Page 41 of Don’t You Dare Marry Me (Love in Massachusetts #3)

thirty-three

Nicola must have checked her phone a dozen times, waiting for the next text from Warren, but it was silent. Blocking his number hadn’t relieved the anxiety that she was feeling from it, or the fact that Abagail had given her a bit more insight than she’d had before.

Warren wanted her back.

But it wasn’t because he loved her, or because he’d realized the mistake he’d made. It was because he wanted her to fix his problems and he knew she could. Well, there was at least a vote of confidence in there for her. She wasn’t a complete idiot when it came to life.

Sometimes.

So what was she supposed to do now? Abagail had ended their arrangement, not that Nicola had truly enjoyed that part of everything anyway.

But the break felt clean and easy—at least she was trying to tell herself that.

Abagail wasn’t upset with her, and Nicola wasn’t either.

She just really needed to figure out what she was going to do next and work toward it immediately. Like today, immediately.

With an hour left before her shift started, Nicola started to pack up what little belongings she’d brought into the house from her car.

It should all fit into the backpack that she had.

She started with the clothes she’d brought and then stopped at the ones Abagail had bought for her.

They were the ones she’d need for work, so she had to take them. But it felt wrong.

Nicola ran her fingers over the fabric. It was soft. More expensive than she’d normally buy for herself, but she’d taken advantage when she could. She frowned. She hadn’t expected their relationship—whatever it was going to be labeled as—to end quite like this.

But then again, how else would it have ended?

This was best for everyone. Nicola knew she wasn’t good enough to stick around, and that Abagail hadn’t ever wanted that.

Why she’d allowed herself to dream that something else could happen between them was a mystery to her.

She should have kept to herself like she always did and protected her heart.

“Well, it’s time to grow up, Nic,” she murmured to herself.

And it really was. She had to stop relying on other people to do the things that she needed to be doing. Grow up. That was the option now. She finished packing up her things and slung her backpack over her shoulder. She took the credit card that Abagail had given her and set it on the dresser.

Without a word, Nicola slipped out of the bedroom and walked toward the garage to get into her car.

She’d have to send Abagail a thank you note for fixing it, because that was worth more than any of the cash Abagail had paid her.

It’d get her to and from anywhere she needed to go, and it’d likely end up being her home again for a little while at least.

Groaning, Nicola pulled herself together.

She looked at Abagail’s house one last time before she backed out of the driveway.

She wouldn’t ever be back there. Something in her heart told her that.

It was time for her to have a clean split from this family, and Abagail had given her that by blocking Warren for her.

It was on to new and better things.

She pulled up outside of work well before the bar even opened. Well, she couldn’t escape the family if she wanted to because she still worked here. She’d have to change that, but she needed some consistency in job history first. Which meant she was stuck here for a little bit longer.

Turning the engine off, Nicola picked up her phone and called her aunt.

Surely she’d be back by now. She was supposed to leave that morning.

Nicola had skipped having breakfast with her and Alanna.

She played it off that she wanted to give the two of them some more time alone, but she really just couldn’t bring herself to get out of bed knowing what was coming.

“Missed you this morning,” Simone said as she answered.

“Yeah.” Guilt ate away at Nicola’s stomach. She was usually much better than this, but everything with Abagail was throwing her for a loop. “It’s been a rough night.”

“What happened?”

Did she confess everything? Surely Simone would be helpful with it. “I just realized that Abagail and I want drastically different things, and so we broke up. Kind of? We weren’t really together before.”

“Oh, Nicola.” Simone’s voice warmed her, the comfort and compassion there.

“Don’t tell Alanna, though. I don’t need the I told you so for the next three months.”

Simone chuckled at that. Nicola must be doing better than she’d thought she was if she could manage to at least smile at that. “How are you doing, though? Breakups can be hard.”

“I’m not even sure we can call it that.” Nicola rubbed her lips together and held the phone tightly as cars passed by her on the street. She closed her eyes and rested into her seat. “Because we weren’t dating, and Abagail made it clear from the beginning that’s not what this relationship was.”

“Doesn’t mean feelings weren’t involved.”

“True.” And there had been, at least on Nicola’s side. She’d thought for a while there that Abagail had felt similar, but she must have been wrong. Nothing had changed on Abagail’s end, but Nicola had wished it into being.

Perhaps this was the cold side that Warren had always talked about, how his Aunt Abagail was closed off and didn’t care about anyone but herself.

Yet, everything she’d done since Nicola had started to get to know her better said the opposite.

Abagail had a very caring heart. She just simply didn’t love Nicola.

I’m fond of you .

Nicola could have rolled her eyes at that. Who said something like that and actually meant it? It was so off-putting and patronizing. Just that thought alone churned Nicola’s stomach toward hatred and annoyance. She should have known better, and she should have protected herself better.

But she hadn’t. She’d gotten swept up in the idea of an older woman swooping in to take care of her, of righting the wrong, of defending her when those who were bullies to her resurfaced. And it had all been based on a fantasy and a lie.

“I was going to ask if I can come stay with you a bit, but I need this job here, and I can’t do that commute for it.”

“So what will you do?” Simone asked.

“Get a hotel room for a bit until I can rent out a studio nearby, I suppose. I just worry about leaving Alanna so far away on her own, too. I know she’s an adult now, but she needs me.” Nicola ran her fingers through her hair and pressed her shoulders into the seat of her car.

“She needs you or do you need her?” Simone sounded so confident when she asked that.

“Probably a little of both.”

“She’s an adult, Nic. And she needs to be treated like an adult and not a child.”

“But she can’t be an adult, not like anyone else can.” Nicola winced. She hated the words as soon as they came out of her mouth. “I know what you mean.”

“Do you?” Simone sighed. “I spent a lot of time with her yesterday, and she’s worried about you.

Not just because of whatever this is with Abagail but because you seem to be running yourself ragged to take care of her.

She might not physically be able to do what she used to, but mentally, she’s fine.

And she’s well aware of how much stress you put on yourself to take care of her.

But she’s an adult, Nic. And she needs to be given the voice of an adult, not a child. ”

“I know. I know.” Nicola shook her head. She’d known that for a while, that she was in some ways infantilizing Alanna because it was easier than letting Alanna work through some issues on her own, but at the same time, someone had to be there to help out because she couldn’t do it all.

Neither can you, Nic.

It was like she could hear Alanna say those words out loud. And Nicola hated to admit it, but imagined Alanna was right. No one could do all of this on their own, and she really needed to start asking for help and then taking it when it was offered.

“I’ll work on that,” Nicola said. “Hey, I’ve got to get inside to get started on my shift, all right?”

“Yeah, sure,” Simone said softly. “Call me tomorrow, though. I’m worried about you.”

“I’ll be fine. I always am.” Nicola didn’t say anything else as she hung up.

Tommie walked through the back door to the bar, and Nicola knew that she could finally get inside.

She snagged her purse and pocketed her keys in it before she followed Tommie’s footsteps.

She was early for her shift, but she was pretty damn sure that she wouldn’t be turned away if she showed up to help them get set up.

And it’d be nice to be inside before the customers started showing up for the day. Nicola stashed her purse in the small break area that they had, locking it up and then straightening her back.

“You’re early,” Tommie commented.

“Uh yeah… I needed to clear my head.”

“So you thought you’d come here?” Tommie raised an eyebrow of disbelief at her.

Nicola shrugged slightly, plastering on an innocent and confused smile. “Yeah?”

“Fine, but you’re not going to stand there and do nothing.” Tommie tossed a washcloth at her. “We need to scrub the floors before open, and the back behind the bar needs scrubbed today.”

“Perfect.” Nicola could do that. She could focus on cleaning and ignore the fact that the world around her was an absolute dumpster fire that she wasn’t sure she’d ever be able to surface from.

Thirty minutes into their cleaning fest, Nicola finally broached the topic that was weighing on her. Tommie had far more connections in this part of town than Nicola did, and like she’d thought when she was talking to Simone—it was time to ask for help.

“Do you know of any studio apartments for rent? Or anyone looking for a roommate? Despite what happened when we met, I promise you that I’m not full of drama.” Nicola wrung out the washcloth and grabbed the scrubby to keep cleaning.

Tommie narrowed her eyes as she thought. “There’s a few studios in my building that I think just came on the market.”

“Neighbors?” Nicola chuckled lightly. “I see how this works.”

“When do you need it by?” Tommie asked, ignoring Nicola’s comment.

“As soon as possible.” She’d almost said tonight, but she caught herself and changed it last minute.

She didn’t need Tommie knowing that she didn’t actually have a place to stay that night.

But Tommie had been around the block a time or two, and it was damn clear that she wasn’t buying Nicola’s comment.

“You don’t have a place to stay tonight, do you?”

“No,” Nicola confessed. “I was just going to crash in my car.”

“That’s not safe. Not even in the nicest of neighborhoods.” Tommie stopped mopping and stared at Nicola hard. “You can crash with me for the week, but then you have to find your own place.”

“Really?” Nicola furrowed her brow. “I didn’t think you liked me.”

“I don’t.” Tommie’s lips twitched upward into a half-smile. “But Warren did you dirty, and I don’t like him more.”

“I…” Nicola squinted at her. “What do you mean by that?”

“He’s a regular here, Nicola. You think I don’t know what he’s been getting up to these last few years?”

“Oh.” So this was all because of pity and the fact that Tommie felt guilty about Warren’s cheating. She wasn’t sure she wanted to take it then, but it was a place to stay for a little while.

“And it wasn’t like you came in here asking to crash at my place. You’re trying to figure your own shit out. I’m glad you dumped the fucker.”

Did Nicola tell her that she wasn’t the one who broke it off? That she wasn’t the one who actually took that final step? Would it matter in the long run?

“He’s a piece of work, just like his aunt.”

“His aunt?” Nicola went back to cleaning the bar back.

She had no idea what to say. She’d thought they were similar at first, but the more she’d gotten to know Abagail, the more she’d realized just how different the two of them were.

They were never that much alike. Warren was a spoiled brat, and Abagail worked her ass off even when she didn’t have to.

“She’s a bitch.”

Nicola chuckled lightly at that.

“Rude,” Tommie added. “But she does always pay her bill and tip well.”

“She would,” Nicola murmured. Because Abagail wasn’t so disconnected from society to understand just how hard a waitress worked to make a living.

“She’s just… bitchy.”

“Bitchy? Really? Or is it that she’s closed off and not warm and fuzzy?” Nicola had no idea why she was even defending Abagail. They weren’t together anymore, and she was damn sure that Abagail wouldn’t find it necessary at all for Nicola to be doing it.

“I guess she’s got a bad case of RBF.”

Nicola laughed at that. “Yeah, she does.”

“I suppose you know her well because of Warren.”

“Oh um…?” Nicola pursed her lips and scrubbed a little harder at a sticky spot on the bar back. “I know her more because I’ve been staying with her since Warren and I broke up. She’s been helping give me some breathing space to get back on my feet.”

“Warren’s aunt?” Tommie froze in disbelief. “Jesus, I thought that woman was as locked up as a vault. How did you manage to convince her to do that?”

“It wasn’t that hard, actually.” Nicola didn’t dare look up at Tommie. “I guess it helped because she felt bad for me after the whole breakup.”

“Why would she feel bad for you?” Tommie sounded confused.

“Because he broke up with me,” Nicola confessed.

“What? You didn’t ditch him?”

“No.” Nicola blew out a breath and rolled her eyes at herself. “I was an idiot in a lot of ways, and even though I knew he was cheating on me for years, I wasn’t the one to take that step. He did.”

“Why did he break up with you? What did he say?” Tommie’s voice was soft now and she was leaning over the other end of the bar, like this was serious and she wanted to make sure that Nicola knew that.

“He told me that I’d outrun my usefulness to him.”

“What?” The word cracked through the empty bar. “He’s such a douche canoe.”

Nicola snorted and then laughed. “Yeah, yeah he really is.”