Page 39 of Dissent (The Dissenter Saga #1)

M y mind was swimming. The earlier conversation with Sasha was still overwhelming me.

Not only had Chase been “assigned” to me, but we had been promised to one another.

Chase and I were destined to be married.

A destiny that was gone and buried, but still…

we were betrothed. I shuddered at the thought as I sat on the riverbank, watching the water rush by with abandon.

I cared about Chase—that wasn’t the problem.

It was more the principle of the matter.

Who the hell did my mother think she was to promise me to some boy just to help the rebel cause?

It just felt so… wrong . I mean, would I have complained about marrying Chase?

Absolutely not, but that wasn’t the point.

I was a baby, already having my fate decided for me.

What if I didn’t like Chase? What if he was a total jerk?

Oh my god…

What if they had promised me to Wes ?

I stilled. Something about that created a deep-seated sensation of—

I shook my head abruptly, slamming the door on that line of thinking. I didn’t want to imagine that, not ever . I shook off the feelings I refused to name.

Then, there was this whole idea of my mother.

I’d been so focused on trying to survive my training with Wes and navigating the stupid Matias, me, and Chelsea love triangle, that I had completely forgotten about her.

There was a part of me that felt better knowing that someone had cared about me, but now knowing that she had promised me to somebody just to further the rebel agenda made me question how much she really loved me.

Maybe I really was just a pawn in the end.

Maybe she got pregnant on purpose in order to have a kid to fork over to the North.

I didn’t know about that one, and I hadn’t bothered to ask Sasha for the details.

No matter how it all happened, it filled me with grief nonetheless.

I didn’t want to think about this. My mother had used me as a bargaining chip and now she was dead.

There was no point in wanting her or hoping that one day I would find her.

She clearly didn’t care about me. End of story.

Raúl was the only parent I ever knew and Jacob, as far as I was concerned, was the only family I had that actually cared about me.

That was it. Apart from Jacob, I had no one else.

I was alone.

Fingers found my necklace and pulled it out from underneath my shirt. As my thumb rubbed the antiqued metal, cool spring air kissed the tears on my cheeks. The idea of a free Telvia came to mind as I watched the water ripple by.

That’s what I wanted to be… free .

But freedom seemed to elude me. I spent my whole life eagerly waiting for my Initiation Ceremony, waiting for the day I turned eighteen, because a part of me needed to believe that, on that day, I would be free from Raúl.

I wasn’t stupid though. I knew he would never let me go, but I allowed myself the fantasy.

It was the only thing that helped me get through those dark days in the basement.

Now here I was, my birthday around the corner, living among rebels who were fighting for a free Telvia, and, in so many ways, I was still a prisoner.

“Need a friend?”

I jerked, startled by the voice. Whipping around, my eyes fell onto brown locks and matching eyes. I couldn’t help but smile at Matias and shrug. “Couldn’t hurt.”

With a smirk, he stepped closer and lowered himself onto the bank beside me, his shoulder and thigh grazing my own. A flutter passed through me.

“You didn’t show up to your training session.”

I sighed, running my fingers through my hair. “Yeah, I know. Sorry about that.” I turned away from him, watching the water flow.

“Want to talk about it?”

I weighed that in my head. Did I want to talk about it? “I don’t know. I just feel like everything is upside down, you know?”

He nodded and waited patiently, giving me the space to think.

I wasn’t sure how to explain it to him. I couldn’t even find the right words to explain it to myself.

So, I just started talking, letting the words flow as they wished.

“Sometimes…sometimes I just feel trapped. In Telvia, I always felt like I was a prisoner in the palace, and I couldn’t wait to leave it.

And now I’m here, and in some effed-up way, I…

I guess I still just feel like I’m stuck.

” I peeked a glance at him, but his stoic expression gave nothing away.

Silence settled between us, and we both looked off at the river flowing.

“You know,” he finally began, “the river may have boundaries, but it’s still allowed to flow freely.”

Arching my brow, I eyed him. “Meaning?”

“Meaning that sometimes life has unexpected turns and bends that force you into directions you didn’t originally intend or even want. But that doesn’t mean you’re not free.”

“Or maybe that’s exactly what it means. Maybe it means that you only have the illusion of freedom, but everything’s already been predetermined.”

Now it was his turn to arch a brow at me. “Is that what you believe?”

I looked away. “I don’t know what I believe anymore.”

Gentle pressure on my chin guided my face back to his. “What do you want to believe?”

Something about the way he was looking at me, like I was the most precious thing in the world, made it hard to breathe. “I don’t know.”

His gaze held my own, and I felt myself melting into his touch.

I wanted it. I wanted to lose myself in him.

His eyes lowered to my lips, sending a wave of heated anticipation through me.

Because if what I thought I saw in his hungry eyes was any sign of what he was thinking, I was all for it.

I was ready, my heart fluttering like the wings of a bird.

“I can tell you what I believe.“ He didn’t wait for me to respond. “I want to believe that the curves of life brought you here. That you were meant to be here…with me.”

My lips parted with a silent gasp as his thumb passed over my bottom lip in the softest of strokes. He drew near, face so close to my own that I could feel the warmth of his breath upon me.

I dared to respond, my voice coming out as a whisper. “I want to believe that, too.”

The corners of his lips tipped upward into that smile that dissolved my heart, and when he was so close that we shared the same breath, I could feel his lips skating across mine as he whispered. “Mara?”

I shuddered at the sound of my name, lungs aching for air. I didn’t dare move. I didn’t dare breathe. “Yes?”

Lips so soft, so smooth, mouthed back, “May I kiss you?”

My whole body coiled tight as I closed my eyes, ready for this new reality, the new curve life was thrusting me on. I uttered, “Yes…”

“ Ahem …”

Everything stopped. What in the world? My eyes opened as Matias released my chin, looking over my shoulder.

“If you’re done, we’re needed.” A deep voice. A scarily familiar voice.

God, please don’t let it be him.

Almost too afraid of confirming my suspicions, I looked over my shoulder.

Fantastic , I mentally groused. “It’s you,” I muttered in disappointment at Wes’s scowling face. He ignored me.

“What do you want, Wes?” Matias’s tone was curt as he leaned away from me.

“Sasha’s asking for us at headquarters.”

Matias worked his jaw a moment before finally looking at me once more with his characteristic reassuring smile. “I’ll see you at dinner.”

Wes cleared his throat. “She wants her too.”

“ Me ?”

“That’s what I said, isn’t it?” His eyes sent me a piercing glare.

What the hell was his problem?

Just as quickly as the thought crossed my mind, I answered it. Everything was his problem. This was Wes…entirely grumpy and forever an ass.

Matias stood up and extended a hand to me. “We’d better see what she wants.”

Accepting it, I allowed him to lift me up.

We held on to each other, but when my face turned to see Wes’s permanent scowl and caustic gaze on our joined hands, something inside of me had me pulling away, clearing my throat as I did.

Matias looked confused, and I gave him a nervous smile as I crossed my arms.

“Well, shall we get this show on the road or what?” I asked, trying to shift his attention to something else. With that, the three of us left the riverbank, hiking back to headquarters.

Let’s see what other twists this river wants to take.