Page 16
S he was still staring into the flames when William arrived home.
She’d allowed her emotions to catch up with her in the intervening time, and tears had streaked their way down her cheeks.
To be honest, the crying had made Arabella feel a little better, rather like a hot bath at the end of a trying day.
The tension in her chest had eased somewhat, and she was able to breathe without feeling like she was choking which was more than she’d had any right to expect after the day she’d had.
William took one look at her and hurried over, dropping to his knees before her.
The tenderness in his expression was so sincere and so unexpected that Arabella felt the tears begin to well up again.
It was unbearable. She had enjoyed crying a bit while he’d been away, but to do it in front of him now made her feel embarrassed.
“What is it?” William asked anxiously, taking her hands in his. “Are you ill?”
“No, no, nothing like that. I’m perfectly all right.” But trying to talk had shaken the tears loose in earnest, and her words ended on a sob.
“Arabella, what is it?” William asked. He got to his feet and looked all around as if convinced that he would find and get rid of the threat that bothered her, whatever it might be. “Tell me what’s wrong, please,” he begged her. “You’re worrying me.”
What could she say? What was there to say?
She had looked forward to his homecoming.
She had yearned to tell him everything that had happened.
He would be on her side, she knew that well enough.
He would want to comfort her after that ordeal.
Perhaps he would even want to seek out his cousins and reprimand them for their behavior.
He would let them know that they had been wrong to speak to her the way they had, and they would listen to him in a way they hadn’t listened to her.
They would be chastened. Once he intervened, it would not happen again.
Or would it?
What if some of what his dreadful cousins had said was actually the truth?
Oh, she knew most of it wasn’t true. She knew she hadn’t actually tried to trap him into this marriage, and she was sure that he knew that as well as she did. She knew that she hadn’t been intending to sell the necklace he had given her, and he would believe her when she said as much.
But what about the rest of it?
They were right that she had never been made to be a duchess, that she didn’t fit into this life.
They were right that it was only a matter of time before she did something foolish that brought attention to the family in a negative way.
And if they could see that, maybe William would be able to see it.
Maybe when he heard the things they’d said, they would ring true to him. Maybe he would begin to agree.
And then what?
Would he end their marriage?
She was startled to find that she didn’t want that to happen. She wanted to remain in this marriage, even though it wasn’t anything she had ever yearned for—even though she had doubted it when he had first proposed. She had come to like William. And besides, her family did need the money.
Perhaps his cousins are right about me. Maybe I’m only here because I want money .
But no, that wasn’t true. She knew it wasn’t.
Didn’t she?
It was so hard to hold onto the things she thought she knew to be true in the wake of the harsh words that had come from Beatrice and Grace.
Arabella wanted to trust her own intentions, but it was very difficult to do so.
And she had no confidence in what his response would be when she told him what had happened.
Maybe he wouldn’t take it well at all. Maybe he would tell her she had been wrong for throwing his cousins out.
No, she was simply going to have to keep it to herself and hope they would leave her in peace from now on.
“Nothing is wrong,” she told him, looking away and into the fire again.
“Nonsense,” he said at once. “You’re crying, Arabella. You can’t hide that from me. Tell me what’s troubling you. I’m worried about you. Are you sure you’re not ill?”
“Yes, I’m sure.”
“I don’t know. Maybe we should send for a physician.”
“There’s no need to do that,” she said. “Truly, I’m fine. I’m just a little… unsettled, emotionally. But it would be overreacting to bring in a physician over something like that.”
“Well, tell me what you’re thinking, then,” William urged. “Tell me what’s making you so unsettled. You must have something on your mind.”
“I…” What could she say to him? How was she going to excuse her emotional state? Her fingers traveled to her pendant once more.
He noticed. “You’re wearing the necklace,” he observed in a gentle tone. “It looks lovely on you, Arabella. Do you like it?”
“It’s beautiful, but…” Here was an excuse she could use. It was even the truth. “I’m not comfortable with such a lavish gift, William. This is too much for me.”
“Too much for you?” he repeated.
She reached up and unclasped it. The moment it was gone from around her neck, she breathed a little easier. She hadn’t realized quite how the weight of it was dragging her down. “I’m sorry,” she said. “It really is lovely. I was wearing it today to see whether or not I might be able to adjust.”
“And you couldn’t.”
“I’m sorry.” She held it out to him.
He accepted it. “I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable, Arabella.”
“It’s just that I know you want me to be a proper, suitable duchess.”
“One doesn’t have to wear an emerald pendant to be a duchess,” he said with a smile.
She couldn’t help relaxing at the sight of that smile.
He just made it too easy. “I hope you’ll be ready to wear something like this someday, but until that day comes, you don’t need to feel pressured to do so.
There’s no reason you have to wear it. It was a gift, but it’s not meant to be an obligation. ”
“I don’t understand,” she admitted. “If you don’t mean for me to have to wear it, why did you buy it for me?”
He regarded her for a moment as if she was a puzzle he was trying to solve. “Did you think I had gotten you this necklace because I meant to force you into wearing it?”
“I don’t know,” she admitted. “I assumed it must mean something to you to see me in it. I suppose I thought it was something you must require of your duchess. That you wanted me to present myself in accordance with our station in life. I know it must embarrass you the way people talk about me. What they think of me.”
“That’s not why I bought this for you,” William said.
“You’re right that I don’t like it when people speak ill of you, of course—but that’s for your sake, Arabella, not mine.
I don’t enjoy seeing people treat you unkindly because you matter to me, and you deserve better, that’s all.
I wouldn’t dream of dressing you up to avoid unpleasant comments.
At least, not unless you told me that was something you wished for. ”
“I don’t care what people say,” Arabella told him.
It was a blatant lie, of course. She did care.
His cousins had wounded her with their words today, and she knew that she wouldn’t quickly get over the things that had been said.
She even wondered whether, if by wearing a piece of jewelry she could have gotten rid of their bad opinions, she would have given in and done so.
It wasn’t an idea that made her feel good about herself.
She hated the fact that they had such influence over her.
William just nodded. “I brought this necklace home for you because I thought it would be lovely on you. Which it is, by the way. And also, because I wished to spoil you. I wanted you to have something that would make you feel as special as you are.” He smiled ruefully.
“I think now that perhaps I missed the mark.”
“No, you didn’t,” Arabella said hurriedly, feeling a twist of guilt.
He had only meant to give her a gift, and she was being so ungrateful.
More than ever, she wished she could hold out her hand and take the necklace back.
She wished she could tell him that, while it was true she felt bad about receiving such an expensive gift, her tears had been over something else altogether.
But he was being so kind to her. He was so accepting of her, just as she was.
How could she possibly tell him that his cousins thought her unworthy of her title?
How could she take the risk that he might see things their way—that he might say something to suggest he knew why they felt as they did about it?
She was being weak, and that fact embarrassed her. But also, she couldn’t lose the one person who felt as if he was truly on her side—the only person who had ever seemed to be on her side. She just couldn’t face that.
So, she said nothing at all.
He gave her a warm smile. “I’ll just have to figure something else out,” he said.
“Something else?”
“Yes, some way of spoiling you that you’re able to accept, since jewelry feels like too much for you.
You don’t need to worry. I’m not going to give up.
I’ll figure it out. Because you do deserve to be cared for, Arabella.
You deserve fine things. You should have gifts. I know that you liked the hydrangeas.”
“I did,” she said softly.
“So, more things like that, and fewer fine jewels. I can do that.” He put the necklace in his pocket. “But I will keep this, just in case the day comes when you’ll allow me to put it on your neck where it belongs.”
Fortunately, that didn’t seem to require an answer, so Arabella didn’t offer one. She looked down at her hands, knitted together in her lap, and said nothing at all.
“I’ll find a way to treat you like the duchess you are,” he said with confidence. “You can count on that, Arabella.”
Arabella nodded, for what more could she say? She wanted to tell him that there was no need for him to treat her as if she was special. She wasn’t special. She wanted to tell him that.
But no one had treated her the way he did in living memory.
She didn’t want someone wasting money on her, buying her fine jewels that she didn’t need.
But to have a husband who felt she deserved those jewels—that was an unexpected and special gift, finer than anything he could ever have purchased for her.
That was something she did want to hold on to, no matter how difficult it might be.
So, she said nothing more about his gifts, about his generosity. She said nothing about his terrible cousins and the way they had treated her. She resolved to let the whole thing go and to simply accept his kindness in whatever form it was offered to her.
“Come,” he said. “Let’s go and take some luncheon.”
Arabella nodded, rose to her feet, and followed him in the direction of the dining room, hoping that the meal would mean an opportunity to put everything else that had happened that day behind her. She couldn’t deny that she was eager to forget.
Table of Contents
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- Page 16 (Reading here)
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