Page 13 of Don’t You Dare Marry Me (Love in Massachusetts #3)
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“Where is she?” Abagail asked Cal, the phone pressed to her ear. She’d fallen asleep waiting for Nicola to come back the night before, thinking that when she saw the notification that Cal was back that Nicola had also returned.
This morning proved that to be a false assumption.
“She’s not home?” Cal asked right back. It was his day off, and Abagail hated calling him while he was at home, but she really needed to know where Nicola had gotten off to.
“No.” Abagail crossed her arms, looking at the fridge where her personal chef had left her meals for the weekend.
“Then I don’t know where she is.” Abagail could have strangled the man. He was so private, but his loyalty should be to her and not to Nicola.
Abagail sighed heavily. “Fine. But if she’s not back on Monday, I’ll know who to blame.”
She knew that was overstepping, but she was incredibly frustrated. And Cal had been working for her for nearly a decade at this point, he knew what to expect when it came to her. Abagail brushed her fingers over the back of her head and glared at the fridge. She wasn’t even a little hungry.
This wasn’t the kind of drama she wanted in her life.
Drama tended to follow young people around like a shadow—then again, there were some middle aged and older people who also suffered from the same problem.
Abagail sipped her coffee in the middle of the kitchen, her shoulders tense and her face pinched up tightly.
She wasn’t ready for today, and Nicola being gone without a trace right now wasn’t helping the nerves that were already raging through her body.
Elia had texted that she’d left the school already.
Which meant that Abagail was going to be stuck waiting for the text or the knock on the door that she was here.
Which should be any time now. And that long wait had been anything but pleasant.
Still, Abagail knew they needed to have a talk.
She’d seriously fucked everything up, and it was time she started to put the pieces back together.
She scoffed at herself. Perhaps she wasn’t entirely without drama of her own either.
Unfortunately, Abagail had no one to talk to except for Elia.
Somewhere along the way, she’d lost all her other friends as they’d moved into mere acquaintances.
The bustle around the house told her immediately that Elia was there.
Abagail set her coffee onto the steel counter in the kitchen.
She was going to have to face her mistakes now, she was going to have to grovel and make it clear that she supported Elia and Kamryn .
She sneered slightly at the name. It wasn’t that she didn’t like Kam, but she was not happy about the two of them being together.
And she was going to have to cover up as much of her disgust at the two of them together as she could so that they could get through today and maybe still be friends tomorrow.
Sighing heavily, Abagail shook out her hands at her sides and started toward the main sitting room that Elia and she always loved, the one with walls lined with bookshelves and sunlight that poured in during the early morning hours.
She had to get her ass in gear now.
She had to move.
Abagail stepped out of the kitchen, her shoulders square, her chin high, and her entire body ready for battle.
When she saw Elia standing by the front door, pulling her wool jacket off, her heart skipped a few beats.
She’d loved Elia for years, but she’d never dared to think that maybe Elia would love her back—not in that way.
“Morning,” Elia said, her lips pulling into a tight smile. The gray hairs around her temples were more prominent than they had been when they’d seen each other at Christmas, and Abagail had only fucked it up even more at New Year’s when she’d gotten drunk and full-on confessed all her love.
“Morning,” Abagail said tersely.
Normally, she’d reach in and give Elia a half hug, maybe even kiss her cheek.
But today she kept her distance, and her skin tingled from the lack of contact between the two of them.
With her things stowed, Abagail led the way to the library and sat down in one of the lounging chairs there.
Elia took the one immediately opposite her.
The silence was so damn loud.
Abagail had no clue where to even start this conversation.
She was honestly surprised that Elia had even agreed to meet with her, especially so quickly.
Maybe not all hope was lost that their friendship could be saved.
But it had been nearly five months since they’d seen each other last, and that didn’t add any hope to Abagail’s already slim store of it.
They had coffee brought to them, with small bits of muffin and fruit on the tray as well. Abagail’s stomach was swimming with nerves and she was fairly certain she wouldn’t be able to eat anything. Even the coffee tried to churn her stomach. Elia, however, seemed to be perfectly calm.
Damn her for always being able to control her bigger emotions.
Abagail envied that. She was always the one who was prone to snapping and yelling. Elia, however, was the picture of perfection—always reacting exactly like she was supposed to.
“We do need to actually talk for this to be resolved,” Elia said, her voice carrying through the room before she swallowed a sip of her coffee. Her lips pressed together hard, and Abagail followed the line of Elia’s throat as it moved while she drank.
“Yes, we do.” Abagail mimicked Elia’s pose and forced herself to drink as well. This was going to be a long morning. She could already tell that.
“I’m with Kam.”
“I know.” Abagail set the cup onto the table, crossing her legs and pointing her toes into the floor as her entire body tensed. “I have no issues with Kam.”
Elia hummed, and Abagail knew instantly that Elia didn’t believe her. None of this had started until Kam had shown up on the scene, but Kam was the catalyst for all of this. Still, Abagail’s frustration and feelings weren’t centered on Kam herself, more the space that Elia willingly let her occupy.
“How long?” Elia asked, her voice carrying through the room. Her pale blue eyes locked on Abagail’s, and as much as Abagail would like to avoid that question, she knew she couldn’t.
In order to fix all of this she had to do the one thing that she hadn’t done in decades. She had to be honest—not only with herself, but with Elia. And everything needed to be out in the open for them to navigate the steps that would come next.
“Since we graduated college.”
“Abagail.” Elia sighed heavily, shock registering in her eyes as she set her own coffee down and shook her head. “Really?”
Abagail nodded. “I didn’t understand it until Yara, and watching you go through the pain of that breakup and the pain of all the drama afterward. I was there for you every step of the way, but you weren’t ready for a relationship then.”
“No, I wasn’t,” Elia agreed and shook her head. “I wasn’t ready for a relationship of those levels until recently.”
Abagail bit the inside of her cheek. She was fairly certain that had far more to do with Kam than anything else.
Elia never would have been ready for another deep and trusting relationship if she wasn’t pushed into it.
And as pushy as Abagail was, when it came to relationships, she often took the backseat to whatever her lover wanted.
That was something that Elia wouldn’t ever understand.
Her heart thrummed along with the nerves in her body.
Abagail glanced toward the door to the room, thinking for a brief moment that she caught sight of Nicola walking past, but she hadn’t.
She was seeing things now. Shaking that image out of her mind, the one of Nicola flouncing around in that miniskirt and white tank top with her nipple clamps on, Abagail determined herself to focus on Elia, and this problem that she maybe had a hope of resolving.
“If I wanted to attempt a relationship with you, I should have tried years ago.” Abagail traced the pattern on the arm of the chair with one finger, focusing on it instead of looking at Elia. “It was wrong of me to attempt now.”
Elia hummed again, agreement this time. “It was.”
“I’m sorry for that.” Abagail’s shoulders hurt from just how tense they were.
She hated that it felt like this to be around her best friend.
She just wanted to feel like they had last year, when they could laugh together and enjoy each other’s company.
When Elia came to her with secrets and frustrations and in need of encouragement.
Would they ever get back to that?
Abagail’s cynicism wanted to tell her no.
But Elia made her want to believe that, yes, they could get back to where they’d once been as friends.
“Should we start with Thanksgiving?” Abagail asked, smoothing her hands over her thighs and really wishing that Nicola was there to propel this conversation into a different direction entirely.
“Sure.” Elia sipped her coffee again. The tension lines were riding in her face, and Abagail knew she’d done more damage than she’d intended. But it was done. And now all she had to do was not repeat stupid mistakes and actually take the time to make up for where she’d fallen down.
“I shouldn’t have kissed you.” Abagail’s stomach churned. She’d thought that it would make Elia see what it was like, that there was potential between them. “I thought it would show you how much I love you.”
“I know you love me,” Elia said flatly. “We’re best friends.”
The present tense flared that hope in Abagail’s chest again. She really needed to stop doing that if this was never actually going to happen. If Elia was going to leave her just like everyone else did. Abagail cringed. That was the problem right there, wasn’t it?
“I think I mixed up deep love and adoration for who you are and our relationship with love.”