Yeah, and you should have this same talk with Ashley since she ran the event.” I nodded when he frowned. “Freddie, if I got it—how much do you think she got it as a college kid? She could use the same and to hear that she’s not being sensitive or paranoid. Because that’s what even some other women will tell her. Women who became numb to it.”

Understanding filled his eyes. “Because too many told them they were sensitive or to ignore it.”

I tapped my nose and chuckled when he thanked me and hurried off. He really was a great dad. I half turned to stretch before my run back and froze when I saw Hagan and Brian both staring at me, clearly having heard our conversation.

And neither of them had understood what Freddie had.

I didn’t know how to address that or even if I should, so I didn’t. I didn’t run from it, but it wasn’t my issue or discussion to handle. It really wasn’t.

Plus, I had enough to always handle already.