Page 36
T he streets were bustling downtown as they always were.
Arabella finished her ice quickly but set a slow pace as she walked along with her friends.
She wasn’t eager to get back to her parents’ house, and she was even less eager to get back to her own home.
Right now, it felt as though she had managed to find a refuge from all the things that had been plaguing her lately, and she longed to hold on to that for as long as she could.
The refuge evaporated, though, when she saw two familiar faces approaching.
Her heart sank. It was too late to turn and go into a shop, to try to hide from them until they went away. They had seen her already, and they were approaching her.
As usual, it was Beatrice who spoke first. “Why, Arabella! What are you doing in London without your husband? Does my cousin even know that you’re here today?”
“Who is this, Arabella?” Victoria asked.
“Lady Hawridge and Lady Whitehorn,” Arabella introduced them. “William’s cousins. I’m surprised you haven’t met them.”
“Oh, we’ve met,” Beatrice countered. “The Duchess of Stormwell—and Lady Andrews, of course. But I’m not surprised you don’t remember me, Your Grace. I always had the impression that you paid more attention to yourself than to anyone else around you.”
“There’s no need for that sort of rudeness,” Victoria said. “I’m sorry that I don’t recall your face, Lady Hawridge, but I can assure that no offense was meant.”
“Oh, that doesn’t matter,” Arabella said, her anger piqued. “She meant to offend you , Victoria. That’s what Lady Hawridge does, you see. She looks for ways to cause offense. She likes being at the source of things like that.”
“Well, you’re certainly out of line today, Arabella,” Beatrice snapped.
“You can’t fault her for that,” Grace observed.
“Remember, Beatrice, she isn’t a real duchess.
She isn’t even a real member of the ton.
She was born a commoner. That’s why she doesn’t know how to behave.
I suppose she was brought up in an environment where it was appropriate to say things like that.
” She gave Arabella a simpering smile. “You poor dear. You’ve had no one to teach you how to act.
And I suppose my cousin has been derelict in his duty when it comes to you.
He should have been the one to give you instruction on how to be well-mannered in public, but he’s another one who thinks only of himself. ”
“Some people would benefit from worrying a little more about themselves and a little less about others,” Arabella observed pointedly.
“But the two of you wouldn’t have the first idea of how to do that , I suppose, would you?
What would you have to talk about if not your judgments of those around you?
You’d have nothing to do but stare at the wall and wait for someone to decide to pay you attention on your own merits. ”
Beatrice and Grace both stared at her, slack jawed.
“And it would never happen,” Arabella went on, “because you have no merits. You think you’re interesting people because you possess this strange ability to ruin others’ confidence, but that’s the only thing either of you knows how to do.
And I don’t know how you’re going to cope when you realize that it isn’t working on me anymore.
I no longer care for your approval, either one of you. ”
She was gratified to realize as she spoke the words that they were true.
What difference did it make what these two thought of her?
None at all. She had spent so much time now agonizing over William’s opinion of her, and that mattered.
If he didn’t like her, it would hurt her.
But if Beatrice and Grace thought he was beneath them…
well, what difference did that make? It wasn’t the truth, and there was nothing they could do or say to make her believe that it was.
“Your husband doesn’t know you’re here, does he?” Beatrice hissed. “I think perhaps we should tell him that his duchess is parading around making a show of herself on the streets of London. Perhaps he needs to keep a closer eye on you to make sure that you don’t disgrace his name.”
“Oh, by all means!” Arabella exclaimed, a laugh bursting forth without her intending it. “Let’s absolutely tell him that I ventured into town without his permission. I think you should do that. You let me know what he says. I’m sure it will be positively fascinating.”
Beatrice frowned.
Arabella could tell she had taken her by surprise. Beatrice had clearly expected the threat to have a more powerful impact than it had. But, truly, what could she do? Did she think she was going to have some negative impact on Arabella’s marriage? Hardly likely. Her marriage couldn’t get any worse.
But a strange thought was occurring to Arabella now as she fought for her dignity against Beatrice and Grace.
If they did tell William about this… he would be on Arabella’s side .
She was confident that she was right about that.
Of course, he would be on her side. He had never wavered in the fact that he liked it when she was bold and confident.
He liked it when she stood up for herself.
And he had never liked his cousins or the way they acted around other people; he’d always been very clear about that too.
She could almost picture him smiling at her, nodding along as she gave as good as she got to Grace and Beatrice. She could almost hear the way he would laugh and tell her that she had said what he’d always wished someone would say.
If only he was here. If only he could be a part of this conversation. Maybe it would change the way things were going between the two of them.
I do love him, she thought. Of course, I do. It’s the reason his favor means everything to me, and theirs means nothing. It’s the reason I want him to see me at times when I’m so sure he would approve. I love him, and I want our marriage to work.
She was going to have to fight for him. It was the only thing she could do.
But first, she had to dispense with these odious cousins.
“Say whatever you’d like to William,” she said. “But say it quickly. You won’t be welcome in our house for much longer.”
“And what is that supposed to mean?” Beatrice demanded, crossing her arms.
“It means I’ve got a story I’m going to tell him too,” Arabella said.
“I’m going to tell him about how the two of you keep seeking me out and confronting me.
I’m going to tell him how every time our paths cross, you have something to say about how I’m not a real duchess, how I manipulated him into marriage, how my upbringing makes me less important and worthy than the two of you. ”
Beatrice scoffed. “Do you really think our cousin will fault us for telling you the truth? It isn’t our fault if you’re too sensitive to hear it without getting upset. You should be thanking us for doing you a favor, not lashing out against us. You should be grateful.”
“Grateful. I should be grateful that you insist on telling me I don’t deserve my place in society?
I should interpret that as you trying to help me?
Beatrice, I might come from humble beginnings, but I am not a fool, and no matter how much you wish I was, you can’t deceive me in the way you’re trying to do.
I’m not what you say I am. I’m not a social climber and a manipulator.
But if you believe that to be the truth, then by all means, let us wait and see what William has to say on the topic.
If what you’re saying really is simply the truth about me and nothing more, I’m sure he won’t mind.
I’m sure he’ll appreciate the fact that you said it, and I’ll be the one to look foolish for daring to object.
You must be very confident of that outcome, mustn’t you?
Since all you’re trying to do is help and since you believe I should be so grateful to you for that? ”
She was gratified to see Beatrice look truly uneasy. She wasn’t at all confident that William would approve of what she was doing.
And Arabella knew in that moment that she’d done the right thing by defending herself.
“Ladies,” she said to Victoria and Cressida, “I think it’s time we took our leave of these two. Don’t you agree?”
“We ought to return home with the baked goods we picked up for your sisters,” Cressida agreed. “It will give us something to contribute to their lovely picnic.”
“Farewell,” Victoria twinkled at Beatrice and Grace. “It was just so lovely to see you both once again. I’m sure that the next time our paths cross, I won’t have any trouble remembering who you were. I assure you, you have made an impression on me this time!”
She linked arms with Arabella and Cressida and pulled them both away.
“You aren’t going to remember her next time, are you?” Cressida laughed when they had reached a suitable distance.
“Oh, I don’t know,” Victoria said airily. “I might. You never know. I do think that expression on her face—like someone was holding dung under her nose—might live on in my mind. I’ve never seen someone look quite like that before.”
“Oh, don’t make fun,” Arabella said, but for the first time in what felt like days, she was laughing.
She actually felt as if she could relax and set aside her worries.
She was so glad that Victoria and Cressida had joined her today.
She was even, surprising though it seemed, glad to have run into William’s cousins in town.
Everything that had happened had contributed to this shift in her mood, this strange new confidence that had taken hold of her heart and given her the strength to move forward into whatever came next.
“Do you think they’ll really try to tell William that I was behaving badly? ”
“Are you worried about it?” Cressida asked. “If you are, we’re happy to speak to William on your behalf. We can tell him what really happened.”
“I’m not worried at all,” Arabella said.
Her heart felt light. “I hope they do tell him. It will make it that much easier for me if they do. I need to convince him that they don’t belong in our lives anymore.
I need—I need to ask him to choose me over them.
” She laughed. “He did ask me to tell him what I really wanted.
“And this is your answer? You want those two out of your life?” Victoria grinned. “Don’t mistake me, I think it’s a great choice if you’re being offered something. I would make the same one, I think.”
“I don’t want them around anymore,” Arabella agreed.
“But this is about more than that. I want to see if I matter to him, once and for all. I want to ask him for something he has every reason to refuse. If he will grand me my request, I’ll know once and for all that he cares about me.
I’ll know there is hope for the two of us.
But if he won’t… well, I suppose that will tell me a great deal as well. ”
Table of Contents
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- Page 36 (Reading here)
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