Page 20 of Escalating Alpha (Seraphine Thomas #18)

I actually kept my shit together after the conversation with Clayton. I didn’t even cry and just took a beat so people weren’t worried and thought it was valid.

But a part of me died inside. I feel numb and cold most days. My wolf is all over the place learning how bad it really was and not able to do anything.

My siren wants blood. Stacey’s blood. Maybe even her husband’s blood even if he was completely innocent. All I knew was that the well of my anger was deep and I had no idea how to fucking handle that.

There really was only so much fucking therapy I could have or could help.

That was the only real negative or hit though… Besides the four dead shifters from St. Louis. We had no idea what was going on there. Councilman Antony was clueless. So were the several other council investigators they sent. I even got Nina in to see the bodies and she had no idea. She couldn’t say it wasn’t magic because of how long it had been.

So that was horrible, and I was really sure it wouldn’t be the last we’d hear about this. For now, there wasn’t anything I could do. We had no leads and knew nothing. It pissed a lot of us off.

However , the case against the St. Louis officers stuck. The AG was pushing the case along much to the shock of a lot of people. There were police unions who wanted to start shit over it, but when we gave them the non-public details, they had to back down.

Plus, anyone was pretty stupid to come after me at the moment. I was fairly untouchable in the media when the whole world thought the former president and First Lady took out a hit on me and my son. I feel guilty sometimes but… Not much. Fuck them and their hate.

The new Alpha of St. Louis took our warnings seriously and was making it clear to anyone who would listen that the previous Alpha was nuts and nothing he said about me was true. That the man hadn’t even met me until recently and he was so over the top that that was why the guy took over.

He painted himself the hero a bit too much, but at least he was handling the mess their pack had made. He was still suspicious for taking over the way he had and whatever was going on there, but I couldn’t handle all of the problems in the wolf world.

I couldn’t handle them all in my own fucking world.

The three pack takeovers already on my plate are going well. Amazingly well. The assholes in Memphis got a serious wake-up call when the Alpha family who was desperate for a home and refugees said there was no way they were taking over such a disgraceful pack that bastardized so many of our ways. It was kind of hard not to laugh, but it hurt Virgil.

I hadn’t gotten the details, but some of those “elders” had tried to throw their weight around right after the Alpha landed and he handled it like I would… By throwing some elbows and quick punches. The whole family—and my cousin from Greece—were disgusted and asked for a different pack.

I snarked a bit that I’d get right on that and take over some more packs.

But I probably would.

Fuck.

It truly seemed inevitable at this point, but we did it well. People prospered when I took over because I worked with everyone and wanted the best for people. Maybe others should learn from that and try to do the same instead of just saying I needed to take over more packs?

I doubted it, but I could hope, right?

Deanna Maze is an amazing kid. Topher adores her and probably has his first crush? I can’t really tell because he’s a baby and it’s not like he gets it all. I just get images from him that he wants kisses and attention from her like Reagan gives me.

That’s probably a crush in baby?

But she’s great. She’s so damn positive after all she’s been through that it’s actually helpful to me. It sounds weird, but she is. She sees so much, but she can still focus on the good after all the bad and her loss. She adores Nina and wears the ring constantly.

For now. She needs a break and we all get it. Only with Topher does she take off the ring and not always. He seems to understand she’s healing and to not push. But he can be a bit bratty with her. It’s adorable especially because she caves and would do anything for him.

The little bugger has that effect on people.

Eva cleared Carter. She sat with him for a full day and listened to everything that happened, using her siren abilities and more. Also, Maya. I’d asked Jonick, but they both felt uncomfortable since he was my lover at times. So Maye stepped up because she adored us both and wanted us all happy.

Honestly, that was why Maya was put on this planet… To help other people be happy. At her core, it was what she wanted in life. Nothing big. Not to be famous or rich—just have more happiness around her.

She was too old to be that pure, and sometimes I saw it made Eva feel jaded.

Yeah, I felt the same.

Always.

And I was way younger than all of them.

But Eva and Maya were on the same page about Carter. It wasn’t his fault. First, there was nothing sexual on his end. Looking back with a clear head, he now understands she was trying to get in his pants, but he just didn’t feel the same.

He just trusted her in a way he never would have normally. She said I wouldn’t mind if he drank from her and it made sense because I was a nice person and wouldn’t want him thirsty. He never thought past that because the forming bond made him trust her. She got put in the same category of his friends who he had reason to trust implicitly.

Eva compared it to our allure as sirens. His mind wasn’t completely his own.

I get it… Well, mostly. I hear them and believe them. Now that I know he didn’t touch her. I think knowing he wanted to gut her and was so upset at her as well helped. It took me a few days to consider it all, but we talked and I forgive him. It’s going to take us time, but he was taken advantage of.

And I’m not someone who blames the victim.

Ever.

So I will support him and help however I can, but given I’m drowning most every day, I don’t know that I’ll be of much use.

It shocked me when he brought up not wanting to be intimate for a while. I wasn’t offering, but… He’s struggling, and it’s clear that he doesn’t trust himself or his emotions at the moment. I agree, but it felt odd that he brought it up first.

Or maybe preemptively so I didn’t feel pressure? That sounds like the Carter I know, but now I’m not sure who he is. Probably unfair, but… I can’t help how I feel.

He says when we do figure it out, there’s something he wants to tell me. Not bad, but when we’re ready.

I can’t imagine it’s anything other than those three little words most women want to hear. For me, it normally means life becomes more complicated and I get hurt in the end, so I’m in no rush.

Seriously, I hope he doesn’t tell me for a while if I’m right on the topic. I can’t deal with one more saying they love me and then leaving or breaking me or the whole list of what normally happens.

Or before they say it like Eugene. He’s so fucking distant from me until he’s in wolf form that it’s like everything that was between us is erased or a memory. I’m sure something is going on there, but I can’t make him talk to me. Or care.

Any of it, and I’m tired of trying.

With the other guys, I’m too jaded and broken on my own shit to be hopeful, but I’m not hopeless anymore. That’s where I’m at. I think Brian and Dain especially understand that they can’t just wait for me to stop being angry or things to blow over.

In their defense—and it’s not much of one even according to their therapists—we’re always being hit by multiple storms, and trying to focus on ourselves seems selfish. There’s always someone to save or crazy ways people are dying that no one has seen before. That’s the focus.

But now, I think they actually get they have to multitask better and stop trying to be the boss. They have to be my partners or get the fuck out. I can’t keep forgiving them for the same crimes.

New ones? Yeah, that’s just life and they’ll do the same for me.

Hopefully.

Phobie says I also need to take accountability for my part in things. My actions told them that I would accept that behavior. I would ignore it until I just couldn’t take the upset anymore and try to forget it. That taught them to handle things that way. So I needed to suck it up and do the adulting I didn’t want to if I wanted to have healthier relationships.

Fair. It sucks, but fair.

The college kids from Wisconsin have been diligent in their punishments. They really put in the time to even work with CPD Motor Division. They were a huge help according to the cops there and they said the guys in charge taught them a lot as well and it was fun. I was glad they were learning and taking their penance seriously.

I was even happier when the cops talked to the press about it, saying they were good kids who made a stupid mistake but truly regretted it. They just wanted to feel more human and not have to worry about being a wolf every second of every day and feel normal. Which made them just like any other teenager, and people needed to start seeing that.

It wasn’t part of the deal, but I learned that the cop in charge called the judge and DA in Wisconsin and laid it all out. He said he’d take a weekend and go work with the kids to help the local police get some needed work on their vehicles for their community service if their people promised to not hassle the wolves.

I approved it all and Hestia promised she’d handle it. That she had actually had a few conversations with the police there now and it was a bridge being built instead of the disaster it had been.

Always nice to hear.

It’s also clear that this is the job for Ashley. She is thriving handling so much for the pack. She is so excited to work with Tasha Perez in her new role that it’s actually adorable to watch.

There’s a lot of good on the horizon. A lot.

I just need to keep holding onto that and seeing it. I have to.

People need me to.

Things at work are much better too now that the Chicago office has been overhauled. We’re glowing in DC about how well it all went and we’re thriving as well. I’m sad to see Perez go, but he’ll be located in Chicago now out of the training center… In like five years once all the other offices are overhauled.

I laughed at the five years estimate. The FBI doesn’t do anything that fast. The division chiefs have started a betting pool for how long it will really take.

Yes, I was the instigator of that one. I’m sure Galvin will smack me when he learns of it.

I’m not wrong though.

Speaking of Galvin, he’s doing better too now that he’s got his kids back. He’s coming to visit as Scott, mostly because he wants to deprogram his daughter and let her see how wrong her mother was about a lot. Like a lot .

The former Mrs. Galvin is still in serious shit. Her family stepped in once everything blew up with the First Lady. She stepped out of jail from the judge throwing her in there and was whisked off to an unknown location for treatment for her mental breakdown. I hope she really is getting help instead of a blow-off punishment.

Because the bitch be nuts. For real.

On the topic of women who were nuts—but actually the good kind now—Agent Cindy Fisher was killing it. She was doing the extras I wanted her to. Her hair and makeup were different. She was working through more training for going undercover and even acting classes. I had her covering shifts at different businesses so she could hone her skills.

It sounds silly, but she was learning a lot. Mostly how to be nosy and take everything in—the best quality someone undercover needed.

Hell, she found out so much when working for a weekend as a flower delivery driver that we had to report three people to the police.

She was learning all kinds of skills like how to manage situations and smooth things over that could get you killed undercover. The FBI didn’t teach many customer service techniques and were more battering ram, but those skills were needed to be a smooth operator.

And they could keep her alive when backup was a few minutes out.

I’m definitely a proud big sister. She’s going to be better than I was and people are joking that I’m going to get jealous.

No. No, I am not because it’s not a competition. It’s a job to save lives, and I hope she saves more than I did. I fucking pray that she closes more cases and gets more bad guys than I did.

You know why?

It’s. Not. A . Fucking. Game.

People might be keeping score, but this isn’t a game and it’s people’s lives.

It also means I’m doing a great job as her boss. It means the FBI has learned and is doing better to support our people than they did me. It means the world will be safer.

Fuck the numbers and who closed more cases or arrested people. Let’s just all do better and breathe easier.

Someone doing better than I would have thought and was surprising was the new president. Enzo sent me a recording of someone talking about demoting shifters to drug-sniffing dogs and putting us on the border to eat illegals and the president not only shut it down but fired the guy.

But first, he laid into the others on his staff and aides that this shit stopped. We were citizens and not aliens that invaded. He was tired of the rhetoric. He had some concerns about the safety of us around humans and took it as a good sign we were letting him see behind the curtain to get better educated. He suggested they do the same before he got really upset.

He even publicly denounced when a senator from his party was caught on a hot mic saying he was upset that his aide was arrested for smacking an underage girl’s ass. He snapped at someone that we’re animals and you don’t get arrested for swatting the damn dog.

The president went on the record that before they were shifters, they were women, and any man who didn’t respect that and mistreated them had no place in our society. Enzo said he truly meant it since they were keeping an eye on the situation.

Unfortunately, he had to pull his guy out. The guy had made the deal to spy and feed Enzo information because Enzo would turn him into a vampire and the guy was dying of cancer. His cancer had gotten worse and it was now or never.

So Enzo honored his deal and pulled the guy out.

I was very, very sure they could lure someone else to spy with all of the means at their disposal.

Hell, I would be surprised if Enzo only had one spy. Yeah, he seemed the type to have a backup for his backup.

Luckily, the twins also have backup… Each other. I would have had their backs as well, but they didn’t want to involve me in their family drama when they had each other, and I had way bigger family drama of my own.

Fair, but I also wanted them to know I was on their side and would do whatever they needed. That was how relationships were supposed to work.

The aunt, uncle, and cousin aren’t giving up just yet. The twins won’t give me all the details, but I did know it started as calling and crying that I was mean and embarrassed them. It’s gone downhill from there, and I overheard the cousin making threats that he would get the whole pack to mutiny against the new leadership if it wasn’t fixed.

Reagan told him that people were calling him begging him not to let the fool be in charge of anything, not even full moon events, much less the whole pack. That seemed to take the steam out of some of the drama.

He’s planning on going down there to say it to their faces. Part of me wants to stop him so he doesn’t have to go through it, but Hagan says he needs it. Hagan snickered and said it would be cathartic.

So be it.

There’s still a lot of work with all of the packs, especially the new ones. A ton of work but while overwhelming, I think we can manage it. We need the people and jobs so getting in more refugees and transfers will help too. It doesn’t seem as daunting with Eva here, Mauro handling so much, and Demi managing both Ohio and Indiana mostly.

Or her consorts in Indiana.

Virgil was a mess when he arrived. I haven’t even seen him yet, but Reagan said his pack broke his soul on his way out the door. He wasn’t even supposed to leave yet, and his house still needs to be packed up, but… He pulled the emergency brake.

I get it.

I did the same. I hope we can help him and this is the right match for him.

The head of the vamp council sent one of his “children” as promised to handle my coven of ancients and protect me. Carter’s not happy with who came. Apparently, it’s someone different and there’s some beef. It’s not just him or some jealousy thing. Sander and Emilio have said a few times that the guy is more dangerous than of help.

They’re probably not wrong, but he had to wear the same masks they did being around the council. Initially, I got something off the guy that worried me, but I handled that hurdle. Now I’m not worried, and no one would be stupid enough to fuck around with us when Eva is here.

But I’m sure I’ll be proven wrong and it will blow up my face. It normally does.

I’m just rainbows and sunshine like that most days.

Oh, and it turns out that there is more than fairy nectar, it just hasn’t been produced in hundreds of years because making it was too difficult while staying under the radar. Or that’s how Laila explained it to me. She’s actually adorable when she talks about it and getting some piece of the fae heritage back.

It’s all over their community, and some of their oldest will be visiting Chicago to potentially work on the old recipes and breathe new life into this venture. Some are less than thrilled it will be in the hands of a wolf—even one in business with their queen—but Laila wants them to see how many fae are under my protection and how Chicago thrives.

Hopefully, that doesn’t bite us in the ass either.

Really, my main goal is to get bit in the ass as little as possible. That’s what I want in life.

The bar is that fucking low.

The End

PLEASE READ THIS!!!

THANK YOU for reading this book!!

Thank you for continuing Sera’s journey. I hope you guys are happy with this book and how things played out. As promised this is the LAST book that had the US politics storyline. Yes, there will be some references here and there, but it will go back to being very much in the background. My sanity can’t take anymore politics.

PLEASE REVIEW. We need them as authors to keep being able to do what we do. They are vital to the algorithms and our livelihood. So if you want more of a series, any series—mine or other authors—please, please always review it.

Coming next is Morrigan. It’s in editing. Should be released end of April/beg May. Not sure yet. I’m working on a trilogy but it’s going slow. There’s just a LOT on my overflowing plate with the house and now my ceilings aren’t popcorn but sand and need to be plastered. Vader didn’t have an impacted anal gland but giardia. Awesome.

Oh and he needs another surgery. The fatty tumor in his chest has doubled in size in six months. It’s now lime-sized so we go see the special surgeon in a couple weeks and surgery will probably be right after.

Yes, all of that was TMI, but I’m oversharing to say it’s all very real and not be whining life as hard when I’m blessed to now have a house. I know I’m blessed and I’ll appreciate that in a few months when Vader’s okay and I can sleep in the house. Live there. That’s fun I hear.

So books are coming just might be a few month break or some skippage. Woves you all, thanks for the support!

Erin & Vader