Page 116 of Deliverance

“Can we go again?” I ask.

She looks up at me, an amused smirk on her face.

“Fuck yes.”

* * *

I have therapy the next morning. It took me hours to bring up that fact to Maggie. Longer to actually invite her to come. I was expecting her to turn me down, I don’t know why. People that aren’t in therapy sometimes don’t get it. I should have known that wouldn’t be the case with Maggie. She didn’t look put off or inconvenienced by it; she seemed honored. She happily accepted, and now here I sit, in my therapist’s office, with Maggie and Brad outside.

Of course, I’ve told Ariel all about Maggie, all the way up to the letters. The only thing she doesn’t know is how we hooked up at Skyla’s wedding or went back to her room and fucked all night long. She knows about Maryia and exactly how I feel about her. One glance in Maggie’s direction and I knew Ariel understood exactly who she was.

“I see you brought someone else with you today,” Ariel says.

I can’t even stop the smile that spreads across my face.

“Yeah.”

“Is there a particular reason?” she asks.

My smile slips as I swallow and nod. Ariel has been asking me if I’ve shared anything that we’ve talked about with others. I’ve been avoiding the conversation for a while, but during the last session, I broke down and admitted that I hadn’t. She was concerned that if I didn’t open up, at least to one person, at least a little, the feelings inside me would manifest into more ideas that could lead to self-harm, and maybe Maggie wouldn’t be there to save me this time.

“I’m ready to talk about it,” I say.

She nods. “To who?”

“Both of them.”

Surprise hits her features before a smile that is equal parts kindness and pride.

“Why don’t you go grab them then?”

I nod, standing up and moving to the door. Maggie and Brad are talking amongst themselves, smirking when their eyes come to me.

“Everything okay?” Brad asks.

“Yeah. Will you guys come in?”

Matching frowns take over their faces as they stand up and follow me in. I take my usual seat on the couch while Brad sits on my left and Maggie on my right.

“Brad, it’s good to see you,” Ariel says, before turning to Maggie. “I’m Ariel; it’s a pleasure.”

“The pleasure is all mine,” Maggie says. “I’ve heard a lot about you. Thank you for helping her.”

Ariel shrugs. “She does all the heavy lifting, I’m just here to be a sounding board.”

I smile at that before my gut begins to twist. My entire body begins to shake, a tingling cold sensation spreading from the tips of my fingers to my toes. My eyes come to Ariel, who is watching me carefully. I can practically hear her words in my head.Take a breath, go at your pace. If you’re not ready, you’re not ready.

I am, though. I want to be. I need to be. If I keep bottling and bottling, I’ll break to the point that nothing and no one can fix me. I’ll be discarded glass. I’ll be…I have to.

“I was mad at you for a long time,” I say as I turn to face Brad.

His brows cave in with concern as he quietly listens. I exhale heavily, shaking my head as I roll my lips together.

“I was so mad. You moved out and left me behind. You moved out, and I lost the only person that had been there for me my entire life. You moved out and…and dad moved in.”

Brad stares at me for a second, shaking his head as Maggie makes a soft noise of surprise. I don’t look at her, though, instead keeping my eyes on my brother. I attempt to swallow over the building lump in my throat, trying and failing several times before I’m able.

“The day you moved out…that was the first time.”