Page 37 of Don’t You Dare Marry Me (Love in Massachusetts #3)

twenty-nine

“I didn’t realize you were in town.” Nicola stopped short at Alanna’s room door.

Simone smiled up at her from the chair that Nicola typically occupied during her visits.

She wasn’t looking any better than the last time Nicola had seen her.

In fact, she looked far more worn out and stressed this time.

The lines around her eyes and lips were deeper, her hair looked a bit knotted, and she certainly hadn’t dyed it in a while since her roots were showing.

From what Nicola remembered, Howie hated it when Simone didn’t take care of herself .

Warren had made similar comments about her on occasion, and that stark reminder of how much Nicola hated how Howie treated Simone was a really good reason she and Warren weren’t together anymore.

Simone frowned up at her. “I told you I was coming this weekend.”

“I…” Nicola trailed off. Between Warren and her new job and Abagail, she’d lost track of everything outside of her own little world. She really had to do better than that. Alanna needed to be her priority. She always needed to be the priority. “I forgot. Sorry.”

Nicola slid onto the end of Alanna’s bed, making sure to avoid her sister’s legs and feet since she couldn’t feel them. It was rare that the three of them were able to get together like this, and Nicola wanted to take full advantage of it.

Her phone buzzed in her pocket. Before she could even say anything to Alanna, she read the name on the text and winced.

Warren .

What the hell was he texting her about? To apologize for the other night? Ha, that’d be royal, wouldn’t it? That man would never apologize for anything. So what the hell could he possibly want?

“Alanna said you’ve been staying with Warren’s aunt.”

Well that was a segue if Nicola had ever heard one.

Was this going to be some kind of intervention on her part?

Were they trying to drag her back into the world of reality and away from all the problems she’d managed to create in the last few months?

Because that would be preciously ironic, wouldn’t it?

Especially with all the issues Simone seemed to be having.

“I have been, at least for a little bit.” Nicola wasn’t entirely sure how much longer that would last. Especially after yesterday.

That had been… odd. It was the only word that she could use to describe it.

Abagail had come on to her, nearly ripping her clothes off before they could make it to a bed, and then she’d just stopped.

Suddenly. With no explanation. With no conversation.

Just a get out and go to work . Well, technically that was Nicola’s work.

Even if it didn’t really feel like that anymore.

“That’s very nice of her.” Simone stared at her directly, her hazel eyes unwavering as if she could sense something else was amiss.

And this was exactly why phone calls and texts were better between them.

Simone couldn’t interfere as much as she probably wanted to, and Nicola was free to make her own mistakes without judgment.

And Simone’s gaze reminded her so much of her mother’s gaze that it was impossible not to feel the shame that would start up as soon as Simone did that.

“Are you paying her rent?” Simone asked.

There it was. Because the answer was not in cash and still Nicola was struggling to give any kind of answer. She winced and stared down at her folded hands in her lap. Her phone buzzed again. Warren. Could she seriously never escape this damn family?

“Nicola?” Simone asked.

Alanna chuckled. “She’s in love and doesn’t know it.”

“What?” Nicola said sharply, eyeing Alanna over. Had she seriously just said that? Oh God, this was going to turn into some sort of weird intervention, wasn’t it?

“Love?” Simone seemed confused by that.

“It’s not that at all.” Nicola jumped in, needing to correct the situation immediately. “Abagail has been giving me a place to stay since Warren and I broke up. That’s all it is.”

“It’s more than that.” Alanna pointed at Nicola, her lips quirking to the side in that adorable half-smile that she had.

Nicola melted at it. She always would no matter what. And Alanna knew that, and she’d absolutely use it to her advantage.

“It’s really not.” Nicola shifted uncomfortably on the edge of the bed. “How’s Howie?”

Simone narrowed her gaze at her. “We’re not talking about Howie.”

“Wasn’t his jerk of a kid moving in with you and his new wife?”

“They did.” Simone canted her head to the side. “And it’s been an adjustment.” Her cheeks reddened. Nicola wanted to pry into that. It was the escape that she needed. “But we’re not talking about my home life. We’re talking about yours.”

So much for that.

“I don’t have a home life.” Nicola’s phone vibrated again. Seriously, what the hell was up with Warren now? “I have you two and that’s it.”

“Don’t you think you deserve more than just us?” Alanna asked.

“You’re all I need,” Nicola answered, unlocking her phone and skimming the texts Warren sent. Except they were novels, so she wasn’t exactly retaining any of the information in them.

“This is a serious conversation, Nic. Can you pay attention please?” Alanna asked.

“Yeah. Sure.” Nicola shoved her phone down to her side and was determined to focus on her sister.

The entire reason she was there, and the only reason she was still putting up with all the bullshit that she did in life.

She needed the job to pay the bills, and she needed Alanna to get the best care she possibly could. “What are we talking about?”

“You and Abagail!” Alanna laughed lightly. “What’s going on between you two? Seriously. Because when I met her?—”

“You met her?” Simone asked, prying even deeper.

Nicola winced. “Yes, Abagail came to visit before we went to the Cape.”

That had been a disaster. That had been when this entire spiral had started downward, hadn’t it?

Because it’d shattered what they’d built up so far.

It wasn’t just about sex. At least not for Nicola.

It was for Abagail, and that was the issue.

Nicola wanted more, and Abagail had never made the promise that there could potentially be more.

In fact, Nicola had made the promise that it was only ever going to be one night of revenge.

Well, revenge tasted so damn sweet that she couldn’t get enough of it. She wanted more.

But Abagail didn’t. And Nicola was pretty damn sure of that at this point, so the entire conversation they were having was out of bounds and not going to happen.

“It doesn’t matter,” Nicola mumbled under her breath, focusing back on her phone and the next six texts from Warren.

Was he having a mental breakdown of some sort?

Perhaps Abagail really had cut him off finically and he needed to know how to set up a fucking interview.

“Do you think I can come stay with you for a bit if this arrangement with Abagail goes south?”

Simone’s lips parted in surprise. “Stay with me?”

“Yeah.” Nicola nodded. “I don’t really have anywhere else to go right now.”

The silence in the room was so loud. Was that the first time Nicola had actually said that out loud to them? Had she managed to keep from them just how bad it was for so long?

“I don’t… have an apartment, and I can’t afford a deposit and first month’s.”

“Nicola…” Simone dragged out her name. “Why didn’t you say something?”

“I thought I had.” Nicola pouted and looked back down at her hands. “No, that’s not true. I knew I hadn’t. I didn’t want you to worry when you already have so much else going on.”

“So much else?” Alanna said, turning her head sharply to Simone. “What’s going on with you?”

“I…” Simone’s voice cracked. “Nothing that I can’t handle. Nicola, why didn’t you tell me it had gotten so bad? I thought you were staying with Abagail only for a few weeks.”

“Well, it’s turned into longer, and it’ll probably be longer if I can manage it because I don’t have anything to my name right now.” Nicola flicked her gaze to Alanna. “It’s all been coming here.”

“Nicola!” Alanna squeaked. “You can’t keep doing this! You need to actually ask us for help and talk to us about what’s going on.”

“It’s my responsibility?—”

“No, it’s our responsibility. And I don’t need any more half-truths from you.” Simone stood up and paced the room back and forth. “How bad is it?”

“Not as bad as it was.” Nicola really didn’t want to tell either one of them that Abagail had paid off the debt to give her some breathing space. What would they think of her then?

“What do you mean by that?”

“It means I’ve figured some stuff out, but I can’t keep up with this. I have to make some changes, and I’m working on making those changes. All right?”

“Does it involve Abagail?” Alanna asked.

Again, Nicola winced. She’d never escape this, would she? “I hit a bit of rock bottom when Warren and I broke up. Abagail was there to help me out, that’s all.”

“It’s more than that,” Alanna pushed. “Don’t you see it? I never saw you this happy with Warren.”

“I’m not with Abagail.” Nicola tried to make that as clear as day, because Alanna was definitely living in her own little world right now. Nicola ran her fingers through her hair and then clutched her phone.

“Hold on…” Simone stopped. “You’re dating Warren’s aunt.”

“No,” Nicola said.

“Yes,” Alanna said at the same time.

Nicola eyed her sister carefully. This was exactly what she’d wanted to avoid. “We’re not dating.”

“But you’re together,” Alanna rebutted.

“No, we’re not together.” Nicola shook her head. “And I don’t think we’ll ever be together.”

“But you want to be?” Simone finally stepped back into the fray of conversation.

Nicola’s head was about to explode. Would the two of them give it up already?

“She’s got to be what, twice your age?” Simone added. “And Warren’s aunt.”

“I know.” Nicola stared down at her hands again, heat rushing to her cheeks. There was no way to avoid this conversation, was there? She licked her lips and shook her head. “We’re not together, we won’t be together. Abagail was being kind to help me out on some things, that’s all.”

“But you want to be?” Simone asked again.

Nicola shook her head, tears rushing to her eyes.

Every emotion she’d suppressed in the last few months came tumbling up all at once, and she couldn’t sort through them.

Tears fell down her cheeks. The stress from not being able to pay Alanna’s bills.

A sob tore through her chest. The pain of Warren breaking up with her so ruthlessly.

Her chest ached as she tried to breathe.

The fact that she’d so willingly given a part of herself for money.

Her lungs burned from the lack of oxygen. It wasn’t just revenge.

Simone was next to her, rubbing circles into her back and wrapping her up in a hug.

Alanna stayed where she was, unable to move very swiftly and definitely not at this angle.

Nicola buried her face in Simone’s shoulder, breathing in as best she could and remembering that scent.

It was so similar to their mother’s and yet so different at the same time.

The scent was the last thing to leave Nicola’s memory. And when she’d found a box that was still packed away in storage and opened it, all she could smell was her parents. It’d bring fresh tears, just like this, straight to her. She clung onto Simone.

This was her family now.

This was all she had left.

Finally, Alanna managed to pull herself upward and wrapped her arms around Simone and Nicola.

A new wave of tears flooded Nicola. She shouldn’t have kept them out for so long.

She shouldn’t have tried to keep them in the dark about her own struggles.

She needed to keep the family that she had as close as she possibly could.

Nicola laughed lightly and shook her head, the tears clearing from her eyes as she pulled herself back together. One breakdown every few months wasn’t a bad thing, right? She wiped her hands across her cheeks and dried her face.

“I’m good, I promise.”

“I don’t think you are,” Alanna whispered. “But I do think you’ll be a whole lot better off if you talk to Abagail.”

The echo of Abagail’s request hit her ears, but then she was reminded of the fact that they’d now gone to talk twice, and they hadn’t done it.

Maybe Abagail had changed her mind entirely.

Or maybe Nicola should just take a hint.

Abagail didn’t want to talk. Not about a relationship anyway.

She wanted to talk about when Nicola was going to get back on her own feet.

“Yeah, it’s probably high time we did that.” Nicola snorted and rolled her eyes. “I’ll talk to her soon. I promise.”

Even if the conversation was just a simple, Thanks for the time, it was fun while it lasted, I’m moving out tomorrow.

“You can come stay with me if you need to, but it’s tight living quarters right now, so you’ll be on the couch.” Simone brushed her fingers through Nicola’s hair.

“I don’t want to leave Alanna?—”

“I think I can survive the two of you living on the other side of the state for a short window of time.” Alanna lay back in her bed and rolled her eyes loudly at them. “I’m not an invalid, you know.”

Nicola would beg to differ on that one, but she did at least have good care here to give her as much independence as possible.

“And it’s not like you two are sailing across the Drake Passage and refusing to take me with you. Which, by the way, if you ever do that, I will murder you both in your sleep. Just so you know.”

Nicola laughed fully. It felt so good to have their gentle banter back. They all knew that Alanna would never be traveling on a cruise to Antarctica like she might have wanted to, but at least she could dream still. Nicola pressed a kiss into Alanna’s hair and gave her a hug.

“I promise we won’t do that.”

“Good.” Alanna folded her arms across her chest and glared at both of them. “Stop being idiots.”

“I’ll try.” Nicola put her hands up.

Simone just laughed and shook her head.

“And I still think there’s more going on between you and Abagail than you think there is.”

“Said like a true romantic. Get your head out of the books, Alanna.” Nicola stood up and snagged her phone. The text messages filled the screen. God, she didn’t want to deal with him. Not right now. Well, honestly, not ever again. “I need to get going.”

“I’m going to call you soon,” Simone said. “I think we need to talk more often than we have been.”

“Yeah, probably not a bad idea.”