Page 99 of Degradation (The Brethren Lords #3)

Pailtyn

I don’t say a word for the entire drive home. My hands are flexing, itching, I feel like I’m one of those clockwork dolls that’s been wound up so tightly, but someone is holding my legs, preventing me from going off.

And I need to. I need to so desperately.

I can hear Mace and Malik chattering away in lowered voices, talking about them , Conrad and Magnus’s wives. I wish I could see what they look like, I wish I could see how they were with their husbands. I don’t even know why it matters, but somehow it does.

When we come to a stop, the two guards get out and for a moment we sit there in silence, just me and Devin, waiting.

I know they’re doing a sweep, checking the place is clear, checking that no one is there, waiting for us. God knows what we’d do if this was an ambush, it’d certainly be a smart time to do it.

I guess we get the all-clear because Devin gets out, walking around to open my door as if he’s the perfect gentleman. Perfect monster more like. I take his hand, and my own is still shaking.

He doesn’t comment as he leads me inside but as the doors shut, as the outside is finally locked out, I swear something inside me explodes. I can’t keep it in. I can’t keep quiet. And I lack the finesse, the skills to do it any other way.

“I want one too.” I blurt out.

I hear the way he stops and turns like he has no idea what I’m talking about, and in truth, I can’t exactly blame him.

“Want what?” He asks.

“A brand, a mark. That’s what they said, the guards, that both your brother’s wives have them for everyone to see. Your family crest, burnt into their skin. I want one too. I want everyone to look at me and know who I belong to.”

I hear the sharp breath he draws in. “No.” He says, before turning on his heel and walking on like this entire conversation is done with that one syllable.

What the fuck? I storm after him, reaching out to grab at where I think his arm is, and I wrench him around as best I can, as best any person can when they’re grappling a giant while they’re also blind.

“Devin,” I begin.

He grunts out, pushing me off but I refuse to let him dismiss this so easily.

“Devin, please…”

“You have no idea what you’re asking for.” He says, like I’m still some silly little girl. Some na?ve fool.

“That’s not true.” I state. “I want to show the world, I want to show everyone who I am now. I want this, and I know on some level, you want it too.”

He lets out a huff so deep, I know I’ve hit a nerve.

“Devin…”

His hand closes around my face, around my cheeks, pinching them together so my lips pout out. “You’ve had enough pain.” He says, cutting across me. “Enough hurt to last a lifetime, why would you ask for more, why would you want more?”

My lips curl at such a silly question, and in truth, I know now that I’ve won, that I’m getting what I want.

“Because,” I say, placing my own shaky hand on his chest, feeling the way his heart is beating, the way it’s pounding. “I like the pain when you’re the one inflicting it on me.”

Yeah, that does it. That seals it.

I know then that my monster will give me what I want. What I need.

His hand scoops under my legs so suddenly I flail back, crying out. He scoops me up, tosses me over his shoulder and carries me through like an actual neanderthal.

I’m unceremoniously dumped on the bed and my body bounces so much as it hits the mattress.

Devin clatters about, grabbing things and, as I hear all the noise, I realise that he’s doing it now. Right fucking now.

For a second, I feel a flash of regret. I know it’s going to hurt like hell, that for days after I’m going to be in so much pain.

But this will also be a win. It will bind me more to him, to my husband. While our vows said for life, if I don’t get a pardon, the reality is, they mean fuck all. I’m a Founder, my marriage has to be sanctified – that can’t happen if I’m not pardoned.

Besides, I know Devin says he loves me, but I also know he’s not one hundred percent convinced of my feelings.

Doing this will convince him. Doing this will ensure he really is bound to me.

Do I love him? Yes, on some fucked up level, I think do. Despite what he’s done, despite everything. I love him because he’s a monster, because he will protect me, because he will kill for me.

And what greater act can any man do for another?

I hear the sound of something whooshing and I realise it’s a flame. Does he have a little gas camp fire thing or is it a blowtorch that he’s using? I decide that in this instance, it’s better not to know.

“Lie on the bed.” He says.

Butterflies erupt in my belly as I do it.

I’m not sure how I imagined this playing out but in my mind, this wouldn’t be done here.

It feels too messy, too dangerous to do in a bedroom, what if the sheets catch fire?

Where did he even get the brand from? Do these damned Blake’s just carry them around with them?

I feel the peppering of his lips on my lower leg, I feel the way his fingers rumble with my dress to unbutton it and get it off.

I’m shaking from both nerves and excitement. I don’t know where the brand is, I don’t know why he’s kissing me right now when he should be maiming me, but the distraction is nice, the distraction is working.

He pulls my leg up and out, and then his hot breath hits my core and all I can think about, all that consumes me, is his mouth, his tongue, him. I can’t think, can’t move, can’t do anything but simply lay here and take each incredible moment he gives me.

I lock my legs around his head, I latch my body onto him, demanding more, more, more.

He growls out, pinning me down and I realise how all his brute strength now turns me on, when before, so long ago, it used to utterly terrify me.

“My monster.” I gasp. “All mine.”

Whatever Devin thinks, I don’t know. He’s too busy eating me out like this one act might be his last, that he’ll never get another taste, never be granted another feast quite as decadent as the one I’m offering.

He slides his fingers inside me, teasing that part that makes me see stars and within seconds I come so hard I swear the entire room spins on its axis. I know I’m screaming, flailing, becoming a feral beast, that’s entirely lost to lust.

I arch my back, giving in entirely to it and just as I do I feel his body twist, his body move.

I register it a millisecond before it happens; the heat, the pain, the metal brand being pushed into my chest.

I scream and entirely different scream as he presses it into me.

It hurts. It hurts so fucking much.

Oh, I knew it would. I knew it would be agony and yet, as the brand is removed, the pain continues, the searing, white-hot agonising pain persists.

My body slumps, I shake uncontrollably as adrenaline and shock take over in equal measure.

Devin gets up, no doubt puts the thing safely out of the way, and then he’s back, holding me, soothing me, putting something onto the wound while telling me what a good girl I am now, how I took it so well, how he’s so proud of me.

I lay there, feeling half-dazed, feeling that awful pain on my chest that hurts so much I think I might pass out.

I take low, laboured breaths but it feels too much, all of this is too much.

“Devin,” I whisper.

“Yeah?” He says back.

“I hope I’m worth it now.” Somehow I had to say those words, had to get that thought out. He tenses like I’ve pissed him off and his fingers dig into my arms just a little.

“You were always worth it, Paitlyn. That’s the point.”

I open my mouth to reply but his lips are claiming mine, and, as he kisses me, I let myself go, let myself slip under, knowing tomorrow, he’ll take care of me, he’ll protect me, and if God is kind, then in a few days, we’ll get everything we ever wanted. Everything I know we both deserve.