Page 19 of Escalating Alpha (Seraphine Thomas #18)

Sunday morning, I came back from my run to find an unexpected visitor waiting in the lobby. I blinked at him a second and went over to him while stretching for my cooldown.

“Your mom doing well? You went to meet up with her on her couple-month vacation, right?”

Jason nodded. “It was great. I was thrilled to have the time to get to see her so happy. Thanks for making it happen and—thanks, Sera.”

I studied him, getting too much off of him that it made my wolf uncomfortable. “Why are you here, Jas? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong.” He sighed when I made it clear that I wasn’t buying that. “Let’s go inside and talk with less ears.”

I snorted. “Everyone hears everything anyways.”

“Yeah, but the peanut gallery and silent bodyguards say a lot and you don’t need that right now.”

Okay, that worried me. I wasn’t really in the mood for this, but… When was I ever?

Seriously, when was anyone ever in the mood for bad news or problems?

Yeah, never.

We went up to my apartment and I set out some food, not really being hospitable when this was a surprise thrown at me and one I didn’t think I’d like.

“You’ve been crying in your sleep and telling people not to go,” he said after eating a few pieces of fruit. “It’s not getting better.” He sighed when I shot him a nasty look. “Carter called. He can hear it—makes sure he hears it because he’s worried about you, Sera.”

“So instead of talking to me about it, he called you of all people?” I asked as I set down the container of frozen egg bites too hard. I hit the buttons to warm up the air fryer and made it clear to Jason that I wasn’t thrilled.

“He didn’t know who could help you and wouldn’t risk pissing you off. My natural setting pisses you off, but we’ve also been through too much and still came out the other side as friends. Plus, he said he would have been able to help you, but he fucked up, so it was his job to find his replacement.”

“Chatty Carter,” I grumbled and focused on putting together everything else for breakfast. I was really, really enjoying planning my own meals. I ate a ton now as a powerful supe, and while I hadn’t understood it in the beginning, Dain had taught me a lot and now I did.

Now I got to adjust what I needed for me and… It was nice. I enjoyed it.

Which made Dain feel incredibly guilty and sad, but I couldn’t hide how I felt from him. I hoped we could get to a place where he joined me or we worked together on stuff. I did miss the quality of chefs preparing all of my food.

I was no slacker but also not near the level of famous chefs.

“Just spit it out, Jas,” I sighed when he took too long trying to think of what to say and how to handle this.

Handle me.

He gave me a look like he wanted to strangle me. What did he really expect?

Plus, the feeling was mutual.

“I’m here to help you make the call to your dad that you clearly need to make and I think you know that. Carter thought I was the best person since I’ve known you the longest and we’ve helped each other through all the family bullshit. But this is all since you met Stacey and learned… You know what needs to happen.”

I nodded as I laid out the already cooked bacon to zap it quickly. “How often am I doing it? Did he tell you that?”

“Two or three times a night. When you hit that level is when he called me,” Jason admitted. “You’re not loud, and he said who sleeps next to you doesn’t even always wake up and hear it. But it’s getting worse instead of better.”

I blinked at him. “Does he just sit up and listen to me sleep?”

He sighed and scrubbed his hands over his head. “He can’t help you when you need it because of what happened—what he did. He’s trying to do what he can from a distance.” His eyes filled with sadness. “I maybe understand that and him better than any of your other guys.”

“Jas, I don’t want to hear the details of how my mother tried to kill me,” I told him firmly.

He snorted. “Of course you don’t. You’re not a fucking psycho but—”

“No, you’re not hearing me. I’m not making the call. I don’t care and—”

“Too fucking bad. Obviously, you need it,” he said firmly, giving me a hard look. “You need to get a handle on this and…” He glanced from me to where I’d been standing to where I was across the kitchen now. His confusion snapped me out of what I’d been thinking.

I chuckled darkly. “I had to move away from the knives because my mind went immediately to throwing one at you. My anger is that out of control where I was reaching for it before I realized it. My wolf and siren—all of us are too on edge and I’m barely holding it together. They didn’t care that you are human or I love you, Jas. That’s how—fuck off.”

“But it’s getting worse because you’re ignoring it, Sera,” he said gently. “If it doesn’t help, you can stab me all you want.” He rolled his eyes when I growled. “We both know you won’t. Stuff it.” He walked over to me, but it was careful like he was approaching a scared animal. He sighed and rubbed my arm. “I know you.”

“Not anymore. Not like we did,” I whispered.

“Fair, but I know that you are imagining worse than it probably is.”

I raised an eyebrow at him. “Is there any level of worse when it comes to your mom trying to kill you? Is poison really better than strangulation or snuffing a baby with a pillow?”

“Again, fair,” he accepted. “But not knowing—your brain can’t handle it. And you’re too pretty to lose all your beauty sleep.” He sighed again when I didn’t take the bait. “Please just trust me on this. Please? I will make sure the assholes support you like they should while you deal with this.”

“I currently don’t have a sparring partner,” I grumbled.

“You have dozens, but they bailed because you kept preferring one and not sparring at all but fucking.” He waggled his eyebrows at me. “I heard it was super hot, you skank.”

Only Jason could get away with that. It worked because I laughed and shoved him away.

Gently. I kept my head and remembered my strength even if I was still upset. That was the part of me I was losing or struggling to hold onto. If making the call meant I could stop the spiral down, then fuck it.

“Call Phobie.” I frowned when he did. “You think it’s smart to even think of doing this without talking to my damn therapist who is the only reason I haven’t completely sunk into madness? Are you fucking stupid?”

“Apparently, I am because yeah, it didn’t cross my mind.” He shrugged and then asked for my phone.

I unlocked it and tossed it to him with a roll of my eyes. I finished getting the rest of breakfast together while he talked to her. To say Phobie laid into him about the intervention and his way of handling it was an understatement.

And Jason kept looking to me for help.

I responded by flipping him off. I appreciated that he cared and would come just to help me with this. I did.

But this was an intervention for something I hadn’t known was getting bad or I hadn’t even confirmed yet. Carter was an idiot for trusting this fool to handle anything emotional.

However, Jason had contacted Zeno on the other side because I found out that the video call was already set up with him to handle Clayton and a female siren to get involved and help us out. I wanted to throttle Jason for overstepping but also thank him because I didn’t think that would have been a call I could make. I didn’t want to bother people.

Especially not for my stupid shit that I should be able to handle.

Others found out it was happening and wanted to be involved or help. I didn’t want that and made Jason turn them down. Hey, he involved himself in all of this… He was involved.

It was his party, so he got to turn down other guests. I told him that a few times with a smirk.

I felt like I blinked and it was time for the call. Zeno knew how to motivate people because Clayton was informed that he had a surprise if he behaved, so he agreed to whatever.

Except apparently, he didn’t know it was a video call with me. It was all over his face when he could see me.

“Hey, Dad,” I greeted.

“I’m not—” he snapped at the same time Zeno replied, “Hello, my wonderful daughter.”

If the situation wasn’t so crazy, it would have been funny how they looked at each other like the man in front of him was nuts.

“I was talking to Zeno,” I muttered, annoyed with myself that I’d let my nerves start us off like this. My birth father had a horrible temper and would shut down just to be an asshole if provoked. “He set this up so I can ask you some questions, Clayton.”

“And I have a few since we’re doing this,” Phobie added which surprised all of us, but she just shrugged. Fine, whatever helped.

Clayton didn’t say anything for a moment. “I want some changes then and—”

“You will get the treat Zeno promised you only like the good caged fucking animal you are,” Jason bit out. “Or I think you should be infected and brought back to Chicago where Sera is your boss and she can discipline you every fucking minute of every fucking day she wants and it’s legal. That’s what I think should happen here.”

I swallowed a sigh when he set off Clayton. I reached deep for patience and thought of how to best handle this. Hoping I was wrong, I switched gears. “I told you this was stupid and it’s not worth anything. I don’t want to hear all the gory details and his excuses. There’s no excuse for any of it. Do it with the siren’s influence or we’re wasting our time.”

That got a reaction out of Clayton. He didn’t want to basically be drugged and his mind not his own. But more than that, he wanted his chance to defend himself and speak.

And hurt me. It was in his eyes. The joy that he thought this would cause me pain after all I’d done to him .

Yeah, it was really silly for me to ever hope for too much. My birth dad wanted to take any chance to hurt me, seeing me as the villain still after all he’d done to me.

Awesome. Seriously, fucking awesome.

It actually made me appreciate myself for a moment that I wasn’t a complete basket case.

“What do you want to know?” Clayton asked, his tone gruff and grumbly, but I saw it in his eyes.

And it hurt worse than I would have expected, thinking I’d closed myself down from these assholes. Maybe I never could fully. They were my birth parents after all.

Phobie seemed to catch on to what was going on with me and took over. “How did it start? I want to know the beginning and when—Stacey made some claims about how you told her and it all going to shit. I think it’s worth exploring your side and finding some middle with the truth now that it’s all been opened up.”

Oh, she was good. She was really, really good and knew how to play Clayton immediately.

He lost his amusement and the anger came back… But it wasn’t at me which would help the situation and make me able to focus.

Hopefully?

“My dad showed up after we were married—crazy as ever, and Stacey flipped out that I didn’t tell her that I had mental illness in my family. I had to tell her the truth which pissed me off because I thought the gene hadn’t gotten me so me and any kids I’d have would be safe. The bitch didn’t even believe me, and it pissed me off that she thought I was crazy.”

It was hard not to snort. No, not crazy but evil. Was that really any better? With how affronted he was acting that anyone could think him mentally ill, he had piles of other issues.

“I told her to go talk to him then. She’d get the truth and I—she did and he convinced her. She was beyond upset and wailed on me, demanding a divorce and—ungrateful bitch. She was nothing when I found her. Nothing but pretty and…” He shook his head. “I told her that I didn’t have it and it made no sense to think our kids would then either.

“That settled her some, but she was still talking abortion for my disgusting genes. It pissed me off, and I reminded her that her father was a raging alcoholic—a violent abusive one at that and I married her with that in her family.” He snorted and then seemed to get lost for a moment. “But she was right and we should have.”

My eyes went wide as three people had to block Clayton from Zeno. My heart filled with love as he bellowed at Clayton that he would kill him if he ever spoke of his beloved daughter’s death again.

I couldn’t help but smirk at the camera, hoping Clayton saw. The man who told me I was such a problem, freak—all of it—was loved and he was left with nothing and pathetic.

Sometimes the best revenge was truly just leaving others in your dust and living your best life, not even giving them the importance they did.

“She was a freak from birth,” Clayton snapped, standing so he had a better way to defend himself if it came to that.

He would have no chance and be dead if Zeno got him. I wasn’t sure if it was just instincts or if he was too stupid to understand that.

I didn’t really care.

“Wait, explain that,” Phobie cut in. “What did you see that early that makes you say that even after all of these years later?”

Clayton made the mistake of thinking she might be on his side, not understanding who she really was. “She understood things and had that… Intelligence in her eyes a baby shouldn’t.”

“Give me an example,” Phobie pushed, clearly up to something from what I was getting off of her.

Even Jason sensed it because he moved his hand to my knee in support.

“She saw things,” he snapped. “She couldn’t take breast milk—puked it all over the fucking place. And she cried. Cried and cried unlike any newborn the nurses had ever seen. It was—fuck, was it rough. There wasn’t soy formula on every shelf like now. Even the doctors thought—it took days to figure it out and I thought my head was going to explode.

“Stacey wouldn’t even be in the same room as her, yelling that she needed to rest from the rough birth and then her daughter wouldn’t even take her milk.” He sighed. “I couldn’t even hate her for that. She was—now they would have diagnosed her with postpartum probably. The birth was bad. Really bad. She bled and…” He shook his head.

“I’m sorry,” I said before I realized it.

“That’s not for you to be sorry for,” Zeno said as he came into view. “We have children because we want them. You are a loving child who would have appreciated that your birth was difficult on them if they had been the parents they should have. But never, not ever again do you apologize for anything to do with your birth. It was not a choice you made .”

Fair enough. It was still shocking to hear. For all of the things they’d yelled at me for and—my parents had never told me that my birth was a bad one.

“Even when we figured it out, she wouldn’t take the bottles and was crying constantly,” Clayton continued. “Finally, I couldn’t take it and yelled that I had a headache and to please just stop. She did. She stared up at me that she understood and saw it all. I knew right then that—”

I burst out laughing, fully understanding what Phobie had been doing and wanted me to see. It took me a couple of minutes to settle and I couldn’t hide that I was laughing at Clayton. “You were projecting. You projected your fears that I would be crazy like your dad onto your newborn baby. Wow.”

“I did not!” he snapped. “You have no idea or can say that like you know any—”

“I can tell you with a thousand percent certainty,” I said firmly as I stood too. “I can see things. I saw Topher’s mind when I took him from you. He was a few days older probably than what you’re talking about, and he could not have made that realization or understood. And he’s more powerful than me getting two sets of clairvoyant genes.”

“What? No, you’re lying, and I don’t need to—”

“I’m not lying, and I have no reason to. And yes, you need to fucking hear this because—if I’m listening to you for real, then you’re going to do the same because we’re fucking adults. Or I ask Zeno to beat your ass. Your choice.”

“What’s your proof?” he bit out as he plopped back down.

“Topher,” I said firmly. “You gave me too much understanding as a newborn. He wouldn’t have comprehended that. All he knew was what was good or bad—comfort. Fear. Babies feel fear that young, and if you screamed in your newborn daughter’s face, I absolutely felt fear. And what did I used to do when I was scared of you, Clayton?”

“You froze,” Phobie put together. “Everyone thinks fight or flight, but there’s also freeze. You froze as a newborn feeling your first fear.”

I nodded. “It took Topher months to understand my migraines and that was because I could show him I was in pain. It was only because of how we can communicate since we both are clairvoyants. That’s the only reason.”

“Yeah, laugh it up,” he snapped. “You really want to know about Stacey trying to kill you and how I saved you? So maybe I wasn’t the worst father ever and you should be more grateful.”

I lost my amusement and relief in a flash and was back to being dead. “You left me in the fucking ghetto hours before that office opened. It’s a miracle that I wasn’t taken or dead to talk to the first guy. And now you’re going to read my whole file to see what I went through. See how your ‘good parenting’ was when you fucking ditched me to go have a normal kid that—”

Jason grabbed my hand and pulled me to sit. I could have resisted, but I didn’t want to make it a thing and I sat down. “Don’t give him—he’s not worth it, and he definitely doesn’t need the information or ammo against you.”

I snorted. “He’s never getting out of there. Who is he going to tell?”

It was true, but he wouldn’t want to take the chance.

Fair enough… And smart.

“How exactly—what happened and how did you save Sera?” Phobie asked, getting back to the reason we were there and letting Clayton feel special.

Clayton sighed like he was over all of this. “She said several times we should give her up for adoption. I said—I should have been more understanding now that I know more about postpartum. But it was constant and Sera was actually a quiet baby. Freaky but quiet. Then she wasn’t. It was strange and I couldn’t figure it out.

“But her diapers were—something was wrong. Stacey told me it was all in my head and we weren’t going to the doctor. Then I saw her make a bottle with twice as much water as that amount of formula should have. She was making Sera sick, and I reminded her that babies that young couldn’t have water. It could kill them.”

And from the haunted look in his eyes, she’d known that. She’d been trying to get rid of me without getting caught… But he’d still stayed with her for years and chosen her and to have a new, better child with her.

Ouch.

He told us about how he confronted her and made it clear that he would prepare the bottles from now on and he knew what she was doing. To stop or he would turn her in because he wasn’t going to jail for her, and even if she hated me, I was their child.

I was grateful that Jason had made me make this call, it was actually not as bad as I thought… Almost.

“And then there were the times Stacey had left Sera alone in the bathtub,” he continued when I thought we were done. “Luckily, I’d gotten infant CPR certified when I found out Stacey was pregnant. It was free through work and—it sounded smart. I didn’t think I’d have to use it. She said it was an accident.

“The first time I could understand that. We were exhausted and—the phone rang I think or—something stupid and accidents could happen. I think that was how she got the idea for it though. I’d forgiven her and said accidents happened, just like that and she agreed. And then did it again two weeks later and was pissed when I caught on fast.”

“How could you stay with such a psychopath?” Jason seethed. “What is wrong with you? You could have just let Sera be adopted as a baby. People do it all of the time—”

“People knew we had a kid,” Clayton interrupted, completely unremorseful. “I wasn’t dealing with the embarrassment or pain of explaining we couldn’t handle being parents and let her be adopted.”

“Yeah, much better to do what you did,” Jason drawled. “I thought my dad was—actually, they might be on the same level of fucked in the head, but at least I had my mom.” He realized how bad it was to say that and rubbed my back.

“What else?” I asked Clayton my voice emotionless as there was a ringing in my ears.

There were a few other things that Clayton didn’t know if they were actual accidents or for sure. Basically, Stacey cut it out when I started talking and could snitch on her. Then she just wanted to ditch me.

I had to walk away from the conversation—the situation—all of it.

I had to or I was pretty sure I would walk away from my life… Again.

No, I hadn’t last time but just reset it when I got the apartment. That was what I was feeling. I wanted a huge fucking reset and not just on my personal relationships this time.

All of it.

I wanted someone to set me free like I had Virgil. So I walked away from the conversation before I did or said something that I would regret. I really only had one thought in my head as I did.

Where is the off switch to stop letting my family hurt me and caring?